Gone. His Alpha. His Scarlet. His everything. Gone.
Wolf tried to calm himself down, to stay hopeful, but it was impossible. The only thing he could think of was her, and every time he thought of her he was filled with a painful mix of horror, panic, fear, and guilt. He just couldn't comprehend that she was gone. It just wasn't possible. Not her. Not Scarlet. Eventually he gave up on trying to distract himself and instead went to go lay on her bed.
As he walked through the ship he was careful to avoid the other crew members. He had no desire to see the pity or fear in their eyes. Despite this he could still see it on them when he walked past the place they were gathered, see it in the way they wouldn't look at him, see it in the way they were hunched over, as if to make themselves smaller. Under normal circumstances it would have bothered him that they were so afraid, he would feel guilty and angry at himself for lashing out like he had, but these weren't normal circumstances. All he could think about was Scarlet. About her smile when he had called her his Alpha. About the spark of pride in her eyes when she talked about her beloved farm. About the feel of her soft lips on his. These memories didn't hold the same warmth and happiness the once had though, now all they brought up was an increased sense of guilt and grief.
Wolf collapsed onto Scarlet's bed, burying his face in her pillow, letting her scent surround him. The tears flowed freely now that there was no one to witness his pain.
His chest wounds throbbed, and he was sure he had pulled out a few of the stitches again, but all that did was remind Wolf of all the ways he had failed her. He had been weak. Too weak. He hadn't been strong enough to resist the Lunar's control and now Scarlet was paying the price. If he hadn't let himself be so easily manipulated he wouldn't have gotten shot, and he would have been able to protect Scarlet. She wouldn't be up on Luna suffering through God only knew what. Except that was part of the problem. Wolf knew exactly what they were doing to her, or he had some idea, and the thought was so horrible that he almost wished she had died, just so that she wouldn't have to suffer so much.
Almost.
Although he knew it could very well be true, Wolf couldn't accept that Scarlet might be dead. Wouldn't accept it. There were too many things they hadn't done. Too many things he hadn't told her.
He curled around her, now, tear stained pillow and started to drift off. Before falling asleep he made himself a silent promise. He would find her, and bring her back to him, or he would die trying.