A/N Thanks for all the reviews, follows and favorites, guys and gals! I appreciate you guys taking the time to do that. Here's another chapter from our one and only lazy-ass ninja!

Enjoy!

….

The snowy Frostback Mountains, or called the "Frozen Teeth" by the dwarves, were merciless. It was more often than not snowing heavily, but not quite blizzardy. Today was a lucky day for Naruto who wore vests with no covering. The main reason he wore a vest with nothing below it most of the time was because of his abnormally high body temperature, it resting at 107 degrees. He was looking around curiously, however. The snowy terrain was also nice.

Naruto always did have a way with words when asking questions at the times he was curious.

"The fuck is this."

A pause.

"The fuck is that."

Another pause.

"The fuck are those."

These were the real questions and no one but Naruto was willing to ask them as he, Celeste, Cassandra, and a contingent of soldiers made their way towards the breach.

Then again, everyone else already knew the answers to those questions, so to them there was no point in even asking them.

But to Naruto, the questions mattered! They mattered more than sex-!

Bah, who the hell was he kidding, sex was number one on his list, something to smoke number two and drinking number three, and then there was solace. Then again, solace only complimented the first three because he could fuck in solace, drink in solace, and smoke in solace, that was why he wanted solace, but only enough for him, because, well, fuck just about everyone else.

Asking questions wasn't even a contender to become on the list, but right now, it'd be damn helpful if he had some answers.

But noooo, he just had to make a deal to where had to actually help someone to receive something.

It was like a heroic quest or whatever bullshit fate decided to put in his way.

Even something as minute as this, Naruto discovered quests fucking sucked.

Just, c'mon! Give it to me! Why do I actually have to work for something?!

"Um, Naruto?" the blonde heard a voice call to him making him look to his left to see Celeste in her ever-intimidating form, looking back at him, trying to decipher why he was making choking gestures with his hands in front of him, almost in Cassandra's direction.

Naruto blinked with his one open eye before focusing on what was in front of him and slowly putting down his hands.

"You saw nothing," he told her making her gulp slightly as a giant, dark-green, specter-like warrior stood behind him, its glowing red eyes boring into her own.

She nodded hastily, chuckling nervously, before gripping her wrist, biting her lip slightly in the process because of the pain the mark was exerting. This made Naruto look at her out of the corner of his open eye. He sighed briefly before channeling chakra to his right hand, moving over to where he was next to her, and placing his hand over hers.

Her eyes widened, synapses in her brain telling her to pull away lest he cause her to endure more pain before a purple hue enveloped her hand, not a hue from the mark, but from his hand. It was a lavender-colored and one that made the pain in her hand lessen with each passing moment. Celeste didn't complain as the pain was soothed away by whatever he was doing.

She looked at Naruto, noticing how he seemed bored by what he was doing, if the half-lidded gaze had anything to say about it.

Seconds passed and no one aside from Naruto and Celeste knew what was happening between the two, the soldiers weren't paying attention, some praying while some were muttering to themselves, and others were looking at the green hole in the sky.

Naruto, however, was not paying attention to what the soldiers were doing because he simply didn't care enough to look around.

Moments passed before he cancelled the technique, the purple light from his hand subsiding and with him moving away from her.

"W-Was that healing magic?" she asked quietly, not wanting the dozen or so guards surrounding her to hear, and most of all not Cassandra.

Naruto quirked a pale-blonde brow at that before he chortled. "If you're talking about what you guys use around here, no. I'm using a technique I picked up from somewhere," he told her, vaguely, she might add. He turned away from her at that.

"Then what was that technique if not magic?" Celeste asked him, her red eyes looking at his shorter stature though he couldn't help that, she was a Qunari, or rather Vashoth. Their stature was always tall. He wasn't the tallest human male she had ever seen, but not the shortest either. Moments passed and he did not answer, the Vashoth, however did notice the slight ache in her hand, however. "And why did it not heal me completely?" she added.

The shinobi had half a mind to ask her why she was complaining at his generosity but refrained under some degree of self contol.

Naruto sighed instead, veering his mind to simply become annoyed at the questions and not the woman. He pinched the bridge of his nose before looking at her with his eye. "I used it to take away your pain and add it to my own. It was not meant to 'heal' you, just lessen it. My energy is too…volatile for it to enter another person's system to fix whatever the fuck is in there," the shinobi explained, before taking off his beanie, inspecting the holes it had gathered in his fight with the progenitor of whatever the fuck.

He blinked three times before tossing it over a soldier's head to the side of the hill below. The man bristling as if ready to strike the Apostate, though he did notice the glare the blonde put out making him gulp and put his balls back in his purse.

"You…added my pain to your own?" Celeste asked. She had heard of that before but it was usually a more drawn out process that required runes on her own skin and his though this blonde used no such thing. He simply stuck his hand out and there it was. "Why did you take my pain away?" she asked another question which made him inhale deeply before blowing some hair out from in front of his eye.

"You hissing every ten seconds was, let's go with, mildly annoying," he told her with an eyebrow twitch accompanying it. Celeste seemed to accept the answer rather quickly as she could tell that she was grating on his nerves. "No more questions?" the Mokuton sage asked her after a few moments.

The Vashoth shook her head in negative. "Thank whatever fucking deity there is out there," Naruto muttered before he started to search his arms, or more precisely his tattoos, for a storage seal before finding the correct one. "Aha!" the shinobi shouted making all eyes turn to him, hands on their swords and ready to swing only for a small plume of smoke to pollute the area.

Cassandra's eyes widened and she had quickly discovered that smoke meant bad with this Apostate. "I command you to stop-!" she stopped abruptly, blinking as the smoke dissipated only to see him put on another white beanie, this one looking brand new and not as ragged as the other.

The entire entourage of troops had stopped moving as soon as Naruto had unsealed his new beanie and frankly, none of them seemed to care that he had only gotten a new hat. They just looked ready to draw blood.

Naruto looked around at the readied guards, each with hands on their respective weapons. He grinned. "Oh gosh darn, you guys caught me red-handed!" the blonde said with a silly accent. "But don't worry everybody, I've got something for you!" the blonde said, grin still in place as each guard readied themselves even more.

He reached into his vest pockets, only to pull them out seconds later with middle fingers raised. He started at the contingent of soldiers, shooting each of them with the rude gesture before he stopped at the two guards flanking Cassandra and not the Seeker herself. Naruto grinned even larger, dropping his hands to his sides.

"I couldn't say fuck you with my hands. That'd just be rude. I'd have to do that personally," he smirked at her making her eyes widen before they filled with rage. Her hand twitched over her sword once more and somehow, someway, he saw the want to kill him with just her stare.

"Maybe I'll succeed in decapitating you this time," the Seeker ground out dangerously as her right hand twitched multiple times. This served to only fuel Naruto's grin.

Celeste covered her mouth, trying to hide her laughter. Even if she didn't know where Naruto came from, or what his intentions were, or even know him, she enjoyed his sense of humor. Cassandra seemed to enjoy it as well, and at that, Celeste chuckled at her own sarcasm.

Cassandra, still glaring at the blonde, raised her hand and made a fist, which made all present soldiers stand at attention, sheath their swords, and put their shields on their before. Moments later she extended it in the direction that they were going to be marching in. She turned back around and marched on, acutely becoming more aware of the shinobi behind her.

Naruto grinned as he, Celeste, Cassandra and the contingent of soldiers began to move again.

The Jinchuriki's as well as everyone else's feet crunched beneath the snow at every step. The soldiers passed over at frozen river to the other side to get on another path.

Naruto didn't bother to make small talk, simply opting to smoke a cigarette to pass the time. He wasn't addicted by any means (or was he able to be) nor was he able to develop illnesses from his habits, thanks to Kurama. His gigantic purifier.

The walk was going fine, until, ya know, a fucking meteorite from fuck knows where fell right in front of the group. It was also green, Naruto noticed.

"Be ready!" the shinobi heard Cassandra shout to her soldiers, each of them drawing their swords and preparing their shields for whatever else that might happen.

Seconds later, four more meteorites fell from the breach's direction, impacting the area around them, throwing earth and snow in every direction.

Each soldier was onedge. Nothing was happening except for the festering holes in the ground. Even Celeste was tensed from what Naruto saw. But she looked helpless also without a weapon that is.

Then again, she looked like she could rip apart someone with just her fists with her stature being that large.

In each of the craters, something pulsed, a bright green color, something unnatural that made most feel on edge. Each soldier aside from Cassandra started moving towards the holes, shields raised in preparation for the worst. Each step felt like a mile to the group, fearing what awaited them, though they held fast as the fear seemed overwhelming.

And just like that, everything went to shit.

Several beings, garbed in ripped clothing broken armor, weapons sticking out of them, or anything else that made them looked unnatural, practically warped out of the holes, their unnatural, almost oily-like body structure bending to whatever shape they desired. The being had no legs, simply masses of moving flesh, a once living being. They had hunched backs and arms as long as their bodies with four fingers. Giant claws perpetrated from the appendages designed to rip flesh and restructure skeletal frames.

Naruto blinked a few times as several soldiers screamed, their armor being torn asunder by, well whatever the fuck these things were.

"Shades!" Cassandra yelled out, drawing her sword and preparing her shield before rolling out of the way of an oncoming strike from one of the demons.

Well, apparently they're called Shades.

The dozen or so soldiers were falling quickly, each too ill-equipped in the skill department. Some were faring better than others did. Out of the dozen, six were quickly cut down, either by surprise or stupidity if it had to be Naruto's guess.

Cassandra, however, was fairing much than the no-name soldiers.

She dodged, weaved, and blocked each strike she could, striking back with equal or greater force. She had also given explicit orders not to engage the enemy.

Ducking under a swipe from the Shade's claws, Cassandra pushed forward, her shoulder burying itself in the demon's chest, pushing it back a few feet giving her enough room to raise her sword in retaliation. The Seeker cut through the Shade, its rusting armor caving just like the rest of its body. Seconds later after wobbling, it fell to the snowy ground, dissipating into dust.

Another soldier fell, a Shade striking him in the back, leaving long claw marks in the skin, black ooze perpetrating from the wounds. The demons seemed much more willing to target armed prey rather than himself and the Vashoth next to him.

At this rate, no matter how much of a fight Cassandra put up, she would fall to the Shades eventually.

Naruto glanced over to Celeste and saw her flinching each time a soldier was struck or moved her body in accordance to how a soldier should have a dodged a blow. He also saw her glance over to a greatsword, the hilt easily a foot long, the blade four feet long in and of itself. It had a silver color but no outstanding attributes though it looked hardy. It was leaning by a destroyed crate, as if beckoning to be picked up and used against the invaders.

Seeing Cassandra about to be cornered by two Shades gave Naruto an idea.

And to most back home, that meant run.

Run far, far away from Naruto when he had ideas.

Cassandra peddled backward, escaping a swipe from an oncoming enemy, before bashing her shield into its face, or whatever qualified as a face before she rolled out of the way of another separate Shade's strike. The first creature seemed momentarily dazed giving her ample time to swipe at it with her one-handed sword. Her sword scraped against the creature's skin, cutting it but not enough to do lethal damage. If one thing she knew, she knew to either bifurcate it or chop of its head. Nothing save for lethal strikes, through and through a Shade's body would finish off the demon for good.

Cassandra growled in slight anger at her sloppiness. She idly noticed her soldiers finishing off their first Shade, though it took five of them to bring one down.

Three shades to go, Cassandra thought before she was hit aside by another green meteorite impacting the ground to her left. The Seeker became dazed at the act, a sense of whiplash overcoming her. She struggled to pick herself up as three Shades approached her.

That was until a streak of blonde, silver, and red came into her field of vision.

Naruto sprinted forward, his bones and popping at the action. His muscles strained, telling his brain to stop moving and rest as he had still not been given sufficient time to rest. And as Naruto sprinted, he raised a sword, but not just any sword.

This was a goddamn cleaver.

After his encounter with Zabuza Momochi at Wave country's bridge, Naruto dealing the final blow to the nin, Kakashi being knocked out cold by the Meizu and Gozu in a surprise attack, the blonde opted to take the Kubikiribōchō in place of not being paid for an A-Rank mission like he was supposed too.

Poor bastards.

He did get to fuck Tsunami whenever he pleased, the bitch practically being his cocksleeve for the two weeks he was there, but still. She wasn't that great at sex either, but she sure did love anal. He didn't have a preference, but her ass was pretty damn fine if he had to say so himself.

But still,he deserved some form of monetary or physical reparation other than sex. Something he could take home and put above his fireplace for example.

Well, he did hang the blade above his fireplace for a while before taking up the style, but it did look damn good being an emergency mirror when he was too lazy to go to the bathroom when he had ladies over.

But back to the matter at hand, Naruto charged forth, both hands on the hilt of the decapitating blade as he swung it towards a Shade with all the might he could muster.

"I told you not to engage!" Cassandra yelled at Naruto as she deflected a Shade's claws with her shield, her kneeling form barely able to defend. Then again, she could practically feel him grinning towards her.

Her rage was held in contempt for the man as she noticed all three Shade's gaze on him.

The giant blade carved through the Shade like warm, dark, oily butter. The bottom half of the shade stayed in place as the top half flew toward another part of the battleground. Naruto wasn't one yet either. The blonde twisted his body, his spine popping from the force exerted as he spun towards the next Shade around the Seeker. His feet dug trenches snow, small mounds being made as he span the blade. The demon raised its long arms for defense but to no avail as Naruto's sword cut through them as well as its body, it turning to dust shortly afterward. The last shade seemed to have had some balls tucked away, its vision being set on Naruto's form. It charged towards him, its arms to either side of its body ready to carve the shinobi's body into pieces.

Naruto, seeing the oncoming threat jumped high up in the air, his hands still firmly secure on the decapitating blade's hilt. The sage spun in the air, heaving the blade downward before he started spinning vertically, again and again in a circle, descending on the Shade as if he were a spinning guillotine.

The cleaver impacted the ground, creating a small crater in the process as Naruto had bisected the Shade from head to whatever qualified as a toe.

Cassandra was amazed at the man's strength, wielding a blade that looked to be at least one-hundred pounds so easily and his acrobatics with it didn't go unnoticed either. Whoever this Apostate was, he was also a warrior. Her eyes then immediately hardened as she thought of him.

He had also cause Justinia the V's death. Along with that and the Vashoth, wait where was the Qunari-damnit to the Fade!

The Qunari was also engaging the remaining two shades, her movements less fluid than the Apostate's but more skilled than her soldiers.

Celeste dodged a strike from a Shade before blocking the other's claws with the flat of her blade. Reeling back, the hornless Vashoth kicked the Shade away from her, adjusting her greatsword to where it was pointed to the Shade's chest. Celeste's strike was received, the blade piercing the skin of the Shade to where it appeared on the other side. At that she also noticed the other Shade coming at from the opposite direction.

She panicked, being occupied with the first shade, of which was being handled, before an idea popped into her head. Celeste looked at the first, incapacitated, still conscious Shade before pulling upwards, hard.

Her sword sliced through the shade, from chest to head, killing it in the process before bringing the sword to her opposite side, bringing it down on the other Shade's head, bisecting it much like Naruto did.

And at that, the five soldiers, Seeker, Vashoth, and Shinobi emerged victorious.

"Why didn't you help?!" Celeste glared at Naruto after adjusting her new, but not as good as her old, greatsword on her back with leather straps she found at the wagon from earlier.

Naruto simply smirked in her direction. "If I helped, you wouldn't have discovered that new move, no?" he grinned at her making her pause before crossing her arms. Naruto grinned wider as he adjusted the Executioner's blade to where it was sitting on his left shoulder, his left hand holding the hilt.

It was all fun and games until the Seeker arrived.

"I told both of you not to engage!" Cassandra told the both of them as she walked over, her eyes showing fury only a woman could muster. Prisoners did not disobey direct orders and for that record, neither did soldiers, by the Maker, no one should disregard an order from a superior!

It was Celeste who spoke this time, her voice full of spite. "You and the rest of your soldiers would have been dead if we hadn't have started fighting," the Vashoth retorted, her glare matching the Seeker's own. Naruto, seeing a dysfunction, decided to intervene. He didn't do this often, mind you. Only when he wanted something, and if Cassandra were to deck Celeste and him not stop her, well, he probably wouldn't have been getting answers later, or in her pants, like, ever.

"Ladies, ladies, c'mon, we're all alive, right? That's what matters here."

Cassandra huffed before turning away. The prisoner was correct. If she and the blonde one hadn't have helped, she would have been dead and she was somewhat grateful, not that she would ever admit that.

"Soldiers!" Cassandra called out after adjusting her sword and shield to appropriate positions once more and checking herself over for wounds. Other than minor scratches, she was fine.

Each remaining soldier stood at attention as their commanding officer addressed them. "You are to hold this position until you see the breach close! If you do not see it close then hold this position until your final breath! This is your duty as soldiers! Am I clear?!" Cassandra shouted orders. At least someone would follow them.

"Yes, Lord Seeker!" they chorused, immediately looking around for anything they could use as fortification.

She turned back to see both Naruto and Celeste waiting for her, the formed looking around with a bored gaze, the latter with an impatient one, if her arms crossed had anything to say about it.

Cassandra looked at both of them, disdain in her eyes before walking ahead of them. Not turning around, she spoke. "We are going to keep moving until we come across the next contingent of soldiers. It will only be us three from now on and you are going to do as I say, am I clear?" The Seeker's voice gain multiple levels of malicious intent at the last few syllables of her sentence, Naruto noticed.

Wanting to get the show on the road, Naruto answered for both himself and Celeste by walking forward, his left hand and shoulder still supporting the massive blade from his homeland. "Hai, hai, let's keep moving, Cassandra-chan," Naruto told the Seeker in a playful voice.

Cassandra didn't know what the 'chan' meant but for some reason, she didn't like being called that.

The walk there wasn't eventful save for the few Shades they encountered. With each of their manpower, or womanpower, in Celeste's and Cassandra's cases, the low-level demons were easily taken care of.

After twenty or so minutes, the next contingent of soldiers was found fending against multiple shades. Though they were doing well for themselves, they did have to ride on the back of an elf and a dwarf.

The dwarf wore a heavy, brown leather coat, brown leather gloves, and brown leather boots. Underneath the coat he wore a red-almost blouse-like shirt with a deep 'V' in it, showing a bit of his chest. For pants he simply wore light blue trousers. He looked rugged with stubble on his chin. He had blonde hair, multiple earrings, and a necklace with a large, thick gold loop attached to it. He also had a wicked-looking crossbow.

The elf, a mage if Naruto had to guess, used a simple wooden staff with a metal orb attached to the end of it and notches along it. The elf wore a long sleeve tunic with green designs. He wore green pants that wrapped around his bare feet, wait.

This guy must have had a set, walking out in the snow with bare feet.

He had knife-shaped ears and green eyes, and he was also bald. Not just a little bald, but like, shiny-head bald.

He flung multiple fireballs at the shades, killing a few while leaving openings for the rest of the soldiers to finish the Shades off.

The dwarf was precise with his repeating crossbow, hitting each demon that appeared and before Naruto or Celeste got within swinging distance, they were all gone.

The dwarf put the crossbow on his back and walked over to the elf, of which was now by Cassandra. "Told you I could hit a demon with my eyes closed, Solas," the dwarf grinned at the elf, now named Solas, his deep voice developing a chuckle afterwards.

"I do not recall making a bet with you, Varric," the mage told the dwarf making him chuckle again.

The elf's attention was soon drawn to the patiently waiting Seeker. "Is there anything I can do for you, Right Hand of the Divine?" Solas addressed Cassandra of which simply walked past the elf before turning to him and crossing her arms.

"Yes, you and Varric are going to accompany the two prisoners and I to the-," she was cut short by, ironically, the dwarf.

"If I recall correctly, Solas and I are still prisoners," Varric chided, a hint of mocking lacing his voice.

Cassandra sent the dwarf a glare while Solas simply nodded his head in agreement to what the archer had said.

"As I was saying," Cassandra started, "You two are going with us to the breach. These two have marks on their hand and we must know if they are connected to it," the Seeker spoke.

Solas nodded his head. He was an Apostate, but not violent like most these days. "That would seem logical," he agreed.

Cassandra looked at her, erh, for the lack of a better term team, as well as the soldiers around her, and noticed their weariness. "We move in five minutes, be ready."

Naruto stared hard at the dwarf as he conversed with the elf. Cassandra had taken Celeste away to most-likely talk to her about anything prior to the Chantry explosion while Naruto was here, looking at these two talk.

Naruto still stared and Varric, for some odd reason, felt like he was being watched.

He turned to the blonde-haired human with an eyebrow raised.

"Can I help you? You look live you've never seen a dwarf before," Varric spoke while Solas simply observed.

"I actually haven't," Naruto told him matter-of-factly.

"Well that's good. Most dwarves are assholes," Varric spoke with a chuckle.

"I've been labeled as an asshole before," Naruto told the dwarf.

"Are you a dwarf?" Varric asked.

"No, last time I checked, I was taller than you," Naruto responded.

"Good, then we'll get along just fine," Varric chuckled before Naruto cut in.

"Wait, do you like drinking?"

"Only the finest liquors."

"What about smoking?"

"The finest cigars are the only round things allowed near my mouth."

"What about smoking, ya know, the good stuff?"

"I grow my own."

Naruto grinned. "Naruto," he extended his hand.

"Varric Tethras," the dwarf extended his, a grin in place as well.

Naruto spoke this time as he shook the dwarf's hand.

"I think we're gonna get along juuuust fine."

….

A/N

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And here's the second chapter of Too Much Work!

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