I've become tired of wasting my time
Thinkin' about choices that I've made
Cause I can't move forward while looking behind
The only thing I can do now is change the way that I used to be
Cause now it's seems crystal clear to me
You're so much more than a memory
Yes, you're so much more than a memory
It wasn't fair for me just to go
And act like I knew what you've been though
Cause I wasn't there and I'll never know
Couldn't see from your point of view
But I'm doing all I can for you to see
That I understand, that I understand...

- Hoobastank

"...At least, not for my sake," she finished wistfully, while Hiccup could just stand there and wonder why had it never possibly occurred to him before.

Oh Odin, it was so blatantly obvious! Hiccup had no clue as to why he hadn't figured it earlier. Of course, he had been concerned of other people's responses (especially if, worse case scenario, it became violent and he wasn't there to do any sort damage control, let alone protect Elsa), it just didn't occur to him that she would too. He had been so focused on her fear of accidentally hurting someone that he had never considered that perhaps she was also scared of getting hurt herself as well.

What an idiot he'd been! He felt so stupid and ignorant, and that was completely inexcusable. How could he say he wanted to help her when he only just noticed that now?!

'But at least you did realise-' a voice whispered in his ear and he swore to Odin, it belonged to Astrid, '-and isn't it always better late than never?'

The Viking was certain he was starting to go crazy, hearing his deceased wife's voice again in just a matter of days, and yet, somehow, it was comforting. Even if his mind was making delusions, he would like to think, even in death, she could still be by his side, if only to offer a few words of encouragement. It was sad and pathetic, but it was all he had right in this moment and he'd be damned before he allowed his own grief to get in the way of helping Elsa.

Except, now he wasn't sure if his reassurances would be enough. What could he do?

'Isn't it obvious?' Astrid's voice teased, and if he had not been there for her funeral and the shoot the first arrow, Hiccup would have been convinced she was standing behind him. He briefly glanced over his shoulder to check and saw nothing, just as he had expected. Yep, he was definitely losing his mind.

'Tell her of your childhood days, the loneliness and rejection you often felt from all of us before you found Toothless,' his wife continued and he wondered how much longer he would be able to keep a straight face without concerning Elsa or Toothless before he would finally crack. 'Tell her of Stoick and how strained your relationship was and how you still blame yourself for his death, even though you know you shouldn't. Open yourself up, Hiccup. Let her see your own suffering too...'

He hadn't expected to hear that, but even still, he knew without question, that it was his only option; Elsa had opened so much to him, revealing her scars and baring her soul to him, it was time he did the same. It would be hard and painful (agonising, in all honesty), and yet, if it could help her, then he would gladly do it.

Talk about masochism at its finest.

"I understand," he murmured, finally breaking the silence, and he did this time, he really did, "It's scary reaching out to people and letting down your defences, especially if you know they could hurt you."

Elsa's blue eyes widened, having not expecting him to say that. Before she could respond though, Hiccup continued, "I know, because I used to be like that. To Berk, I was a burden. To my father, a disappointment. It hurts, not being accepted by others for just being who you are... I would try to protect myself with sarcasm and by keeping a distance from everyone and finding different ways to pass the time, but deep down, I was just lonely and tired of always getting rejected."

It was strange, talking about this part of his life to someone who wasn't connected to Berk, yet it felt good, therapeutic even.

"I can't even begin to tell you how many times I thought about running away just to start a new life; how I used to think how it would be better for everybody if I just left so I wouldn't keep messing things up—so I wouldn't keep disappointing my dad..." he admitted out loud for the second time in his life; he had only told one other person before and that was Astrid during one of the nights following Stoick's death when he'd had too much to drink. Even in his drunken state, he would never forget the pained expression on her face, one currently mirrored on Elsa's own and he really hated making the same mistake twice.

"But when I met Toothless everything changed," he proceeded with his story, not wanting to upset the maiden with his pathetic tale of woe. "Toothless gave me something I never had a before: a friend. He was the first one to ever accept me for who I was instead of what I was—he didn't care that I was the worst Viking Berk had ever seen, or that I was an outcast, or a constant screw-up, or a skinny runt who couldn't even get one lousy moment of attention from a girl."

He let out a self-deprecating chuckle before he shook the negative thoughts out of his head and stared at Elsa with an earnest look, "No, he accepted me for just being me, and he also made me realise that I was capable of loving and being loved; for that, I'll be forever grateful."

That was when the Night Fury decided to get involved into the conversation by nudging his head against Hiccup's side as a sign of affection, to which the Chief smiled warmly at and rubbed the black dragon's head back in response.

"I love you too, Bud." He spoke and directed his attention onto the fair maiden again. "After that, everything fell in place. I started making friends, I became accepted by my tribe and people even started looking to me for guidance. Then, once we had defeated the Red Death, I became a hero, but most importantly, my father didn't look at me with that disappointed scowl anymore."

"Turns out we just needed a little more of... this."

"You just gestured to all of me."

The rider could still remember, with a painful longing, that warm smile Stoick had worn in that moment; that twinkle in his eyes and that soft expression on his usually worn face which Hiccup could only describe as fatherly pride. It made him ache in a bitter-sweet sort of way—bitter-sweet because had it not been for him, with his stupid idealism, boar-headedness, and naivety, Stoick would not have had to put his life on the line for the sake of his son. There had been another incident a few years prior when the late Chief had almost died and Hiccup could recall having lost his mind from the guilt.

If only he had known what would happen eventually...

"Over time, as Berk started to coincide with the dragons, I began to lead the dragon riders, and we learnt more about all of the dragon species out there. We've had so many adventures and have made so many friends and foes that we had to write each one down just so we could recall them all. Everything was going well for those five years, and then…" he paused, dreading what he would have to say next; "I turned twenty and dad had decided that he wanted to retire so I could become Chief."

"How did you take it?" Elsa inquired, curious.

"Terribly," he sighed, "I wasn't ready. I wanted to keep exploring new lands, see new things, keep making my map of the world, and most importantly... I just wanted to find out who I really was. After all, I certainly wasn't like my father and I hadn't even met my mother by that point. So I just kept running away, trying to avoid the topic."

His shoulders slumped with shame as he spoke. "I know it was childish, but I didn't know what else to do at the time. I was so scared of taking on my father's role, because I felt like I would never be able to match up to him. He was so great, so brave, so selfless—someone who always looked out for the needs of the many, despite his own reservations—and then there was me; a one-legged fish-bone who was stupid enough to believe that he was some great peace-keeper who could try to talk sense into a deranged psychopath."

"Men who kill without reason cannot be reasoned with," Stoick cautioned with a firm voice, even after that brief moment of vulnerability he displayed from recalling his horrific encounter with Drago.

Hiccup couldn't deny that hearing about such a senseless act of violence left him feeling rattled, especially since he had not been aware of his father's near death experience until now, or the immense sorrow he would have felt having watch his fellow comrades be killed mercilessly in front of his very own eyes and being left as the sole survivor. Still, he would not allow himself to be deterred. Like he had said earlier, it was their duty to keep the peace and he would be damned before he would let his fellow tribesmen and their dragons go to war over something that could be resolved through words instead of fire and death.

"Maybe," Hiccup simply replied as he turned his back to his father and walked towards Toothless.

"Hiccup-!" the Viking Chief all but growled, and yet, the rider paid no heed to his father's warning. He appreciated his dad's concern and although he more than understood that Stoick was only thinking about what was best for Berk, Hiccup needed to try—otherwise, he would regret it for the rest of his living days.

"I'm still going to try," he replied as he clambered onto the Night Fury's back. Once he positioned himself correctly, he looked at Stoick with the most earnest expression he could wear and said, "This is what I'm good at; and- and if I can change your mind, I can change his too."

Even now as the conversation played within his head, Hiccup still couldn't help but feel like a complete idiot for not heeding his father's warning. He had literally told Hiccup that Drago had killed several Viking Chiefs, without batting an eye, all for simply mocking him (an act, although incredibly foolish, certainly did not deserve a deadly response) and yet, somehow the dragon trainer had still believed there could have been a peaceful resolution.

What a fool he had been...

"I had tried tracking Drago down, despite my dad's wishes, and instead, by some stoke of fate, I encountered my mother instead."

Elsa's lips parted as she blinked in surprise, until her nose crinkled and her eyebrows furrowed, a more thoughtful expression crossing her features. "You mentioned that she had been abducted during a dragon raid," she paused, before asking delicately, "how could she have possibly survived?"

"Well it turns out that Cloudjumper, the dragon which had taken her, had never intended to harm my mother in the first place, and had instead, taken her back to its nest." Hiccup answered, "So for twenty years, while we had all assumed she was dead, mum had been working as a crazy, feral vigilante—rescuing dragons and rehabilitating them in that same nest, as a sanctuary, ruled by an alpha Bewilderbeast."

"For twenty years!?" the fair maiden gasped, shocked. A sad look then crossed her features, and she said, "But that- that's a lifetime! And you're saying that she had spent her whole time rescuing dragons, but not once ever coming to visit you to let you or your father know that she was okay?"

The Viking couldn't help but flinch. Although it was true, hearing it didn't sting any less.

Elsa must have realised she had hit a sore spot because she promptly started to apologise.

"No don't," Hiccup assured, not wanting her to be upset on his behalf, "It's exactly as you say; mum chose dragons over her family. It didn't bother me at the time, because I was just too happy to have finally met her and find someone who shared my same passions, but then dad & Gobber, who had been looking for me, finally tracked me down and things started to get complicated."

Elsa's blue eyes widened, "So your parents were reunited? How did your father respond?"

"You're as beautiful as the day I lost you."

"He was shocked," he explained with a faint smile, "However, once it wore off, he was just genuinely grateful to see her again."

Running his left hand over the heather, he reminisced over his parents brief reunion, how they danced and sang and loved even after all those long years—it was bitter-sweet and Hiccup sorely wished he had some ale to get rid of the taste.

"For just a short time, it seemed like everything would be okay," he murmured, unable to look at Elsa, feeling his heart beginning to ache. "Dad had managed to convince mum to return to Berk for us and for a moment, I really thought that we could finally be a family. For real. But then..."

'It all fell apart,' his mind concluded for him as his smile slipped away. It still hurt thinking about what could have been—the chance to have both of his parents well and together, happily married and him, getting the chance to experience something he had painfully longed for since he was a little boy; a loving family. Stoick had done his best to provide for his only son, but it had never erased the aching longing Hiccup had often felt as a younger boy when he had watched the other children with both their parents. He could even recall asking his father once if they would get a new mum, and his father had replied, with such a tender tone that Hiccup could only now wholly empathise with, that he would only ever want Valka.

The Chief sighed again and removed his hand from the flowers to rub his eyes whilst reflecting on what he would say next. He didn't like remembering it, let alone talking about it, but he understood perfectly well that it wouldn't be fair to Elsa not to tell her, especially since she's revealed so many of her own painful memories. He didn't mean it in the form of repayment or calling it even, just the suggestion made his stomach squirm, but he wanted to reveal his own scars to her in the hopes she would understand she wasn't alone.

"Drago and his army had managed to find us, and attacked the dragon sanctuary. His goal to draw out Bewilderbeast and take our dragons," Hiccup drawled. "Fortunately, some of our own had shown up as reinforcements, and we all fought the onslaught as valiantly as possible, however, his Alpha killed the Bewilderbeast and it just all went to ruin."

Glancing over to Elsa's direction, he could tell she was visibly upset and he found himself unwillingly reliving the awful memory. He could still remember the chilling horror he had felt upon seeing the late Alpha's fallen form, and the devastation, also anger, that soon followed—the loss of truly a magnificent creature, and for what? Just so more dragons could be used as pawns in a mad man's deranged game?

It's funny; just before he had asked himself how people could be so damn cruel, but after remembering Drago right now, the young Viking knew there was no sense in pondering, because despite all of his optimism, he had realised that there are people who were just made like that, born without a shred of remorse or decency, who thrived on the thought of causing such fear and carnage—people, without a single hope of redemption—and Hiccup had been stupid enough to belief he could help someone like that.

Even now it still kills him knowing that his efforts had been all for naught. If only there was a way for him to punch some sense into his younger self...

"I had finally encountered Drago and tried to stop his crazy plans. I told him that the world didn't want a war, it wanted peace and that it was possible," he continued, "I tried to convince him to come to Berk so he could see our way of life and understand that there was another way, but it was exactly as my dad had said... he could not be reasoned with."

"Some people just want to see the world burn," Elsa simply retorted with a forlorn expression and Hiccup's insides churned unpleasantly at the all too true statement, sorely wishing he had understood that back then before he had placed himself in such a reckless situation.

"I know that now," he agreed, "But... I was just so confident that I could change his mind. After all, if I could change the minds of my tribesmen on Berk, people who were so deeply set in their ways in such a short time, then how hard could it be to change the mindset of one man?"

He forced his eyes shut and bowed his head as he muttered, "Gods, I was so freakin' stupid."

"Witness true strength," those callous words still rung through his ears, full of jeer and indifference, "The strength of will over others. In the face of it, you are nothing!"

Despite his warped views, Drago had made a valid point: To be able to will others into submission despite their size or strength, was an impressive feat indeed, no matter how despicably he had used said skill.

It was ironic: Hiccup had tried so hard to prevent any sort of bloodshed, but his pacifism had cost Stoick his life and had put Berk in great jeopardy. Even when he'd known of the imminent threat looming, the dragon rider had still chosen to gallivant around with his mum, having the time of his life whilst Drago had managed to gather his army and claim control of an Alpha.

"No, not just stupid; I was stubborn and proud as well," he murmured, shaking his head, "I prided myself in being the peacemaker because I knew I was good at it and I had managed to resolve problems so many times before... I just didn't want to accept that it wouldn't be enough for this time. And because of that..."

He'd lost his father, his Chief, his mentor, and any semblance of innocence he might have still had.

"Dad took the plasma blast for me..." he finished thickly, his eyes stinging and his chest heavy with guilt. "Children should never die before their parents but they sure as Hel shouldn't die protecting them from their own reckless mistakes either."

"Hiccup..." Elsa whispered, yet he couldn't bring himself to look at her. He was too ashamed of his misgivings and he just couldn't bare to look at her face for fear of seeing pity, or worse, disappointment. He's already dealt with enough of that from his peers, his family, and his wife. Enough to last a lifetime—he couldn't handle it if he had to see it from her too.

What he hadn't expected, however, was a gentle yet hesitant hand pressed on his shoulder. Astounded, he turned to look at her, only to find her giving him a melancholic smile. He raised his other hand to his shoulder and carefully covered her dainty one with his own in response, genuinely touched by her small gesture of comfort.

"I still blame myself everyday," he admitted, his voice raw and brittle, "Mum and everyone else tell me that Stoick was not only doing his duty as a father, but also protecting the future of Berk, and that I need to make peace with myself, but they weren't the ones responsible."

Toothless whined and Hiccup knew this was opening old wounds for the Night Fury as well, but he couldn't stop now. When other people tried talking to him in the past, he would get defensive and shut them out, promptly dropping the topic; he mostly certainly didn't want to hear their insistence's of "It wasn't your fault!" or "Please, you need to let it go!" because what the Hel did they know?

They hadn't watched someone that they loved and looked up to be taken away in an instant, right before their eyes, just because they made a mistake. They didn't understand the emotions that engulfed him at any passing moment of the day, nor the tears that threaten to leak out of his eyes at the drop of a hat, even though he had no explanation as to why.

Or most painfully, that he constantly wished he could go back to that moment and rectify everything so he no longer had to dream about his father surviving and everything being okay again, only for him to wake up and realise the grim reality he lived in, ultimately having to force himself to accept another day without Stoick.

Hiccup didn't want words of kindness or comfort to ease his suffering, he just wanted someone to understand.

"I even blamed Toothless for a minute," he confessed, "Which wasn't fair. It wasn't his fault, I knew that, but I was too wrapped up by grief to think clearly. I still regret that..."

The dragon crooned sadly in response and nuzzled against him, before looking at him with those soulful green eyes, and leaving Hiccup with a pang to the chest.

"I'm sorry, Bud," he apologised, patting the Night Fury's head, "I should have never spoken to you like that. I know you would never have hurt him on purpose." Closing his eyes, he rested his forehead against Toothless' own for a moment before he murmured lowly, "After all, it was my fault he died."

The black dragon cooed sympathetically, as if to say to rebut against Hiccup's claim, and the rider was so grateful to have such a forgiving and compassionate companion. "Thanks Bud," he spoke softly and turned his attention to Elsa again.

"I've never been able to talk about dad's death with anyone back on Berk," he continued and he could tell the fair maiden was stunned by his admission. "Because they would just try to say I should stop blaming myself and I know I shouldn't—but it still doesn't make the guilt or pain go away..."

Carefully removing their hands off his shoulder, he lifted his other one and encased her hand entirely, Elsa blushed but he was too busy savouring the softness of her skin to notice. "It's selfish of me to ask you to come with us, I understand," he acknowledged, "Especially since the way you've been treated by others in the past... But I want to show you that there's still people out there that accept you for who you are."

Staring earnestly into her gorgeous, sky blue eyes with his own green ones, he gave a wry grin and added, "After all, if after hundreds of years of blood shed, Berk could finally make peace with dragons and accept a walking fish-bone as their leader, then it wouldn't be much more of a stretch for them to accept a woman who can make ice and snow."

A silence swept through the trio and but rather than creating a sense of awkwardness or discomfort, it instead brought a sense of calm Hiccup had not been expecting. He felt a bit lighter after finally saying what was on his chest without someone trying to shove their words of sympathy down his throat like back home. Even though he appreciated that the people around him had just been trying to look out for his well-being, that hadn't been what he needed; he just wanted someone to actually listen and empathise (not sympathise) why he felt the way he did—and Elsa was that perfect someone. She more than understood what it was like to carry the blood of a loved one on her hands and to be driven by guilt and despair. Even though he knew it was hypocritical of him to dismiss any words or gestures of comfort when he himself had done nothing but give Elsa the same treatment, he had still had people around him constantly and many tasks to keep his mind focused, while the fair maiden had no one or nothing to offer her any comfort or distraction.

If their situations roles had been reversed, he was certain he would have struggled to survive at this point.

"You certainly have a way with words," Elsa finally said, her blush still visible and he thought she looked positively adorable. "No doubt an excellent quality in a leader. Alright, you win, I admit my defeat; I'll come with you back to Berk."

Hiccup felt his heart leap at her words and couldn't stop the grin from spreading across his face, or the joy flooding throughout his veins. He actually did it; he actually managed to convince her to say yes! Toothless too was obviously delighted by the news because before the Viking could react, the Night Fury pounced on the couple, promptly knocking both of them to the ground and proceeded to lick not only his own face, but Elsa's too, much to her dismay.

"Argh! Why do you do this every… single… time! Alright, alright! Off boy!" He managed to push Toothless away to which the dragon simply crooned. "Way to go and ruin a moment, you good-for-nothing reptile," Hiccup grumbled under his breath as he tried to swipe away the spittle to no avail, before he decided to focus on Elsa instead, hoping she wasn't too traumatised by the Night Fury's enthusiastic response.

"Sorry about that," he apologised as he helped her up and chuckled lightly as she struggled to rid her face of the obnoxious goo as well. "But at least you know that he's excited to see you come back with us."

"I would have preferred without the saliva, thank you very much," she quipped as she kept wiping her cheeks, her efforts in vain. That is, until she had enough and actually froze the dragon secretion and flicked it away with her wrist.

"Neat trick," he drawled, vaguely jealous she could rid of the saliva so easily. What would take days and countless washing and scrubbing for him, she achieved in mere seconds.

Of course, what he had not been expecting was for the ice maiden to give him a playful look and tap her index finger against his sticky cheek. He yelped as he felt a chill spread across his face and quickly realised what was frost before she waved her hand and the cold sensation was gone. He placed a hand on his face and sure enough, it was completely dry and free of any adhesive residue.

"Thanks," he replied gratefully, "You need to teach me how to do that."

Elsa simply laughed in response; fruity and enticing and oh Thor, this woman was certainly going to be his undoing…

'Odin help me now.'

Author's Notes: Well here we are once again, another chapter done and dusted. Elsa has finally said YES! I had been thinking about going more depth into Hiccup's turmoil, it seemed kinda unnecessary, although Maxaro (my voice of reason) did point out that a lot of people on Berk would be able to empathise with Hiccup. Which is true, however, sometimes when we're going through grief we don't want to talk about it to those closest to us - and sometimes it's a lot easier to confide in a stranger (which is what Elsa is essentially is) people they don't have to fear any bias. Besides, it helps that Elsa completely understands what it's like to lose a loved one because of her own doing. Who knows? Maybe I'm just trying to justify my poor/lazy writing, lol.

So whose going crazy over the brand new Frozen 2 trailer? I lost my mind over the teaser, but the official trailer left me shook. My Hiccelsa mind has already been concocting ways to incorporate TS into it... Guilty as charged!

Now time for the shout outs:

First and foremost to Maxaro for always doing the editing of his own free time and effort into ensuring this story can be the best it can possibly be. Thank you, Max, I might be the author but you're the MVP here.

Next is Margaret Helstone for sending me awesome Hiccelsa pics for during and completing this chapter and inspiring me to continue regardless. Love you, you nagging, whiny, brilliant woman.

A shout out to Petit Fantome. Happy birthday, Hun, hope you enjoyed this chapter! (Yes I know this is almost two months overdue, but at least it's done.) Even though, we haven't talked for long, you're becoming one of my favourite people (and it helps you ship Hiccelsa as much as I do!)

Another shout out to Avatar Africa who is the very reason I got into Hiccelsa. Happy birthday to you too! Hope this chapter might sate your addiction for now.

But most importantly, thank you to everyone who has continuously stuck by my side during this journey. It hasn't always been busy and I'm not the most frequent updater, but reading your reviews always make me smile and know that I want to keep going. Your kindness and support is a genuine blessing - and I'm grateful to have you guys as my readers. Thank you again.

Until next time.