Shinji Gets An Android, an evangelion fanfic

HERBERT J SCHLOMICZAIHJIOANEGO PRESENTS

SHINJI GETS AN ANDROID

AUTHOR'S NOTE: This is a sequel to Shinji Gets an iPad, one of my previous works. I recommend that you read that first, otherwise you will be very, very confused.

It was a little less than a year after Gendo fucked Shinji in the ass for not getting him an iPad. Well, not really. They had been fucking for that whole time. Really. Dr. Phil then said "Really"

"Wow, that… was actually pretty good" Shinji said, somehow still able to masturbate after all of that.

AS- never mind, you guys are probably sick of that gag by now.

"what the fuck shinji that was supposed to be punishment for not getting me an ipad" Gendo said.

"I loved it, actually!" Shinji said, seriously scaring Gendo at this point.

"But YOU WERE ON FIRE!" Gendo pointed out.

"Yeah, but it doesn't matter…" Shinji said as Gendo was running for the hills. He then decided to spread his story everywhere, telling the world of his amazing experience.

The next day, Shinji founded the Being Fucked In The Ass By Your Abusive Father Is Awesome Foundation (the BFITABYAFIAF for short). He got onto a pedestal in front of all of the citizens of Tokyo-3, grabbed a microphone, and screamed "BEING FUCKED IN THE ASS BY YOUR ABUSIVE FATHER IS AWESOME!"

Suffice to say, the public didn't really approve of Shinji's statements.

In fact, Shinji's statement made pretty much the whole world hate him. Earth itself hated him. When he tried to go biking, earthquakes happened to make him fall and get bruised up. Because Earth itself hated Shinji. One day, Shinji was in his room crying (surprise, surprise) about how he didn't want everyone to hate him and a bunch of other stupid shit because it's Shinji. This pissed the Earth off SO much that it actually grew a hand and grabbed Shinji. "WHA- WHAT IS HAPPENING? IS THIS AN ANGEL?"

"No" said a mysterious figure that appeared in front of him.

It was CAPTAIN PLANET!

HE'S OUR HERO!

GONNA TAKE POLLUTION DOWN TO ZERO!

HE'S OUR POWERS MAGNIFIED!

AND HE'S FIGHTING ON

THE PLANET'S SIDE!

CAPTAIN PLANET!

HE'S OUR HERO!

GONNA TAKE POLLUTION DOWN TO ZERO!

GONNA HELP HIM PUT ASUNDER

BAD GUYS WHO LIKE TO LOOT AND PLUNDER!

"YOU'LL PAY FOR THIS, CAPTAIN PLANET!" Looten Plunder said.

"Captain Planet? Is that you?" Shinji asked.

Captain Planet responded "I just wanted to say that THE POWER IS YOURS! But it isn't. Fuck you, Shinji" Captain Planet then got Ma-Ti to fling Shinji all the way to the moon. Turns out Ma-Ti is actually good for something after all. Flinging whiny anime boys to the moon.

When Shinji landed on the moon, he did nothing but cry. Cry all day, cry all night. Cry all gray, cry all flight. Cry about this, cry about that. Cry about piss. Cry about tat.

"You understand my plight, right, Buzz Aldrin?" Shinji said to Buzz Aldrin, who was on the moon to collect rocks or some shit.

"You said that you like pedophilia, you sick fuck" Buzz Aldrin said. "And what is is is is is"

Shinji went to the other side of the moon to cry about it even more, as not even Buzz Aldrin would agree with him. "WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA THE WORLD HATES ME WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA" Shinji screamed. Don't worry folks, he's just as whiny as before.

As he was screaming, he saw to lights beam at him. This was the dark side of the moon, so lights are pretty weird sight. They looked like eyes staring at Shinji. Because they were. A weird figure showed up in front of Shinji, with a huge top hat and 86 handlebar moustaches.

"Hello my name is Bily Bob and I have taken over the earth I will make everything bad now DIE SHINJIIIIIIIIII" Bily Bob said as he pulled down his pants and opened his asscheeks and sucked Shinji into his asshole.

"WHAT ARE YOU DOING!?" Shinji screamed as he was sucked into Bily Bob's asshole. After Shinji got sucked in, Bily Bob put his pants back on, and assessed the situation.

"Time-and-space-portal asshole. Never leave home without it!" Bily Bob said as he laughed maniacally. He was the king of Earth, and was going to do bad things.

"…Shinji…"

Shinji was unconscious when he heard a familiar voice say his name.

"…Shinji…"

"…wake up…"

The voice was familiar.

Shinji recognized this voice as Rei's voice.

"…Rei?" Shinji said

"Shinji, wake up…"

Calmed by Rei's voice, Shinji woke up to see a giant horrifying arachnid-dinosaur hybrid staring him in the face. It had enormous blood-stained pincers and a stinger the size of Luxembourg. Also, it was voiced by Amanda Winn Lee.

"Hi, Shinji" it said to Shinji. Shinji had no words.

"Bily Bob and his minions have seized the island of the space-time continuum" The horrifying monster said.

"WHAT ARE YOU?!" Shinji screamed. Like a pussy. But not like a cat. Because that would be screaming "MEOW!" Duh. STOOPID.

"It is written, 'Only Shinji can defeat Bily Bob'. Now go, Shinji, to the American Revolution, where your destiny awaits!"

The horrifying Amanda Winn Lee monster then sucked Shinji into its own asshole. "NOT AGAIN!" Shinji said, sounding more disappointed than anything else.

Shinji woke up on an old-timey bed. He saw a spiky figure laying right next to him, but could barely make it out. He couldn't find the light switch because it's the 1700s. STOOPID. But sure enough, a candle lit by the bed, revealing the spiky figure to be Sonic the Hedgehog. Dressed like a hooker.

"pay for the right amount of fast" Sonic said.

Shinji, upon hearing this, jumped out of the window and crashed onto the streets. He was in Boston, in the middle of the American Revolution. A couple Redcoats passed by him, muttering about fish and chips.

Shinji had no idea what any of this was about, because he's Japanese and didn't learn about the American Revolution. Well, I don't actually know if they teach that in Japanese schools, maybe they do, maybe they don't, but Shinji's teacher didn't teach anything about that.. Shinji's teacher hates America. And the UK. And everywhere but Japan, really.

Especially the Jews.

Anyway, Shinji decided to ask one of the Redcoats what the hell was going on. "What the hell was going on?" Shinji asked.

"Wut do ya think m8" the Redcoat said.

"Well, I don't know…" Shinji said, fearing to tell them about how he's from the future because they wouldn't believe him.

"WANKAH!" the redcoat screamed at Shinji. He then ran off because he saw some tea and crumpets.

Shinji was lost, and it was the middle of the night, and he had nowhere to go, AND PROM'S TOMORROW! So he went to the pub and decided to get drunk as hell.

"Gimme a drink, bartender" Shinji said, eager to find out what Misato was on all this time.

So the bartender just gave Shinji a drink.

And Shinji drank it.

He glugged that shit up.

Glug glug glug.

Gluggity

Gluggggg

wow

woah

yae

tjg

…

"woah giuys luke waoodsaw dis good yes" shijni said

"You okay there mate?" one of the guys in the bar said.

"guys guys guys" Shinji said. "I wasssssss therew and saw it allllllllll" Shinji said as he got REALLY high.

…

"SHINJI!"

"WAKE UP!"

"AAAAAAAAGH! Shinji screamed as he woke up in a bunker of sorts. He saw a soldier standing next to him. "Come on, the redcoats are at Breed's Hill! We can't leave 'em waiting!"

"But I'm not in your army!" Shinji said.

"Yes you are, you signed up several days ago!" the soldier said. The soldier then showed Shinji this.

"So when I was drunk I signed up to be in the United Colonies Militia!?" Shinji said.

"Yeah, mate" the soldier said.

So Shinji grabbed his musket, got dressed, and headed out the door. He saw troops firing at each other, of course, because this was a battle. The Battle of Bunker Hill, of course. STOOPID. On the other side was a man we know as John Pitcairn, who was commanding the Royal Navy.

As the troops were firing muskets at each other, Shinji ran like a pussy. But he actually didn't run like a pussy. He ran at the Redcoats, actually. But don't worry, folks, it's still Shinji. He was masturbating while running at the Redcoats. Nobody shot him because they were too busy being weirded out that Shinji Ikari was masturbating to the Battle of Bunker Hill.

"Hello, Shinji" John Pitcairn said.

"How do you know my name?" Shinji asked.

"My great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandson Bily Bob came from the future to tell me that a whiny kid named Shinji Ikari was coming to try to kill me" Pitcairn explained. "Some viewers may find this disturbing. Viewer discretion is advised.

John Pitcairn then opened up his asscheeks, and a huge truck came out, which almost ran over Shinji.

Almost.

"SHIET!" "GODDAMMIT!" "SHEEEIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIT!" Pitcairn screamed as his plan was foiled. So he used his alien technology (Oh yeah, I forgot to mention that John Pitcairn is an alien. Whoops. Forgot to tell you all that) to send Shinji back to the future. John Pitcairn still died later that day, so Shinji's intervention was completely pointless.

In the future, well, 2015, so really the now, Shinji landed in a buggy in a remote jungle. Shinji heard someone say "Shinji, what the hell are you doing here, you stupid-ass?" It was Asuka, of course, and Rei and Kaworu were there, too. "We have to stop Bily Bob!" Shinji said. Asuka replied "Well, I don't know how we're gonna do that when we're stuck in Jurassic Park!"

"We're in Jurassic Park?" Shinji said.

"Yes. Jurassic Park." Rei said

"Jurassic Park?" Shinji said.

"Jurassic Park." Rei said.

"Jura-"

"We're not doing that routine again" Asuka said. "Anyway, NERV has collaborated with the people behind Jurassic Park because why not. Of course, though, the dinosaurs are out and we have to get off of the island!"

"Wait, so what did NERV do with the dinosaurs?" Shinji asked.

"See for yourself" Asuka said as she pointed out of the buggy at a Gendosaurus Rex. It was like a Tyrannosaurus Rex but with Gendo's head. "INSTRUMENTALITYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYYY" the Gendosaurus Rex roared. So then they did that famous scene from the movie, you know, with the chase and the rear-view mirror, and the "Ah-ah-ah! You didn'ts say the magic word!" Even though that last part wasn't in that scene. But that whole bit happened.

Anyway, Shinji and friends escaped the G-Rex by driving off of the island. They cheered at first, but then realized they were stuck in the ocean. The buggy was sinking.

"Great, NOW what will we do?!" Asuka screamed.

"The dolphins" Kaworu said.

Suddenly, dolphins came and guided them. And then they started to sing.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!"

'WE ARE THE CREATURES OF THE DEEP! WE ARE NOT CREEP! WE LOVE TO SING AND SLEEP! OOOOOOOOOOOOH!" Said song continued for 22 hours until they smacked the Shinji, Rei, Asuka and Kaworu into a sewage pipe. Shinji got covered in poop as a result.

Meanwhile, in Brooklyn, some guy was trying to take a shit when Shinji, Asuka, Rei and Kaworu came flying up his ass. But then they came out of his mouth. And out the window. And into the sky. And onto the moon. And off of the moon. And into Bily Bob's house.

"wel hello shijni we met again WHY ARE YOU MASTURBATING" Bily Bob said.

Yes, Shinji was jacking off again, this time with two hands. It's a sequel, after all. We have to up the ante a bit.

"Where do you get this power?" Shinji asked, both terrified and aroused.

"I get my power… FROM THIS!" Bily Bob said, revealing the Golden Flicker, a magical idol capable of immense multidimensional power. Before they could react, Bily Bob shot a lazor out of the Golden Flicker that vaporized and killed Rei, Asuka, and Kaworu.

"NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO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Shinji said.

"yes" Bily Bob said.

"You killed the only people I loved… and you didn't even leave any corpses for me to MASTURBATE TO!? DIE, BILY BOB!" Shinji screamed as he charged at Bily Bob, only for Bily Bob to kick him in the nuts. Except it didn't hurt much because Shinji's testicles were super-tiny.

And then Rei, Asuka and Kaworu came back to life somehow. "Hi Shinji" Rei said. "Hi Rei" Shinji said.

"You FOOLS do not understand the true power of the GOLDEN FLICKER!" Bily Bob screamed as he held it out to charge a giant lazor that would wipe them out for good.

But then Mario came into the room. He said "hey itsa me Mario I'm a shrooms addict just like every other fanfic" as he walked into the Golden Flicker and exploded, sending the idol into another dimension.

"Shinji, catch!" Rei said as she hurled an Android tablet at Shinji. But then it fell and the screen broke. Rei was a bad thrower. So Shinji then grabbed the Android tablet to smack the fuck out of Bily Bob with it.

Bily Bob was upset by this. "I will come back after you, Shinji!" he said.

"Ha. Goodbye, Bily Bob" Shinji said as he slammed Bily Bob's face with the Android Tablet, killing him in one blow.

Shinji and friends then walked out of the late Bily Bob's house and into the sunset. "Well, that all happened" Asuka said. Kaworu still didn't say anything. Shinji said, "Well, all's well that ends well, right?" and the crew laughed. Except for Kaworu. He had no idea why that sentence would be considered funny.

However, all was not well. Shinji and friends were arrested for murder and were thrown into prison. Shinji was upset about this, and went back to whining as usual. However, one of his cellmates, known as Gendo Ikari (arrested for child molestation), came up to him to speak some sense to him.

"Shinji…"

"D-Dad?"

"You saved us all. And I'm proud of you for that."

This was the first nice thing Gendo had ever said to Shinji. Ever.

"And I think I have something to reward you with." He unzipped his pants.

"Oh boy, here we go again" Shinji said.

THE END

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