She was the most beautiful woman Umi had ever laid eyes upon.

Gray-brown hair tied back into a professional ponytail to reveal porcelain skin and bright amber eyes that lit up with amicability and and kindness towards everyone… A slender figure that moved with grace and ease as she patrolled up and down the counter, emphasized by the formal bartender suit… Delicate hands that fixed up each drink with such speed and precision they were almost a blur… The genuine smile on her face when she addressed each customer…

The genuine smile that was on her face as she addressed Umi at that moment.

"Good afternoon. What can I get for you two?"

Next to Umi, Eli placed her order without any problems, but the blue-haired woman found herself drawing a blank on any and every type of alcohol she'd ever known. "Uh…"

The bartender waited patiently, but Umi's silence was still ongoing after two minutes, to the point where even Eli nudged her leg and gave her an urgent look.

"Shall I come back after you've had more time to think?" the bartender offered.

Eli was the one who had to answer. "That'd be great, thanks." She smiled in that charming Eli way of hers, and then as soon as the bartender had turned around she shot a bewildered glance at Umi. "Okay, what was that?"

Umi was still staring dazedly at the other woman.

"Umi, holy shit, get your eyes off of her ass."

"They are most certainly not on her-!" Umi retorted indignantly, cutting herself off before any vulgar language could arise. Her face glowed red and she looked down at her lap in embarrassment.

Eli smothered a laugh behind her fist, coughed once to cover it up, and then leaned over to her colleague, bumping shoulders with her good-naturedly. "Oh~ So Umi has a little crush, now, does she? Harasho!"

Umi mumbled something under her breath and Eli didn't bother hiding her laugh that time. However, before either of them could say anything, the bartender returned with Eli's drink, delivering it to the blonde with a smile.

"Thank you very much." Eli returned the smile smoothly, and the bartender beamed.

"Not a problem!" she chirped before turning to Umi. "Have you decided on what you would like?"

Umi replied eloquently, "Huh?"

"She'll have what I got," Eli cut in. "Thanks for your patience."

The bartender dipped her head with a polite, "Not at all." She cast an amused glance at Umi and then turned back to the wide arrange of liquors and glasses behind her.

Umi slumped down, and Eli rubbed her back comfortingly.

"Well, she looked at you," she pointed out. "That's something."

"She must think I'm an idiot," Umi muttered.

"No, no one would ever think you're an idiot, Umi-."

"You're a terrible liar." Umi looked at her friend miserably, and Eli felt a pang of guilt. "What do I do?" the younger woman moaned.

Eli observed the pathetic state of her junior, half lying on the bar in defeat, and sighed and slid her glass over to her, patting her head in sympathy. "There, there. Don't worry about it, Umi. For now, just have a drink."

One hour and several drinks later, Eli found herself severely regretting her words.

"I mean, she's just so hot," Umi wailed, "and I'm so… not."

"Oh, don't say that…" Eli reassured weakly, trying to ignore all the stares from the other customers, and, more importantly, from the bartender, who seemed to be taking great entertainment from her drunken mess of a friend.

Umi, completely oblivious to it all, waved her arms wildly. "Don't- don't even try that on me, Eli! It's easy for you! You're hot too!"

"Okay, well, I can't deny that, but you're plenty beautiful, Umi."

"Not as much as you are!"

"Oh, you."

Umi groaned loudly, collapsing over the bar again and sloshing the last few drops of liquid in her cup around. "S'not fair," she mumbled into her arm. "You might as well go make out with her and have her hot kid. All hot people should just go off and be hot together and have hot babies and leave me alone in this world."

"Don't be weird, you know I already have a girlfriend," Eli said as though that was the problem with Umi's statement.

"Well, yeah," Umi rolled her eyes, "because you're hot and amazing and Nozomi's hot and amazing and you guys are like perfect for each other. Like, how does that even happen?"

For the first time since entering the bar, a tender expression crossed Eli's face, most certainly because of the topic of her girlfriend. "Yeahh," she agreed dreamily.

"Ugh, you suck." Umi downed the remainder of her drink and waved the bartender over with a sort of strangled whimper.

With her ever-present smile, the bartender approached. "Haven't had enough?" she said by way of greeting, quirking an eyebrow to indicate that her words had been meant as a joke.

Umi blurted out, "Of you? Never." Then she slammed her head against the bar.

Eli covered her face with her hand.

The bartender giggled, taking the compliment in stride. "You flatter me."

"You deserve to be flattered." Umi's voice was muffled against the wooden surface.

"That's very sweet of you," the bartender replied kindly. "Will you be wanting another refill?"

Before Umi could say anything, Eli spoke up, squinting to read the nameplate pinned to their server's suit. "You know… Minami-san-."

"Kotori," the bartender interrupted. "You can call me Kotori."

"Kotori, then." Eli's charm was at full power even when slightly intoxicated. "I think we'll be taking our leave. Thank you for your excellent service." She pulled out a handful of bills from her wallet, already calculating the tip.

Umi let out a sound between a screech and a groan, and Eli elbowed her.

"Very well then." If Kotori was at all put off by them, she didn't show it. "I hope everything was to your pleasure."

"You sure were," Umi stated before Eli grabbed her wrist and yanked her away unceremoniously.

The blonde nodded affably to Kotori and then proceeded to drag her friend out the building. Kotori bowed, mostly to hide her attempt at holding back a laugh, and once the door slammed shut she set to cleaning up the area.

"What was that for?" Umi complained outside, leaning heavily against Eli.

Eli rolled her eyes and ducked down, willingly half-carrying the other woman as they headed down the sidewalk. "I'm taking you home, you gay loser. You can flirt with her again when you're sober."

"She was really hot."

"I got that, Umi. You said it like eighty times already."

"Well," Nico, a regular at the bar, spoke up once the two had left. "She's thirsty."

Kotori voiced her agreement as she wiped up the drops of spilled beverage on the counter. "She sure did drink a lot just now."

"Okay, yeah, but I meant more like she's thirsty for you," Nico corrected her.

"Oh." Kotori stopped in her cleaning and blinked thoughtfully. "Oh, I get it! That was clever."

Nico brightened. "You think so? I'm really proud of it!"

"You should be, it's a good one," Kotori encouraged with a cheerful smile. Once she was finished scrubbing the mess, she took the remaining glasses and set to rinsing them, taking care to wipe the rim of each cup carefully.

"So anyway," Nico persisted, and Kotori sighed quietly as she realized she'd been unsuccessful at distracting her friend. "What do you think?" the twin-tailed woman prompted.

Kotori stalled. "Of what?"

"You know."

"The joke?"

"Umi," Nico grounded out. "The person we were literally just talking about. Come on. She's into you. And she's not bad looking, even if she's completely inept at talking. What do you think? You like her, don't you? You couldn't take your eyes off of her the entire time she was here!"

Kotori felt her cheeks heat up, and she decided to take the time to make sure this one glass she was holding was extra squeaky clean. "I mean, she was funny," she responded slowly. "And you're right, she's really pretty."

"And she really wants to get in your pants."

"But she's probably not even coming back, anyway," Kotori went on, ignoring Nico's statement. "She got kinda embarrassed, and I was acting really weird and formal the whole time…"

Nico nodded in agreement. "Yeah, that was pretty weird. You were more like a butler than a bartender, dude."

"I didn't know what to say!" Kotori protested, humiliation giving her words an even higher pitch than normal. She paused, realizing something, and added in a small voice, "Do you think I scared her off?"

"I think she scared herself off, if anything," Nico assured her. "Her friend sure noticed the hole she was digging herself into."

Kotori ducked her head and mumbled, "I thought it was cute."

Nico just barely managed to stifle her laugh. "Looks like both of you guys could do with being a little more direct," she commented.

This time, Kotori didn't bother responding, only moving on in her duties to dry and polish the glasses, gaze cast down unhappily.

"But I'm sure she'll come back," Nico continued when it was clear that Kotori had no intention of replying. The bartender looked over hopefully, and Nico grinned. "Seriously. You're super cute, and she's super into you - even if she's completely hopeless at it, she'll keep trying."

"You really think so?"

"Of course! The great Nico Nico is never wrong!" Nico boasted. Then she stopped, pointing a finger firmly at Kotori, who blinked at the sudden action. "But! You have to promise that you'll be okay with taking over when Umi fails to get her point across again. No weird, vague flirting or anything. Be honest."

"You don't know she'll fail-." Kotori started to protest.

Nico folded her arms against her chest, arching an eyebrow expectantly.

"… Yeah, she'll probably just try to get drunk again," Kotori admitted. She hung her head. "But… talking to cute girls is hard…"

"You talk to me just fine," Nico pointed out with a smirk.

Kotori smiled wryly. "Okay, that was a good one."

"I always have good ones, that's my whole thing," Nico replied. "But seriously, talk to her for real next time or else. I'll be cheering you on with a Nico Nico nii~!"

Kotori agreed, and Nico nodded her satisfaction. As soon as the bartender turned away again, Nico whipped out her phone and shot a text to her old college buddy.

To: Ayase Eli
From: Yazawa Nico
confirmed! make sure she comes back tomorrow!

To: Yazawa Nico
From: Ayase Eli
Roger that. I'm going to drag her here every day if that's what it takes for them.

EliUmi platonic gay best friends gives me life.

Anyway, this thing is sort of a prequel/spinoff/random thing inspired by a prompt thescarletwings gave to me on tumblr. I mean, who isn't in love with the idea of Kotori in a bartender suit. So yeah.

Thanks for reading!