Birthday fic for Turtlefriedrice.

Warning: lots of silliness

Zoro was a man of many talents, even if some people didn't recognise all of them. He held the record of most push-ups at the local gym and, once he was holding three swords, he was unbeatable. Yet he didn't necessarily need weapons to do some serious damage. Like a certain cook, his own body was an excellent weapon as well.

He also had a talent of finding the most interesting route to his destination. No, he didn't get 'lost', like his friends accused him of, he just didn't like taking the same route every time. That the city agreed and cooperated with him by changing the streets every once in a while was only a bonus.

But the talent Zoro got the most enjoyment out of was none of the above. No, what he liked the most was that he could fall asleep at any place at any time. It got him through a lot of boring meetings and conversations. He wasn't lazy, just practically recharging when he had the chance.

Sleeping in the garden in the sun was one of his favourite things to do, despite the fact that he could sleep anywhere. The tree he was leaning up against was providing him with just enough shadow not to get too hot in the sun. Sighing contently, he settled against the bark and closed his eyes.

Even though he could fall asleep whenever he wanted, Zoro prided himself with the fact that he could also wake up when there was danger around. So when he felt a slight pull at his hair, but didn't sense danger around, he didn't feel the need to wake up.

Sanji was a man of many talents. No one would argue that he wasn't the best cook around – perhaps maybe aside from the shitty old man. He also had a way with the ladies, if he said so himself, and when it came to multitasking – usually cooking and something else – he was a champ. That being said, Sanji was also a man of little patience when it came to men, and one green haired bastard in particular. Two things annoyed the hell out of Sanji; one, that Zoro was always late because he got freaking lost in a straight hallway and two, that he fell asleep whenever, the lazy bastard.

Today, Zoro was late again. Sanji had called him a few times, but the idiot hadn't answered, leaving as the most likely option he had fallen asleep somewhere. Sanji's feet itched to kick him awake. After all, they finally had agreed to go on a date, something they would both like, and of course, Zoro had forgotten. Sanji was wondering why he was even trying anymore.

It wasn't that he didn't like Zoro – not that he would ever tell that algae that. Their friends certainly thought they would be good together, Nami cheering them on the loudest. And while usually, Sanji would have a better taste in men, he would gladly humour Nami to go out with Zoro.

When he had asked Zoro out, the guy had shrugged with a "whatever" which, of course, resulted into an all-out brawl. Then weeks had passed in which they made suggestions for dates, but the other always shot it down. And now they finally had come to an agreement for a date – first to the gym for some exercise, then a movie, then dinner and then, who knew, some more exercise afterwards – and Zoro had forgotten.

Fuming, Sanji reached Zoro's house and used the key from under the fake rock next to the door – really, Zoro? – to open the door. He checked the bedroom and the couch, but didn't find any sign of marimo. Since the weather was nice, he decided to have a look in the garden as well.

Outside, under the big tree, Sanji saw a figure leaning against the trunk. Since their hair blend in perfectly, there was no doubt who it was. The blond walked over, fully ready to kick some marimo ass, when he suddenly stopped in his tracks. He blinked, looked again and then started to chuckle. First softly, but soon, he was doubled over with laughter. He had always compared Zoro's hair to moss and now it turned out that nature agreed with him.

Zoro was woken by a familiar laughter. When he opened his eyes, he noticed he wasn't alone in his garden anymore. Sanji had joined him, rolling on the ground in laughter. It took him a few seconds to realise why the cook might be there. Right, they were supposed to go on a date. But then he had expected Sanji to be seething in anger, not looking like he had never witnessed anything more funny in his life.

"Oi, Cook!" he called out, in hope for a response.

Sanji looked up, still hiccupping and wiping a tear from his eyes. "Ma- Marimo," he managed to bring out. "We… We were supposed to go on a date, bastard…" He took another look at Zoro and again doubled over in laughter.

"What the hell is so funny, Cook?" Zoro scratched at his head. A few twigs came falling down. Confused, he looked up a bit, but didn't seen anything unusual. Shrugging, he turned back to the wheezing cook. "Oi! Why aren't you trying to kick the crap outta me?"

"I was plan– planning on doing that–" Sanji beat his fist on the ground, still not able to calm down. "But when I found you…" He snorted, trying to catch his breath. Then, he pointed to Zoro's head. "Seems like you have a new resident."

The green haired man reached to his hair. "What the hell–" He cursed when he felt a sharp pain in his finger and pulled back his hand. "What's going on?"

"You know how I always call you Moss-head?" Sanji got up and dusted off his clothes. "Some birds like to use moss for their nest, Marimo."

"Wha–?" Zoro rose, hearing a protesting chirp as he did, and, using his kitchen window as a mirror, his jaw fell open when he saw what Sanji meant. On his head, a bird's nest was built and a content looking bird was brooding in it.

"What the hell?!" He couldn't even have a quiet nap in his garden anymore? "How the hell is this funny?"

"It's not." Sanji tried to keep his face straight, failing miserably.

"It's not funny, Cook!" Angrily, Zoro whipped around. A panicked chirp sounded and from the corner of his eye, the green haired man saw something small and colourful flying away.

The smile fell immediately from Sanji's face. "Now look what you did! You scared the poor thing away!"

"It shouldn't have built its nest on my head!" Zoro exclaimed and reached to his head to throw the bundle of twigs mixed in with his hair aside, but Sanji stopped him.

"There's an egg!"

"What?" Zoro reached to feel, only to have his hands slapped away.

"You scared the mother. Now we must keep the egg warm and you must stay in one place so the mother can find her nest back!" the blond said reprimanding.

"I can't sit out here all day! Who knows when and if the bird will come back," Zoro protested.

"You didn't seem to have a problem with sitting here when you forgot about our date," Sanji snapped, but before Zoro could protest, he lifted up his hand. "For now, we need to protect an unhatched bird. Sit back where you sat before and I'll get something to keep him warm. Then I'll call Usopp."

Their friend Usopp was a bird watcher and knew a lot about the animals. He would probably know what to do, even in a situation as ridiculous as this one.

Zoro couldn't say he felt comfortable with his friend's unusually long nose almost pressed into his hair. Honestly, wasn't there enough crap in there already because of that stupid bird? But Usopp insisted he needed to study the egg to know what kind of bird laid it, and the egg, now wrapped in a towel to keep it warm, was apparently very tiny. Zoro had been ordered to stay seated in the same spot as he had fallen asleep in while Usopp was breathing down his neck, mumbling things and flipping through his bird guide.

Zoro was just starting to doze off again, when Usopp suddenly spoke. "That's odd," he said, taking the magnification goggles off. "The only bird I can find who lays eggs like this is a species that shouldn't live around here."

"Then you're probably wrong," Zoro answered yawning.

Usopp looked at him indignantly had huffed. "I'm not wrong. Tell me what you saw when the bird flew off."

Zoro shrugged. "Just a flash of colours."

His friend nodded. "And how big was the bird? About this?" He held his fingers a little over four inches apart.

The green haired man thought for a moment and then nodded. "Sounds about right."

"Right." Usopp snapped the book he was holding shut. "Then I was right, it's a Fiery-throated Hummingbird egg. They live in the mountains of Costa Rica and western Panama, usually."

Zoro reached up to scratch his head, but this time his hand was slapped away by Usopp. "Careful of the egg," he snapped. Then, he sighed. "Look, you should wait until sundown, but of the mother isn't back by then yet, it would be best to take the nest inside. It would be best to keep the egg where it is–"

"Like hell!" Zoro yelled. "I'm not gonna walk around with a bird's nest on my head until it hatches!"

"It's only for fifteen to nineteen days," Usopp tried. "Well, and then twenty to twenty six days until the chick is ready to fly out…" He trailed off when Zoro gave him a murderous glare and cleared his throat, continuing, "But of course I can build a surrogate nest in which you can lay the egg."

Zoro huffed when Usopp fled inside to take care of that, but then sighed and relaxed against the bark again. He really hoped that the mother bird would return again.

He must have dozed off again, because he awoke from a tap against his leg. He recognised Sanji's foot instantly, it having been connected to his body numerous times before, but this time, the tap was surprisingly gentle.

"So, no luck, huh?" the blond commented as he looked in the still empty nest. "Looks like you're gonna be a daddy."

Zoro shot up, but was stopped again by Sanji's foot.

"Careful with the egg," the chef said sternly. "Honestly, it would be irresponsible of me to leave you alone with it."

The green haired man stared up at the blond, his mouth agape. "Huh?" he finally said intelligently.

Sanji rolled his eyes and shoved the tray he had been holding into Zoro's hands. The swordsman almost started to drool when the smell of food hit his nostrils. Only now, he remembered he hadn't eaten all day – which had nothing to do with nerves of having a date with Sanji! – and dug in.

The chef sat down next to him and lit up a cigarette. "I'm gonna help you raise it," he said, staring to the grass.

Zoro stopped mid-bite and stared at the blond. "H–"

"If you say 'huh' again, I'll kick you," Sanji threatened. "You heard me. We're gonna raise a baby bird together. So you better deal with that."

"Bastard," Zoro said.

The blond stot to his feet. "What did you say, mossy idiot?!"

But the green haired man snickered. "I meant our child will be a bastard. Since we're not married."

After Usopp had made a new nest, the bird watcher had carefully placed the egg in there and gotten a heat lamp from somewhere, to keep the egg at the right temperature. There wasn't much else they could do for now, as the egg didn't need anything besides warmth. The real work would start once the egg had hatched. Usopp had lent Zoro a book about hummingbirds, so he could read up about what to do once the chick was born.

Sanji lived up to his promise and stopped by every day to bring food and look at the egg. His concern for the egg forced them to interact and Zoro found that he didn't mind that as much as he had anticipated. They still hadn't gone on a real date, though, because despite the fact that all the egg needed was warmth, Zoro didn't feel comfortable leaving it alone. What if the light bulb failed? Or what if the egg hatched without him present?

Sanji teased about him worrying, but the blond was no different himself. While they still fought as much as usual, in the final days before the egg would hatch, Sanji didn't leave anymore and spent the nights sleeping on the couch. Zoro didn't mind, but that could have something to do with the warm breakfast he woke up to every day.

On the seventeenth day after the bird had made a nest in Zoro's hair, Sanji woke up to a soft crackling sound. His eyes flung open and he jumped up, running over to the nest, meanwhile calling to Zoro upstairs. "Wake up, you lazy bum! It's time!"

Zoro had never been awake faster and within a few seconds, he was downstairs next to Sanji. The blond had his video camera ready, filming the tiny bird hatching from the egg. First, a tiny bill emerged, pecking away the shell. Slowly, more of the chick was revealed and soon, it was chirping for food.

Zoro and Sanji looked at each other, the latter still holding the camera. The blond smiled as the proud parent he was, and Zoro, not able to supress the feelings bubbling up, hugged him tightly.

Sanji's one visible eye was wide when the green haired man let go and the latter scratched the back of his head embarrassedly. "Got excited," he muttered.

Sanji huffed and directed his attention back to the baby bird as if he wasn't blushing like mad. "We'd better feed this little guy before he chirps himself hoarse. They eat nectar, right?"

"Er, have you been reading the book Usopp lent me? Chicks eat bugs," Zoro said, his eyebrow raised.

Sanji visibly paled. "What? But I thought…"

"What, are you afraid of bugs?" Zoro snorted.

"Of course not!" Sanji snapped. "It's my job to feed all creatures, so I can feed this little guy…" He swallowed hard as he looked at the still chirping chick.

"How about you take care of feeding me, and I'll make sure Marco gets all the bugs he needs," Zoro suggested.

Sanji raised a curly eyebrow. "Marco?"

Zoro shrugged. "You know a better name?"

Sanji looked from the bird to Zoro. "I guess Marco will do," he eventually said. "Though I have no idea if it's male or female."

"Well, you aren't acting like an idiot so it must be male," Zoro said smirking.

"Who's the idiot here?!" Sanji raised his leg to kick the green haired man to the other side of the city, but the needy chirping increased in volume and the cook inside him couldn't leave the poor creature go hungry. "Get him some bugs then. I'll start on dinner."

Taking care of a baby bird was a full time job, so Sanji had permanently moved in. Zoro fed Marco bugs several times a day and after a week, the blond tried it as well, keeping the insect as far away from him as he could.

Zoro had never thought he liked to be a parent. Even if it seemed silly, they read to the bird at night. When they were watching TV, sitting closely on the couch together, they placed Marco on the coffee table so he could watch as well. After a day or twelve, the chick didn't need the heat lamp all the time, as the book said that the mother the young would leave for longer periods of time as well.

Marco was starting to grow a beautiful bundle of feathers, greenish blue for the most part, with a brilliant blue crown and a yellow-bordered coppery orange throat. On the twenty-first day after hatching, Zoro and Sanji found Marco sitting on the edge of the nest. Sanji squeezed Zoro's hand excitedly and got the camera ready. Their son was getting ready to leave the nest.

Marco puffed his feathers and without hesitation, launched himself from the nest. It took a few awkward flaps, rising and falling, and nervous gasps from the parents, but eventually, Marco had his wings under control and flew around the room.

Proudly, Zoro looked at the bird and had to wipe away a tear. "They grow up so fast," he whispered hoarsely.

Usopp came to visit to see Marco fly, but when he arrived he was followed by a man in uniform with a freckled face. "I'm really sorry," Usopp said after he had gawked at Marco. "I don't know how its mother got here, but Fiery-throated Hummingbirds shouldn't live here. So I contacted Ace. He's from animal protection."

Sanji gasped and Zoro stepped protectively in front of the nest – even if Marco flew around the room and above their heads. "You can't take Marco away from us!" he snapped.

"Sorry, man. But these little guys aren't indigenous to this area. You did a great job raising him, but it's time to bring him back to his kind, don't you think?" Ace said and raised the cage he was holding. "Don't worry, he's in great hands. I'll personally oversee that he – Marco was it? – will find a suitable mate."

Zoro and Sanji looked at each other, their fingers intertwined. "It is time he leaves the nest," Sanji eventually said.

Zoro looked up at the hummingbird who flew across the room, wings flapping so quickly they were almost invisible. He knew this wasn't the place for Marco to spread his wings – figuratively speaking of course, seeing Marco was only four and a half inches – but he had grown attached to him over the course of days. It was thanks to Marco that he was together with Sanji, having grown close while parenting. It was time Marco went to where he belonged.

With pain in their hearts, Zoro and Sanji watched Ace leave with Marco in the birdcage.

Usopp patted them on the shoulders. "Don't worry, Ace will take great care of Marco." With that, he left.

The house now empty, Sanji sighed and lit a cigarette. He hadn't smoked inside since Marco hatched. "So, what do you wanna do now?"

Zoro thought for a moment. "Well, parenting didn't leave much free time for us. How about we go on that date now?"

I can't help it, I can't write stories without a hint of MarcoAce anymore XD