Dick walked out of the side door of the church munching on an oatmeal raisin cookie, crumbs covering the front of his Addicted to Sobriety T-shirt. Logan followed him out, sipping coffee from a Styrofoam cup.

"Why must every meeting serve the shittiest coffee ever made? It's like 'Hey, you can't drink that wonderful beer you want, so here, let me give you this awesome sludge instead.'" Logan grimaced as he took a last swig from his cup and lobbed it into the bin on the street corner.

"So why do you always take it? You bitch every damn time, dude," Dick mumbled through a full mouth as he shook his head at his friend. He swallowed and added, "The cookies at this meeting are always the best, though. Makes the trip across town worth it."

Logan grinned at Dick, slapped a hand on his shoulder and pulled him down the block. "C'mon, man, hurry up. I can already taste the grilled steaks waiting for us."

"I'm comin'! I'm comin'! Don't get your panties in a knot."

The guys ambled back to Logan's car, parked a few streets over, and climbed in quickly. Logan started the car and was belting himself in when Dick glanced over and away again, out the open window.

"Thanks again, dude. I really appreciate it."

Logan smirked. "Don't thank me yet, man. You know Veronica. It's entirely possible that nothing will be ready when we get there. I mean, she said she was willing to host your birthday party at our place, but she's been running hot and cold with you, so…" Logan trailed off, his smirk transforming into something a little more sad and regretful.

Dick chuckled and looked over at him. "Don't worry about it. She's gone above and beyond already by making me those cupcakes for the meeting. Besides, I wasn't talking about the party. I meant for your little speech in there. And for this." He flipped the poker chip-sized bronze token in the air and caught it in one smooth motion. One year sober felt pretty damn good. Better than he thought it would, frankly, and he knew that Logan had played a large role in helping him make it happen.

"Happy 1st birthday, Dick. You worked hard. I meant every word I said."

"Yeah, well, I seriously couldn't have done it without you and the others. Ronnie, Keith, even Wallace." Dick looked away again. "Mac…"

"Well, since you're bringing up Mac –" Logan grinned as he shifted into drive and pulled into traffic.

Dick cut him off. His face was neutral but his tone shut Logan down. "I'm not, so shut the fuck up."

"But you just finished saying you appreciate it when I speak," Logan snarked, laughing.

Dick punched Logan's arm and remained quiet the rest of the way home, lost in his thoughts. What do you want me to say, Logan? That I can still feel that kiss from the beach? That the face she makes when she beats the crap out of me at Assassin's Creed is the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen? That I just want to bury myself in the smell of her neck? Yeah, I don't think so. She deserves better than Dick Casablancas.

"Slow down, Mac! We've still got a few minutes before they get here. Logan just texted me that they only just finished the meeting. It will take them at least twenty minutes to get through traffic," Veronica declared as she brought the plate of steaks over to the grill.

Keith was inside the house making his special basting sauce and Wallace was tying up the "Happy 1st Birthday" sign to the pergola. Some of Dick's other friends were lounging around the pool, further down the yard. Mac hadn't stopped moving around the deck, first stopping at the bar to set up the cans of soda and the lemonade carafe, then moving to the food table to rearrange all of the bowls of salads and chips, and then back again. Currently, she was berating Wallace for hanging the sign slightly crooked. When Veronica's words finally registered, she whirled around and shot daggers with her eyes at her friend.

"This is a big deal, Veronica. I'm just trying to make sure everything is right."

Veronica smirked knowingly and held up her hands in surrender. "I know! I'm simply suggesting that you're being a little bit –" Mac quirked an eyebrow and Veronica quickly amended what she was going to say. "– that you seem stressed out. Perhaps this party you're working so hard to throw is supposed to mean something more than just that Dick has been sober for a year?"

"Shut up, Bond. We're just friends," Mac countered flatly as she busied herself with the paper plates and cutlery.

But Veronica would not be rebuffed. "Sure you are. And you just lost your balance that day at the beach and accidentally kissed him." When Mac didn't react, she added, "I saw you, Mac." She sat down on the deck stairs and pulled Mac down next to her.

Mac leaned her head on the railing and closed her eyes to hide the mortification. "Why didn't you say anything before now?"

"Because I knew you didn't want to talk about it. But you're being particularly Real Housewives of Atlanta today, so I thought it was time." Veronica nudged Mac with her knee until the latter was looking at her. "Look, despite my past attitude about Dick, you can talk to me, you know. Spill it, Mackenzie."

A look of defeat crossed Mac's face and she sighed. "There's nothing to tell. I kissed him and he ran off. We haven't really spoken since, but he made it pretty clear that he wasn't interested. End of story. But at least I can make sure he knows that he's done well. He deserves that after the last year."

Mac was staring off at the ocean, so she missed the hard look that Veronica managed to rapidly get under control. She was trying to put the past with Dick behind her. The last few weeks since the incident at the beach hadn't been easy, but Veronica had finally decided that it was time to just let the past go. Logan and Mac's continued support of this new Dick was slowly chipping away at her defences, and the PI side of her couldn't ignore the evidence of his charity work and attempts at making amends. So, in true Veronica Mars fashion, she elected to compartmentalize her feelings into two separate boxes: one for the old, sleazy Dick Casablancas and one for the new, philanthropic one. If she treated them as two separate entities in her mind, the whole thing was easier to process.

Especially if her best friend was falling in love with him. Veronica shook her head, "For someone normally so brilliant, you're an idiot." Mac shot her a look, eyes wide. "Any half decent PI can see that he's just scared shitless of how much he loves you." Veronica tilted her head, and tapped her finger to her chin in thought. "I may need to rethink your salary, Q. Maybe you're not as good as I'm paying you to be."

Mac blushed a brilliant red and pulled herself up from the stairs. "You're delusional, V. Give yourself that pay cut." She made her way down the stairs and started towards their friends at the pool. "That's enough girl talk. I need to go wash it off with a swim." She pulled her Nerds Do It Better T-shirt over her head and jumped into the pool before anyone could ask her what was wrong.

Wallace walked over to where Veronica was still sitting on the stairs. "Girl's got it bad."

Veronica nodded, still watching Mac. "That she does, Wallace. That she does."

It had been a nice party. The steaks were cooked to perfection care of Keith and the friendly poker game that closed out the night had been a riot even when Dick lost every penny he had on him to Veronica, as usual. You really should know better than to play poker with Ronnie, dumbass. At least it was only a hundred dollar buy-in.

The only stain on an otherwise perfectly fun evening had been his interactions with Mac. He had been pleasantly surprised at the congratulatory hug he'd gotten when he arrived and thought that they had maybe moved past the awkwardness from the kiss at the beach. But no such luck. She had remained distant and aloof the remainder of the evening, always jumping up to go get somebody something or cleaning up after everyone. They'd barely said more than three sentences to each other all night. He'd watched her, though, and he wasn't so out of practice that he didn't know she was watching him too.

Mac looking away just as he turned in her direction, her cheeks pink, her lips slightly parted.

Mac taking a split second too long answering Katy's question as she tried to refocus her mind away from listening to a story he was telling Dave.

Mac's back going rigid when Dave asked him if he was going to get back in the dating game now that his one year hiatus was up.

And he was no better. Despite her attempts at avoidance, she at least made sure he was well looked after by continuously refilling snack bowls wherever he was, or bringing fresh drinks to whatever group he was talking with. Each time he would see her coming – of course – but turn away at the last minute so that he wouldn't have to face her shunning him yet again.

One time they were too slow and their eyes met by accident, leaving Dick feeling as though they were transported into a dark tunnel, cutting off everything around them. The space between them crackled with not only desire, but emotions as well, the intensity of which Dick could not understand. This is Mac! She can't possibly feel this way about another Casablancas!

Logan, catching the eye-fuck that passed between them, had leaned over and whispered, "You have to know she wants you too, dude. Your year is over. Just let yourself deserve this."

But Dick pushed him away and moved to the other side of the pool, away from Mac.

Now it was hours later and Dick was tucked in bed after succumbing in the shower to his thoughts of her. The brief physical reprieve had not helped, though, and he tossed and turned until he finally fell into a restless sleep, the bronze chip on his dresser glinting in the light from his alarm clock.

The wind from the ocean ruffles his hair and, even though it is too dark to see the waves, he knows the ocean-view on this side of the hotel like he knows his own face. The smell of sun-heated asphalt burns his nose. The pink neon letter G of the sign peaking over the edge of the roof adds barely any light to the surroundings, but the boy on the edge of the wall stands out to Dick as though he is bathed in a spotlight shining down from heaven. Dick can see Logan and Veronica standing not far away, hanging on to each other fiercely, gun still in Logan's hand.

"Beaver, don't!" Logan cries, desperate, taking a step towards the edge.

"My name is Cassidy!" Dick hears his brother shout back.

No no no no no no no no…Please, not this. God, not this.

Dick finds himself on his knees, doubled over, eyes scrunched tightly closed and hands over his ears. He rocks himself, creating white noise in his mind to block the scene playing out in front of him.

Suddenly, he feels a set of arms surround him. "Dick! Breathe, Dick! Stop! I've got you. C'mon, I've got you."

Mac.

He lets himself be gathered into Mac's embrace until Logan shouting his brother's name breaks through his awareness.

Oh my God! I can't let her watch this!

"NO! I WILL NOT LET YOU PUT HER THROUGH THIS! DO YOU HEAR ME? NOOOOOO!"

"NOOOO!"

Dick bolted upright in bed, his cry ringing in the darkness of his room. Panting, he clambered out of the tangled sheets and stumbled into the living room where he had left his phone.

Can you meet me at the Grand?
I need to see you

Rereading his text to Mac, he realized how that sounded and quickly sent off another one.

I know this sounds like a booty
call, but it isn't, I promise

Dick stared at his phone for several minutes, willing the text alert to go off. Please get this text. Please get this text.

*Bee-beep*

I'm on my way

Fifteen minutes later, Dick was pacing the lobby of the Neptune Grand in his sleep boxers and T-shirt. He hadn't even bothered to change before grabbing his phone and keys and driving over. Luckily, the woman working the front desk was an old timer, someone who was familiar with Dick from when he'd stayed there years before, and didn't ask too many questions.

Mac ran through the front door, hair wild from sleep and wearing her own pajamas, a canvas bag flying behind her. She ran up to him and grabbed his arms, managing to ask, despite being out of breath, "What's the matter? What happened?"

Dick reached out and clutched Mac to his chest in a bone-crushing hug. "You came," he whispered into her hair.

"Of course I came," she answered from the crook of his neck, hugging him hard in return before pulling back a bit to inspect him, confused. "Now what's wrong?"

He smiled slightly at her concern for him, but it soon turned hesitant as he asked, "Would you come to the roof with me?" He felt her stiffen in his arms, but her eyes never wavered from his. "Please? I want to talk to you."

Mac searched his face a moment longer, nodded and let him lead her by the hand to the elevators and up to the top floor after stopping to grab the blanket he'd left on a nearby chair. They took the staircase the rest of the way and burst onto the dark, smelly roof through the half-stuck door.

Dick walked over to a raised yellow skylight near to where the old Grand sign had been, the original neon letters having been replaced years before. He laid out the blanket and they sat with their backs on the side of the skylight, facing the edge of the roof.

"Why are we here, Dick?" Mac asked quietly after they had sat in silence for a while, staring at the moon.

"Because I couldn't let you watch him jump, but I needed you to help me deal with it." Dick knew he wasn't making any sense to her, but didn't know where to start.

She nodded as though she understood anyway and waited patiently for him to continue.

"Remember when I was in the hospital after the cliff dive?" When she nodded again, he continued. "That's when I had the first dream."

Dick told Mac everything. Every dream, every lesson, every detail. It didn't matter that he sounded crazy, or that he knew he looked bad in every story he told. She needed to know.

He needed to tell her.

He paused before getting to that night's dream to let her process what she had heard.

"So different people you know acted as guides in your dreams as you relived scenes from your past, all so that you could see what an actual dick you were, and not only in name?" Mac recapped rather succinctly, in the dry, matter-of-fact way that he lo– Well shit.

Yes. He'd admit it. That he loved about her.

Thankful that it was so dark she couldn't see this revelation on his face, Dick instead deflected with a chuckle. "Heh. Yeah, I guess you could put it that way."

Mac contemplated everything Dick had told her for several minutes before looking at him curiously and asking, "How real do you think these dreams were? I mean, you had been physically there during each of the events that you saw, right?"

This was something Dick had spent hours trying to figure out himself, so he wasn't the least bit surprised by Mac's question. "I can't be sure, but I think – they felt real to me. Makes you wonder who's out there pulling the strings, anyway."

Mac went quiet again, clearly absorbing the implications of Dick's conclusions. He could see her trying to wrap her mind around it and then saw disappointment flicker across her face and disappear behind a neutral mask. "So, uh, how do you think the guides were chosen?" she asked.

Dick shrugged. "I think it was whoever The Powers That Be decided best fit the scenario, I guess. They were all people who were important to me somehow, though."

He could feel Mac's shoulders sag and decided to put an end to what he thought she might be feeling. "I had one last dream tonight. You were the guide this time." At this, her head shot up and he could feel her gaze on him even as he stared straight ahead at the edge of the roof.

"I guess The Powers decided to leave the most important event for last. I'd been wondering why I hadn't been shown it yet, to tell you the truth. And they chose the most important person to get me through it."

"The night Cassidy died." Mac stated quietly.

Dick finally turned to face her. The sky was lightening slightly in that magic hour before sunrise, so he could see the glint of the tears in her eyes. He nodded.

"You showed up just before he jumped. I couldn't let you watch it, even if you weren't real. I couldn't put you through that, so I made myself wake up."

He reached for her hands and she reached for his in turn, each finding comfort in the other.

"Mackie, I'm sorry I've been an ass since the beach. It just makes no sense to me that you could have, you know, feelings for me after all the shit that happened with Cassidy. But when you showed up tonight in my dream, I knew that if we had a fucking chance in hell of being together, we needed to talk about this." Dick shrugged. "So I called you."

"I dealt with Cassidy a long time ago, Dick. He can't hurt me anymore and this will only keep hurting you if you let it. But I'll try and help. What can I do?" Mac squeezed his hands and shifted slightly closer.

"Tell me what you know about that night? What happened? No one ever really told me. I mean, I know he blew up that plane with Woody on it, and that he jumped, and that Logan and Ronnie were there, but not any of the details." Dick closed his eyes and tried to replay his dream on the backs of his eyelids. "In my dream, Logan and Ronnie were hugging and Logan had a gun in his hand. Why did he have a gun?"

When he opened his eyes, Mac was looking at him, horror-stricken. He pulled his hands away and jumped up, backing away from her. "Oh God, Mackie, I'm so sorry, baby. I didn't want ghost-you to see it, and here I am asking you to tell me. God, I'm a fucking idiot! It's OK, just go. You don't need to deal with this shit. Just call Logan for me, OK? Tell him I'll meet him at my place in twenty minutes. I think I need my sponsor."

Mac jumped up after Dick as he turned away from her, and spun him around. She grabbed his hands again and looked him straight in the eyes. "No. I'll tell you whatever you want to know. I just –" She took a deep breath, and it calmed him as much as it seemed to calm her. "I just wish you didn't have to hear this. I thought you knew. I thought Logan must have told you years ago."

Dick shook his head. "No. When he offered, I didn't want to hear it."

Mac led Dick back to the blanket and they sat down facing each other.

"Look, Dick, I've never been good at the sharing thing, so bear with me here." Dick squeezed her hands. "Um, ok, well…Cassidy had rented a room for us that night, remember?" Dick nodded stiffly once, a flush appearing on his cheeks to match her own. "Yeah, right, well…So, um, we, uh…ugh, OK, fine. We tried to have sex but he couldn't. God, this is mortifying. Anyway, I decided to take a shower and let him regroup. I guess Veronica texted me to warn me to get away from him and Cass saw it. Apparently, she'd figured out what had happened with the bus and Woody. He texted her back as me and told her to meet him on the roof. The gun – The gun was his. He must have brought it with him."

Throughout Mac's tale, Dick let his gaze linger on the spot on the roof where the sign used to be. He knew Cassidy's body had been found on a car at the bottom of the drop, under that sign. When he felt her tremble, he pulled his eyes back to her, face stoic and insistent. "Go on, Mackie. What happened next?"

"I got out of the shower, and the room had been stripped. No sheets, no towels, my clothes were gone. There was nothing to cover myself with. I figured…" Mac shrugged and looked down, unwilling to meet his eye. "I figured that since we didn't…you know, since I wasn't good enough to get him off, this was his payback. I wrapped myself in the shower curtain and curled into a ball in the corner until Veronica and Logan found me."

Dick reached under her chin and lifted her face to look at him. "No. Jesus, no, Mac. Look, the stripped room you described, I recognize that from a movie he and I watched once. At the end the guy was leaving this girl and he didn't want her to follow him because it was dangerous or some shit, but she wouldn't listen. So when she went to take a shower, he took all the stuff so she couldn't leave the room and follow him. He did it to protect you, Mac. Not to hurt you. If there is one thing I do know about my brother, it's that he loved you."

Tears poured down Mac's face and she choked back a sob. "Man, I really wish I'd known that before. It might have saved me years of sex therapy bills." She burst out laughing, and even though none of this was funny, Dick joined her. When they calmed, she continued.

"From what Logan told me later, Cassidy met Veronica on the roof and she accused him of blowing up the bus. He confessed and told her about the bomb on Woody's plane. Veronica thought her dad was on the plane too, and he blew it up while it was overhead. She thought she saw her dad die, Dick. Somehow, she got a text off to Logan to come help, and they fought him for the gun. Veronica got hold of it, and wanted to shoot him. She was…hysterical over her dad, and she'd figured it out about the rape too. Anyway, Logan talked her down, and Cassidy decided to jump while they were distracted. Logan said he tried to stop him, but didn't know how to. You know the rest."

When she was done, Mac reached over and hugged Dick. They sat holding each other for a long time before Dick spoke. "Thanks Mackie. I needed to know."

Mac pulled back. "Logan felt bad for years, you know. Wondering if there was something he could have said or done differently. Cass was his friend, but after hearing what he'd done, God, I can't imagine how he must have felt. He must have wanted to kill him and save him at the same time."

Dick had struggled with his anger at Logan already before turning the loathing on himself, so he understood what Mac was trying to say. "I know. I blamed him for a while, too, but it wasn't his fault. We're square about that."

"It isn't your fault either. Or mine," Mac told him firmly. "What he did…it was horrible, but it was all on him. There are a lot of things that could have and should have been different, yes; your parents, Woody, that stupid nickname. But many people deal with as much or worse things and they turn out OK. Cassidy chose to do what he did, and then he chose to kill himself, and frankly, if that's who he really was, the world is better off without him."

Dick flinched back at her words. "Mac, jeez! That's harsh!"

Mac let go of Dick completely and he suddenly felt hollow and alone. Her next words didn't help either. "Maybe, but Cassidy hurt my best friend and killed nine people. He's not the person I thought he was, and I won't waste any sympathy for him. Not if I want to live my life. I needed to let go, and I did. It's how I got better."

"But he was my brother, damn it!" Dick cried. "I can't just forget that!"

"I'm not saying that you should. Hold on to the good parts of your brother, and remember those. But box the other, darker person into a separate place, and let that one go. He can't hurt anyone else anymore, and that's a good thing." Mac didn't reach for Dick again. She just stared at him, patiently waiting to see what he would do. "You can love the brother you had and loathe the villain he became. They don't have to be the same person. I loved my first boyfriend, but hate the murderer and rapist." She looked at him wide-eyed and sincere. "I can think that drunken frat boy-you was a douche of the highest magnitude, but still ca-care for this new, sober you. It's weird, I know, but it works."

Dick turned and sat back against the skylight again without responding. Mac mimicked his position and waited.

And waited.

Finally, Dick spoke. "Do you think you would be willing to give this former douche of the highest magnitude a chance? Maybe go out on a date tonight?"

Mac smirked. "And here I thought that kissing you the other day pretty much established where I was on the "I'd like us to try this out" scale. Clearly I'll need to be less cryptic next time."

"No, I got it," Dick chuckled softly. "I just didn't believe you."

"Well, believe me now." Mac's tone was resolute.

They sat a while longer silently watching the sky turn from grey to pink to orange to blue before she shifted and stood, hands on her hips. She looked down on him, uncertainty and determination waging a war on her features. "So? Where are you on the box scenario? Are you packed yet?"

Dick's gaze continued to stare at the edge of the roof until a slow smile broke across his face and he raised his eyes to meet hers. "Almost. There's just one more thing."

Mac furrowed her brow in confusion. "What's that?"

With the shining, innocent face of a child, Dick asked, "Do you think you could get used to calling me Richard, or maybe Rich? I'm done with being a Dick."

Mac threw back her head and laughed and then reached out her hand inviting him up. "I think I could manage that, Rich. Now lets go buy me breakfast and then I need to go to bed so I'm all energized for our date tonight."

Richard grabbed her hand and jumped up, feeling giddy. "Our date, huh? Is that so? Well then, damn right you'll need your energy for tonight, babe." He waggled his eyebrows at her. "C'mon, let's go get you fed and well rested. I have a feeling you'll need as much energy as you can get."

Mac, following his lead, replied back in her best Scarlett O'Hara accent. "Why Richard! I do believe you're making inappropriate advances toward me, sir. Whatever shall the others think of my reputation?"

"That you're too good for me and that I'm the luckiest guy in the world," he answered her, completely seriously. Dick tugged on Mac's arm and spun her towards him, catching her by the waist. He reached a hand up to cup her cheek and brought his face mere inches from hers.

"You want this, Mackie? You're sure?"

Mac nodded, licking her lips unconsciously. "I'm sure. You?"

He kissed her gently in response, deepening the embrace when he felt her open up to him. Before things could get out of control, he pulled back barely an inch, panting for air.

"Come home with me? Just to sleep, I promise. I'm…scared of the dreams today."

She nodded but he needn't have worried. He never had another of those dreams again.