Author's Note: This is probably stupid but I need to write it while my muse is on strike so I'll go ahead and publish and disappoint everybody.

Please let me know if it's worth publishing further chapters. (I'm currently writing Chapter 5 and it hasn't improved.)

For those following my previous story - I'm still trying to get my muse to talk to me again.

Chapter 1: Lunch

Her cell-phone rang and she rolled her eyes at the name brought up by Caller ID. "Beckett."

"Good morning, Detective Beckett. Can I say that the wrong side of the bed suits you this fine morning?" Insufferably smug jackass!

"What do you want, Castle? I'm busy. Or are you going to tell me you've decided to stop being a jackass and leave me alone to let me do my job in peace?"

Did she imagine he hesitated before continuing? "I was just wondering what your favourite coffee hit was this early in the morning."

She thought about hanging up but gritted her teeth as her eyes met the ceiling. "Why?"

"Because I'm just at that little coffee shop two blocks over getting one for myself and I thought I could pick one up for you while I'm here. It sounds like you really need it. What would you like?"

"Grande skim latte, two pumps sugar-free vanilla."

"Excellent taste, Detective."

"Oh, and can you get me a bearclaw while you're at it. Might make up for whatever you do today that makes my job that little bit harder."

Again he seemed to hesitate but then continued as annoyingly smug and infuriating as ever. "Certainly, one bearclaw and one grande skim latte, two pumps sugar-free vanilla coming up. I'll be there shortly."

"Wonderful," she muttered as she hung up and smiled in disbelief. That was almost human of him.

When he arrived at the precinct bearing his announced gifts she took hers, muttered "Thanks', then told him they were on their way to a crime scene at Blah-Blah Park.

On the way to the car, she took quick bites, deep sips and then gave them back to him to hold while she drove.

Now was as good a time as any to bring it up, so he said, "Any plans for lunch, Detective?"

How stupid was the man? "Well," she began, her tone that which she would use for a particularly challenged rookie, "we have a fresh body so if I'm not interviewing witnesses at the crime scene or in the vicinity or at the precinct I'll be at my desk or the murderboard going over the details to find something to lead us to the perp."

"But you have to have lunch."

"I'll eat at my desk."

"That's no good. You'll just gulp it down, won't be able to enjoy it, give yourself indigestion."

"What are you up to?"

"Nothing. I just think we should take a break at lunch, go to Remy's and get two of the finest burgers you will ever wrap your lips around."

"I've been to Remy's and I'd only be having one burger."

"No, I know. The other burger's for me."

"So why would I be wrapping my lips around your burger?"

He was biting down on his tongue so hard he didn't notice the smirk that travelled across her features then disappeared without a trace.

"In any case, I won't be going to Remy's with you but I'll allow you to bring our burgers back to my desk, if you like."

"I'll make it worth your while."

"How are you going to make a lunch date at Remy's worth my while?"

"I didn't say it was a date."

A beat, eyes on the road ahead. "Figure of speech."

He hesitated then ploughed on. "Believe me, Detective, when we have finished our… 'date'… you will be overjoyed, you will be ecstatic, you will be thanking me… or at least not cursing me out like you usually do."

"I don't curse you out."

"I have excellent hearing. Your under-the-breath mumbling isn't as soft as you think it is."

"And it's not a date."

"So you'll come?"

"What will make me so happy that I will be thanking you at the end of our—not-a-date? Oh, have you really decided to stop following me around because if that's the case then I won't be just thanking you, I'll probably kiss you."

"Just a kiss?"

"Don't get ahead of yourself, buster. It's our first not-a-date."

"A guy can dream."

"What is this about, Castle?"

"We need to talk about Nikki."

"Who's Nikki?"

"Nikki Heat. The character I'm basing on you."

She was furious. "Nikki Heat?"

"Yeah, it's great, isn't it?"

"Change it, Castle."

"No."

"You are not calling a character based on me 'Nikki Heat'."

"Done deal, Beckett."

They were at the crime scene. "This is not over. We'll be talking about this at lunch."

"Name's non-negotiable."

"And you are buying me the biggest, most expensive, most delicious shake they have on the menu."

"No problem."

"And you may need to add a few dinners to that as well."

"Twisted my arm."

"At Claudio's."

"I've already sold my mother for next Christmas and Alexis for New Year but if there's anything you'd like to put up as collateral I'm sure a deal can be worked out."

She rolled her eyes and turned her focus to the crime scene. "What have we got, Lanie?"

He had given her a headache. He was attached to the name and there was nothing she was able to say to make him change his mind.

"I'll be a laughing stock."

"Since when does Kate Beckett care what people think of her?"

"You've known me four weeks, Castle. Zip it."

"Four very productive weeks, Detective."

"Depends which side of my job you're standing."

He hesitated and knew the moment had arrived.

"So how was the burger?"

"Delicious."

"And the shake?"

"Beautiful."

"Good. Excellent. Glad you've enjoyed the meal."

"I enjoyed the meal. Didn't much enjoy the conversation."

"You'll get over it especially now I've come to the bit that is going to make you so happy."

"I wouldn't count on that."

"And just so you know, I am totally open for kissing if you really do feel the urge."

"Kiss this, Castle."

"Why, Detective, is that an invitation?"

"Get on with it. We've got to get back. Well, I've got to get back. You can do whatever the hell you like."

She didn't notice his grin flicker momentarily but then the cover was in place and all seemed normal to her.

"I have but four words to say to you. Well, four words split into two sections of two words each, plus commentary, explanation and embellishment, if necessary."

"Is that how you do your writing, Castle? Throw a bunch of words at the page and have your publisher come along and cut out the crap?"

"Okay," and he was suddenly serious. "I'll cut out the crap. Thank you."

"What for?"

"For putting up with me following you, annoying you, making your job a little bit harder."

"Not like I had a choice."

"No, you didn't, and that segues into the other two words I have to say. I'm sorry."

Her face froze and she knew it looked as if she was glaring at him but she thought she knew where this was going.

"You were right this morning. I have decided to stop being a jackass and leave you alone to let you do your job in peace."