A/N: Time to ride the bandwagon.

I find these '-insertDWcharacternamehere- answers letters' to be highly comedic and entertaining.

If you guys like this, I suggest trying to check the others, they're funny, too.

FIRST DAY

Dear Zhuge Liang,

No, I didn't mean it like that. You could easily drive them off with a simple fire attack; that much would be the most effective and cost-efficient course of action.

That is, if they were human enemies. I suggest you just try to get her drunk or something, or outright ask her. She IS your wife, anyway.

Why are you even asking me advice for things I know nothing about?

Dear Liu Bei,

Yes, my liege. I apologize for the messenger that sent you that previous letter.

And, yes. You may try to use my suggestions on Lady Wu, I suppose they will work.

Then again, isn't she your wife?

Dear Liu Bei,

I meant the get-her-drunk part, my liege. Not the FIRE ATTACK.

Oh boy, this is going to be an embarrassing topic between the Wu strategists.

I just suggest you ask her to sleep with you when the fires (literally and figuratively) between Shu and Wu have died out.

Just, please, if you don't understand something, ask me personally next time.

Dear Guan Yu,

I am sorry, but I know nothing of the affair between your son and the Bao girl.

To be honest, I was quite surprised as well, I suggest you try to look at this calmly.

Dear Guan Yu,

What do you mean Zhang Bao? Zhang Bao is a male, and I honestly think that boy would never fall for one of your sons.

When you had mentioned 'Bao' I had assumed you were talking about the affair between Guan Suo and Bao Sanniang. I suppose you DO learn new things every day.

Dear Guan Yu,

You're probably just tired, my lord. Or someone is spreading a really nasty rumor.

I'm sure Guan Xing isn't interested in Zhang Bao, I have seen the two of them, and I have surmised it to be simply brotherly love; just like the one between you, lord Liu Bei and lord Zhang Fei.

Dear Guan Xing,

You're not interested in Zhang Bao by any chance, are you?

Dear Guan Xing,

What do you mean I'm too old for him? And what is with your defensive attitude?

Please, I beg of you, for the future of Shu, please just don't.

Dear Guan Xing,

Ah, I'm so relieved.

I have just confirmed that Zhang Bao had accidentally spilled his wine on Fa Zheng's clothes one night, and the bastard had started spreading nasty rumors about the two of you ever since.

Now tell me; what's happening between your brother Suo and that Bao girl?