Dear Readers,

This is meant to be slightly crackish. No pairings. Just for laughs. FemAmericaxNations misunderstanding. Let me know who else you want.

Thank you. I own nothing. Rated M for innuendo.

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There was a reason the nations stopped listening in on America's conversations.

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Prussia was only leisurely strolling by, bored to near tears that Germany was taking so damn long. He paused briefly when he heard voices behind a closed door.

HIs inner mischief maker reared its head.

"-Oh come on. You know I'm right," he heard America state quite loudly. "Just look at him. With those red eyes and amazing coloring."

Red eyes? Was she talking about him?

"I don't know," a deeper voice responded. Was that the Netherlands. "It's just white."

How un-awesome of the Netherlands to be so jealous of Prussia. The albino nation narrowed his eyes at the door.

"Well, fine dude, whatever. When I look at him, I just want to take him home and keep him forever!" She declared with a squeal. And honest to goodness squeal.

Prussia grinned in delight and strutted down the hall. Perhaps this meeting wasn't so un-awesome after all.

Besides, how could a guy be upset when America wanted to take him home? He made a mental note to hang around America more often. It wouldn't do to keep her from his sheer awesomeness all the time.

Inside the room, however, America pressed the rabbit closer to the Netherlands.

"Come on," she coaxed sweetly, "you know you like them too."

And The Netherlands held the animal and stroked it gently.

"Yes. I do."

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"-Great Dane," America's voice floated in his ears and Denmark through the window quizzically.

What was she talking about? Danes?

He could see her speaking with England enthusiastically.

"He is just amazing," she gushed and Denmark felt his heart skip a beat. "The best! I have never seen anything like him. I've heard Danes can be frisky though, but I don't mind."

Denmark blinked. She was... going on about him to England? England? Really? Well, he was like her father, Denmark supposed.

"America," England said patiently, "are you sure you can handle him?"

America nodded quickly, her eyes sparking.

Handle Denmark? What was going on? Did America need England's permission to date someone? And what the hell did he mean by handle him? So he got drunk a few times a week, he wasn't a walking disaster or anything... no matter what Norway said.

"Of course! You have no idea how much I want him." America said before laughing an running out the door. Denmark watched as England shook his head.

The Nordic nation felt himself blush. Well, he had to think about this. As he left he didn't hear England muttering.

"Great... America getting a dog. Now it will show up to every bloody meeting."

Later, America was confused as to why Denmark winked at her during her presentation. She smiled anyway. Maybe that was his way of showing his support?

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The Netherlands was on his way to trade with Lithuania, when he stopped by the market. He spotted Poland speaking to America.

"-I love Dutch. Like hot. Sooo fucking hot, but really strong. In a good way. However, so sweet at the same time. Makes you want more." America prattled on to Poland who only nodded.

"Oh, I like... know what you mean."

The Netherlands felt his eyes bulge as he started at them with a mixed look of approval and horror. Is this what the other nations did when he wasn't around? Talk about how hot and strong he was? Well, that wasn't really a bad thing.

America giggled and placed a hand on Poland's shoulder.

"If I wasn't so sure it would kill me," she said with a sly grin, "I'd have take it eight times a day."

The Netherlands felt his mind go into overdrive at the sexual thought. He slowly backed away, trying not to grab America right then and there to convince her that he certainly wouldn't kill her.

Even if they did it eight times a day.

After he left, Poland nodded to America. "Yeah, I feel the same way about coffee. I like... can't get enough of the stuff."

"No kidding, but dude, the next time you come by you totally have to try Dutch Brothers. The best coffee around bro. The best!"

America and Poland set a date for him to visit.

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"-South Korea and Japan really tore into me," America said wearily to Estonia as China walked by.

Hm. Served that arrogant and prideful nation right. China was glad that his brothers had taken America to task over something.

"They just wouldn't stop. They had me pinned down and were taking turns! It was awful."

Estonia gave America a sympathetic glance from his computer.

"Sorry," the stoic nation said. "You know what they are like."

China could only stare in wide-eyed horror.

"Yeah, but they didn't have to keep going. I mean, I tried to fend them off but it was no use. " America shuddered and put her face in her hands. Shoulders shaking. "They just kept at it."

China flustered and couldn't believe his ears.

"You remember what happened the last time they got you like that." Estonia said gently. "You were in really rough shape."

America could only whimper.

China set off to locate his deviant little sex fiend brothers. He kicked them both in the shins while hitting them with his wok yelling how he'd raised them better than that.

The other nations could only look onward stunned.

Back in the room America turned to Estonia.

"It took me weeks to get that character just right. Fucking weeks! And they just kept ambushing me."

"Yeah," Estonia agreed, "MMORPG's are hard."

"I finally had the set I wanted too," America pouted.

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"Especially when Lithuania kept wanting to dip his wick in my wax," America said in that irritating voice of hers.

However, it was her words that caused Belarus to still. Dip his wick in her wax? That was a Victorian reference to sex. The female nation stilled and covered her mouth to stifle a gasp. She couldn't wait to tell Russia what Lithuania had done to his precious little 'America'.

She rushed off in search of her beloved brother.

America looked at Romania and sighed.

"It ruined the whole candle making experience. Because then the colors got mixed up... but yeah... happy birthday." America said sheepishly before presenting the other nation with a candle that looked eerily similar to a bat.

"You know I'm not a vampire, right?" Romania asked quietly.

"Yeah, but if you were, this would be a really cool gift."

Romania sighed. America was so weird sometimes.

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"English gentleman and the favorite heroine. "

"Really?"

"Yeah, gets me all riled up just thinking about it." America said sensually and England stilled outside the doorway.

English gentleman?

Had America just said that?

English?

There was only one English gentleman here and that was England himself. His green eyes glanced over to see America staring out the window with Canada and his bear at her side.

"It's the best love story ever," America said enthusiastically as the other nation tried to keep her from shouting.

Love story? Really?

"Yeah... okay America, eh. Whatever you say. If you think it's a love story-" Canada tried to placate.

"It will be a great love story, thank you so very much. As soon as said English gentleman realizes his true feelings for the heroine."

England felt himself flush. America and her strange idealist notions of love. Just like her Hollywood movies. Well, if she was waiting for him to make a move, then so be it.

England left the conference to order flowers.

"America," Canada said after a few minutes, "You do know that James Bond is supposed to be the hero... right?"

"What? No. That's stupid. It is obviously Pussy Galore. She is torn between what she has been hired to do, what's right, and true love. Totally a heroine,"

"I really don't think-"

"A HEROINE!" America roared, and Canada could only nod in acquiescence.

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When he walked into the cafeteria, the first thing that hit him were the smells and the sound of America speaking.

"-You know? I can't get enough " America said to Israel as they were stacking their trays in the cafeteria.

"Of what?"

"Turkey." The blonde nation said with a smile.

Said nation turned toward them with his eyes falling on his ally. America was talking about him? Didn't she see him right here?

"That is surprising," Israel said to her as they moved toward the waste disposal. "I thought Turkey was always a little boring."

"What?" America asked clearly shocked at the thought. "How could you even think that! It's Turkey! Turkey is amazing!"

Turkey glanced between the pair and felt his cheeks heat up. So, America did defend him when he wasn't around after all. That was...rather nice to know. He proceeded to ordered his food, as America left with Israel.

He didn't hear the soft tones of Israel asking what else her plans were for Thanksgiving.

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The Italy twins were on their way to the meeting, running late. Northern Italy dropped his pen and it rolled toward the elevator where America was getting off with Germany.

"I can never choose though," she said to the taller nation.

"Ja, I know what you mean."

"Because, you know, Northern Italy is so uncomplicated but still great," America said not paying any mind to the two nations that were staring at her with wide eyes. "However, Southern Italy is just so bold, and full of ... gosh I don't even know, but it always makes me crave more."

"Exactly," German said with a nod, "I have had that problem too."

Northern and Southern Italy could only stare in shock as America and Germany went out the revolving door.

Southern Italy felt his face heat up... America thought he was bold.

Northern Italy blushed because America thought he was great. So apparently, did Germany!

The sweet nation could not take the emotions that welled within him, and promptly fainted. Southern Italy couldn't even muster the words to curse at him, he was too preoccupied with staring at the revolving door.

They had no idea that Germany and America had been discussing menu options at the Olive Garden, on their way to lunch.