Author's Notes: I'm writing this as though "I" (as in, the me who got transported to the Naruto world) haven't watched Naruto in a long while. Which is sort of true, I hadn't until recently, but I started again in preparation to write this fic.

9-19 Update: Also, I'm noticing from my visitor stats that I get a lot of visitors for the first chapter, which drops drastically in number for the second chapter, drops again for the third chapter but then levels out for the rest of the chapters and rises for the new chapters. Basically what I'm getting here is my first two chapters aren't that great and drive some people away, but if you get to the third and fourth chapters the story starts picking up and those who stay that long stay for the rest of the ride. So, new readers, please read until chapter four before deciding to give up entirely. I know my beginning isn't that riveting but it gets better.

000

If I could've chosen to be born into any family in the Naruto Universe, I think I would have picked Nara. No way in a million years did I ask to be born a Hyūga.

Let me back up a little. I was in a transition period—just finishing up a semester at one school and looking forward to packing and transferring to another. I was expecting saying goodbye to my family in a way much less sudden or unanticipated than I did. In fact, I didn't really get to say goodbye at all.

Wear your seatbelts.

For a little while I didn't realize how amazing it was that I was still alive when I should've been dead. I just didn't have the thought processes to. That sounds funny, but everything was blurry and instinctual back then. I didn't really have much control and most of the time the world was just dream-like. I've had some long dreams before; where there's no sense of time and that's sort of what it felt like. Sometimes when I was cold or hungry I began to get it, because those feelings are sharper and clearer than others. I began to feel uncomfortable and strange and like something was very, very off. Then I'd cry and someone would wrap me in a blanket or feed me and I'd go to sleep for real.

Eventually I learned who I was. The realization came suddenly. It was probably a day like any other, but I was finally beginning to think and see really clearly. The lady in the room (Mom? I thought tentatively) picked me up and put me on a blanket. Then she went and picked another young child and put her on the blanket too. As I stared at the other girl's pale lavender eyes with growing suspicion the lady said a sentence in Japanese that included the names "Hinata" and "Hikaru." I burst into tears as I finally, finally fully realized what had happened.

The lady fussed over me, picking me up and patting me on the back, but I was inconsolable for the next hour.

I had lost everything and everyone.

I was going to be a ninja—I doubted I'd have a choice as a Hyūga. I was going to kill people some day and I was going to have to find a way to be okay with that. In connection with, but more than, that, I was going to have to learn how to be aggressive. In my former life I wasn't a fighter. I wasn't even close.

Eventually I calmed down enough to stop crying and was returned to the blanket. Hinata, who hadn't gotten upset during that whole time, was now napping on the blanket beside me.

000

Time…didn't fly, but we turned one and then two.

I learned that I had already changed things beyond just being born. Our mother was dead. Added stress from the Kyuubi attack coupled with a twin pregnancy caused Akemi Hyūga to go into premature labor. Two weeks after the attack we were born two months early and Akemi-kaa-san died.

I was horrorstruck. Hinata lost her mother far earlier than she should've because of me. Hanabi would never be born because of me. Who knew the full effect losing his wife would have on Hiashi…because of me. I really literally should never have been born, and because I was someone had died.

I cried most nights after Hinata fell asleep, for a lot of reasons. Not only did I cause someone's death, but I was terrified of being a ninja, I'd died a painful death and lost my former world, I felt alone here, and as a young child I simply didn't have as much control over my emotions as a twenty-something year old. They were overwhelming.

For instance, I knew in my head that I hadn't chose to come here and part of the blame of Akemi dying lay with the Kyuubi and Madara, and that there wasn't anything I could've done to stop her death, but almost every time I thought of her a horrible guilt and sadness threatened to crush my heart—because I also knew that if I didn't exist then she wouldn't have died when Hinata and I were born. My head wanted to protect my emotional stability (or at least get me to calm down) by telling me that it wasn't my fault, that I could mourn but that I should also move on; my heart, on the other hand, wanted to insist that it was all my fault, that I must always remember this and I needed to make up for it somehow-as impossible as that would be. My heart was coming out the victor most of the time.

And thus, I cried.

I forgot I was living in a house with a ninja father—who was kept up most nights with business and his own grief—who had excellent hearing and supernatural eyesight. So, one day at breakfast, my heart almost froze when he asked me in a soft voice "Hikaru, are you very sad?"

Then I could feel myself going to pieces as Hinata looked at me, alarmed. She didn't really cry about kaa-chan, because she'd never known her and our nannies were nice. Now, she started crying just because I was, and I managed to whisper "Yes." Father was silent for a full minute.

"I'm sorry." He said. I cried harder. I was sorry. Then he stood up, walked around the table, and picked me up. I immediately, instinctively, started to feel a little better. "It'll be okay." He bounced me up and down a little, "You will grow up to be a strong girl. A strong kunoichi. And nothing will make you cry." Even though I didn't really have positive feelings about being a ninja, the words were comforting. I could feel the love and conviction behind them, and I planted a kiss on his cheek.

"Thank you, tou-san." I said, sniffling. "I love you." This person wasn't the hardened person I knew from the anime, he was my dad, and I loved him. Then he had to pick Hinata up too, so that we could both get a hold of ourselves. I'll never forget that moment—the sun was streaming in the room, tou-san holding me and Hinata, and the great feeling of peace I suddenly had.

I started to get better. My emotions and crying didn't go away all at once, not by a long shot—but I could remember that moment and draw strength from it. That night I thought "Everything will be ok."

000

A/N: This is my first fanfic and props go to Dreaming of Sunshine for inspiring me. That is such a great story I can't give it enough praise. A note of warning, I just started a new semester at college and I'm a slow writer. I'll try to update at least once a month though.