Why Wizards Hide From Muggles

A Harry Potter crackthing

By

EvilFuzzy9

Rating: K+

Genre: Humor

Characters/Pairings: Ron; [N/A]

Summary: A book report by Ron Weasley.

Okay, since a CERTAIN SOMEONE has been nagging me to actually write this bloody thing, I guess I might as well do it.

So, why wizards hide from muggles. Or, why we have that whole International Statute of Secrecy, I guess.

So, let's see. Um.

Well. A really long time ago, Hermione says wizards and muggles used to be the same thing, because everyone was just cavemen back then. Except, you know, that when some cavemen hit their food over the head with a club, sometimes it would change colors or sprout extra appendages. Which was cool, and I guess the cave-muggles must have thought it wasn't too weird at first.

At first.

Of course, for a while things were great, and everyone got along and painted cave-pictures on their cave-walls. But then a lot of time passed and some jerks decided to be jerks and pick on the guys who could make weird things happen by hitting people with sticks, and so the cave-wizards decided they'd really rather not hang around with these cave-muggles any longer.

... ... ... except now Hermione's telling me that wizards didn't split off from muggles until way later, like during the Middle Ages. Which is weird, because that means that wizards and muggles must have been living together for a really long time.

Mental, isn't it?

So, okay. Um, I guess back in Ancient Egypt, of course, the pharaoh had his court magicians who could transfigure their sticks into snakes, and there was Moses who could turn his own staff into a bigger snake that ate the other snakes...

Well, of course like half of the people in the Bible were witches and wizards. Eve was a Parselmouth after all, wasn't she? And Elijah had a really good wandless incendio. But everyone knows that.

... ... ... and NOW Hermione's telling me that muggles have the Bible too. That's just mind-boggling, that is. How does it make any sense to them if they don't even know magic exists? Blimey.

Er.

I seem to have completely forgotten what I was going to say next. And, no, of course this isn't a ploy to meet my quota without actually having to put any real thought into my essay, why would you ask?

Ah, right. Now I recall.

So, anyway, I guess that at some point during the Middle Ages some berk must've decided it would be real fun to go terrorizing muggles with their magic, so then muggles got scared of wizards and started up their witch hunts, which weren't very effective (except for young wizards and witches who couldn't actually cast flame-freezing charms and wow that is actually horrifying and depressing bloody hell).

Er.

Well, anyway, disregarding the horrifically depressing mental images I've just given myself...

Eventually, Wizards decided that living with muggles wasn't worth the witch hunts, and the anti-muggle nuts were all hollering to go and wipe out the muggles, so the ICW got together and signed the International Statute of Secrecy, and wizards and witches everywhere moved their houses into hiding. And somehow, eventually, we wound up with what we have today.

I feel sorry for whoever had to obliviate all the muggles.

A/N: I sincerely cannot understand why some people seem to hate Ron so damn much. He is the quintessential teenager, and a man after my own heart. XD

(I should never write when drowsy LOL)

Updated: 1-6-15

TTFN and R&R!

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