A dead man's letter

Once upon a time

Emma / Killian

Killian knows he can't escape his death this time and that there is no warning Emma before IT happens so he decides to write her a letter and leave it in his room at Granny's, on top of his belongings, presented in a neat pile on top of his bed.

"Emma,

I know that you must be mad at me right now. I lied to you. I told you that I was survivor and yet here I am, dead.

At least I probably am by the time you read this letter. Maybe the pirate in me was the survivor, maybe the man I became isn't... It doesn't matter, I'd rather die than see you get hurt and I died a happy man because I met you and got to have you in my life, to hold you in my arms and to believe, at least once, that I did something to deserve to have you.

I'm sorry, I couldn't warn you before it happened.

Rumpelstiltskin took my heart and is going to crush it in an attempt to get rid of the hold the dagger has on him. He'll leave town with Belle and your son as soon as this is done.

I know how much you love your son and I don't know if magic will work where The Dark One is taking him so I stole one of your little tracking devices at the Sheriff's station and plan on hiding it on Henry before I'm killed. I hope it'll help you get him back. We both know that Henry will be safe with his grandfather, but we also know that he won't be himself. The Dark One will play with his mind to mold him into who he wants him to be, to believe what he wants Henry to believe.

I love you Emma and I think I've been slowly falling in love with you from the moment I first saw you (remember, when you held the knife at my throat). You're beautiful, smart, full of light and truly magical to be around (I'm not talking of your actual magic here, love, but of that little something special that makes you a remarkable woman).

I've seen in your eyes that you can feel something is wrong with me lately, and I understand that saving the town from the Snow Queen's evil curse was more important than anything else, I truly do. I wish I could have found a way to warn you before it was too late but it's impossible... Rumpelstiltskin would have killed you without a second thought and I couldn't let that happen.

Even if he manages to get rid of his dagger and to leave town, I got his word that he won't hurt you or anyone else in Storybrook, as long as you don't cross him. If you do cross him, because we both know that you won't let him get away with Henry and do his evil on the rest of the world, the only way you'll get to him is by using Neal, his son, against him (maybe also by threatening Bell's life, but I doubt it's your style, even I wouldn't do it now).

When you tried to get rid of your magic, Rumpelstiltskin was going to suck you in a magical hat that he's going to use to get what he wants: get rid of his dagger. I tried to warn you, left you messages on your talking phone but he took it, held me back, took my heart and ordered me around.

You need to know that I'm responsible for what happened to the fairies at Granny's. He forced me to suck them all in the hat. I truly didn't want to Emma, I swear it... I've tried to resist, to find loopholes in what he asked of me...

When the curse of shattered sights fell over the town, I wasn't touched because he held my heart. He asked me to get your son and bring Henry to him... I managed to resist, let Henry escape when I could have caught him... I don't think I'll be able to do it this time but I'll try, for you.

Everything started when I went to get my hand back...

I wanted to be whole for you, to be able to hold you with both of my hands, to be a better man for you and I told the Dark One that I knew he had given Belle a fake dagger, that if he didn't give me my hand back, I'd tell her that she had a fake and he gave it back to me, telling me that my hand still had darkness in it... It was a lie of course but I let him get to me and convince me that it was true... I got scared I would end up hurting you because of my selfish desire to have my hand back... Maybe if I had stayed away, he wouldn't have caught me but he said he needed the heart of someone who knew him before he had the dagger so maybe my fate was inevitable after all. I don't think anyone else from that time is still alive...

The last thing I want is to leave you Emma, you've made me a happy man. The happiest I've been in my life. You're the first woman in my entire life who made me wish for a normal, simpler life. The first to make me want to stop being a pirate and go back to the man I used to be.

A house, kids, maybe even a dog and a white fence...

I wanted this with you and I think you did too. I could almost see it in my head...

I'm sorry you won't be able to get it with me, but hopefully you will get it with someone else.

You will move on and because you're extraordinary, you will be loved again.

I was lucky to know you and to have you in my life, even for a short while. My last thoughts will go to you and if there is a way for me to escape my fate without risking anyone else's life, I will find it. You have my word. But if it comes to me dying or you, or someone else you care about, I'll die.

I hope this letter will answer your questions about how and why I was killed. Maybe it will help sooth your pain. Everything I own is yours now.

I bought a small boat a few days ago and started working on it. Smee will be able to tell you where it is and help you finish the work on it. It's Henry's now. I know he'll enjoy it. The Sailing Swan might not be as big or as magical as the Jolly Roger was, but it's just as important to me. I was going to surprise you with it when it's finished by taking you and Henry on a little sailing trip... The two of you will have to do that without me now.

If I have a last request to ask of you Emma, it's just this one:

Please don't shut yourself down again. Be open for a new love opportunity, because I know you will have others.

I'd hate for you to stay alone and heartbroken because of me.

Heal. Live. Love.

I love you Emma.

I always will.

Killian Jones."

So, I'm publishing this right before the mid-season finale. I don't know what you'll think of it. This wasn't planned... It's an improvised addition to my 12 days of Christmas stories... Well, you'll just have more stories on Christmas day!

I hope you liked it.

A little review please?

Lorelei Candice Black