The Namimori Neighborhood Watch

Disclaimer. KHR! does not belong to me.
Rating. T
Warnings. some OCs, some language
A/N. mostly because i refuse to believe any of the parents of this crazy gang of kids are normal.

The Namimori Neighborhood Watch was established in 1995 after a series of child kidnappings that shook the otherwise peaceful community. The culprit was eventually caught, but the Neighborhood Watch remained. It decreased in importance, and many nowadays consider it to be obsolete due to the presence of the Disciplinary Committee and that Vongola group someone is always prattling on about. Few people remember the existence of the Neighborhood Watch, which is much more modest and subtle than these other groups. However, though few remember it, the Neighborhood Watch does still exist. Currently, it boasts six active duty members, all of whom chose Namimori to retire.

Retire from what, you ask.

Why, the yakuza life, of course.

(But if you ask, they will all say they felt they needed something to do on their nights off besides TV.)

-o-

Nana Sawada was out shopping. This was a normal occurrence, particularly with Tsuna's increased circle of friends meaning she had many more mouths to feed. Thankfully, Fuuta's ranking abilities led her to the best bargains and she wasn't spending too much over the usual amount. Not that it mattered with a husband in the Mafia, but she wasn't supposed to know that, so she pretended to keep bills like a good housewife.

Really, Iemitsu was so dense, it was adorable!

Her shopping finished for the day, Nana was on her way home, devoid of children running around her for once since Tsuna and his Guardians were off on another adventure, Fuuta and I-Pin had been in school, and Bianchi had opted to stay home. The kids must be home from school now though, the housewife thought absently as she cheerfully made her way home.

Blinking, Nana suddenly stopped momentarily, and looked down at her bag as if to search for something.

Around her, and thinking they were undetected, three figures in business suits hid. They had been ordered by their Boss to collect the wife of the Young Lion and the mother of the Vongola's Boss-to-be, a simple housewife. It was an easy assignment, and they would have thought it was overkill to send three of them for the sake of one housewife, except none of the others had returned.

It was probably because her husband or son had protected her, they reasoned, so now that she was alone was the perfect time to catch her.

(Assuming such a thing was their second mistake. Not noticing the narrowing of their targets eyes as she pretended to look through her groceries was another.

Their first mistake was making such a kidnapping attempt at all.)

-o-

When the newlywed Sawadas first moved to Namimori, Nana didn't have much time for anything other than spending time with her husband, still starry-eyed from their honeymoon, or taking care of their new baby.

Eventually, although she loved the luxury that living in a place where no one knew her and she could be a simple housewife, she got a bit bored.

It was then that she learned of the Namimori Neighborhood Watch. At the time, it still had a large number of members, mostly friendly neighbors who watched out for each other.

Nana was delighted, and joined immediately, to the amusement of her husband.

(In the consecutive years, the members of the Watch diminished rapidly, possibly because of the excessiveness of the physical requirements decided by the new Chairwoman, Himiko Hibari. Nana passed all the tests set before her with flying colors, to the surprise of many.)

-o-

"Ara, are we playing hide and seek?" Nana's sweet voice rang out in the otherwise quiet intersection. The three men in hiding stiffened, before they all out at once. So what if she noticed them there, it was still one housewife against three hardened Mafiosi.

(They would regret their decision very soon.)

"Oh, there you all are! I should let you know, I'm a member of the Namimori Neighborhood Watch, and you seem quite suspicious so I'm afraid I'll have to do something rather drastic, " if the three Mafiosi had not been so blinded by their arrogance, they might have noticed the blood curling smile Nana sent their way.

(They didn't, and their doom was sealed.)

No one knows what happened in the next few minutes. The three Mafiosi never returned to their Boss, who also eventually dissppeared mysteriously, and Nana never said anything to anyone. Whoever needed to know about her particular talents, which were indeed not limited to her abilities in the kitchen, already knew.

('Kitchen Crazy Nana' had been her name once upon a time. It wasn't anymore, and any link between her and the yakuza assassin famed for using different kitchen utensils on her enemies had been firmly destroyed many years ago. Anyone who had ever seen her or hired her – they were systematically killed in one night. She got married, after all, couldn't have her dirty laundry paraded out like that, oh no, not proper housewife material at all.)

-o-

Nana returned home that day, humming quietly to herself and smiled when Fuuta, I-Pin and Bianchi welcomed her back. None of them noticed that Nana washed some of the knives and one of the pans that she had just bought that day, or that she was washing them of blood.

It paid to be considered a mere housewife, as she was these days, when it was time to get rid of evidence. As she began to sing to herself, she wondered what meal she would prepare for today.

-o-

The Sasagawas were a nice couple, which everyone assumed had been in Namimori since before they got there, simply because of how well they were integrated in the community. While it was true that they had been there for a long time, they had actually jumped around several towns before Namimori, and had arrived just barely before the Sawadas.

For a while, they too were content to live peacefully and simply raise their children. Eventually, however, they also got the slightest bit bored. It wasn't anything awful, they kept themselves busy, but they were just feeling a bit nostalgic.

At least, that's what they told themselves when they decided to join the Watch. They had heard of the crazy physical and mental exams that had recently become a part of the program and, curious, decided to check it out.

It was the right amount of small excitement their otherwise peaceful lives needed.

-o-

The Triad member had been sent to Namimori to scope out the place now that things seemed to have quieted down. As it was the center of a lot of Vongola activity, the Triads wanted to establish a competing presence in the area.

The Triad member was also extremely bored and wished he could go home already because he hadn't joined the Mafia to scope out a place whose population consisted of children or retired people.

The Triad member was about to wish he had been chosen for any job but this one, as the Sasagawas marched into his hideout and proceeded to dispose of him. They did, of course, politely warn him at first.

"Excuse us, sir, but I'm afraid as members of the Namimori Neighborhood Watch we cannot let you remain here with what seem to be hostile intentions,"

"Pfft, who even are you man? Look you two just leave it alone and you won't get hurt,"

"Very well, we've warned you,"

"This is my favorite part!"

"What the hell are you talking ab-"

The Triad member was never heard from again.

(In another life, the Sasagawas had been a famous pair of yakuza bodyguards, who grew in notoriety very fast for a few years, before entirely vanishing from the scene. They killed all their previous clients and took their money first though.

No one had ever been quite able to figure out what their weapons or skills are, and to this day it is the topic of many a bet in the yakuza underworld, should they ever choose to return.)

-o-

The Miuras were, for all intents and purposes, a completely normal couple, with a slightly smarter-than-average daughter. The matriarch was indeed the angelic woman everyone believed her to be, there was no deception there. The professor, however, was not quite who he said he was.

One fine day, the university where he worked at was targeted by a group eager to make a name for themselves in the mobster world. It was the last time any of them were seen.

"Hey, old man, get lost or we'll kill you!"

"Yeah, and don't tell anyone you've seen us or we'll kill you as well!"

"Maybe we should just kill him…"

"No, we should definitely just kill him you stupid blockheads,"

"Ah, I was going to warn you as a member of the Namimori Neighborhood Watch that I would be forced to take violent action, but you've already decided to be violent, so I guess there's no point,"

The mother in the park taking care of her child never knew how true her son's mumblings of 'robot robot robot go boom' were.

(Dr. Miura had been a young up-and-coming engineer, funded entirely by a yakuza organization. He wasn't a particularly moral person, and was very interested in his creations, so he didn't mind where the money came from so long as it did.

One day, however, he fell in love with a perfectly normal girl and decided he wanted that normal life with her. The yakuza organization that had funded his research was destroyed in hours, and the Miuras moved to Namimori a week later.

He came upon the Neighborhood Watch entirely by accident one day, when he saw Nana Sawada and the Sasagawas team up to deal with one particularly nasty individual back when their children were still young. He signed up immediately.)

-o-

Takesushi was quiet today. The children were off doing who knows what, and with the rain not many ventured out just for a few sushi rolls. It was perfect weather for the Namimori Neighborhood Watch meeting though, held biweekly under Tsuyoshi's roof. This was mostly due to the space, the good food, and Takeshi's lack of interest in the restaurant guests unless they were his friends.

As usual, Tsuyoshi wiped the tables and washed the dishes in preparation of the meeting. Himiko would probably kill him if he left so much as a crumb.

"Hands up where I can see them!"

Tsuyoshi stopped, and turned around. Two young, yakuza-looking thugs stood in his otherwise empty restaurant, and held guns aimed right at him. Slowly, Tsuyoshi held up his hands and turned around.

"Now empty the cash register, quickly!"

Tsuyoshi docilely did as he was told. He also noted that there were indeed only two of them, all the fifty possible ways he could turn this around, and that they must be quite young.

"As a member of the Namimori Neighborhood Watch, I must warn you that I will act if you continue to act like this," he commented drily, making eye contact with the one that had spoken.

"Shut up and keep taking the money out!"

"Alright then, on your own head be it,"

They didn't know what hit them.

(Yamamoto Tsuyoshi learned the Shigure Soen Ryou to protect his mistress, a young yakuza princess. As usually happens when you put young, attractive people together, the two fell in love, and had a secret romance for a few years, before her father decided to marry her off. Tsuyoshi killed her intended's entire family, something which she found incredibly romantic because she was a member of the yakuza after all, and the two ran away to Namimori to begin their lives anew. She died of illness a few years after Takeshi was born, but it had been she who encouraged Tsuyoshi to join the Watch when they first heard of it. It had been just another of the reasons why he loved her so much.)

-o-

Himiko Hibari had taken over the Namimori Neighborhood Watch early on. She had been in Namimori longer than any of the other Watch members, and she knew that some thought she might have been Namimori itself in human form.

What bullshit.

Himiko Hibari had originally had another name, and been the younger daughter of a Russian mobster who had married a Japanese woman. As a child, she had been treated as an exotic being, and knew her father was eventually parading her around as a trophy for whoever paid the most.

Needless to say, Himiko disagreed with her father.

She taught herself how to wield a pair of tonfas, and proceeded in destroying every single suitor thrown her way, before eventually running off to her mothers native land.

(To this day, her father wonders how he raised such a child when her entire environment had been designed to produce a young, docile Japanese bride.)

When she first ran to Asia, she briefly stayed with Fon, her mothers relative, before moving to Japan. Through her travels she honed her skills, and began to gain a prominent reputation in the underworld as a bounty hunter. One day, however, she decided to settle down and have a family.

(No one knows who Kyoya's father is, or if he even has one. He doesn't care, and neither does his mother, and the member of the Watch, the Disciplinary Committee and the Vongola alike learned early on not to ask unless they wanted an angry Hibari cashing them down.)

When she first arrived in Namimori, the Neighborhood Watch had been around for a couple of years, but it was under her that the weaklings were weeded out and the true strength shown. She didn't see what everyone was complaining about in regards to her reforms, they were the same training regimen she used on her son, Kyoya.

"Tch, the Vongola aren't even here right now, why are we still here?"

"Don't ask me man, I just wanna leave this crazy town, I heard some yakuza guys and a Triad member got killed,"

"What the hell, but no one should be here right now,"

"Loitering is something which the Neighborhood Watch considers hostile, please refrain from doing so, or I will be forced to take violent actions,"

"Hah? Who the hell are you to tell us that, lady?"

"Yeah, what's up with you, looking for a fight?"

"You have made your position quite clear, it is time for you to be put to sleep,"

The men never reported back, and instead became indoctrinated into the Disciplinary Committee.

(When the Vongola were in town, they usually dealt with the underworld elements. However, sometimes smallfry managed to pass unnoticed, or they'd appear in the lulls when the young new generation wasn't around. It was in these times that the Namimori Neighborhood Watch protected the town.)

-o-

Like clockwork, every Thursday on every second week, Takesushi was closed for a meeting of the Namimori Neighborhood Watch. Everyone was used to it by now, and knew better than to ask questions, instead accepting it as one of those facts of Namimori life: gun-wielding infants, kids running around in their underwear, the Disciplinary Committee, Mafia men, etc.

After all, no one normal ever retired in Namimori.

thank you for reading, comments are lovely.