Mario and Bowser on a Boat

Chapter 1: Bowser Steals the Boat

One day Mario bought his own boat using the money he got from New Super Mario Bros. 2. The seller called the boat a yacht, but Mario got ripped off since the boat was just a regular wooden row boat with a sail glued in the middle. Oh well. Mario's an idiot.

The next morning, Bowser was feeling particularly spiteful, so he snuck onto the boat and prepared to steal it. He was just cutting the rope that tied the boat to a pier when Mario ran up to the end of the dock.

"Hey! What are you-a doing!?" Mario shouted angrily.

"I'm stealing your boat!" Bowser sneered triumphantly. His claw snapped through the rope, and the boat began to drift away from the dock.

"You dick!" Mario shouted, and then he jumped onboard.

Bowser reared his head back. "Go away!" He roared, letting loose a burst of flame at Mario's head. Mario dropped to the floor, dodging, and the flame ignited the sail of the boat.

"Bwa ha ha!" Bowser laughed. Then he started blowing at the sea water below the boat in order to make the boat sail away faster.

"Mama mia!" Mario whipped his cape out from apparently nowhere and began to desperately swish at the flames. He managed to succeed but his cape was set on fire at the last second. Mario screamed, ripped the flaming cape off, and tossed the precious fabric into water.

Bowser stopped blowing and looked around to admire his handiwork. He and Mario were now six hundred feet from shore.

Mario noticed where they were and started to swear. "You stupid-a turtle! You spiny bastard! You…you…you really-a blow!"

Bowser blinked. "Is, uh, that a compliment?"

"You can steal my girl all you like, you can beat the crap-a out of my brother, but you can't-a hijack my yacht!" Mario shrieked. "I'm-a going to kill you!"

"This is a crappy boat. You should see MY yachts," Bowser boasted.

"This is-a yacht!" Mario shrieked.

"No it's not."

"Yes it is!"

"No it's not."

"YES IT IS!" Mario approached Bowser threateningly.

"Stop right there, fat boy!" Bowser held up a clawed hand. "One more step and I light up this whole watercraft!"

"IT'S-A…no, you wouldn't!"

"Yes, I would." Bowser clacked his teeth threateningly. "Try me, fatty."

"I…" Mario hesitated, starting to sweat. He tried to think of something to say or do, but he came up empty. He stepped back in defeat and sat down, "I'm not-a fatty."

"Heh." Bowser sat down on his edge of the boat.

The sun rose and the boat floated further and further out to sea. Soon the shore was a thin strip in the horizon.

"I'm-a hungry," Mario said quietly.

"Would you like a toasted cheese sandwich?" Bowser asked.

"Yes-a please. I love toasted cheese." Mario blinked. "Wait-a minute, where would you get a toasted cheese sandwich?"

"Bwa ha ha! You're an idiot!" Bowser guffawed.

"Where are you-a going to get a toasted cheese?" Mario cried.

"I don't have any toasted cheese you moron," Bowser said angrily.

"But, but you, but," Mario was breaking up.

"God you are dense," Bowser sneered, picking his nose.

"Kettle and tea cup are black!" Mario shouted back, fighting to not burst into tears.

"What?"

"It's-a saying! It…" Mario stamped a foot on the boat, rocking it. "I'm not-a stupid! I'm SMART!"

"You can't just say you're smart," Bowser taunted, "You have to do it."

"Shut up!"

"Make me!"

"I…I…" Mario screamed and ran at Bowser. "I'm-a tossing you overboard!"

"What about your boa…" Bowser started to say, but Mario was already punching him in the face. Bowser fell backward, his weight almost causing the boat to flip.

"Watch it, jackass!" Bowser growled. "Or I really will light this boat on fire."

"I don't-a care anymore!" Mario announced grandly. "You have insulted my-a honor! My-a honor is worth more than my-a boat! I can swim to shore if I must!" Something frightening glinted in his eyes. "I'm not so-a sure you can."

"I totally can!" Bowser snapped back (it was true, he'd done it in Paper Mario 2 and Super Paper Mario), "But I think the cheep cheep in the water will be a bit more of a problem than our swimming abilities."

True to Bowser's word, a large swarm of razor-toothed cheep cheep had surrounded and were beneath the boat, chomping their teeth with a disturbing greed for flesh.

"Uh…" Mario frowned. "I…"

Mario sat back down.

"And the best part of all is that the cheep cheep are under my control!" Bowser snapped his fingers. "Depart for now, my minions!"

The cheep cheep continued to swarm the boat.

"Depart until I have need of you again!" Bowser demanded obnoxiously, snapping his fingers again.

But nothing happened.

"That…these are my cheep cheep! All cheep cheep are part of my army!" Bowser squinted down at the sinister fish.

One of them leapt and latched onto his nose.

"SON OF A BITCH!" He roared, flailing around in pain wildly.