I know I have other stories to attend to - especially my poor, neglected LOTR story - but this has been in my head since I fucking watched the first film and I really need to get it out to make room for other things.

Cast includes: Emma Stone as Sam; Jennifer Lawrence as Ashley; and all the actors in the film as their characters, obviously.

DISCLAIMER: As always, I own nothing, and now I'm sad.

Chapter 1 – Dolled Up

I managed to sweet-talk my way into getting let out of work three hours early tonight, just to make sure I'm around if my brother decides high school parties aren't as cool as they're made out to be on television. I know that he's less vulnerable being male, and he's 18 years old, and he's not an idiot like the majority of his peers, but the kid is a blatantly obvious nerd and suffers the traumas of unpopularity, leaving him with the biggest metaphorical bull's-eye plastered on his person, and nothing goes well for bullies' targets at a high school party. I'd considered changing into more practical clothes in the likely event that I'd need to go pick him and his two geek friends up, but figured staying in the short, figure-hugging dress and high heels would prove more effective, and perhaps make them seem less like science lovers and more like kids who are in with older girls.

I remember high school – after all, it was only six years ago – and I remember being ditched by guys in favour of older girls; they were more experienced, exotic, had their own place, and, perhaps more importantly, they could legally buy drink. Add those factors to the tight, sapphire dress clinging to my slim figure, the high heels that enhance the length of my pale legs, the way my deep, red hair falls in curls to my chest, the smoky eye make-up that makes my eyes pop, and the self-confidence that stems from the acceptance that I'm not actually ugly, I know that my brother and his friends would instantly be held in higher esteem because they had connections to a better world: the world of someone over the age of 21.

However tempting it is to go to the party and enable their promotion in the high school's hierarchy without my presence being requested, I tell myself to let my brother go out and experience the teenager's life with his friends, because it sure as hell speeds past you. Take me, for example – I had lived the fortunate life of mild popularity with my best friend, Ashley, and participated in the typical life of a teenage girl, attending all the parties, consuming all the alcohol, flirting with all the guys, ignoring the importance of our education, and now here I am, stuck in my parent's house looking after my brother without their help, working two jobs to bring in enough money for us to live, and without any hope of a luxurious future. Ashley would go out of her way to ensure that my lack of love life was included in that list, but I find it irrelevant and unimportant. Who needs a stable, happy relationship when you can go into both jobs and be harassed by horny men?

The click and squeak of the front door opening snaps me from my thoughts and has my head whipping round so fast my neck throbs in pain. I was hoping to see my brother cross the threshold, but I'm instead met with Ashley stomping in, wearing a tight, black dress that enhances her generous chest and curves, her dark-brown hair pulled up into a loose, high ponytail, holding her heels in her hands, with a face of pure misery. My own face reflects hers as I come to the realisation that I have to stay in this ridiculous get-up for a while yet, and I slump back into the sofa I'm curled up on.

She lingers in the doorway of the living room, standing across from me with her depressing aura, the television completely ignored to the right of her. "Can we just cut Jerry's throat and be fucking done with that slimy shithead?" she deadpans.

I wince for her, knowing what it's like to deal with our manager when your best friend and backup isn't present. "I'm really sorry, Ash; I just couldn't risk being unavailable tonight."

She drops her heels onto the floor and trudges over to sit next to me, lifting her knees up to her chin. "Did you have a date or something?" she asks, quirking an eyebrow doubtfully – as much as she longs for it, she knows it's the least likely thing to happen.

We had been given tasks to do at opposite sides of the venue that evening, so I hadn't managed to tell her all about tonight. "Funny," I reply blandly. "No, Zack and his friends went to a party tonight."

Ashley stares at me. "You're one to talk about funny."

"I'm serious."

"Zack went to a party?" she asks for confirmation.

"And Delroy and Roman, too," I nod, making her jaw drop and her eyebrows crease in bewilderment and disbelief. "They went to a house party."

"How the hell did they get invited?" she asks incredulously. "And what the hell made them want to go?"

I shrug, shaking my head. "He said that they met some new kid called Brad or something and he's now a friend of theirs."

"Okay, first off, Brad is totally not a geek's name, and, secondly, they made a new friend? Just like that?"

I smirk at her flabbergasted expression. "Apparently."

"I'm sorry, but that is extremely hard to believe."

"Oh, I agree whole-heartedly, and I'm very suspicious of this Brad dude. If anything happens to them tonight, his ass is getting beat into next year."

"I volunteer to provide assistance," she replies, nodding. "Are they drinking?"

I sigh, rubbing my face while remembering I still have make-up on. "I really don't know. He said they probably wouldn't because it's not their thing, but it's a fucking high school party – if they don't get caught up in the excitement, they'll have it forced down their throat."

"And they've never drank before so it'll probably go straight to their heads," Ashley added, frowning a little.

I groan, dropping my head into my hands. "I shouldn't have let him go," I mumble against my skin.

There's a familiar, sharp pain in my shoulder and I know without looking that Ashley just slapped me. "Sammy, you really need to stop beating yourself up whenever Zack lives a mistake of the teenage life. Everyone goes through it, and you're not protecting him by restricting him from having the same experience, you're keeping him from learning."

"Doing that could protect him from alcohol poisoning or drug overdose or drink driving accidents or teenage pregnancy," I point out, now holding my chin so I can look over at her.

She shrugs, abandoning her reverence in favour of humour. "It's all part of the super-fun roller coaster of high school drama."

I smirk at her. "I guess they are all vital aspects to a young adult's life."

"Exactly!" she grins, slapping her hand against the leather of the sofa. "I knew you'd come round."

My smirk falters when I hear incomprehensible shouting coming from outside the house, and my bewildered gaze meets Ashley's. "That sounds like drunk teenagers," she says slowly.

Knocks start raining down on my front door and I hurry over as best as I can in my heels, opening it up to see Delroy and Roman grinning stupidly at me. "Good evening, fair maiden!" Delroy shouts. "We have come to seek respite in your humble abode until dawn's light touches the horizon!" Roman just giggles next to him. Their clothes are ruffled and stained, and their hairdos are equally chaotic. They can barely focus their eyes on my face, and they're lacking one member of their group.

"Where's Zack?" I snap, grabbing Delroy's collar. Panic is welling exponentially in my chest, tightening my throat.

"His mighty steed brings him home!"

"You're not gonna get a coherent sentence out of him, Sam," Ashley says from the living room doorway.

"God damnit, you guys," I mutter irritably. I was expecting them to have had a sip of alcohol and resent the taste, but obviously there's more teenager in them than I thought. "Get up into Zack's room and the spare room. I'll let your mothers know where you are, and I won't tell them what state you're in."

"You are kind as you are beautiful, darling!" Delroy replies, sweeping his arm out in a clumsy bow.

"Just get inside before you hurt yourself."

With the two idiots out the way, I step out onto the porch and strain to spot a glimpse of my little brother on the street. It's dark and quiet, and the panic swells again. Then I see it: a tall figure with a scrawny boy over his shoulder, waving his arms around as if composing. The figure has his head down, presumably focusing on the ground to ensure that he's not going to fall flat on his face, as he walks up my driveway, bringing Zack closer.

"- and no one can defeat the legendary Zack and his mighty steed!" my brother proclaims. "Don't worry, Brad, I'll beat Physics class up if it threatens you."

"Jesus Christ," I mutter disbelievingly – trust me, this is indescribably weird for me to see.

This Brad guy – who looks incredibly well-built for a kid his age – lifts his head at the sound of my voice and stops dead, staring at me like a deer in headlights. I find myself rather caught off guard as well; however, I'm banishing sudden thoughts of how attractive he is as soon as they plague my mind. "Woah," he says in a deep voice, "There is no way in hell you're this geek's mom." I have never been more conscious of how revealing my clothes are until this point, not even when faced with a building of middle-aged men looking for a candidate for their affair.

"I'm his sister, Sam," I correct, reaching out to steady Zack as his new friend puts him on his feet again. My brother seems to have been thrown completely by the change of angle and swings his gaze around blindly, struggling to make sense of what he's seeing. I quickly check him over for injuries and sigh in relief when I find nothing but alcohol stains, dodging his now-flailing arms. Incoherent mumbles spill from his lips and a great feeling of discomfort crashes into me with the knowledge that he is absolutely wasted.

When my brother's body stumbles out the way, I watch Brad's eyes give me a once-over before rising to meet my own again, his Adam's apple bobbing on his thick neck. Then his brows pull together. "You're Sam?"

"Yeah."

"I thought you were a dude," he mutters. "They kept calling you 'he'."

I clear my throat at the sudden awkward subject, but – thank the Lord and all that is holy – Ashley takes it upon herself to divulge this embarrassing information for me. "If they thought of her as a girl, Zack's friends wouldn't be able to talk to her without pissing their pants."

I grit my teeth in frustration. "Thanks for that, Ashley."

"I got your back," she says, reaching an arm out to grab Zack and pull him into the house ungracefully. "I'll leave you two to talk," she whispers suggestively to me, winking as she climbs the stairs with my brother stumbling behind her.

Rubbing my forehead tiredly, I turn back to the young man – who does not look like he's in high school – and brace myself against the doorframe. "So, you're the new friend," I state, looking over his tight grey shirt, the sleeves rolled up to his elbows, hugging a muscular torso and big arms. Big arms, which I notice, end in bruised and cut hands. "You don't seem like the type of guy to befriend nerds."

He frowns in confusion, his plump lips assuming a slight pout. "What do you mean?"

"You've been fighting," I state, "And you obviously frequent a gym. Shouldn't you be one of the popular kids?"

His face fills with something akin to pleasant surprise, relief, and gratitude. "That's what I keep thinking, but high school's weird these days, you know?"

Now I frown. "And what's that supposed to mean?"

He falters. "Uh, well, I was, uh, home schooled, most of my life, because my parents had bad.. bad times in high school, so that's, uh, that's really all I've known about it."

Rolling my eyes at the lie, I push myself off the doorframe and take a hold off the handle. "Do you need to stay here tonight? And get your hands bandaged or something?"

He lifts his hands and inspects his damaged knuckles as if he's only just noticed them. "Oh, uh, thank you, that's incredibly tempting, but I should go back – my parents are probably shouting at my brother and he'll shit himself if I'm not there to hold his hand."

I nod, refusing to show amusement. "Okay." As he turns to leave, I stop him with what I hope is an intimidating glare, pointing a threatening finger at his face. "But you should know that I don't trust you. I don't know why or how you're friends with my brother and the other two, but if you hurt them, I swear to God you'll be going home to your parents in pieces. Got it?"

He swallows again, and I allow myself to believe that he's actually intimidated by me, even though he's about a head taller. "Yeah," he says, his voice suddenly rough. "It was really great meeting you."

I hold his gaze for a few more seconds, wondering if either of us know what to do with this tense silence, before closing the door in his face and solving the problem. When I turn around, Ashley is standing on the stairs behind me, smirking. "What?" I groan.

"That Brad guy is hot.

"Ashley, he's like six years younger than us."

She quirks an eyebrow. "Age is just a number."

I stare at her blankly for a moment. When words finally come again, I'm shaking my head and moving towards her. "Not when the guy's in fucking high school, Ash. Sorry. Wait a few years and then you can jump him."

"Me?" she laughs, "I was thinking you could take that out for a ride."

Now I quirk an eyebrow. "Uh-huh, sure, I'll get right on that immoral act." When I slide past her and continue up the stairs, she descends the rest to the ground floor. "You can sleep on the couch; you know the drill. I'm going to check on Zack and then get out of this ridiculous outfit."

"At least he saw you all dolled up, huh? He certainly enjoyed it."

"I'm going to shove a fucking chainsaw down your throat," I growl, receiving only a hearty laugh in reply.