I must thank my most wonderful and awesome Beta Amy! She is amazing and I am forever thankful for all that she does for me.
I must remind everyone..that I own nothing of NCIS ( don't I wish) and make no money off of this. This is me playing with my most favorite people in the world!
This was written for Tibbs Yuletide on LJ.
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He couldn't quite remember when he noticed it, wasn't as if he had been paying attention to much anymore. This time of the year brought out memories that he tried so hard to bury. Memories of stocking hung on the mantle, ornaments made by a little girl's hand and laughter from a wife that he loved more than life.
This year he had found it far more difficult to keep the memories at bay and the pain that came with them. He knew part of that was Jackson's death…another loss in a long list that he had suffered over the years. Since his death, he had been feeling a little lost and for the first time in a long time, he was tired - tired of trying so hard to pretend that everything was all right, tired of being alone. Simply just tired.
The first thing he noticed was how much warmer the blanket on the couch was and that it was softer. He couldn't remember it, but he was never one to pay that much attention to such things. When he began to notice more food in his fridge, he started to take stock and actually look around his house. What he found surprised him, there were things all over his house. Better towels, new books, softer t-shirts so many things that made his life more comfortable.
When he really began to pay attention and noticed new wood, a few tools and even some hidden plans for things that he could make, he had to wonder just how long this had been going on. There was never a sign of who had done this but that didn't stop that little spark of life and hope that had been all but snuffed out begin to grow and warm him from inside.
To say that it awakened something that had been asleep for far too long was an understatement and he had to admit that it felt good and that he…well he was starting to feel good. Through it all he felt that all of this…the gifts…were trying to tell him something.
He knew there were ways that he could find out; camera's, stake out or old fashioned investigating…but he didn't really want to know. There was something about the mystery, the thoughtfulness and the way that it was making him feel, he simply wasn't ready for it to end.
As the holidays drew closer, he began to notice small decorations, nothing too over the top, but things that he knew he hadn't put out. Hell it was the first decoration his house had seen since the last time Jackson had done so.
However, it was so much more than the decorations, food or the added items to make him more comfortable. There were also pictures of his girls, his dad and his mom. Some he honestly didn't remember and had no idea where they had come from. When he had noticed those he had felt like it was ok…ok to remember...ok to have them out and more than ok to feel the love that he had for them.
It had been so long since he had allowed himself that luxury he hadn't realized how very tightly buried it all was until it started to come to the surface and as he allowed those feelings to flow, he also accepted the pain that came with them. What had once seemed insurmountable became something that he could deal with.
Looking around his house, it felt different - he felt different; both less empty somehow. There was warmth that had been lacking for years and he found that he didn't mind it or want it to change. However, it would require some changes within him. He had been living a closed off and solitary existence for a great many years.
Though terrified by the prospect of those changes, a feeling of freedom also came with them. Freedom to move forward in a way that he had never been ready for until now. As he again looked around the house, he realized that the one who had been making his house a home knew that. That sent a direct shot right to his heart finally shaking the foundation of the walls he had so carefully built around it and sent them crumbling down.
Only three people knew him well enough to have even contemplated such a gift and only one would have been able to truly carry it off without him noticing. The changes had been far too subtle so that eliminated Abby or Ducky. They would have been able to keep it up for only so long before giving themselves away in one way or another.
No…these silent declarations had going on for years, it was only recently that they had extended to his home, getting a little louder and now…now it was time for him to make a silent declaration of his own and he needed it to be big.
Tony was going to need more than a warm blanket to see that Leroy Jethro Gibbs' eyes and heart had opened. More, he deserved it. It didn't really take long for him to know what he wanted to do…he just needed to get the man away from DC for a couple of days. Had to really, the man had been sneaking in and out of his house unnoticed and the only way to insure that he could get everything ready without Tony having a clue was to send him away.
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Tony had been pissed when told of his necessary attendance at a seminar in Chicago for Law Enforcement…but he took it in stride. He was more surprised that Vance wanted him to attend the Symposium instead of Jethro and more, the timing sucked. Who planned something like this the week before Christmas? On his way back home, he wondered how he was going to do what he had planned.
There was no way to do it all…he simply had no time. Sighing he leaned back in his seat and looked out the plane's window trying to figure a way to salvage part of his plans because there was no way he was stopping now.
It had started so simply. He saw that the older man was hurting…lonely and becoming lost in the darkness that he carried around, He knew that he had to…needed to do something…anything to help. He knew it had to be quiet, no way the man would admit to needing anything…or anyone.
He had started small, filling the man's fridge wanting to make sure he ate. However, somewhere along the line, he changed and he wanted to do more…somehow let the man know he wasn't alone without actually invading his privacy.
So he continued thinking of things he knew the man would enjoy, hunting and scouring for the perfect items. What he hadn't expected was the box of photo's that arrived from Jackson's estate with a letter.
Dear Tony,
Bet you're a might surprised to hear from me and even more surprised about what you see in this box. But I believe I know you and by now, before you even opened this letter, you already peeked around and looked at a few of the pictures already.
Gotta lot of reasons for sending these to you, but the main one is I know that you'll understand how important they are and might help you understand a few things. You always wanted to know about Leroy and these here pictures will tell you part of his story. You have always been able to read him so I know that you will be able to translate the pictures as well.
I took the time to write who everyone was along with the occasion it was taken, or best as I can remember, on the back of every photo.
I know you're wondering why I sent these to you and I am afraid that you're just gonna have to figure that out for yourself. You're an investigator; Leroy said you're the best he's ever worked with so I trust you'll figure it out.
Wish I could be there when you do but trust me I'll know. And son there is no need to start pacing the floors and worrying about what Leroy is gonna think. I know my boy better than he thinks I do and you have nothing to worry about. Trust me, my gut is never wrong and when the time is right everything will make sense, always does.
Take care of him and take care of yourself. Life is too damn short to waste it, so don't.
Love,
Jackson
He didn't know how many times he had read that letter, pouring over the words trying to figure out what Jackson knew that he didn't. He'd lost count of how often he looked at the pictures reading every word that Jackson has shared.
But as always the Gibbs gut knew all and Jackson had been right and the man had given him an unexpected gift of the pictures as well as a swift kick in the ass. Life was too short. He knew what he wanted to do and began looking through the pictures for the right ones.
He had located the perfect frames and placed them in Gibbs' house. He had some that were ready for a Christmas tree and had put together an album of the rest wanting the right time to share it with Gibbs. All this time he had been silently speaking to the older man but now it was time to come out in the open.
Tony shook his head, this wasn't what he had planned, he wanted to put up the small tree with the ornaments he had found in the attic and the ones he had made from the pictures. He had planned to have dinner cooking and wait for the older man to come home and own up to everything he had done.
Not ready to give up. he was going to have to figure out something and fast.
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Tony pulled up to Gibbs' house having stopped at home after the plane landed for a quick shower. He had grabbed the album, ornaments and a wreath hoping that Gibbs would still be at the Yard. But what he saw made him do a double take to make sure that he was at the right house.
The house was ablaze with lights - all over it. He slowly got out of his car and looked around. He didn't see Gibbs' car or truck anywhere. Still in shock, he made his way to the door opening it and stepping inside.
A smile that could have lit the whole Eastern Seaboard graced his face as he whispered. "Guess you heard me." Closing the door behind him, he stood there in the foyer taking it all in. The huge tree that was in the living room full of lights and ornaments, packages under the tree, the two stockings hung on the mantle, a new couch and a TV that left no doubt that Gibbs was making his own declaration.
This was nothing that he had ever believed possible and everything that he could have dreamed.
"Not a dream Tony." Gibbs knew exactly what the younger man was thinking.
Tony turned his face full of awe and wonder and love.
"I heard you loud and clear. Wanted to make sure you heard me", stepping closer to the younger man. "And to make sure you knew that it was real. All this time you've been telling me that you cared, I wasn't alone and that my girls had a place here and with you."
Jethro sighed. "It was the one thing I always wanted…a place for them in a relationship. To not have to let go of them all together."
"Wouldn't want that Jethro, they're a part of you. Can't have one without the other." Tony shrugged.
"That's what makes you different Tony." Taking that last step that placed the two of them a hairsbreadth apart. "I love you Tony."
"Love you too Jethro." were the last words spoken before their lips met.
