Chapter 6

Mario and Bowser had made it onto the (pirate) ship, where they had been immediately surrounded by several pirate shy guys with swords.

"What-a the hell is this?" Mario said to no one in particular.

"We hereby take you prisoner!" One of the shy guys blurted. "Put your scurvy hands up!"

"Are you kidding?!" Bowser looked around. "Do you idiots know who we are?"

"Our prisoners!" Said the same shy guy.

"Landlubbers!" Another shy guy squeaked. He swung his little sword excitedly.

"Wow..." Bowser pinched his brow between two fingers. "We are not on the same page. Listen, you bozos take me home, or I roast your asses."

"Hey-a now," Mario said, "We can be-a nice about this. Listen tiny-a mask people…"

A shy guy darted from behind and poked Mario's butt with a sword, shrinking Mario down to little Mario.

"Who's little now?" The shy guy taunted. "Who's little now?"

"You Sunuva bitch!" Mario shrieked. "You'll all-a die!"

Whatever, might as well let the plumber take care of everything. Bowser thought.

But, just before all hell could break loose, there was the creaking of someone incredibly fat walking on wood.

"Wa ha ha! I'd suggest you stop right there!" The voice came from below deck.

Mario swung around wildly. "Who's-a there?"

"Captain!" A shy guy addressed the person coming up, "We've fished these two scallywags from out o' the water. They were, uh…gettin' intimate on their boat."

"WHAT?!" Bowser roared. "We…"

"It's not a boat!" Mario whined.

The door to the lower quarters swung open, and Wario waddled out. He was looking fatter than usual, and wearing a cardboard pirate hat.

"Wah! Well, if it isn't Mr. Goody-Two-Shoes and the Fat Jerk!" Wario took a bite out of a massive clove of garlic he held in one hand. As he munched the white vegetable, small flecks tumbled from his mouth. "My two least-favorite people in the WHOLE world!"

"I shoulda known!" Mario squealed. "Wario, take-a me back home right this instant! This ship stinks of onions and I don't-a wanna be on it!"

"Why should I?" Wario grunted.

"Because it's-a me Mario and I'm-a the best, and I will hit-a you if you don't do what I say!"

"Yer looking shorter than usual," Wario commented.

"Shut up! I've got-a cold!"

"Yah whatever," Wario belched loudly, "Take em' both to the brig."

"NO!" Mario yelled. "I challenge you to a duel!"

Bowser sighed, wondering if he should continue to let Mario handle this.

"Huh?" Wario chomped on the garlic with a bored look on his face. "A fight? Why should I?"

"It is a pirate's honor to accept a duel!" Mario declared.

"Uhhh… no it's not." Wario said flatly. "Pirate's don't have honor."

"Yes-a you do! Inside…inside, you are a honorable and good-a person!" He clasped his hands together. "Look-a inside your heart. You don't want to-a do this mean thing! You can-a turn your life around now!"

Bowser face-palmed.

Wario stared at Mario for a long ten seconds.

"I really can't take you seriously when you're so short. Ya look like an ugly midget. Men, take em' to the brig."

"%$# -a you!" Mario screamed.

And so, Mario and Bowser were both shamefully taken down into the ship. Mario, little and outnumbered, could not do much, while Bowser's only two options were to burn the ship down or to try to rush six pirates with swords, which was not something he really wanted to try. Besides, what was the worst thing that could happen?

"Strip!" Shrieked a shy guy pirate.

"W-what? Why?" Mario sputtered.

Bowser laughed.

"Not you! The big turtle!"

"What?!" Bowser roared.

"We wanna make sure you aren't stashing items in your shell!" The shy guy poked Bowser with a sword.

"How dare you?!" Bowser roared. "You can stuff me in a cell, but I am not taking my shell off!"

"Tee hee," Mario giggled.

"Weeelll…it does seem like a bonny bit of effort," The shy guy complained. "All of you looks fat an' heavy, including the shell. …Well, a'right, into the cell scallywags!"

Bowser and Mario were herded into a cell.

"Do you have any other cells?" Bowser demanded.

"Eh? Yer lucky we didn't strip ya! Shut yore trap!"

The shy guys locked the door and then walked away.

"I feel like that-a could've been handled better," Mario said contemplatively.

"Shut up," Bowser groaned.

The furnishings of the cell were very simple: one side completely dominated by iron bars, a dusty mattress with pillow in one corner, and a bucket in the other.

"Oh boy! A bucket!" Mario exclaimed.

Bowser groaned again and climbed onto the mattress, and dropping his head onto the pillow.

"OW ^%$#! Bowser brought his head right back up from the pillow and cut a hole into it with a claw. Eight big rocks tumbled out.

"Maybe if I-a put the bucket on my head, I will get a powerup!"

"I can't stand it…" Bowser mumbled, falling face-first back into the mattress.

"Hey-a Bowser, do you think if I-a put this bucket on my head, I will-a become Bucket Mario? Gee, this-a bucket smells funny."

"I'm going to eat this mattress…I'm so hungry…" Bowser started to chew on the mattress.

"I don't-a feel any stronger! Hey Bowser, do I look different? I can't-a see anything!"

This is how it ends, Bowser thought as a large chunk of the mattress disappeared into his maw, Both of us crazy, raving in a cell together. Me eating a pillow and then a mattress, and Mario running around with his head in a bucket. Oh…why oh why…?

There was a loud creaking as a dangerously obese man came walking into the brig, followed by a tremendous creaking as said man sat on a small stool opposite the cell.

"What do you want?" Bowser moaned. "Are you hear to laugh at us?"

"Yes," Wario replied, taking another bite out of an onion, "Wah ha ha!"

"Who-sa there?" Mario took the wooden bucket off of his head. "GASP! Wario! You jerk!"

"I'm trying to decide what to do with the two of you," Wario said thoughtfully, "Any suggestions?"

"You let us go!" Mario shouted.

Wario shook his fat head, which accidently sent his cardboard pirate hat falling to the ground.

Wario strained to lean over and reach it for ten seconds.

He gasped for breath and finally gave up. "I can't just let you go. It won't make me any money."

"Is dat all that's-a important to you?" Mario shook his fists.

"Yes. Anyway, maybe I'll sell you both back to your own kingdoms." Wario stood up after several seconds of effort, getting up off of the stool just as it collapsed. "Now, I'm getting out of here before you two start getting intimate again."

"What?" Bowser grabbed the bars of the cell. "You don't believe that, do you?"

"Whatsa intah-mat mean?" Mario garbled. "And hey! Come-a back here!"

"We'll reach the Mushroom Kingdom in five days." Wario said without turning around. "Have fun." And then he was gone.

"Five days?!" Bowser collapsed. "No… FIVE DAYS?! I can't survive in here for five days…"

"How-a rude!" Mario stomped a foot. "I wasn't-a done talking! I wanted food! Hey-a Bowser, do you think they put-a the food in this bucket? Is this-a pirate plate? Hey! Hey! Catch!"

Bowser wasn't ready. The bucket flipped over twice in the air and landed on one of Bowser's horns, covering half his head.

"BINGO!" Mario screamed. Was he losing it too?

I can't do it…I just can't do it…help me…somebody…

"I'll help you."