A/N: I hope you're all having a nice holiday season! I love Addison/Derek Christmas stories, so I really wanted to write something for them this year. Last year, I wrote Back to December (yay, shameless self-promotion), and I decided to stick with the December, song-fic theme with this year's one-shot. To be honest, this year's one-shot almost became a two-shot because it's very, very long. But I think it works best as a one-shot. That being said, you might want to grab a cup of hot chocolate or eggnog, or whatever your holiday drink of choice is before reading this ;)

I hope you like this story, and Happy Holidays!

A Long December

A long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last.

Addison walked out of the scrub room with Derek following closely behind her.

"Mr. and Mrs. Turner," Addison began, as she approached the nerve-wracked husband and wife, who were sitting in the hospital waiting room.

"How is she?" Mrs. Turner cut in immediately, as she and her husband both rose from their chairs. "How's our daughter?"

"Caitlyn's doing very well," Addison smiled. "She made it through the surgery, and—"

"You got the whole tumor?" Mr. Turner asked turning towards Derek.

"I got the whole tumor," Derek confirmed, as Mr. and Mrs. Turner breathed sighs of relief.

"And Caitlyn's labs came back clear," Addison continued. "Her tumor wasn't malignant, and showed no signs of having spread. Everything looks really good." She offered Mr. and Mrs. Turner a genuine smile. "Your little girl's a fighter."

"Thank you," Mrs. Turners breathed, her eyes misting over with tears. "Thank you both."

"It's been such an emotionally draining year for us," Mr. Turner added vulnerably. "This past month, especially."

Addison nodded in understanding. "I can't make you any promises," she began, "but I have a feeling that this upcoming year's going to be better."

"Thank you," Mrs. Turner said appreciatively.

And as Addison continued to talk with the Turners, Derek turned the conversation that had just taken place over in his head.

Mr. Turner was right—this last month had been brutal. A long December, if ever there was one. And it was not at all the way that he imagined it would be.

Last December had been horrible. He wanted to be with Meredith; but he and Addison were trying to salvage their already-ruined marriage, so he had spent the holiday season with her, even though Christmas makes you want to be with the people you love. And, last Christmas, he certainly did not love Addison.

That's why he had been looking forward to this December. He and Addison had divorced, and he would be free to celebrate the holiday season with Meredith.

Except he and Meredith were no longer together. And the woman in his life for the majority of the past year had been Caitlyn Turner—an infant with a life-threatening brain tumor. They had discovered the tumor when Caitlyn was six-months-old. And he and one of the neonatal surgeons had decided to treat the tumor cautiously, rather than aggressively, trying to shrink it a little bit each month before removing it. But at the end of November, things started to go badly. And after Caitlyn coded on the operating table three times in one surgery, Derek knew that if they didn't call in the best, Caitlyn was going to die. So, he called Addison.

He and Addison had worked side-by-side on Caitlyn from December 1st until today, December 23rd. And after countless scares and countless resuscitations—that only he and Addison could have performed—things finally seemed to be looking up for the now eleven-month-old baby girl.

"When can we see her?" Mrs. Turner asked, ripping Derek from his thoughts.

"The anesthesia should be wearing off shortly," Addison explained. "We have a resident and a nurse monitoring Caitlyn."

"And one of them will come and bring you to her very soon," Derek filled in with a smile.

"Thank you," Mr. Turner said gratefully. "Thank you both."

"You're welcome," Addison smiled, as she and Derek turned to walk away.

"Dr. Shepherd…Dr. Montgomery," Mrs. Turner called out to Derek and Addison's retreating forms.

"Yes?" Derek asked, as he and Addison turned to face the Turners.

Mrs. Turner gave the two doctors a sincere smile. "Merry Christmas."

Addison and Derek briefly met each other's gaze, but quickly looked away. "Merry Christmas," Addison said, offering the Turners a genuine smile.

"Merry Christmas," Derek echoed.

I can't remember the last thing that you said as you were leaving;
Now the days go by so fast.

"How long until the anesthesia wears off?" Derek asked Addison, as they stood over Caitlyn's hospital bed in the ICU.

"About fifteen minutes."

"Oh. I, uh…thanks for flying out here, Addison," Derek said quietly. "I know you have the practice in LA…and that it's not easy to just pack up your things and relocate for a month."

"I did it for longer when I came to Seattle the first time," Addison shrugged.

"Well, if you wouldn't have cheated…" Derek snapped, immediately growing angry.

"Derek, I don't want to fight with you," Addison said calmly, holding up her hands in protest. She sighed heavily, turning her attention to the infant in front of her. "Caitlyn's important to you…so, of course, I flew out here."

"I, uh," Derek stuttered, feeling guilty and embarrassed about his lapse into pettiness. "Thank you, Addison. Caitlyn wouldn't have survived without you," he added, trying to make up for his previous accusation.

Addison nodded. "Richard really needs to fill my position."

"I think he's dragging his feet because he's hoping you'll come back," Derek divulged. Though that was pretty much common knowledge.

"It's been seven months since I've left," Addison pointed out.

"Really?" Derek asked in surprise. "It doesn't feel you've been gone that long."

Addison gave her ex-husband a wry smile. "Time flies when you're having fun, I guess."

"Shut up," Derek muttered. "You know this year hasn't been fun for me. I just…I remember the day you left. I can't really remember the things you said…but I remember you coming to my trailer to say goodbye."

"You can't remember the things I said as I was leaving?" Addison asked. Not that this surprised her in any big way.

Derek shrugged guiltily. "Do you remember what I said to you?"

Addison nodded. "We said the same thing to each other…'Whatever it is you're looking for…I hope you find it.'"

Derek swallowed hard at Addison's words, as the memory came back to him. "Did you…have you found what you're looking for?"

Addison shook her head. "No," she said vulnerably. "Not yet."

"Yeah," Derek sighed. "Me either."

"Hey, look," Addison smiled, gesturing down towards Caitlyn. "She's waking up."

A wide smile spread across Derek's face as he watched the eleven-month-old's eyes flutter open. "She doesn't seem to be in any pain," he observed, watching the baby's movements carefully.

"She's on a lot of pain meds," Addison reminded her ex-husband.

"Oh." He placed his index finger in Caitlyn's little hand. "She's got a strong grip," he marveled, as the infant squeezed his finger.

Addison smiled, as she watched her ex-husband interact with the little girl who he'd pulled out all the stops to save. "She's a fighter," she agreed. She met her ex-husband's eyes and gave him a slight smile. "I'm glad you fought for her, Derek."

Derek nodded mutely. In all honesty, it had been a while since he'd really fought for someone or something. He certainly hadn't fought for his and Addison's marriage. And, in the end, he had only half fought for Meredith.

But Addison fought for everyone and everything. Maybe he couldn't remember the things Addison had said when she was leaving; but he remembered their first patient together at Seattle Grace.

"Derek, I know it's a long shot. I know that."

"You told me you had a newborn with an invasive mass. You failed to mention that she's premature, underweight, and addicted to narcotics. There's no way this baby is going to survive spinal surgery."

"You don't know that."

"Even if she does, she's a mess. She'll just get meningitis and seizures. She's going to live a short, painful life."

"You don't know that."

"It's my job to know that."

"Derek…look, she's a fighter. Look how far she's come already."

"Don't get attached. Don't get involved. Just…don't make her life more painful than it already is."

"Derek, please. She has nobody. She needs someone to fight for her."

In the end, they fought for her. And she survived. Addison had been right; he had been wrong. Whether he liked it or not, Addison had proven a point. And maybe that was part of the reason he had fought so hard for Caitlyn.

He watched as his ex-wife continued to whisper words of encouragement to Caitlyn, and a not so small part of him couldn't help wondering what might have happened if he had actually fought for his and Addison's marriage when she first moved out to Seattle.

It didn't seem like an unreasonable thing to wonder about either. He had worked closely with Addison for the past month, and it was hard not to recognize what a good doctor she was. And truth be told, he couldn't remember the last time he'd had someone motivate him the way she did in the O.R. He couldn't remember the last time he'd found himself admiring another doctor's surgical precision the way he'd admired Addison's this past month.

But it was more than that. It had to be more than that. Their marriage may have ended, but the memories hadn't. So, of course, there were moments when the past came rushing back, or when old habits resurfaced. There were times where he found himself getting lost in the familiar scent of her expensive perfume. And there were times where she wouldn't begin to operate until he said his ritual line, 'It's a beautiful day to save lives," because, apparently, it was some sort of comfort to her. Then there was that time on December 10th when she reminded him not to forget to buy Christmas gifts for his family. And then there was that time, a few days later, when he approached her with a stack of catalogues and a guilty frown, and admitted that it had been so long since he'd last shopped for his family that he no longer knew what they liked or what he should get them…and could she maybe please help him?

And as little things like these became regular occurrences, Derek found himself regretting not having fought for his marriage. Maybe nothing would have come of it. But maybe something would have. Now he'd never know.

"Hey, Caitlyn," he cooed to the baby, who was still gripping his finger tightly. "Never stop fighting. Never lose your fight. Never, ever lose it." He shook his head sadly. "Don't grow up to be like me."

"Don't grow up to be like me either," Addison echoed quietly, keeping her gaze fixed on Caitlyn. "Don't worry, though; you're too sweet and innocent to pull off the nickname Satan, so I think you're safe."

Derek chuckled, and Addison swallowed thickly. She'd be lying if she said that spending the past month working side by side with her ex-husband had only stirred up platonic feelings. After all, she and Derek had spent eleven-plus years together. And this was their season. So, when he took her up on her offer to get a round of hot buttered rums after a particularly grueling day of surgery, or when she'd watch him interact with Caitlyn, old feelings inevitably resurfaced.

And maybe that's what caused her to say something…to extend the metaphorical olive branch.

"Hey, Caitlyn," she said softly. "Don't listen to Derek. He's not that bad. It wouldn't be the worst thing in the world if you grew up to be like him."

She looked up and met her ex-husband's eyes, and the two exchanged a slight smile.

Derek swallowed hard, and cleared his throat. "Caitlyn," he cooed softly. "I, uh…Addison's not really Satan. And, uh, if you grew up to be like her…well, you'd be pretty lucky."

If you think that I could be forgiven…
I wish you would.

xxxxx

The smell of hospitals in winter,
And the feeling that it's all a lot of oysters, but no pearls.

"Do you smell that?" Mark asked Derek, inhaling deeply.

"Yeah. It smells like hospital," Derek said matter-of-factly.

"No," Mark disagreed. "Smell again. It smells like desperation and self-loathing. I love the holidays…especially in hospitals. Overworked female doctors and nurses suddenly have to face the fact that their personal lives are in shambles or are non-existent…and that they're gonna have to spend the holidays alone. And what better way to get through all that than some meaningless sex? That's where I come in."

Derek shook his head. "You're unbelievable."

"Hey," Mark smirked, "this year, you're in a position to get in on some of the action."

"No. No thanks."

"Come on, Derek. Where's your holiday spirit?"

Derek sighed heavily. "Do you ever wish you could redo pieces of your life?"

Mark shrugged. "Yeah, I guess. But why are we talking about…? Wait, are you still upset about your breakup with Meredith?"

"No," Derek said, shaking his head. "She was the one, who ended things. And I didn't fight to get her back."

"Oh. Okay, um…"

"It was the right thing to do," Derek continued. He shook his head sadly. "I screwed up so badly with her."

"You know, if you're this torn up about it, I'm pretty sure you could get her back," Mark rationalized. "You're pretty dreamy, and you're a smooth talker, so I bet if you want to set things right with her-"

"I don't. I just…I wish it hadn't taken me so long to see it."

"See what?" Mark asked in confusion.

"I never really got to know her. I never got to know the real her. And that was my fault. She was my breath of fresh air. She was my anti-Addison. But she was never Meredith Grey. I loved her because she wasn't Addison. I didn't love her because she was Meredith. Or maybe I did. I don't know anymore…the whole thing's a little hazy. I just know I wasn't fair to her. I didn't let myself really see her…until I did."

"And…?" Mark pressed, registering the sadness in his friend's eyes. "You were disappointed, weren't you?"

"I was."

Disappointed and upset and angry…mostly with himself for being so blind. Because with Addison out of the picture, suddenly some of the quirks and traits that he'd once found endearing, or that he'd let himself overlook in Meredith, were no longer endearing and no longer so easy to overlook.

And in the end, it was an overheard conversation—and Mrs. Burke's words—that confirmed a lot of the things he was already feeling, and convinced him that breaking up was the right thing…for everyone.

"When you stood up in front of Preston's friends and loved ones and said, 'It's over. It's over. It's so over,' were you trying to smash the hopes of the best man? Or were you trying to be funny? Because making light of that situation would be inappropriate. And to use that moment to send a message to your boyfriend…well, that's selfish. So, were you being inappropriate? Or were you being selfish?"

In the end, he didn't bother sticking around to hear Meredith respond (she never did, anyway). Because his relationship with Meredith was bound to be exactly what Mrs. Burke had just described—a cross between inappropriate and selfish—on both their parts. And he didn't want that.

"Um, are you okay?" Mark asked, ripping Derek from his thoughts. "You haven't said anything for a while."

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "I'm fine. I'm just…"

"Regretting your divorce," Mark filled in knowingly.

"I never said, I didn't say that…I…"

"Relax, Derek," Mark chuckled. "It makes sense. You practically spent the whole month of December with your ex-wife. But she'll go back to LA soon, and things will go on as normal."

Mark briefly toyed with the idea of telling Derek that he'd recently had a strangely similar conversation with Addison (who responded just as awkwardly as Derek had, when Mark had insinuated that maybe she still had lingering feelings for her ex-husband). But in the end, he figured more harm than good would come from that. Addison was a mess; and Derek was a mess. And bringing them together would just create a bigger mess. Besides, if there really was something still there between Addison and Derek, that was their business, not his.

"Okay," Mark resolved, "enough moping. You're going to enjoy the hospital's ugly Christmas sweater party if it kills you. I mean, at least you've embraced the theme," Mark complimented, pointing to Derek's sweater—a bright red sweater with a large Christmas tree on it. "That's a very ugly Christmas sweater."

"I'm glad you approve," Derek said dryly.

"Don't be such a grinch," Mark chuckled. "Now, come on. Let's have some punch, and mix and mingle a little with our colleagues."

"I don't know," Derek sighed. In all honesty, he didn't really feel like hanging out with his coworkers. He and Addison had just had a long day operating on Caitlyn, and he didn't feel like making small talk with his coworkers. And he especially didn't feel like having meaningless sex with any of them.

"Are you coming?" Mark asked, gesturing towards the punchbowl.

Derek shook his head. "No. Why don't you get a head start; I'll be over in a little bit."

"Okay," Mark shrugged

And Derek sighed heavily as he watched Mark's retreating form. Mark, who was focused on the future (albeit, the very immediate future) and what could be; while he, himself, seemed inescapably focused on the past…and what could have been.

All at once, you look across a crowded room
To see the way that light attaches to a girl.

They're wearing the same sweater. They're wearing the same exact sweater. Out of all the ugly Christmas sweaters in all the world, they chose the same sweater.

"Shepherd, has anyone ever told you that staring is creepy?" Alex smirked, ripping Derek from his thoughts.

"What?" Derek asked, quickly directing his focus away from his ex-wife. "I'm not staring. Addison and I are wearing the same sweater."

"Yeah, I noticed," Alex chuckled. "Did you guys plan that?"

Derek rolled his eyes. "What do you think?" he asked dryly.

"I'm guessing no," Alex smirked. "Well, that's fun then."

"Fun?" Derek asked pointedly.

"Well, no. Not fun," Alex backpedaled. "Weird. Awkward. Embarrassing…especially for you, because the sweater looks better on her."

"Thanks a lot," Derek muttered.

"Hey, I'm just calling it like I see it."

"Right."

"Anyway," Alex continued, "do you know if the punch is spiked?"

Derek shook his head. "No. Why?"

Alex gave Derek a wry smile. "How else are you expecting to get through tonight?"

In all honesty, Derek figured he'd get through the night by avoiding Addison. But he quickly learned that this was easier said than done. Because, apparently, when divorced couples show up to parties in matching sweaters, it's somewhat of a big deal.

So, after fielding way too many questions about whether he'd noticed that he and Addison were wearing the same sweater, and if he was angry about it; and after begrudgingly posing for far too many pictures with his sweater-twin/ex-wife, Derek had had enough.

So he stepped outside the hospital, desperate to escape the party and everyone inside.

Apparently, he wasn't the only one with that plan. Because sitting outside on the hospital bench was Addison.

"Nice sweater," he smirked, sitting down next to her.

"Yeah, you too," she chuckled.

"Does this mean my fashion sense has gotten better?" Derek asked, trying to break the ice. "Or has yours gotten worse?"

"I don't know," Addison chuckled. "And to be honest, I don't think I have it in me to answer any more questions about this sweater."

"Yeah," Derek nodded. "Me either."

They sat there in an uncomfortable silence for several minutes.

"You should go back inside," Derek suggested, when he noticed his ex-wife hugging her sweater closer to her body.

"I'm not that cold," Addison said. "This sweater's pretty warm."

"Yeah. It is," Derek agreed with a laugh, looking down at his own sweater.

"And even if I was cold," Addison continued, "I don't really want to go back inside."

Derek nodded in understanding. "I don't either. Although I hear the punch is spiked."

Addison shook her head. "I'd need something stronger."

"Me too."

Addison looked at her ex-husband questioningly. "Do you…do you wanna get something stronger?"

"Yeah," Derek smiled. "I do."

Joe's was the obvious choice, but in the end, they decided against it. They figured Joe's was where everyone would eventually end up once the hospital's Christmas party ended; and they didn't want to drink with everyone.

So, they settled on a bar across the street from the Archfield hotel, where Addison was staying.

"People are staring," Addison muttered, as she sat next to Derek at the bar, sipping her martini.

"Well, in their defense," Derek chuckled, "we look ridiculous."

Addison nodded in concession. There was no denying it; she and Derek looked completely ridiculous in their matching sweaters. But at least the people in the bar didn't know about their checkered history the way their colleagues at the hospital did.

To the people in the bar, she and Derek probably looked like a couple who were so nauseatingly in love that they wore coordinated Christmas sweaters. Or the tackiest couple in all of Seattle. In any case, no amount of guesses would tip the people in the bar off to who she and Derek really were—a divorced couple, who had bailed on a work party because answering questions about their matching sweaters meant thinking about their relationship…what had been, and what could have been. And it got to be too much for both of them to handle. But the people in the bar could never guess that, just by looking at them. And Addison liked that.

"If it makes you feel better," Derek began, cutting into Addison's thoughts, "the general consensus at the hospital party was that the sweater looks better on you than it does on me."

Addison chuckled. "That does make me feel a little better," she admitted, draining her martini.

They continued to sit together in uncomfortable silence. Drinks were drank, and then refilled. Every so often, one of them would attempt small talk, not daring to say something more substantial.

"Do you like LA?" Derek asked his ex-wife awkwardly; and Addison rolled her eyes at what she assumed was her ex-husband's weak attempt at more small talk.

"I've pretty much already told you everything there is to tell about LA over the past month," Addison reminded her ex-husband. "The weather's fantastic. The people are a little too Zen for my liking. But the food's good…though I still haven't found pizza there that rivals the pizza in New York. Work's good too. A little slower than I'm used to, but that's not necessarily a bad-"

"That's not what I meant," Derek interrupted. He met his ex-wife's eyes. "Do you like LA?" he whispered, not breaking eye contact.

Addison swallowed thickly. "I'm lonely," she admitted after a minute. "I mean, it's great to see Naomi and Sam every day, but…I'm lonely."

"I'm lonely too," Derek confessed vulnerably.

He wasn't sure if it was the way the twinkling Christmas lights above the bar reflected in her eyes; or if it was her vulnerable admission; or if it was having spent the last month working so closely with her; or if it was having spent eleven-plus years of his life with her. But, suddenly, he's leaning in. And she's leaning in. And he's kissing her. And she's kissing him back. And it doesn't matter that they're in public. Or that they're divorced. Or that, over the past few years, they've caused each other more pain and heartbreak than they ever imagined possible. Tonight, none of that matters.

What matters is that tonight they're not lonely.

And it's one more day up in the canyons.
And it's one more night in Hollywood.

And they're even less lonely when he accompanies her back to her hotel room.

There's an unspoken understanding that they're going to sleep together tonight. It's an understanding that doesn't need words or conversation or explanation. She's not worried about the consequences. And neither is he. Because that's the beauty of their arrangement. There is no future; only a very messy past. So, they don't need to worry about what's going to happen tomorrow, or the next day, or the day after that, because they already know.

He'll stay in Seattle. She'll go back to LA. It's the perfect one-night stand, minus the glaringly obvious—that they were husband and wife for over eleven years (pretty much the complete opposite of a one-night stand).

"Thank you for last night," she said vulnerably, the following morning, as they sat next to each other in her comfortable hotel bed, eating room service breakfast. Once again, they're dressed in coordinated outfits. But this time, they're wearing matching hotel bathrobes, not matching Christmas sweaters.

Derek furrowed his eyebrows and turned so that he was completely facing his ex-wife. "Did you just thank me for sex?"

"What?" Addison asked in surprise. It hadn't been her intention to thank him for sex; but based on what she had said, she could see where Derek might have gotten that idea. "I, uh…" she stammered uncomfortably, while Derek chuckled at her expense.

"Oh, come on, Derek, you know what I meant."

At least she hoped he knew what she'd meant. She wasn't thanking him for sex (as good as it was). She really was thanking him for last night. For not asking questions about what they were doing or what it meant. For not taking the moral high ground, and pointing out that them sleeping together was probably (okay, definitely) a bad idea. She was thanking him for making last night only about last night, and not bringing up the past. She was thanking him for being an escape—a much-needed escape.

"Hey, Addison," Derek began, cutting into his ex-wife's thoughts. "About last night…"

"Yeah…?" Addison trailed off tentatively, sensing that all of the questions and conversations that they had managed to avoid last night were about to rear their ugly heads.

"About last night…" Derek repeated, meeting his ex-wife's eyes, and offering her a soft smile. "Thank you."

Addison swallowed thickly, touched and surprised by her ex-husband's words and the warmth emanating from them.

"So," Derek smiled, "when are you coming back to Seattle?"

"Wh-what?" Addison stammered in surprise, her cheeks tingeing red.

"To follow up on Caitlyn," Derek explained. "We need to do some follow up tests. And I think it would be better if we were both there for them. I know Caitlyn's parents would feel better if you were there."

"Oh," Addison stuttered, embarrassed that she'd mistaken Derek's professional question for a personal one. "I was thinking maybe a month and a half," she recovered. "Does that sound okay to you?"

"That sounds good."

"Okay," Addison nodded, relieved that Derek didn't seem to have noticed her slipup

"I was actually thinking of maybe flying out to LA, sometime soon," Derek continued. "It's been a while since I've last seen Sam and Naomi, and-"

"Since when have you cared about keeping in touch with your old friends?" Addison interrupted.

"I care," Derek insisted. "Besides, there are some conferences being held out there that I was thinking about presenting papers at," he added, hoping that Addison was buying what he was selling. She was right; in all honesty, he wasn't great at keeping in touch with his old friends. And truth be told, he had no idea whether there were any neurosurgery conferences being held in LA in the foreseeable future. He just liked the idea of having an excuse to see Addison again. Outside of the hospital. Outside of Seattle.

"Oh," Addison nodded. "Okay."

She didn't know what else to say. She certainly couldn't tell him what she was thinking—that the idea of him coming to California sounded good. Really good.

"I, uh, I think you'd like LA," she stammered. "It's a nice change of pace from Seattle. Plus, I'm sure Sam and Naomi would love to see you."

Derek met his ex-wife's eyes and gave her a soft smile. "Just Sam and Naomi?" he whispered suggestively.

"Derek. You don't mean that."

"What if I do?"

Addison swallowed hard. She had already suffered the consequences of having one-sided feelings for Derek Shepherd more times than she cared to remember. And she wasn't about to make that mistake again.

Except that mistake was tempting.

"Hey, Derek," she began cautiously, knowing full well that she'd surely hate herself later for the words that were about to come out of her mouth.

"Yeah?"

"If, uh…If you do happen to find yourself coming to LA…"

"Yeah…?"

"Don't just come for Sam and Naomi."

If you think you might come to California…
I think you should.

xxxxx

Drove up to Hillside Manor, sometime after 2am,
Talked a little while about the year.

He ended up taking several trips to LA over the next several months. He took the first one in the name of visiting Naomi and Sam. He took the next few to present papers at neurosurgery conferences. It didn't matter that they were bottom tier conferences—the kinds of conferences that he probably wouldn't have even presented at when he was first beginning his career. That didn't matter to him. What mattered was that these conferences were in LA. That made them worth going to.

And as the year went on, he found other excuses to fly out to LA—Maya's birthday; a neuro case at St. Amrose; a desperate need to see the sun after two straight weeks of rain in Seattle.

And then there were times where he went to LA just to see Addison, or because Addison had asked him to come.

And before he knew it, it was December 20th, and he was driving up to Mark's apartment complex, and knocking on the door to his former best friend, turned new best friend's apartment.

"Derek," Mark said groggily, as he answered the door.

"Did I wake you?" Derek asked in concern.

Mark rubbed at his eyes. "It's 2:30 in the morning," he said, glancing at the clock on the wall.

"Oh, I, uh, I guess I didn't realize," Derek admitted lamely. "You know what, I should go. I'm sorry I woke you. I-"

"Wait," Mark interrupted, stepping in front of Derek and blocking his path to the door. "I'm up. And you clearly need to talk. So…" he trailed off, leading Derek over to the living room couch.

"I don't know," Derek sighed heavily, as he sank against the leather couch cushions.

"Derek, please tell me you didn't wake me up at 2 in the morning for 'I don't know.'"

Derek shook his head sadly. He was about to try to explain things, when he was cut off by the sound of footsteps.

"Mark," Lexie said sleepily, as she walked into the living room, wearing Mark's Columbia t-shirt. "Is everything o…oh, hey, Dr. Shepherd," she stammered in embarrassment, suddenly feeling very awake. "I, uh, I was just, umm…"

"Everything's okay out here, Lex," Mark reassured. "Go back to bed. I'll be there in a little while."

"O-okay," Lexie stuttered, her cheeks still tinged red. "I'll, uh, I'll see you later, Dr. Shepherd."

Derek nodded at Lexie's quickly retreating form, before turning his attention back to Mark.

"So, you and Grey?" he asked smugly.

Mark chuckled uncomfortably. "We're supposed to be talking about you," he reminded his friend.

Derek sighed heavily, and handed Mark his phone. "Look at my call history," he half whispered, as if sharing a secret.

Mark nodded, and did as he was told. And the fact that the vast majority of incoming and outgoing calls had Addison's name attached to them both surprised him and didn't surprise him at all.

He looked up and met Derek's eyes, questioningly.

"My text messages pretty much look the same way," Derek offered.

Mark nodded, as he let Derek's words, and the whole situation, sink in. "Are you guys serious?"

I guess the winter makes you laugh a little slower,
Makes you talk a little lower
About the things you could not show her.

Derek swallowed thickly, as Mark's question rang over and over again in his head. Are you guys serious?

"Are you and Lexie serious?" Derek asked, trying to buy himself some time.

Mark sighed. "Lexie and I are sleeping together," he confided quietly. "But serious…? I'm not sure if I'm the type of guy who does serious."

Derek nodded. "I'm sleeping with my ex-wife," he told his friend in a hushed whisper. "And it's serious."

A slight smile graced Mark's features. "Good for you guys," he said sincerely. "So, what's next?"

"What do you mean?"

"Is she going to move back to Seattle? Are you going to move to LA? Because, let's face it, Derek, you can't keep presenting at all those crappy conferences just to see her."

Derek chuckled, but quickly grew serious. "I don't know what's next," he admitted vulnerably. "I mean, I don't think this is one of those situations where she can just jump into my arms while the credits roll. We have a past."

Mark nodded in concession. "You do have a past," he agreed. "But you could have a future. Are you just going to give up on that because you and Addison have a past?"

"I don't want to," Derek admitted vulnerably.

"Then don't tell me," Mark advised. "Show her."

"Yeah," Derek breathed, a slight smile coming to his face. "Thank you, Mark."

"No problem," Mark shrugged. "Now, if you don't mind, I'm gonna go back to sleep."

"Yeah," Derek laughed, as he made his way towards the door. "Of course. Hey, Mark," he called out, turning to face his friend.

"Yeah?"

"You could be the type of guy who does serious. If you wanted to, you and Lexie could be something serious."

"Thanks, Derek. That…that means a lot."

"Get some sleep, Mark," Derek smiled. "And Merry Christmas."

"But Christmas isn't for another five days," Mark pointed out. "Won't I see you before then?

Derek shrugged, and a small smile spread across his face. "Not if I get my way."

And it's been a long December, and there's reason to believe
Maybe this year will be better than the last.

"Hey, are you okay?" Naomi asked Addison, as she joined her friend in the practice kitchen.

"Yeah," Addison nodded. "Long day," she explained. "Three consults, two C-sections, and-"

"A partridge in a pear tree," Naomi filled in with a smirk. "Sorry," she laughed, when Addison shook her head disapprovingly. "'Tis the season."

"Right."

So," Naomi continued, growing serious. "Long day?"

"Yeah," Addison nodded. "Long day…long week…long month."

"Well, if it makes you feel any better, the month is almost over. And so is the year, for that matter. Unfortunately," Naomi went on, cringing slightly, "your day isn't almost over."

"What do mean?" Addison asked in confusion. "I just performed my last surgery."

"Yeah, but there's a woman in labor in Birthing Suite 2, and she specifically asked for you."

Addison wrinkled her forehead in confusion. "What's her name? Is she my patient? Do you have her chart?"

"I don't have her chart," Naomi apologized, as the two women made their way towards the birthing suite. "But I think she said her name was Caitlyn Turner."

"Wait, what?" Addison asked in confusion. Addison had an excellent memory for patient names; and Caitlyn Turner was a patient that she remembered very well. "The only Caitlyn Turner I know is almost two, and-"

"And why don't you just check on your patient," Naomi interrupted, ushering Addison towards the birthing suite.

"O-okay," Addison nodded.

She opened the door and smiled in surprise when she saw Derek sitting on the birthing suite bed.

"You're not a laboring mother," Addison smirked.

"No," Derek laughed. "I'm not. Sorry to disappoint."

"What are you doing here, Derek?"

Derek swallowed hard and gave his ex-wife a soft smile. "It's our season," he said simply. "And I…I was hoping we could spend Christmas together."

A slight smile graced Addison's features. She and Derek hadn't made plans to spend Christmas together, but she had been hoping they might. "Really?" she asked.

"Really," Derek confirmed. "I just…it's been a weird year. But I think…I mean, I know…I know the only parts of this year that really made sense were when I was with you."

And as Addison did her best to blink back the tears of happiness that were forming in her eyes, she couldn't help thinking about how right Derek was. Things seemed to make sense when they were together. When they were together, things seemed right. And even though they had signed a piece of paper that said their marriage was over, their feelings for each other, and all the visits they'd made back and forth over the past year made it clear that Addison-and-Derek were far from over.

"So, you want to spend Christmas together?" Addison asked, wanting and needing to hear Derek say it again.

"Christmas isn't enough," Derek whispered. "I want New Years too."

"That's still not enough," Addison whispered back.

"I know," he agreed, pulling her into his lap, and kissing her softly. "But we can work all that out later. Right now, December's almost over. It's our season, and we're missing it."

Addison smiled at Derek adoringly before kissing him deeply. "December's just not the same without you," she whispered. "Actually, none of the months are."

I can't remember all the times I tried to tell myself
To hold on to these moments as the pass.

They made through December and into the New Year, and it was time to talk logistics. In the end, it was easy. They wanted to be together, and California felt right. So he moved for her. (She'd already moved for him once; it was his turn).

And it turned out to be the best decision of Derek's life. California suited him as much as it suited Addison. Or maybe it was Addison that suited him. In any case, things were good. And they weren't about to take a moment for granted.

From those Friday nights, where they'd sit together on the patio out back—her in his lap—splitting a bottle of wine, as they unwound after a long week; to the feeling of waking up next to each other in the mornings. They savored the little moments.

Then there were the bigger moments. The mixture of hope, anticipation and love in his eyes when he proposed to her for the second time; and the look of pure happiness in her eyes when she said yes. The day she peed on a stick…and it was positive. And the day that Naomi confirmed that he was right, and she was wrong because they were expecting a little girl.

They even hung on to the less good moments. The morning sickness; the raging hormones; the inevitable yelling and fighting. Because even though they were back together, and things were good, at the end of the day, they were still Addison-and-Derek, and they were both too stubborn for a marriage completely devoid of yelling and fighting.

And he tried to remind himself of this, as they engaged in their latest fight: what to name their daughter. Their families were coming to California in the morning for Christmas Eve and Christmas day, and they figured that discussing baby names would be a perfect and relaxing way to spend the night before their families' arrival. How very wrong they were.

He had bought a big book of baby names, and was prepared to pour through it.

She had brought one name. And she wasn't budging.

"How about Anne?" Derek asked as he scoured the A section. "It's simple and pretty and I like it."

Addison shook her head. "No. I told you, I have a name I like. Virginia."

"Addison, we can't name her that."

"Why not?"

"Virginia Shepherd…she sounds like she belongs in the 1800s. She'll get teased."

"She won't get teased," Addison disagreed. "I think it sounds good. Elegant, professional, unique. I like it."

"How about Ashley?" Derek asked, hoping to change his wife's mind. "I think it's cute."

Addison frowned. "I like Virginia."

Derek sighed heavily. "Make your case for Virginia."

"She'd be named after Virginia Apgar, one of the biggest contributors to the field of neonatology…and the first woman to become a professor at Columbia University's College of Physicians and Surgeons."

"Okay, that's a pretty good case," Derek admitted. "But Virginia…? Really, Addie?" He ran a hand through his hair uncomfortably. "Okay, I'm just going to say it…Virginia kind of sounds like vagina. I think she'll get teased."

"Der-"

"But I do like the idea of giving her a medical-related name," he continued before Addison could object. So," he grinned, pulling out his phone, "who was the first female neurosurgeon?"

"Derek-"

"Diana Beck, from the United Kingdom." He turned to his wife and smiled. "Do you like the name Diana?"

"I…maybe," Addison shrugged.

"Well, that's better than no," Derek smirked. "Hey, how about Elizabeth?" he asked, looking up from his phone. "Elizabeth Blackwell was the first woman to get a medical degree in the U.S.," he informed his wife. "That seems like a fair compromise. Oh, wait," he backpedaled, shaking his head, "that won't work. My sister Lizzie's real name is Elizabeth."

"Yes it is," Addison agreed smugly, rolling her eyes at her husband.

"Addison," Derek huffed in frustration. "We're never going to come up with something if you keep acting like that."

"Me?" Addison snapped. "You're the one who just suggested that we give our daughter the same name as your sister."

"Oh, come on," Derek defended as a betraying chuckle escaped his lips. "I realized my mistake pretty quickly. And you and I both know I'm not the world's greatest brother."

Addison couldn't help laughing at that; and Derek wrapped an arm around his wife, offering her a reconciliatory smile.

"I love you," he whispered.

"What?"

"I love you," Derek repeated.

Addison shook her head in confusion. "Are you just trying to get your way, or something? Because that's not gonna work."

"No," Derek laughed. "It's not about that. It's just…you're the only person in the world that I'd ever want to have this fight with."

"Yeah," Addison agreed, smiling at her husband's words. "I guess if I had to have this fight…then I'm really glad I'm having it with you."

Derek smiled and kissed his wife softly, and Addison responded in kind, running her hands through his wavy hair as she kissed her husband deeply.

"But just so we're clear, Honey," she breathed, pulling away from her husband, as Derek groaned unhappily. "Tonight's not going to be one of those magical, picture-perfect moments where one of us suggests a name, and the other immediately agrees…and just like that, the fighting ends. That's not gonna happen."

"I wasn't expecting it," Derek smirked, holding his wife close, as he brought their intertwined hands to rest on her stomach. Addison repositioned their hands to the correct spot, over their daughter; and Derek gave his wife a soft smile. "But I'm okay settling for this."

It's been so long since I've seen the ocean…
I guess I should.

Nearly a year had passed, and a lot had changed. Addison and Derek had become parents. Their daughter, Thea Seraphine Shepherd, was born exactly three months after Christmas, on March 25th. (In the end, they opted for a unique, original name, rather than a medical one. Medicine was their passion; but they didn't want their daughter to ever feel like it was being forced on her).

Addison swore their daughter looked more like Derek; and Derek swore she looked more like Addie. But with her mother's bright red hair and her father's piercing blue eyes, and definitely her father's smile, most people agreed that Thea was a pretty perfect combination of both her parents. She had also somehow managed not to inherit her parents' stubbornness (much to Addison and Derek's surprise). She was a calm, alert baby, who above all else, loved it when her parents held her and talked to her.

And that's exactly what Derek and Addison were doing. They were outside on the back patio, looking out at the ocean. Derek had thought some fresh air would be good for Thea, who had just gotten over a cold, and had been cooped up inside all week.

"She looks like she's feeling a lot better," Addison noted, smiling at the very content nine-month-old snuggled in Derek's arms.

"She does," Derek agreed. "Do you think she's too bundled up, though?" he asked. Addison had insisted on dressing Thea in a little, red winter jacket and a tiny, cream knit hat; and Derek thought it was overkill for the mild California winter.

"Derek," Addison reprimanded. "She's just getting over a cold. I don't want to take any chances."

"Okay," Derek conceded with a chuckle, knowing full well that there was no point in arguing with his wife about this.

"Besides," Addison continued, "I don't want her to be under the weather in New York."

Derek nodded in agreement. He, Addison, and Thea were flying to New York the following morning to spend Christmas with their families.

"Are you excited for your first trip to New York, Thea?" Derek cooed to his daughter. "You might get to see your first snowfall. You'll also get to see Bizzy, the Captain, your Uncle Archer, and all of your crazy aunts," he added dryly. "That'll be less fun."

"Derek," Addison laughed.

"And don't even get me started on Grandma," Derek continued. "She's going to have a field day with those rosy little cheeks of yours."

Addison smiled at her husband and daughter lovingly.

"Addie, you realize we're hardly going to get to hold her these next couple days," Derek complained, cuddling their daughter close. "It's been a long time since there's been a baby in the family, and you know how my sisters and mother get."

Addison laughed. "I do know. But it'll all even out. My family will only be mildly interested in Thea, at best. Besides, it's hard to hold a drink and a baby at the same time. And knowing my parents and brother, I don't like Thea's odds."

"Yeah," Derek chuckled. "She'll lose out to the drink every time."

Addison shook her head in amusement, but quickly grew serious. "I meant to show this to you earlier," she said, reaching into her purse and pulling out an envelope. "Here," she smiled, handing Derek the envelope in exchange for Thea.

Derek opened the already-opened envelope and smiled. It was a holiday card addressed to him and Addison from the Turner family. On the card was a picture of four-year-old Caitlyn Turner—a precious little girl with long blonde pigtails and a big smile. On her lap was her ten-month-old brother, Benjamin.

A wide smile spread across Derek's face, as he continued to look at the picture of the little girl who had unknowingly helped bring him and Addison back together. And seeing her looking so healthy and energetic made his heart swell with happiness.

"Never lose your fight, Caitlyn," he whispered, echoing the words he'd told the little girl, nearly three years ago to the day. "Never ever lose it."

Derek had no idea what the future would hold for Caitlyn Turner. After all, a person can never really tell. But Derek knew one thing—when he thought about his own future, he couldn't imagine it without Addison and Thea. That was a future worth fighting for. Addison and Thea were worth fighting for.

He looked up from the card in his hand, and smiled at the sight in front of him—Addison holding Thea. And as he met Addison's eyes, the two shared a look—one of those looks that said nothing and everything all at the same time. It was a look that didn't need words or conversation or explanation. Because everything was understood.

"Merry Christmas, Honey," Addison whispered, giving Derek a soft smile.

"Merry Christmas, Addie," Derek whispered back. He turned to the baby in his wife's arms and smiled widely. "Can you say 'Merry Christmas,' Thea?" he cooed, laughing as his daughter gurgled happily at him. "I guess not," he chuckled.

"In her defense, Merry Christmas is a tough one," Addison pointed out with a laugh. "We're still working on 'mama' and 'dada.'" She pressed a kiss to Thea's temple. "Next year, though; right Thea?"

And Derek couldn't help smiling at that—at the thought of next year. It had taken him a long time to get to where he was now; and the road back to Addison hadn't been an easy one. It had been full of pain, heartbreak, and betrayal; regrets, mistakes, and ugly Christmas sweaters. And too many long Decembers.

But it was worth it. Because he couldn't imagine his life without Addison and Thea. He wouldn't be the same without them. Christmas wouldn't be the same without them. And December certainly wouldn't be the same without them. But then again, none of the months would.

xxxxx

Happy Holidays! :)