A/N: I hope you all enjoy this last chapter.

I woke up bright and early the next morning at 6:30 only to discover that Gibbs was already awake and making coffee, who would expect anything different? I went straight to my sparking bathroom and freshened up ready for breakfast, Gibbs was still in the kitchen. He did not only make me a coffee but also breakfast, even if it was just a bowl of cereal. "Out of a whole selection of cereal you picked my favourite, how?" He just did one of those Gibbs nods meaning he was never going to tell me. I didn't notice before but Gibbs was already dressed in fresh clothes, I guess his gut told him to pack a night bag. "Boss, was I really on one last night? I was too tired to remember everything that happened after Tony and Ziva left"

"You were just on a cleaning spree McGee, and acted a little bit like a five year old when it was bedtime"

"Yeah, I'm…"

"Don't say it, rules are rules"

"Got it boss"

"I'll let you have your apartment back now; I have to be in early to see the director. And if you rolled in half an hour late I'm sure no one would mind, you could get some more sleep"

"I'm fine boss"

"Then don't be a second late!" He shouted as he was walking down the stairs into the lobby. I then got ready knowing I couldn't be late for work, not today when Tony and Ziva are going to bomb-bard me with questions. Today I need Gibbs on my side.

I arrived at NCIS early thank goodness. No Tony or Ziva to be seen, only Gibbs' coffee which he picked up as he was walking past. I thought he would just ignore the fact that I was there but I was wrong. "McGee, what are you doing here so early?"

"Avoiding traffic"

"Don't you mean Tony and Ziva?"

"N-no boss, I-I would never do that"

"Don't try and lie to me again McGee, you're making it a habit. They are not going to shout at you and if they start to push you tell me because this problem can't be solved through pushing"

"Okay boss"

About half an hour later Tony arrived. "Mornin McGrumpy, how we feelin today?"

"Fine thanks Tony, you?"

"I'm all good Tim" phew, he didn't ask any questions. Wait, I may have thought that too soon. He slid his chair all the way up to my desk "do you want to talk about anything McGee? I'm a good listener when I want to be"

"Tony, I'm fine now please leave me alone"

"I could come round tonight and help you tidy up, maybe we could watch some films after"

"That's nice of you to offer but I did it yesterday besides, Gibbs helped me"

"Oh, okay Probie, if you need to talk I'm all ears"

On that note, as if it had been planned, Ziva walked in and Tony slid back to his desk. "Good morning McGee, Good morning Tony"

"Morning" we both replied then she came up to my desk.

"How are you feeling today McGee?"

"Fine thank you Ziva, what about you?"

"I feel fine McGee, are you going to be okay then?"

"Yes Ziva" I sharply replied without a thought, she then returned to her desk knowing that I didn't want to be asked questions.

"McGee, Ducky now! You two, with me" Gibbs shouted so the whole world could hear. I took the stairs down to Ducky, Gibbs took Tony and Ziva in the elevator, no doubt he was going to talk to them.

When I arrived in autopsy Palmer, yet again, was nowhere to be seen but another person was.

"Ah Timothy, I was beginning to wonder if you were going to turn up today"

"Hi Ducky, who is this?"

"Hello Special Agent McGee, I am Dr Trevor Wimslow, I'm an NCIS psychiatrist"

I immediately turned to Ducky, did he go and tell someone about this?

"Please relax Timothy, he's a friend"

"You have no need to worry about me, I don't intend on putting this in your file"

"He is here because I asked him to be, I need him to make an official diagnosis which is something I cannot do"

"And I also had a debt to repay to an old friend"

Did Ducky really just do this? I knew I should have just not told anybody. The session went on for another hour between him asking questions and my normal chat with Ducky. When he finally left in the elevator I grabbed my jacket and left instantly without saying a word to Ducky who repeatedly called me back. I stopped half way up the second flight of stairs and just sat there showing no emotions, I was still close enough to hear what Ducky was saying over the phone "Jethro, yes this is important, it's about Timothy, fine hurry up" then I heard him put the phone down. A couple of minutes later I heard Gibbs arrive in autopsy.

"So?"

"So what. It went fine, it's Timothy's reaction I didn't account for. He was beyond annoyed and he must feel betrayed. I warned you of this Jethro."

"Where is he?"

"I don't know, he's either about to do something stupid or he is taking a step out of reality for a moment. I have just betrayed his trust, turned his world upside down and probably made everything worse all because you thought we needed a proper diagnosis"

"We did Duck, I told Tony and Ziva to back off, they were questioning him before I got there"

"Jethro, leave the poor boy alone. Yes he has been though a lot of what you have but don't you remember needing space?"

"I remember whenever I was left alone I wanted to shoot myself so I'm gonna be concerned"

"Well based on Dr Winslow's findings with Tim and the information I gave her about you she thinks he may be worse than what you was"

"That can't be right Duck. I know depression can hit anyone at any time but Tim, the happy Tim we all know, it's just not right. I'm going to find him"

"Leave him in peace"

"How do we know he hasn't jumped, overdosed or hung himself already?"

"We don't, we just have to believe that he won't. It's what he needs"

"If he is worse than I was we're gonna need more than belief"

I then heard him walk out of autopsy and press the elevator button, I then realised that I left the door open to the stairs and I heard Gibbs approach, I carefully stood up making as little noise as possible and tiptoed up the stairs. Although I made no sound Gibbs pursued his gut instinct so when he started walking up the stairs. I ran. I ran straight to Abby's lab hoping to lose him. I hid behind her desk and virtually stopped breathing when Gibbs walked in. "McGee!"

"He's not here Gibbs"

"I haven't got time for games Abby"

"Number one, what happened to saying Tim instead of McGee. Number two, hunting him down isn't going to help. Number three, what did he do to piss you off this badly?"

"One, habit. Two, it will if I stop him doing something stupid. Three, he hasn't, I need to talk to him and he overheard me talking to Ducky"

"Well did you say anything offensive?"

"Not offensive as such but both me and Ducky need to talk to him"

"I will tell him if I see him Gibbs but you have been on his case for days. Maybe you should back off a little. Get a coffee and rethink your approach if you want him to open up to you"

"Thank you Abbs but I still need to talk to him" I then heard Gibbs leave and enter the elevator, I waited for the all clear before I came out of hiding.

"Are you sure you never pissed him off?"

"Yeah, I just panicked when I heard him coming; I thought he would go nuts at me"

"You've done nothing wrong"

"I'm just a burden to him, there's no point in being here"

"McGee, don't talk like that. You're being absolutely ridiculous"

"It's true"

"No it's not; if you carry on talking like this I will call Gibbs"

How am I supposed to fight against Abby? She once again gave me a big hug to try and cheer me up, it didn't work but she doesn't need to know that.

"You know you can go and lie down next door and I will get you in half an hour"

"Why don't you tell Gibbs in half and hour and say that I've just turned up"

"See, team work, now go and sleep. You will need your energy if you're going to challenge the almighty Gibbs"

Sure enough I got woke up half an hour later but by Gibbs, not Abby. "Where is he?"

"Chill Gibbs, he's lying down"

"McGee! Ducky's lab now!"

He might as well have dragged me there, we took the stairs down in silence and virtually threw me into autopsy.

"Jethro please, he is not a rag doll"

"I've just spent half an hour looking for him when he was taking a nap in Abby's lab"

"If you are going to be of no use then I suggest you leave"

"I'm not going anywhere Duck"

"Very well then, at least be quiet and allow the boy to speak without being harassed. Now Timothy, the official diagnosis means we can start to treat this properly"

"You seriously expect me to carry on like nothing has happened when you have just told some random person every single detail of my life, what happened to confidentiality?"

"If you want someone to blame for the shrink blame me not Ducky, I needed to know how bad it was"

"No you didn't, you can see how bad it is. You should have just let me jump, nobody cares and I still don't want to be here, nothing is working."

"It has only been a few days McGee, it took me years"

"Why should I care? Both of you have betrayed me" I then stormed out of autopsy nearly knocking Palmer off his feet who was completely baffled by the situation. 'Now I am really for it' I thought. Insulting Gibbs and Ducky wasn't my best idea but they really didn't understand what they had just done. Gibbs calmly followed me and asked me what I was hiding as we entered the lift. Then I spoke "talking is a completely new thing for me boss and what you two just did leads me to believe that I cannot trust you."

"Believe what you want, just answer the question" then Gibbs shut down the lift.

"What makes you think you I am hiding something?"

"Written in your body language, please tell me Tim I have seen and heard everything you could possibly imagine."

"What if I was to tell you that talking was already my third coping mechanism?"

"In that case I would like to ask what your other two were"

"Writing and something that I really don't want anyone else to know boss, not even Ducky after today"

"You don't have to tell me Tim but it would be better if you did because I will just find out anyway in the end." I really don't think he was expecting what happened next.

"Well I-it's easier for me to show you" with that I rolled up my sleeves in hope that I would receive some sort of magical treatment from Gibbs to make it all go away but I knew that what I had done couldn't be removed. The marks ran all the way up both of my pale arms, some were fresh and others were healed. Gibbs was speechless. The expression on his face looked like disappointment to me but looking back it must have just been shock. I then rolled my sleeves back down and spoke "now do you think I have lived through enough torture?" Gibbs couldn't even speak, how did he even miss this one? I really thought he had some idea at the least "Now do I have your permission?" I asked.

"To what?"

"What do you think Gibbs? Commit suicide" I responded impatiently

"I will never permit a young, heathy and promising life to do such a thing but do I know that you followed my rules. Just try and remember that somewhere deep inside of you is that young, green, happy and smart agent that I hired all of those years ago. You have got to be the only person to give Tony a run for his money with women too."

"I don't care Gibbs! I have had enough!"

"McGee, you need to calm down"

"No I don't. I wouldn't even be here if you had stopped me. This is just another few more days of hell to me and there is nothing you can do to change it."

"Tim, there is always help. There will always be someone who cares if you're gone even if you don't realise it."

"Nobody will miss me. Even if they did, I'm sure they would get over me soon enough"

"Think back Tim. Abby would cry for days on end, Tony would be lost, Ziva would shut people out, the technology in the bullpen wouldn't survive and Palmer would have nobody to understand him"

"What about you and Ducky?"

"I don't know what Ducky would do but I know I would resign"

"Why?"

"Too many memories"

"Oh, I didn't think of that"

"So if you wanna kill yourself Tim, go right ahead. But if I see you and a way to stop you, I will take it."

"So you're saying that you don't regret pulling me back from the roof edge"

"No I don't. I would do it every time if it meant you healing just a bit more each day and remember, what you do has a direct effect on this entire family"

"Family? That is the only thing that I didn't have as I was growing up"

"You had more than most Tim"

"But my father just rejected me, it's like I wasn't his. Penny only came round once a week and took me and Sarah out for a few hours then she would dump us back there again. I haven't spoken to my mum in 25 years and dad never encouraged me to do my work. He never even congratulated me for graduating from MIT."

"That's why you brag about it, you want recognition for it."

"I don't mean to brag. I was also the one who was always picked on just in case you haven't guessed already. I was the kid who got all the attention from the bullies and I mean all. My books ended up in the bin, on the roof and in fires. Then after every day I would have to come in and cook my own tea, dad always fed Sarah when he was there. Everything I ever achieved was down to me but now I guess I just can't keep going on my own. It's all well and good when people say they are there for you but when you have really given up there is no point in trying to help. Face it; I am never going to escape this one boss." Gibbs then head slapped me which I think was well overdue.

"Tim, you are not allowed to die on my watch. I have seen too many young lives wasted at the expense of others and you are just willing to throw yours away. That is not going to happen. As for these scars… they are your past. You alone can change everything but if you need help then that's fine because we can change everything. Please don't give up now Tim."

"I can't see why I should live anymore boss, that's what is killing me"

"What about the good memories you have, try and remember."

"I really don't know"

"What about memories of your sister, birthdays, first girlfriend, the day you graduated from M.I.T and FLETC, the day you joined our team?"

"They are good memories boss, but there's not enough of them. People I knew as friends in FLETC are either dead or don't speak to me anymore, can't really blame the though."

"I haven't lived your life so only you have those memories. I have mine. The day I met Shannon, the day I married her, the day Kelly was born, the first time my dad held Kelly and smiled, the piano recitals I was able to attend, the day I met each of my current ex-wives, the day I closed my first case, the day I hired Tony, the day Kate joined the team, the day you joined the team, the day Ziva gained my trust, Paris with Jenny, the day Ducky pushed a policeman off a cliff. See…"

"What?"

"That was nearly a smile, there is still hope Tim. I don't understand how you can't see that. Look, try these tablets, read the label for the dosage"

"There's no point, I already tried these. I seen somebody a while back about this and they prescribed these. They didn't work."

"Then there's only one thing for it"

"What's that boss?"

"You're moving in with me. I won't have any arguments about it"

"But boss-"

"I said no arguments. You need someone to be there every morning to make sure you eat, every day to make sure you're okay and every night to make sure you sleep. I can do all of that and work"

"No. I am not putting on you like that"

"McGee, you don't have a choice. I will even install that Wi-Fi stuff if it helps"

"I really don't need you to do that boss. We have completely opposite lives. In any other profession wouldn't meet, please leave me to be. If I get better then so be it but if I don't and I do jump off a building tomorrow then the suffering has ended for me."

"Stop!" Gibbs' voice roared through the entire NCIS building from the elevator shaft to the director's office, I have heard him shout before but that was something different. "Listen." I was too scared to argue with him. "You are going to get better and you don't have my permission to die. You never will Tim. Now go home, pack your stuff and take it to mine." He started up the elevator again and kicked me out at the bull pen to collect some things. Doing as I was told kind of felt right, I have always made my own decisions in life but for once I had a father making them for me.

Well…this is the end. It's the end of this chapter of my life. I am going to change and 'make my own luck' with this so called illness. I know that some days are going to be bad but I know that there will always be someone there for me. My friends will catch me when I fall even if my family won't be and eventually your friends become your family. There is always someone there for each of us, don't let depression tell you anything different.

By Thom E Gemcity

A/N: I hope you all liked my story but this is where I intend to leave it. No more of Tim's story needs to be said. There are plenty of other people out there who need the same sort of help, some not as much. I had people there for me and to this day even if it wasn't depression, they still don't know what I went through so remember that everyone is facing a battle you know nothing about so be nice and hopefully they will return the favour.