Hey guys, Wensleydale here! Welcome to another edition of South Park Aargh, where from a Cartman episode we jump to a Stan one. I hope you liked what I've been doing so far and as always thanks for all your reviews of previous episodes. Visit the SPA Zetaboards forum if you'd like to find the directory for all the fics (SPA releases every Monday). Be sure to take a look at my deviantART to read SPA's spin-off webcomic, 50 Lampshades of Craig (releases every Tuesday and Thursday). While you're at it, pay a visit to my Youtube channel where you can watch Pip Plays WoW which actually takes place in the same headcanon (releases every Friday). Also, you can follow me on . All the links you can find on my profile here.
Whew. That's a lot of link-pitching. For now, enjoy the new episode!
[It is late morning. The instrumental version of Mountain Town from SP:BLU starts playing in the background. The episode begins with a front view of the Marsh residence which immediately cuts inside, to the staircase, where we see Sparky sleeping in his basket. He quickly wakes up, wiggles his tail and runs upstairs, where we see him trying to get into Stan's room. He scratches the door and barks. Stan promptly opens the door]
STAN: ...What do you want, Sparky?
[Sparky barks]
STAN: [after a moment of silence, tired] ...I'm gonna go to sleep now, okay?
[Sparky barks twice. Stan slams the door, apparently realising how ridiculous having a dialogue exchange with your own dog must look like. Sparky barks again and runs to Shelly, who is about to enter the bathroom upstairs. And runs to Shelly, who is about to enter the bathroom upstairs]
SHELLY: Don't bother me, turd!
[Sparky barks]
SHELLY: I shaid, go away, turd!
[Sparky squeals and runs away from her. We cut to the dining room where we see Sharon doing the accounts. The dog runs up to her and barks]
SHARON: Oh, Sparky, uh... Your food is in the kitchen.
[He barks again]
SHARON: Right here, in the kitchen! I'm busy right now, shoo!
RANDY: Hey, Sharon, Sharon! Maybe he doesn't want to eat, maybe he wants to go walkies?
SHARON: Then why did he come here? Stan always takes him.
RANDY: Don't question me, Sharon! I understand dogs better than you do!
[Sparky barks. Sharon sighs, exasperated]
SHARON: Fine, Randy, why don't you take him, then?
RANDY: I can't! I've got stuff to do, gawd!
SHARON: Then ask Stan to take him.
[Sparky barks. Randy seems to be thinking about something else]
RANDY: Stan? Oh, right. Staaan? Staaaan!
STAN: [coming downstairs] …What?
RANDY: Stan, do you wanna go walkies?
[There is a moment of silence. Stan raises an eyebrow]
STAN: …What?
SHARON: He means with Sparky. [Sparky barks]
STAN: Oh. No, I can't , the guys will be coming over any minute. We're going… [The doorbell rings] Oh, that's probably them.
[He approaches the door and opens it, Sparky following him. Outside, we see Cartman, Kyle, Kenny and Butters. They come inside]
STAN: Oh, hey, guys.
[Sparky runs around, barks and hops excitedly]
BUTTERS: Uh, hey, Stan! All ready and set?
[Sparky continues to bark at the five boys]
KENNY: (Dude, what the fuck's wrong with your dog?)
STAN: I don't know. He's been like this all morning.
CARTMAN: Maybe he has sand in his vagina, like Kahl.
KYLE: Goddamnit, Cartman, I do not have sand in my vagina!
RANDY: I'm telling you boys, he wants to go walkies! Why doesn't anyone listen to me?
[Sparky barks]
CARTMAN: Cause you're a fuckin' dumbass, that's why.
STAN: All right, guys, let's go before they close the goddamn thing.
[The boys leave Stan's house. We see Sparky running after them. He stops and stares at his master and his friends run off. He lies down with a sad look on his muzzle. Suddenly, a bearded Asian man with a furry cap on grabs the surprised Sparky, throws him in a sack and drags him offscreen]
[SPA's new opening, Our Mountain Town, starts]
KYLE:
It seems today,
That all you see,
Is greenhouse effect
And the global warming...
CARTMAN:
The world is full of
Lazy hippies!
STAN, BUTTERS, FIONA AND KENNY:
Sometimes you just want to drown!
EVERYONE:
Lucky there's our mountain town!
Lucky there's our pissant,
Quiet, little-
KENNY:
(Kickass!)
EVERYONE:
Place in which we can all
STAN:
Laugh and frown...
EVERYONE:
It's! Our! Moun-tain! Tooooown!
[South Park Aargh – Episode 916. Called To Be Wild]
[We cut to the five boys walking out of J-mart to Cartman's house. Eric is holding a brand new game console in his hand]
CARTMAN: Oh, my God, it's going to be so sweet, you guys! Ten hours straight of Mario-kart! We'll unlock all the characters and I'm gonna beat your sorry asses just like that!
KYLE: You wish! I've been practicing for this day for months, fatass!
CARTMAN: Oh, I'm sorry, I forgot Jews were geeks who have no life except for video games, Kahl!
STAN: Dude, Cartman, weren't you just talking about playing with it ten-hours straight? What does that make you if not a geek?
KENNY: (An impotent.)
BUTTERS: Uh, what's an "im-patent", Kenny?
STAN: Shut up, Butters.
[The boys suddenly stop, hearing voices outside Jimbos's Guns. They approach the store and see police vehicles around the building]
STAN: Oh, God… What's going on now?
[After a closer look, we can see Jimbo practically in tears, pleading before Sgt. Harrison Yates while other policemen confiscate his guns]
JIMBO: Please, sarge! You can't do this! Huntin' is my whole life!
YATES: I'm sorry, Mr. Kern, but your gun licence will have to be confiscated. We had too many complaints about South Park's animal population dying out an you seem to be the main cause.
JIMBO: But we were just thinnin' out their numbers!
YATES: Mr. Kern, the numbers have already been thinned out. The authorities are even thinking of turning this place into a reservation thanks to you.
JIMBO: Reservation shmeservation! I want my license back!
YATES: [pats him on the shoulder] I'm sorry, Jimbo. There's nothing we can do.
[Yates drives off along with the rest of the policemen. We cut back to the boys, now joint by Wendy and Bebe]
WENDY: Finally they made this maniac stop murdering animals! [with a satisfied look] I thought this day would never come…
KENNY: (Hey! That's my honorary uncle you're talking about!)
STAN: [frowns] What are you doing here, Wendy?
WENDY: [returns the frown] Oh, what, no I can't be in the same town that you're in?
CARTMAN: Oooh, look, you guys, the hippie couple is having a fight! How cute…
STAN: Why do you think closing down my uncle's shop is a good thing?
WENDY: Why do you think it's not? You used to care about the environment!
BEBE: Guns are stupid, anyway.
KENNY: [getting on a soapbox] (Are not! Guns are the epitome of a man's life!)
CARTMAN: You tell her, Kinny! You tell that bitch!
WENDY: Fuck off, Cartman! Anyway, Stan, it's not the time for arguing. Your uncle is upset. Shouldn't you try to comfort him?
[We cut to Jimbo crying on the doorstep. Having cut back to the children, Stan pinches the bridge of his nose]
STAN: You know what? I don't care. I was going to play Mariokart and that's exactly what I'm gonna do. [Walks away along with Kyle, Cartman and Butters]
BUTTERS: Uh, yeah, s-see you, Bebe, Wendy!
BEBE: [irritated] God, Stan, you're so insensitive! No wonder Wendy broke up with you!
[The girls walk away in the other direction. Kenny, left alone, sighs and approaches Jimbo]
KENNY: (Uh… Uncle Jimbo?)
JIMBO: You saw everythin', didn't you, Kenny? I'm sorry you had to see a grown man cry, but… I just don't know what to do! Without huntin', there just ain't anythin' for me to do!
KENNY: (Dude, calm the fuck down…)
JIMBO: No, I will not calm down! D'you have any idea how it feels when a part of you is dead?
[Kenny glares at him]
KENNY: (Uncle Jimbo, I know how it feels when all my parts are dead, but that's beside the point. Why don't you get some rest and we'll talk about it in the morning, huh?)
[The Marsh residence, evening. We see Stan entering through the front door. His parents are waiting for him in the living room with serious faces]
STAN: [after a moment of silence] …Can I help you?
RANDY: Sit down, son. We need to have a talk.
[The three Marshes sit down on the couch]
STAN: Oh… Kay… Now, before you say anything, Mariokart is a perfectly educational game that boosts the player's reflexes and I can only benefit from playing it.
SHARON: It's not that, Stanley. I'm afraid Sparky is missing.
[Stan's eyes widen in shock]
STAN: What?!
RANDY: It's true, Stan. It seems he ran after you this morning and never came back.
STAN: Wait, how is that possible? Sparky is our fuh-f-friend!
RANDY: Now I'm not pointing fingers, Stanley, but I'm afraid it's because you didn't want to go walkies with him, Stan.
[Sharon glares at her husband]
SHARON: Randy, how could you possibly know that's the reason for his escape?
RANDY: Oh, yeah, Sharon, maybe the reason is because you didn't feed him enough!
STAN: Stop arguing, you guys! It doesn't matter whose fault this is, we have to find him!
[Stan's parents exchange glances]
SHARON: Um… Stanley, Sparky might be gone somewhere very far away. It's even possible he's in a better place now.
RANDY: Yes, Stan, it's possible that he's going walkies with St. Peter now.
[Sharon and Stan glare briefly at Randy, then choose to ignore him]
STAN: So you're telling me to just give up on Sparky?
SHARON: That's just the way it is, Stanley. Sometimes you just have to take a big left turn.
STAN: [after a moment of silence] You know why Sparky left? It's because you always took him for granted! I don't care what you say, I'm going to make some wanted posters!
[He angrily runs upstairs]
RANDY: [in disbelief] You see what a hypocrite our son has become? We took Sparky for granted? He's the one who didn't take him to go walkies!
SHARON: [angrily] Oh, will you stop it with that? How do you know he wanted to go walkies?! You know neither what dogs want or how they feel!
RANDY: [after a while, scratching his chin] …You're right, I don't… Unless… I can prove it scientifically.
[The Marshes' backyard. We see Randy coming out of Sparky's kennel on his hands and knees. He seems to be chained from his neck to the wooden structure. While he runs around in the same position, Stan comes out through the back door and stares at his father, unfazed]
RANDY: Woof! Oh, hey, Stan! I decided to find Sparky for ya! I'm here because if you want to find a dog, you have to think like a dog!
[There is a moment of silence]
RANDY: This will help me track him down, but remember, Stan, I'm only doing this if you promise to go walkies with him regularly.
[Another pause. Stan just stares at his dad]
RANDY: …Hey, Stan, could you grab me a beer and pour it into my bowl?
[Stan walks away with an expressionless face]
RANDY: [after a pause] …St-stan?
This is probably the first chapter I established all the subplots without using a bloody song. Other than that, not much to say about this one, except for the fact that it was originally going to be the season premiere and 916 was supposed to be a Fiona episode. I wasn't sure how to handle that particular one and thought it might be too ambitious for my current skill, so I instead went with the Lola idea. I haven't had much as much experience with the Marsh family as a whole as, let's say, Nosebridgepinch or John, but writing this fic went smoothly up to a point.
I haven't had much gaming experience and I don't know when Mariokart was actually created (probably after season 9, though), but I don't wanna change it since it's one of the few console games I've ever played.
Sad news, unfortunately, I decided to quit the review portion. There's really no point of doing this when most of my chapters are already content-packed and I have more and more to say in the A/Ns. However, me and my friends might just be preparing something for next year that you might like instead! I'll also most likely quit Pip Plays WoW, since with my lack of skill it'd require a LOT of editing and I just haven't got time for it.
To pile up the bad news, starting from next Monday, SPA is on hiatus. Most likely few weeks, but I need to focus on my exams and have to give a few ideas some thought. I promise I'll come back soon and instead shorten the seasonal break.
Anyway, thanks for reading and all the feedback, and as always, please leave reviews.
Cheers,
WDC
PS: Have you already seen John's SPU update on YWBHIE? Check it out! I should have it in my favourites.