Short Author's note: First story, no outside editor, so I did my best ok. Please be nice. Constructive criticism is welcome though. This story will eventually cover the whole first season. Chapter length will vary and each will likely cover multiple episodes of the original series.

Italics are my OC's thoughts

Italic and underlined are… well let's just get to the story shall we?

"What're they doing?" God damn it, Tucker!

"What?" That was a bit muffled; at least it's just that turquoise douche this time.

"I said what are they doing now?"

"God damn I am getting so sick of answering that question!"

"You've got the fucking rifle! I can't see shit. Don't bitch at me because I'm not gonna just sit up here and play with my d-"

"TUCKER! Turn off you're god damn radio before you start flirting. (dumbass)" Cain interrupted. Christ those two are driving me crazy, they keep this shit up we have to kill 'em… Do we really want to be the only walking blue target in a box canyon… fair enough

Private Thomas Cain had been stuck with these two idiots ever since Flowers died, actually come the think of it that was the best thing that had happened since he got transferred to this shithole. That guy was the most annoying CO Cain had ever had; "I like to think of this team as a family" seriously? This is the fucking army not day care! That guy was lucky a heart attack got to him first. Pretty sure shooting him would've be easier on him. Who said anything about shooting him? Although sometimes he would imply to Church and Tucker that the death wasn't natural, just for fun.

Since the he had nothing else to do he was about to slip off his hunter green helmet when-

"Cain, come in." Here we go.

"(son of a -) Church this had better be good!" If not we can- Shut it.

"The reds got a new car."…Wow, an appropriate use of the radio. Should probably check that out. Can we kick his ass after we get there?

"I'll be there in a sec."

5 minutes later, after 'convincing' Church to part with his precious sniper rifle, Cain was spying on the reds and their new ride.

"Damn that's an awesome car."

"See Church! All we're getting is a stupid tank."

"What's wrong with a tank?"

"Oh this idiot's bitching about not being able to pick up chicks in a tank."

"Seriously?"

"Yeah he-"

"You can totally pick up chicks in a tank." That shut them up for a second, long enough for Lance to actually get a good look at the competition. Monstrous suspension, probably four wheel drive, huge minigun turret on the back; that is cool, true but it could be a problem. That jeep was going to be a hell of a lot faster than the tank, yes the tank's gun would be bigger but if they couldn't hit the damn thing what was the point. Especially considering Church couldn't hit the side of a building from pointblank range, and nobody was asking Tucker how if he could 'shoot'. If he says bowchicabowow one more fucking time-!

"Hey Cain?" Speak of the devil.

"(sigh) What is it?" Can we kill him now? I'll think about it.

"Have you… ever... (well? Maybe, let's at least wait for him to finish.) picked up chicks in a tank?"

"hmmm," We could just castrate him in his sleep. "Hey is it just me or does that car look a bit like a puma?"