This takes place after Coda, it will be AU but I will try to work in parts of the show as it goes on. I am not a Carol fan, but there will be no Carol bashing in this fic. I will mostly just avoid the character. If you are looking for Caryl at all, this is not the fic for you. It is also not a Bethyl fic. I do not add to what happened between them on screen. I am focusing on Daryl's pain and recovery. I do not own any Walking Dead characters or situations.

Chapter 1

Daryl was going through the motions, Rick needed him, Judith needed him, and the group needed him. He concentrated on what needed to be done and did it. He was willing to take all the risks necessary to keep the rest of them alive. What happened to him, he didn't care much anymore. Every quiet moment was filled with the faces of the two people he loved and lost.

Merle, the big brother, who was more trouble than anything else, no one could ever really understand why Merle was the way he was, but Daryl did. Merle was a survivor; he would have made it to a ripe old age if it hadn't been for him. He sacrificed himself to save his little brother, a selflessness Daryl didn't know the older man possessed, he guessed he didn't know a lot of things about Merle, and now he never would.

And Beth, the light in the darkness, she made him hope when he thought everything was gone. She was the one good person left in his world, the one that hadn't been corrupted. What did she get for it? A bullet in the head. For a second she had faltered, she had let the darkness control her; maybe it was a mercy she had gone. Beth would never have wanted to become that person. Daryl would never want to see that in her. His Beth so strong and brave, smiling and offering comfort whenever needed, no strings attached. He would never find that again.

He pushed the thoughts away, and turned to scan the area the group was walking through. His eyes brushed over Carol, at least one of them had made it out, he was to numb to be truly happy, but he was relieved. Next to her was Maggie, she looked like he felt, hopeless, dead inside, a walking shell. Glenn was beside her, trying to offer comfort, a lost cause, because Maggie could walk off the edge of a cliff and not notice.

Daryl turned and faced the front again. His group was back together, but they were in bad shape. He felt Rick's eyes on him.

"There's a big house further down, we can stay there the night." Rick told him, when he finally turned to face him.

"Yep." Daryl grunted.

"You, Sasha, Tyreese and Glenn, check out the inside. Michonne, Carol, Tara and me will circle round the house; make sure the outside is safe.

"Give Tyreese the baby, Glenn, Sasha, an me can clear the house ourselves. Better if Judith has both his and Carl's eyes on her while we get this done. Gabriel and Eugene will most likely stay with 'em too."

"You don't trust him?"

"I do, to watch over Judith. He don't got the stomach for much else."

He could see Tyreese behind them, most likely overhearing their conversation, but he wasn't about to mince words. They had lost too much to worry about coddling people. Beth would have done it, but she was gone. He didn't have time to babysit weaklings. He rubbed his mouth with the back of his hand, now he sounded like Merle. He willed his brain to shut up; it was like he was being haunted. Instead of ghostly specters appearing in the forest around him, they were appearing in his head. The ghosts of Merle and Beth, never knowing what might trigger an appearance from either.

The newer members of the group were walking further behind them Abraham, Rosita, Eugene, Gabriel and Noah. Rick hadn't taken to assigning them jobs yet. Noah was still injured. Daryl tried not to hate the boy. Gabriel and Eugene were useless when it came to these things and Abraham and Rosita usually did their own thing, which consisted of walking behind them going over covered ground and watching their back. It would have to change soon, Rick was there leader, but for now it worked. Glenn and Tara being the only ones that floated from group to group.

"Are you alright Daryl?"

"M'fine" they had shit to do, it wasn't time to sit on the couch and chit chat about feelings.

Rick nodded, the man knew. He'd lost his wife, thought he'd lost his daughter. Rick was an animal, a strong leader that Daryl was happy to follow. Merle would have liked this new Rick. He shook his head again.

"I'll get Sasha an Glenn, go up ahead." Rick nodded his approval, removing Judith's carrier and calling Tyreese over.

He grabbed Sasha and Glenn, explained their part and motioned them to walk ahead. Glenn agreed with only a worried glance at Maggie.

"She'll stay with Carl and Tyrees, safer I think."

Glen nodded and walked ahead. Sasha gave him an examining look then followed.

The house looked like something out of a horror movie, all pointy steeples and fancy scrolls. He half expected to find a crumbling cemetery nearby, a flash of Beth on his back as they moved between gravestones. Daryl clenched his teeth Not now Beth.

The first floor of the house was surprisingly easy to clear. The place looked like it belonged to an old couple and everywhere Daryl went he was reminded of Merle and Beth. In the sitting room was an old large piano – Beth. The living room held a large bookcase with WWII memorabilia – Merle. The kitchen was a bright cheery yellow – Beth. On top of the fridge were two bottles of whiskey full and unopened – Merle. It was too much, Daryl felt like the universe was out to drive him insane, it certainly couldn't beat him over the head with his losses much more.

They headed up stairs, Daryl went left, Glenn went right and Sasha took the middle. Daryl cleared the first room, the master and moved on to the second room. It was smaller, looked like it might have belonged to a girl, it was clean, too clean, someone had been staying here. He gave a quick little whistle, before he began searching the room. Almost immediately he found the occupant in the closet. He had opened the door to find a young woman curled up on the floor. She looked up at him in shock, he froze, she had Beth's big blue eyes. She lunged at him with a primal scream a buck knife in her hands. Daryl moved on instinct, narrowly avoiding her attack. He caught her arm, pinning it behind her back, he brought his other arm around her neck.

Sasha burst in the room a second later, ready to put a bullet in the girls head. Glenn was right behind her.

"No wait!" Daryl stopped them. He tried to see his companions through a face full of curly brown hair. Sasha lowered the gun slightly; Glenn kept his knife up just in case.

"You here alone girl?" Daryl questioned.

"Yes," she answered in a raspy voice, clearly she hadn't talked in a while.

"I'm lettin' you go. Don't be stupid." Daryl slowly removed his arm from around her neck, and released her arm, taking the knife as he went. He picked up his crossbow and stepped away from the woman.

She was medium height, thin, it looked like she hadn't eaten very well in the past year and a half or so, but that wasn't what grabbed Daryl's attention. She looked like Beth and Merle together as one. If they had, had a child of their own, it would be this woman here. She looked to be around 25, pale with big blue eyes, sharp cheekbones, a head full of beautifully curly hair and a slight frame. Daryl's heart stopped.

"What's your name?" Glenn asked.

"Mer…ughmm..Meryl." she croaked out.

"Merle?" Daryl felt his blood run cold. She shook her head,

"No, Meryl. Like the actress, gran said mom was a fan." Her voice was getting better, but it was still a bit gravelly.

"You can join us, we have a group. You can join us." Sasha looked at him sharply, Glenn shook his head slightly. Daryl looked them both in the eye, he wasn't negotiating this, he had to know this girl. It was too much, all the thoughts and signs lately. It was too much, and now this girl. He had to know, what this was about. He could feel the ghosts of Merle and Beth itching around his consciousness; they wanted him to do this.

Maybe he was going insane, chasing hallucinations like Rick, he didn't know and he didn't care. It was too much.