an: posted a few fics over the last few weeks, check them out. constructive criticism is welcome.

no auto-correct, apologies for errors. x

Kate nursed an extra large vanilla latte containing a much need extra shot of espresso against her stomach, her body laying horizontal on one of the spare gurney's that were down one of the side corridors that lead to the ER. It was one of the closest and since she was on the roster, it was only a matter of time until someone paged her. The warmth of the styrofoam heating through the scrubs she was currently adorning. Head resting against a few packets of pre-packed bandages, her loose-fitting scrubs brushing as they crossed at the ankles.

They'll understand.

She has to.

The floor beneath her jolted, shaking her right down to the frail bones beneath her skin, a set of nails digging into the soft flooring beneath her as she sat upright; Kate's right hand moving at a quicker pace than the length of her body, the hot liquid spraying across her scrubs and the plastic sheeting covering the gurney.

"Oh, shi- fuck..." Kate gasped, her hair falling around her face as she pulled her now coffee soaked legs towards her.

A blur of bodies shot past her, scrubs in hand and the three interns sprinted past her with identical expressions of shock and awe . Kate felt a hand smack her lightly against the back of her head, jolting her out of her current coffee haze.

Standing slightly behind her; one hand holding a coffee and the other holding 2 sets of scrubs, throwing one of the sets at her with a chuckle. "Those are your interns by the way...looking for you." Kevin cocked an eyebrow at her, humour sparkling from every single part of him.

Kate laughed out loud, the sound almost foreign to her.

Strangely enough, she had missed it.

She didn't know what her life would have turned out like without Kevin, he had always been there - much like the few other friends that she kept close. Mostly work colleagues; Lanie, Javier, Jane, Emmett. They knew her and when to pull her out of the black-hole she called "life" - they dragged her out when it starts to suck her down.

Sometimes, she felt like she owed them more than she could ever give back.

Sliding off the gurney and making her way to one of the on call rooms, Kevin called out to her. "Kate!" She swivelled on the spot, the scrubs folded up against her stomach and her free hand on the door knob.

"Don't forget about tonight, okay?"

"The time line adds up Kate! Why are you denying this?" His voice was harsh, confused.

Kate shook her head, pacing back and forth with a glass of whisky in her hand. The ice sliding from one edge of the glass to the other and clinking loudly.

Stopping near the large glass windows that led out to his balcony, Kate looked out between the curtains - hoping - wishing, that someone or something could take her away from this terrible mess that she had fallen into.

It's not like it was an accident.

This is all your fault.

Raising the glass and pressing it against her forehead, the cool glass somewhat calming her climbing fever. She was warm everywhere. And not the good kind. Her whole body vibrating, red blotches climbing along her neck and down her chest, her arms, she wouldn't be surprised if her face was completely covered.

"Kate?"

Rick gently touched her shoulder, his thumb creating concentric circles along the fabric above her shoulder blade. Attempting to comfort her, Kate, but not - his - Kate. She was falling apart right in front of him and he couldn't even get 2 sentences out of her.

"She's not yours..."

It was barely a whisper but he heard her.

Again.

Turning around and surveying the man that she had once considered to be her soul mate.

"Kate, why-"

"She can't be, don't you understand?!" She shot him a pleading look that said 'read between the lines, please'.

I'm protecting you.

We can't have drifted that far apart.

It was as though time had stopped for them, Rick lifted his hands and rubbed the heels of his hands against closed eyelids. "She can't be..." He repeated her words, realization flickering behind closed lids.

Settling her grocery bags on the table as the kids ran rampage around their legs, playing tag or marco polo or some kind of game that involved closing their eyes.

"Open your eyes when you're inside! Go outside with Uncle Kevin, Emma. Your dad, kids!" Kate called out, motioning to Jenny to swing open the back door.

Standing up on her tip toes and grabbing 2 glasses of wine and a stubby cooler for Kevin. Kate swivelled around the Ryan's' kitchen as though it were her own, her hair falling around her face; dark roots visible without her surgical cap placed strategically on. Grabbing the wine from the fridge and placing it next to the cutting board near Jenny, who was currently in the middle of making finger sandwiches.

Clicking her jaw, every bone in Kate's body ached. She had been taking too many back-to-back shifts and her body was worn, she could tell her mother was geting frustrated with her. Not only had the time she had spent with Emma been sparse but she wasn't taking care of herself and that ignited an inferno inside her.

"I'm sorry it's taken quite a few weeks for this to happen again." Kate motioned to the food around her, the kids.

Jenny shrugged, a small kind smile playing across her features as she chopped up a few pieces of tomato. "It's fine, Kate. We're all busy." She continued when Kate opened her mouth to apologise some more. "Now hush. I promise, it's fine, honestly."

After a few minutes of dancing around each other, Kate finished with the grocery bags and settled in a seat next to Kevin, outside. Sliding his beer towards him, keeping a firm grip on her glass of red as she settled on the rickety law chair.

After a few minutes of watching the kids, a frown that had been enveloping her features deepened as she had made her decision. Closing her eyes and attempting to straighten out her spine against the wooden edge.

"It's time, Kev."

Looking up from his beer bottle, where his eyes had been tracing a rivulet of condensation across the glass.

He looked confused for a moment, his eyes searching hers but then she motioned to Emma who had just tackled one Alexandra into the sandbox - a loud giggle piercing their little bubble of serenity - realization kicking in and his eyes widening.

"Are you sure, Kate?"

"It's about time we told the truth."