A/N:

This story uses a character name from the show, Sons of Anarchy. However, the storyline has absolutely nothing to do with the plot of Sons. Mostly, I just wanted to toy around with idea of the actor who 'would have been' CG still being in the story somehow. I use Jax Teller as a character name but think of the actor who plays Jax Teller ;)

Also, Ana's career in this story is based on Sofia Coppola, just because I love her work.

I hope you all enjoy! -LL

I came home from a particularly rough day and came immediately to the playroom, stripped down, and grabbed one of my favorite vibrators from the dark wooden chest before crawling on top of the silk sheets of the king sized bed. Annoyed but quite determined, here I am 45 minutes later, eyes closed tight with one hand using the vibrator and the other roaming my body. While tickling and teasing, pinching my nipples, firmly grasping my own jaw and throat the way He used to, I'm trying desperately to feel anything resembling the hand of a Dominant. I want to feel the escape, the comfort, the security. I want to feel the release that's far more rewarding than any orgasm. I need to feel submission.

Uhhh! This isn't working!

I drop my arms to the bed and let out a long and frustrated sigh. It's days like this one that I really miss Jax. It's been six months and these days are beginning to occur all too often. I'm going to have to figure out how to meet a new Dom soon but my life has changed so dramatically in the time since I began my arrangement with Jax. At this point, I wouldn't even know where to start looking. Jax and I were the only ones in each others' lives for six years, and eventually we seemed to lose touch with others in the community. And the way Jax and I met was so purely serendipitous, I certainly can't wait around for something like that to happen again.

I remember, I was 23 and at a movie premier afterparty that Kate had drug me to, knowing it would be easier to ditch me rather than a real date while she worked the room. As I'd predicted, we were there for less than ten minutes when she did exactly that, so I decided to wander over to the bar to have a drink while I wait for her. I remember noticing Jax already there, standing alone with his drink, leaning his back against the bar while he scanned the room. He also noticed me and once I'd made it up to the bar, he quickly turned to start talking, though he must have sensed my less-than-overjoyed mood because it took him a few minutes to actually speak.

"You look as bored here as I do," he stated in a deep husky voice. At first, I found his assumption mildly offensive but he was indeed right. I adored Kate and would always do anything for her but those sort of events were never my idea of a good time.

"Yes, I suppose I am." I said with a small sigh after ordering a pinot noir from the bartender.

"So did you come here with someone? I don't think we've met before," he asked with an air of smugness.

Damn, I'm really not in the mood for some random man hitting on me right now!

"We haven't," I replied dryly, looking anywhere but at him.

"Well that's too bad. You're very… beautiful." His voice was still low but something in his tone had changed to serious. I'd been utterly disinterested in the conversation from the beginning but after his hint at some unsaid meaning, I couldn't help but at least peek up to try and catch a glimpse of his expression. I noticed first, his lips curled to one side with an arrogance I would come to know all too well. As my eyes continued to search his face and when my gaze met his, I found him staring at me intensely through beautiful bright hazel eye, and there was no mistaking his meaning now. His mind was consumed with only one thing. I blushed ever so slightly but I doubt he could have noticed. Unsure of whether I wanted to carry on with this interaction yet, I instead continued my silent interrogation of him.

He was quite tall and seemed to have a slim but muscular build. Despite him being in a sleek and well-tailored suit, his look was still quite rugged with long blonde hair slicked back and a few days of stubble across his masculine jawline. He was certainly handsome, no doubt, but he was also faintly familiar looking. Because of where we were, I was almost certain he must be an actor.

Nope! No actors Ana.

I was just about to politely remove myself from the conversation when I caught a glimpse of the cufflinks he was wearing.

"I'm here with Kate Kavanagh. She's a journalist for Maxim Magazine," I said quickly, now attempting to continue our interaction at least long enough to catch a closer look at those cufflinks.

"Really? Well, I know Kate." He said with a markedly lighter tone and another slight smirk.

Fuck, him too Kate?! Seriously, this really shouldn't happen this often!

"Mmmm, well I see. How long did you and Kate… know each other?" My face surely looked displeased.

"About an hour and a half. She grilled my ass during an interview about a year back when no one knew who I was," he said as he grinned into his glass and took an arrogant sip. As he did so, his arm raised just enough that I could steal a few more glances of the cufflinks. The marking on them was discrete, so faint I had to almost squint.

"I'm Jackson Teller by the way," he informed me, though I wasn't really listening. With one more strained look following his hand as he sat his glass down and reached out toward me, asking for my hand in his, I realized I was right. The symbol on them really was the BDSM emblem.

Holy hell! Really? Who was this guy again?

He'd just told me but I hadn't bothered to remember it. My mind raced as I wondered if he was actually part of the lifestyle. It's possible he has no clue what the meaning of the symbol was.

Who knows. Maybe his grandfather was secretly into kink and he'd just inherited them...

"…And you are?" He said while I stood there staring at him, trying to quickly think of a way to find out for sure.

"Anastasia Steele." I answered while keeping my eyes fixed on his and finally extended my hand to meet his.

"Anastasia, it's nice meet you." He said in the same low tone as before.

"It's very nice to meet you too… Sir" I said quietly as I instinctually lowered my gaze to the floor. If he was part of the lifestyle, I knew that he'd take note of this gesture and as if on cue, I heard him in take a deep breath and pull his hand from mine. He took a moment to look around us, apparently deciding there were too many people nearby.

"Well... Let's step out onto the balcony so we can talk in private, shall we?" Without waiting for a response, he hooked his elbow in mine and led us both outside. Once we were tucked into a sufficiently secluded corner, he turned towards me, but remained silent for a moment. Deep in thought, he rubbed his hand across his jaw and though his scruff.

He finally spoke, and growled "Well, I certainly wasn't expecting this," with one eyebrow raised and an almost shy smile that showed only a tiny sliver of his bright white teeth.

"Expecting what exactly?" I asked, curious as to what he was referring to. He stood in more silence, clearly debating something but what, I couldn't quite tell.

"You'll need to sign some paperwork."

"Paperwork? No! I'm not going to just…" I said sharply, then huffed and started again, calmer. "I don't even know you." It was common to formally got over rules and limits in writing before new partners would scene together. I'd just assumed this was what he was referring to and he must have realized it because he gave me a knowing look over his brow along with more of his shy smile.

"I just need a non-disclosure, Anastasia. I'll need that before we can talk about anything else. I have to be more careful these days."

I then became the silent one, while staring at his handsome face and considering our situation. Of course I was attracted to him, but I also knew the situation was slightly careless. I didn't know anything about this man or what he would want from me. It was impulsive of me to 'test' him and I obviously hadn't thought through what would come it.

"No, no... that's okay. We don't need to talk about anything else," I stated with somewhat feigned resolve.

"But I would really like to," he replied, back to his low and serious tone. His Dom voice as I now know.

"What's your name again? Jason?"

"Jackson," he answered, still smiling through the corner of his mouth.

"Jackson look, subbing for you really wasn't my intention. I was just... curious. It was silly and I shouldn't have said anything. I should go..."

"Anastasia, wait! Please." He asked sternly as I began moving towards inside. Before I could get far, he grabbed my wrist and stepped closer to me, almost whispering in my ear.

"Why can't subbing for me become your intention?"

"Umm..." his obvious dominant nature had me stumbling over my thoughts. "I don't date actors."

"I'm not looking to date," he mumbled suggestively.

"And I'm also not looking to do random scenes with Doms I don't know," I said in barely a whisper, trying to maintain my 'real-life' sensibility. He released my wrist enough to slide his hand into mine for the second time of the night, then lifted it in a gesture of asking me to come along with him.

"Please, then lets get to know each other and see if we can't come to some arrangement." His charming grin did nothing to hide the overt dominance inside of him, and with one last look at that ruggedly handsome face, I gave in.

Jax and I then headed down to the nearly empty bar in the lobby of the hotel, leaving the premier party behind. In a private corner lounge area, we sat and drank and talked for the rest of the night. We discussed our experiences with the lifestyle, limits, desires, and what we would want from an arrangement. Neither Jax or I had been looking to become involved with anyone but, as we talked, we both realized that beyond our obvious chemistry, we were actually very well matched to be in a D/s arrangement together.

Jax explained that because he'd been filming Sons for a year, he'd become much more recognizable and realized he couldn't participate in the lifestyle the way he used to. He had to be more careful, quit going to the clubs and find something more stable and consistent that could be carried on in private. He also knew, because he was going to be immersed in filming for a while to come, he didn't have time to maintain a traditional relationship and wasn't looking to include emotions in an arrangement.

As for me, I too would be busy, as I was a young writer/director who had just started working on my first full length feature. I also had a desire for discretion, not only because of the public nature of my work, but because I knew better than to have a reputation for sleeping with actors. Even at that time, I'd already worked too hard to be taken seriously as a female director. There weren't very many of us around and I wasn't going to be one to help tarnish our cause by looking like I was fucking my way though the business. And as for no emotions part, I knew I could handle that, I even preferred it really. All my previous D/s arrangements had been fairly short term and they were never about love or romance. Only trust.

It was only a few months after that night when Jax and I decided to move into this house together. Our work schedules were incredibly demanding and we quickly realized that living in the same place allowed us much more time for play.

Fuck! We had some very naughty evenings here.

This house is so beautiful but now, living here alone is a constant reminder that a very necessary part of my life isn't being fulfilled. I crawl off the playroom bed and without bothering to dress, I meander down the hall and out onto the back balcony. I grab the remote to the jacuzzi, turning on the jets, and then lean over the deck rail to look out at the ocean and night sky. It feels amazing out here, the breeze, the sound of the waves, my body completely exposed. It would feel so much better if I was out here on display for a Dom. I imagine Jax behind me with that look, fully dressed and sitting with his whiskey tumbler in hand. With that look of a man admiring your form, lustful eyes and dirty thoughts in his mind. Nothing can make you feel more wanted, more attractive, than that look while you just stand there, posed for Him, letting Him see you the way He likes you best. Naked and waiting patiently.

I sigh and look back, but He's not there of course. I resign that the hot tub will be my only company tonight so I turn and slowly step in, sinking down to my neck and lay my head against the stone. I close my eyes and try to relax enough to shake off the need I failed to satisfy in the playroon.

I need a new Dom... Soon.