Girl Meets Father of the Bride

Aloha, my fellow readers. The great James Stryker bringing you a hilarious chapter of Girl Meets Father of the Bride. I know it's been a while since I've updated this story and I apologize for the long wait. Anyway, last time on Girl Meets Father of the Bride, Farkle Minkus returns and Lucas and Riley made an announcement to everybody that they're planning on moving to Texas after they get married. Which worries Cory. Today, will Cory have an epic freak-out about the wedding? We'll find out today in chapter ten of Girl Meets Father of the Bride. Enjoy.

Chapter Ten

Cory, the Walking Time Bomb

(Cory's P.O.V.)

I was lying in bed reading a book about how to give a beautiful wedding on a small budget while Topanga was sleeping, but I began to think about my little girl moving to Texas with Huckleberry Hound. Alright Cornelius, just shut your damn mouth and go with the flow. This is Riley's special day and you want her to be happy. The next day, I was looking through the boxes and pulled out my old tuxedo out of mothballs that I wore on the day Topanga and I got married. Now the first thing to do give a wedding on a small budget is find a good tailor and copy a designer dress. No need for that, my tuxedo still fits. Topanga is in the kitchen working on the wedding cake with my mother, her mother Rhiannon, Katy and my sister Morgan. This was the second part on the list, bake your own wedding cake. And third, have a friend take pictures. Check, my good friend and Maya's stepfather Shawn Patrick Hunter. He can take the photos, I know he's a travel photographer and writer for Hit the Road but he can take wedding photos.

"Hey! Looking' good, my man. Get down! Hey! My name is Matthews, Cory Matthews. I'm bringing sexy back!" I said checking myself out in the mirror. I began to sing Tom Jones' What's New, Pussycat and started dancing while Maya and Topanga enter the room watching and laughing at me.

"Cory!" Topanga called.

"What's new pussycat? Whoa, whoa, whoa. What's new, pussycat? Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa." I continued to sing.

"Riles, he's in here." Maya said. Riley enters the bedroom and sees me singing and dancing in front of the mirror. I turn around and I see Riley looking embarrassed while Topanga laughs at me and Maya applauds at my performance.

"Bravo, Matthews. Bravo." Maya said.

"Look at you, honey. Looking sharp." Topanga said.

"It still fits like a glove. No need for me to buy a new tux." I said.

"Um, Cory…maybe. Maybe you could get a new tuxedo. We're all wearing new clothes and I'm afraid that the tux you're wearing will rip apart." Topanga said.

"Oh, come on Pangers. You don't think I look cute in this? I mean, there will be a lot of cute girls there. And I mean single ladies. I said smiling.

"Watch it, Cornelius." Topanga said.

"Topanga!" I exclaimed as Riley and Maya started laughing.

"Cornelius." Maya jokes.

"Shut up, Penelope." I said crossing my arms at her.

"Oh, by the way. I have some good news. The church is free. I hope you're happy about that." Topanga said.

"Finally. Something that is free." I said.

"Available." Topanga said.

"Oh, well, that's good too." I said.

"Mom, I need a wedding dress to wear for the wedding. Maybe I could wear your wedding dress that you wore on the day you and daddy got married." Riley said.

"Awww, my little girl wants to wear my wedding dress. I've been waiting for this moment ever since she was born. I am going to pass it down to my daughter." Topanga said trying not to cry.

"Calm down, mom. Just relax." Riley said as her and Topanga step out of the room.

"What are you still doing here?" I asked.

"I'm waiting for another performance." Maya said smiling. I began to charge at the blonde until she ran out of the room. I swear, if Josh marries Maya and she becomes my sister-in-law and Riley's aunt, I am definitely going to freak out. And to quote the great Danny Glover from Richard Donner's classic buddy cop movie Lethal Weapon, "I'm getting too old for this mess." Oscar Henner and his wife Gloria Henner, the wedding planners for Riley and Lucas' wedding, arrived at the apartment with their crew to finalize all the details of the wedding. First on the list was an audition for a wedding singer. The first wedding singer began to sing Volare. Apparently, this guy was a singer in Vegas. The second singer was a man named William Hung, who started singing the Ricky Martin song She-Bang, very badly. Topanga got him out of the apartment quickly. And the third singer was some drunk man who started singing one of my favorite songs from Queen very badly. And that song was Bohemian Rhapsody. How dare he?!

"Don't call us, we'll call you." I said to the drunk guy as he stepped out of the house. Boy, he reeked of whiskey. Eric and Josh were busy talking to Shawn while I hear Gloria telling Phillip to move out all of the furniture to fit everybody in here.

"Topanga, where are they going to put the furniture at?" I asked.

"They'll sit it out in the hallway." Topanga said.

"So somebody could steal it! I don't think so." I said. "What if somebody wants to sit down?"

"They'll bring in chairs." Topanga said.

"Well, if they're bringing in chairs, then why are they moving the furniture out?" I asked. "Where did you find these people? Gloria's husband looks crooked. He looks like he works for the mob. Is he planning on putting a horse's head in our bed if we don't pay him?"

"Cory, calm down. No need for you to have a meltdown." Topanga said. "Besides, a moving van is going to take everything out of the café."

"Oh, boy." I said. Oscar walks over to me and Topanga with a caterer to show us the menu.

"Mr. Matthews, Mrs. Matthews. If I could have a moment of your time to discuss the menu with you." Oscar said as the caterer shows us the menu for the meal at the reception.

"Now, what we have here is a wonderful lemon herb chicken served with green beans and roasted potatoes. Cajun salmon, veal…" The caterer said.

"Veal? Daddy, did he say veal?" Riley asked.

"What's the problem, Riley?" Oscar asked.

"You can't serve veal. Think about the baby cows. I've read that there's a lot of inhumane treatment in the way they treat the calves." Riley said.

"I've read about that too." Maya said.

"Well, aren't you a little adorable genius. Alright, we won't serve the veal. I care about the baby cows too. How about roast beef with gravy and onions?" Oscar asked.

"Sounds fine." Riley said.

"Okay. Also, my wife want to bring in some swans for the wedding." Oscar said.

"Swans? Did you say swans?" I asked.

"Yeah." Oscar said.

"I don't want any swans in my apartment." I said.

"Cory, Gloria thought it would be really sweet to have swans waddling around the apartment…." Topanga said.

"What if the swans crap all over the floor?" I asked.

"Daddy." Riley said.

"We're not having swans in this house. You can forget it!" I exclaimed.

"Mr. Matthews, calm down. There's no need to panic about the swans. I'll talk to my wife about it." Oscar said as he drops his pen on the floor. I bend over to pick it up until I heard a ripping sound. Topanga and Riley's eyes grew wide in shock as they began to notice something on my tux.

"Uh, daddy." Riley said.

"Cory, your…" Topanga said.

"Ooh, that…That's only a….well…we can fix that." Oscar said. I grabbed Katy's mirror from out of her purse and noticed that I ripped my pants. Oh, God. Just when things could possibly get any worse.

"Daddy, are you okay?" Riley asked with a worried look on her face.

"Yeah, Mr. Matthews. You don't look too well. Do you need anything?" Oscar asked.

"As a matter of fact, there is. I want you to get rid of the swans. I don't want the swans running around my apartment. You tell your wife it's not okay. If I have to move out the furniture and add amps and repaint the walls and get a new tux and pay for swans. I want "cheaper" chicken and "cheaper" roast beef and I want you to get rid of the damn swans! Is that clear?" I asked getting ready to explode right in front of Topanga and Riley. Oscar walks away to talk to his wife Gloria while I slowly walk over to the door to make my way out.

"Cory. Cory, I see that you're starting to lose it, but I have a question about the parking attendants." Ty said.

"Two." I said.

"Two?" Ty asked.

"Cory?" My mom steps in.

"Two." I said.

"Cory, I was wondering if Maya and I could go out on a date?" Josh asked.

"Please say yes. Please say yes. Please say yes!" Maya smiles happily. Right when I'm about to leave out of the house, Moral Compass enters the apartment.

"Hey, Mr. Matthews. I mean, dad. How's it going? I came to get my letterman jacket. I left it in Riley's room last night." Lucas said. Oh, boy. I was beginning to feel like I was going to go insane. I had to get out of the apartment, and fast. Topanga asked Shawn, Eric and Josh to go with me so I won't do anything stupid. Also, she asked me to pick up something for dinner at D'Agostino's Supermarket. Sure, I let my best friend and my brothers tag along with me. That's all I needed, I needed to take a nice, long drive and mellow out to get my mind off the wedding. Who am I kidding? I feel like jumping off the Empire State Building or the Brooklyn Bridge.

(Later)

We arrived at D'Agostino's picking up some food for dinner. Eric and Josh were busy talking about Josh asking Maya out on a date until Shawn steps in while I pick out some hot dog buns. Wait a minute, those are twelve hot dog buns. I wanted eight hot dog buns and I want to buy eight hot dogs so I won't end up paying four hot dog buns. I ended up removing some of the hot dog buns out until a stock boy notices what I'm doing.

"Sir? Sir. I'm sorry, sir. But you're going to have to pay for all twelve buns." The stock boy said.

"Why should I pay for twelve hot dog buns?" I asked.

"Because they're not marked individually." The stock boy said.

"Oh, yeah?" I asked.

"Cory, just pay for the hot dog buns." Josh said.

"No, I'm not paying for that. And you want to know why, my brotha? Because some big-shot over at the Oscar Meier Wiener company got together with some big-shot over at the hot dog bun company and decided to screw over the American public and make them all nit-wits! Well, this nit-wit isn't going to get screwed over by the hot dog bun company anymore because I'm not paying for one more thing I don't need! Cory Matthews is saying no!" I exclaimed.

"Who's Cory Matthews?" The stock boy asked.

"Me, you little punk!" I screamed.

"Cory, calm down. There's no need for yelling." Shawn said.

"Shawnie, you're not the one who's daughter is getting married to some punk from Texas and you, your wife and that punk's parents are paying for the whole thing. And you're not the one about to have a complete mental breakdown here!" I continued to scream out loud until a manager walks over towards me and noticed the whole commotion.

"Sir, why don't you just calm down. There's no need for that kind of trouble." The manager said.

"Don't tell me to calm down, baldy!" I yelled.

"Sir, if you don't calm down and pay for those buns, I'm going to call the police." The manager said.

"Oh, he's going to call the police. Go ahead, call the police! See if I care and let me tell you this, I'm like the bad guy from Lethal Weapon 2. I have diplomatic immunity so you can't touch me." I said putting my hands on the manager. Right at that moment, there was something that I did not see coming right at me. The manager of the store punches me right in the face and knocked me out cold. Well, that was the low point in my life. Flipping out over the wedding and flipping out over four hot dog buns. I couldn't figure out why? Why did I go nuts? Why did this wedding make me go insane? I'm just glad that he wasn't here to see me like this.

"I see that you've landed yourself into big boy detention, Mr. Matthews." A familiar voice said. Wait a minute, it can't be. It's my teacher, my mentor, Mr. Feeney. He died from a heart attack when Riley was in her sophomore year of high school. I really missed him and I've learned a lot from him.

"Ahhh! You're back from the dead! You're a zombie. Guard! Guard!" I screamed out.

"I'm not a zombie, you idiot! I came here by spirit. I'm a spirit." Mr. Feeney said.

"Oh." I said sitting down on the bench.

"Could you explain to me why you ended up in this position?" Mr. Feeney asked.

"George, it's because Riley is getting married to her longtime love Lucas. I know I'm supposed to be happy for her, but I….I…" I said.

"You're afraid of losing her." Mr. Feeny said.

"Yes, that's right. Ever since she was little, she dreamed about meeting her knight in shining armor. At age twelve, she ended up meeting a cowboy from Texas. She really loves him. After her and Lucas get married, they're planning on moving to Texas. I'm thinking that Riley's wedding is a whole conspiracy against me. I bet Oliver Stone is directing this. This is like JFK, a bunch of conspiracies." I said.

"Mr. Matthews, Riley is proud to have you as a father. You raised her right in this world and given her many life lessons." Mr. Feeney said.

"What are you trying to say?" I asked.

"This is her world now. It is her and Lucas' world and they're starting a new life together. They're going to take on the world together." Mr. Feeney said.

"Thank you, George." I said as I look up not seeing Mr. Feeney's spirit sitting next to me. Now, I'm all alone in a jail cell, about to be traded nightly for a pack of menthols until a guard with short black hair and blue eyes enters.

"Matthews, you have a visitor." The officer said.

"Is it my wife?" I asked.

"No, this woman claims she's not your wife. Apparently, she knows you and you two used to date. She's posted your bail and you're free to go." The officer said.

"That's nice of her but I didn't go out with her." I said.

"Yes, you did. It's been a long time, Cory." The attractive woman with long brown hair and brown eyes wearing a floral designer dress enters the jail cell. Oh, no. Yikes! I know that woman. It's….it's…..it's Lauren. The girl that I met on my ski trip to the mountains. Oh, no. This has got to be a dream. Where's a prisoner named Bubba when I need him? I just want him to put me out of my misery right now.

Ooh, Lauren is back. I wonder how Topanga would react from seeing Cory talking to Lauren? We'll find out next time. I hope that you enjoyed the new chapter. Don't forget to review this story (No Rude Comments/Reviews) and I'll see you next time for chapter eleven. Till next time my fellow readers.