11.

She thought she might at least have changed more through all of this – might have reached a point where nothing shocked her any more. She was not sure if she was glad or disappointed to be proven wrong. She felt like she had been made of china before all this started; fancy, beautiful and useless. But she had not turned into the stone she had thought she might, at least at first, when she arrived in District Thirteen. She remembered how she had felt then – they have done all they can to break me, and they cannot. Even though everything had hurt it had been a wonderful realisation.

But she was not indestructible. She had always known she could never stop caring. That was what it all came down to, wasn't it? The people you cared about. She had learned it from Katniss first. Learning it from Haymitch had come second and been harder; she had seen it in his passionate endeavour not to attach, to keep everyone at a good enough distance that he could not cut himself on his feelings for them.

He could not save himself the pain he had sought to save himself any more than Katniss could save herself pain by trying to keep the people she loved safe. Nobody could stop caring, Effie saw it now – and nobody could be as completely responsible for another person's safety as they wanted to be.

She had cried for Prim. But she had cried for Katniss harder. She had thought the girl was surrounded by the safety of having someone care for her that much. But when it all came crashing down, it shattered everyone's assumptions. It turned out everyone had had some belief that the world had some respect after all – everyone except Haymitch perhaps. It had terrified her too because she realised she had always thought the intensity of her own feelings might count for something in keeping a person safe and, clearly, it did not.

She had not been able to believe it at first – not really believe it. When it sunk in her first thought had been oh god – Katniss. But there was nothing she could do in this, no help she could offer; sympathy was abhorrent and Katniss was a million miles away from wanting to talk about it. She had argued with Haymitch twice over whether or not she should even try and talk with her. In the end the only assistance she had offered Katniss was entirely related to make – up and wardrobe. She had spoken to her only professionally and was relieved when Katniss had offered her a heartfelt thank you that told her she had done the right thing.

She had thought she was strong enough to get through events without squabbling like a child, but Haymitch made it impossible. He made everything impossible. He was getting to have this face where she just knew that whatever he was about to tell would end in screaming. He came back to her with it after one particular meeting with President Coin and the others and she closed her eyes and moaned –

"What?" before he had finished walking through the door. Her eyes had widened and she had felt an urge to panic when he told her about the proposed final Hunger Games, but she thought about it sensibly and replied –

"But of course you all voted against it."

He had looked guilty as hell then.

"It's not that simple, sweetheart."

"What do you mean it's not that simple? Of course it's that – oh my god – you don't mean you –"

"Not all of us no, it was fifty/ fifty right up until the final vote –"

"Oh god," she said again – "It's happening isn't it? Well go on, what imbecile got the final vote?"

He stared at his feet like a boy for the most excruciating length of time and did not look up at her when he groaned quietly –

"I did."

She had never been so furious. She did not even enjoy screaming at him this time. She was in tears and out of breath by the time she broke off and he sighed –

"Effie for god's sake, let me explain –"

"Explain?" She echoed incredulous – "Explain? This better be bloody good."

"I was supporting Katniss –"

"Katniss voted in favour?"

"She's planning something," he nodded – "I'm certain of it. And whatever it is, I'll be damned if I screw it up for her."

"And if she isn't?"

"She is."

That short exchange dogged them for the next few days, Effie not being able to let it drop, Haymitch replying in increasingly weary and less certain affirmatives that he was certain, one hundred percent certain, completely certain that Katniss had something planned. Eventually she had asked it one more time and Haymitch had groaned all the way up from his feet and sighed –

"If she isn't, I will kill you for plaguing me and you won't have to worry about a thing. Alright, sweetheart?"

-x-

Then Katniss shot Coin, and it was as though someone had hit a fast forward button and she could not keep up with the events going on around her and apparently indifferent to her. She had just caught up enough to come to the conclusion that what Katniss did was a good thing when Haymitch came to tell her she was being sent back to District Twelve and himself with her.

"But I have to stay here," she said dully; it was really a question, she was hoping he would do what he usually did and argue. But it came out as a statement and he did not tell her he was hoping for something else.

-x-

As they stood on the platform for the train to take them back to Twelve, Haymitch looked around him, scowling thunderously. He could not believe Effie was not there to say – well, something – he had not even been hoping for anything as depressing as goodbye. They had not even discussed it, he had been so assuming she would just be there.

At the last possible minute they got on the train, and his heart clenched like a fist, hard and tight. He wondered if Katniss had been expecting the same, she kept looking at him with such concern, frowning as though something was wrong. Something else, he supposed; everything felt wrong.

They sat in silence, staring down at the carpet as the train pulled away. He wished to God it was one of the old trains; the ridiculously opulent Capitol trains with their beautiful bar cars. It was one of the old trains, but they had been gutted and made simpler in the days since the rebellion and he wished he was not as sorry about it as he was.

Every few seconds one or the other of them would open their mouth to say something and close it again. How could they express all that was lost? How could you even try to offer sympathy in the face of everything that had gone wrong?

"Well!" A voice intruded on the misery – "I do hope you two aren't going to sit there feeling sorry for yourselves all the way home. Don't you think the journey's long enough?"

They both looked up, startled;

"Effie!" Katniss cried, breaking into the first hint of a smile anyone had seen in a while.

"The damned hell are you doing here?" Haymitch hid his smile behind Katniss's. Because it was like seeing a ghost; it was Effie as they had known her, beautiful, parrot coloured and ridiculous, smiling with her hands on her hips. It was an act, of course, Haymitch could see it straight away, but he knew that Katniss would not and the fist in his heart unclenched in a flood of warmth and respect at the attempt at normality.

"Did you think I'd just let you both go without saying goodbye?" She smiled, sitting down primly across from them – "I can't believe you'd think I could be so rude!"

"You're coming back with us?" Katniss looked so hopeful.

"Oh –" Haymitch groaned, though it felt as though he was breathing again for the first time in days – "Joy."

"Yes my dear girl, I am," she smiled – "Honestly, I don't know whose idea it was just to have him to keep an eye on you. No no no, it seems they have no permanent use for me in the Capitol either and so…." she trailed off meaningfully. Katniss's smile was a small, watery thing, but it was a smile nonetheless;

"I'm glad," she said, and she was.

Not long after she excused herself with more than her usual tact and Haymitch raised an eyebrow –

"You? Live in District Twelve?" he drawled – "Really?"

"Well I'll have to be back and forth a bit at first – but yes".

"Huh. And where were you planning to live in District Twelve?"

Effie rolled her eyes;

"Haymitch I despair, really I –"

"Oh hush, sweetheart" – he smiled then- really smiled; his heart had unclenched further than he thought it could have, further than he ever could have imagined and though he could feel it shiver to be so open he knew there was no longer any going back. Somehow, Effie had moved herself to his side, leaned her head as casually on his shoulder as her wig allowed and slipped a little hand into his.

"We'll work something out," he smiled – "That house always did feel too big for just one."

Each found the other warm and golden, trembling with soft buzzing content as the train sped on, while outside the window the world rushed by as it would. They could ignore it now.

_x_

I'm sorry this took so long in coming, I kind of utterly lost the plot of this so I've just wrapped it up…actually I do have a plot – well plan at any rate for the sequel, so there's that still to come. Just be patient, I've got too many projects on the go right now. But domestic bliss at some point in the future is a certainty for these two. :-)

Also – my beta pointed out that they got taken back to 12 by hovercraft, but since I figure I'm already diverging epically from canon in having Effie go back with them I can diverge some more in this. :-)