Disclaimer: Characters and original story does not belong to me, it's all Kripke and CW.

Sam just left for Stanford leaving John and Dean alone. But Dean is keeping secrets and John doesn't really know what to do. What will happen? It will be a very sick hurt Dean, good John and maybe some Sammy later on.

Sammy left; a day ago he shut the door in John's face and took off, to face a brighter future to become a lawyer. Leaving John and Dean shell shocked to do their thing, which was hunting or at least they thought so cause at this moment just merely fifteen hours since the second most horrible thing in Winchester's family history happened, they had no idea what's going on, what they supposed to do. They're not use to being a duo, being a trio is what they know.

John feels guilty, angry, ashamed, disappointed and a million of other emotions but mostly he is worried. Worried about Sammy, he's baby boy is going to be alone and unprotected in a big scary world that is even scarier when you're a Winchester, he's worried about Dean he's brave solider, his son has been so quite since yesterday, withdrawn. John could only hope that it will pass after the immediate shock. But he needs to stay strong for Dean and for his quest. They still have their job, but it would be so easy to just curl into a ball and mourn for their broken family. He looked up from his half empty glass of some cheap whiskey at his now only child. Dean was browsing the channels not really watching anything; eyes empty all the emotions safely hidden behind his walls. John wished he was a type of a father his children could come to and speak honestly about their emotions. But one child running away and the other doing everything not to look him in the eye are a clear sign that he is everything but that kind of a parent. So he decided to keep up his commander attitude Sammy hated so much and pretend as though nothing had happened.

'Dean? You hungry? We could go to this dinner at the corner grab a burger.' Dean's empty gaze moved slowly from the TV to John, after a moment of hesitation his faced shifted into a little unsure smile.

'Sure Dad, I'm starving' For the time being they can pretend nothing has changed.

'Let's take a walk, as I said it's close'

And for the next two weeks they pretended that everything is the same. More accurately they behaved like Sam never existed. And it started getting better, but also weird. Dean new their father loves them but now that they're without Sam, John's been a lot more touchy-feely. Asking Dean how is he feeling, clapping him on a back more often. And even if it was too little and too late, Dean was grateful for this contact. It felt good to know he still counted to someone. But it was also dangerous for Dean to let John in, to drop the guard. So he found a hunt, a simple one and decide to play John into going alone.

'Found a hunt, in Colorado, so pretty close. Simple salt and burn, wanna take it?'

'If you want to, we can'

'Well, actually I was thinking you could go alone, you see this waitress at a diner, well let's just say Mindy and I get along very well.' John groans.

'Ok, ok, I don't want to hear it anymore. Are you sure? You'd stay alone you know?'

'Well thank you Captain Obvious. I'm a big boy now, can even tie my shoes you know. I think I can handle'

"Watch it boy.' John tried to be stern but was really happy for a lighter tone to their conversation. 'Okay I think I can go, save some people'

'Cool, when will you leave?'

'It's 4pm so I will pack up now, take a look at your research and leave first thing in the morning'

'Sounds like a plan, do your thing I will go to the laundry mat you could use some clean clothes for your trip' and they both got into motion.

Dean walked out the door and let the relive wash over him; he wouldn't need to pretend, at least for few days. He has to go to the pharmacy to buy every medicine known to men, although he was just fooling himself; he knew it would not help him. But he lies to people on daily basis; he can lie to himself as well.

But the truth is, for the past few weeks, even before Sammy left, closing now on two months he wasn't feeling to well. He's always tired this days, doesn't have energy for a simplest task so truth be told Sam's departure three weeks ago has been like a lifeline. He and John stopted hunting after that and were basically staying in the same place, because in the back of their minds they were both probably hoping Sam will change his mind and come back. So till now Dean was golden, but today he could barely get out of his bad and had to try very hard to contain his pain and weakness so John won't notice. He had to think fast and a solo hunt for Dad seemed like a perfect idea. He left the house and made his way to the Impala and then pharmacy.

John's eyes couldn't leave the door his son had disappeared behind. Dean worried him, he knew that when Sam left it hurt Dean but now he seemed to lose weight, he developed a dark circles under his eyes, not to mention a grimace that seemed to show on his face whenever he thought John is not looking at him. And now he's son is sending him on a hunt. Of all things, that was a red light for John to takes matters in his own hands. He will go on a hunt but will spend most of it trying to figure out what's wrong with his son, he will give Dean those few days but if he comes back to the same situation, well John Winchester will resolve it.

3 days later

John was on his way back to Dean. He decided to call ahead and let Dean know he's coming today so there's no awkwardness when 'Mindy' leaves. His son picked up after the sixth signal.

Dean woke up to the phone ringing close to his ear, he had no idea how long he slept. He knew that none of the meds help him and that something was seriously wrong. He couldn't deny it anymore. He picked up the phone.

'Hello' he's voice sounds horse from sleep and tiredness.

'Dean, you in bed?' just what Dean was expecting

'Uhh no, just a quick nap'

'Sure son, whatever you say' John said with a smile 'Just make sure that front is clear for me, I'll be home in about half an hour'

'Sure Dad, want me to cook something for dinner?'

"If you don't mind than sure I'm starving'

"Good, see you soon' He hang up and put his head in his hands, gathering his strength, he had to tidy up and cook something as he promised. But his stomach hurt, he's muscles hurt, he had a fever but wasn't ill. And now he was scared, he knew something was seriously wrong and he would have to come clean to his Dad.

John walked up the stairs, happy to finally be with the last member of his family that actually enjoyed his company.

'Hi Dean, I'm here' walking into a kitchen he could already smell his sons spaghetti, Dean became quite a cook over the years. Dean turns around and every other word freezes in John's mouth. If John thought Dean wasn't looking good when he left, now he didn't have words to describe his son's appearances.

.

"Hi Dad, dinner is about rea…'

But before he could finish the sentence he was collapsing into John's arms.

TBC

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Thanks everyone for reading. Hope you enjoyed it. Please review and tell me if you would want me to continue. I will update as soon as I can. Thanks xxx

And Marry Christmas! 3