Edit (20/2/15): Changed the cookie-stealing incident to a corpse-stealing incident when Touka was five year old. Thanks to Bacon Powder for pointing that out!
Lines are important.
Touka has drawn them so many times she has lost count. Lines define boundaries that she can't cross because the demons on the other side are always watching and always hungry. Lines also tell others to go away and not to push their luck because there are some things Touka can't tell humans who know nothing about just who (what) she is
Touka loves the lines and knows their uses, knows them very well in fact but somehow, Ken Kaneki with that dumb look on his face keeps stepping over the lines. She freezes because no one is allowed to cross the lines, it's against the rules and god damnit, here he goes walking over them again! And even if she glares daggers at him, he's like a dog shrugging snow off its coat: it doesn't bother him.
And it's driving her crazy.
The worst thing is that she knows that he doesn't even realise how easily he's doing all this.
(And the funny thing is, she doesn't even know how easily she lets him do it. But that's the charm of an oblivious girl. Thankfully, Kaneki himself can be quite oblivious too.)
Some days, her doubts rear their ugly heads and she looks at the humans and thinks 'liabilities' and 'risks'. Other times, it is 'potential ally' and on rare occasions, simply 'friend'.
Today, her emotions run high and insecurities prowl around her thoughts like a caged beast. Whenever she looks at Yoriko, an almost animalistic fear grips her heart. She's scared that somehow Yoriko would find out that she is a Ghoul and then everything would be gone.
"Touka, are you alright?" Yoriko asks, concern tinging her voice, "You've got that lonely and depressed look on your face again."
Touka curses inwardly for that slip in her defense, schooling her expression into one of boredom, "What? Nah, I'm fine."
Yoriko puts her hand on her shoulder (it's as warm as the Sun) and says, "You can tell me anything, Touka, because I'll always be by your side."
Her voice is casual, as if she is commenting on the weather. It's like it didn't mean anything, like it couldn't possibly mean anything but it makes Touka's heart constricts all the same.
Yoriko smiles, withdrawing her hand and her shoulder is suddenly colder without the warmth. She misses it badly, misses the easy gentle grip, misses how it was just a simple touch with no pain or wariness involved.
Hate overwhelms her when she hisses, "Go away, Yoriko, and mind your own business."
She rationalises that it was Yoriko's own fault for stepping out of the line. She pretends that her friend didn't just flinch from her, just as she pretends that she is doing the right thing. Touka knows that she should apologize because Yoriko is a sensitive person. But it is too late; she has drawn the lines that separate them.
Instead, she lets the silence drive in the words like sharp knives cutting into flesh.
(It's strange how those same knives were digging into her heart too.)
Yoriko shrinks away from her, hurt shining in her eyes and they don't exchange a single word even though they're just sitting next to each other in class.
The entire time, Touka sketches lines in her notebook and counts down the seconds till the bell rings.
After school, she walks to Anteiku and upon reaching, she sees Kaneki sweeping the floor. He looks up and holds her gaze, a long piercing stare that seems as if he can see right into her soul. It's like when she was five years old again and her dad had caught her in the act for stealing bits of food from the cemetary's inhabitants because she was hungry.
It's making her feel small and guilty and so very exposed.
She bristles.
Caustic words are at the tip of her tongue, barbed things ready to lash out. Then, Kaneki blinks and she forcibly calms herself because Kaneki is just Kaneki who greets her with an easy smile and a lazy wave; just like any other day.
See? Nothing to hide.
She acknowledges him with a nod and surprisingly, Kaneki heads towards her and begins to ramble on about his latest fighting technique and she would comment on them, really, if not for the fact that regret swirls in her head at this morning's incident.
She stalks past him to isolate herself in the kitchen but he follows behind, talking about all manner of things. Annoyance wells up like a tide and drowns out the feelings of self hatred and bitterness, leaving with it prickly anger and irritation at her co-worker. Ugh, leave me alone.
Stupid jerk keeps sticking to me like a leech. Che, how annoying. With a growl, she attacks the counter with a mixture of annoyance and frustration at Kaneki's stubbornness.
"Hey Touka, could you tell me how to make the coffee again? I kinda forgot hahaha," Kaneki asks, sheepishly scratching his cheek.
Scowling, Touka snaps at his perceived ineptness. (A small part of Touka screeches bullshit! Kaneki never forgets this sort of simple things! She silences it.)
"Could you help me with the dishes? I need a hand here."
Looking around, the store isn't that crowded so a little breather wouldn't be too bad. She shrugs, roll her eyes and plunge her hands into the warm soapy froth next to him.
"So busy day today, huh?" He enquires.
Touka grunts a monosyllabic reply and the space of a few inches between them feels like a chasm. And like a true foolish traveller, Kaneki jumps forward.
"The customers are getting more demanding. Just this morning..." And that's when Touka tunes him out. Kaneki is...nice but he can be really annoying sometimes.
The day passes with Kaneki like an ever present shadow that just wouldn't shut up. No matter how many times she snaps at him like an irate bear rudely woken from hibernation, it looks as if Kaneki was resolute in pissing the hell out of her.
(Somehow, she gets the feeling that he's secretly amused at how easily it is to rile her up.)
At the end of the day, sore and tired and just wanting to go back home and bury herself in her blankets, does a thought slams into her: Ken Kaneki is never this talkative.
Unbidden, she remembers the look that Kaneki had given her when she first stepped in today, the one that seemed as if he saw past her (half-hearted) glares and knew more than he let on. As if...
- oh.
The pieces in her head click neatly in place and she finds herself thinking of his coal black hair and the earnest smiles he reserves gives her. And the way he had told all sorts of lame jokes that made her want to laugh and throttle him at the same time. And his incessant chatter that kept distracting her like...like...he was trying to cheer her up.
Her heart does a weird little flop and she suddenly trips over her feet. I'm such a klutz, she thinks.
Wait, I'm NOT a clumsy oaf. Being a ghoul does have it perks. She looks at her feet with something resembling betrayal. Did she just trip over air because she was thinking of Kaneki?
Looking at the unobstructed pathway behind her, she gets her answer.
Something feels off balance because she never expects Kaneki, a naive, puny and dumb kid whom she had recently met, to do such a thing for her.
No one has ever thought that Touka needs to be comforted. With a fearsome scowl on her face, people take one look at her and flee in the opposite direction. Even the manager knows when to leave her alone.
Yet Kaneki has done the opposite.
Irritation worms in her gut: Pah, that punk. Think he's so caring, isn't he?
There isn't a warm glow in her chest that seeps all the way to her toes. Nothing at all. Neither is there a fuzziness that buzzes in her veins. Nope. Nothing at all. Nada. Zilch. Seriously.
She blows hair out of face, spewing obscenities at Kaneki for daring to think she is some weak little girl in need of help. Stomping up the steps to her bedroom, she slams the door and throws her bag on the bed.
Lines. Lines were important because if she didn't draw them properly, the most unassuming of all people would slip in between them and nestle into her heart.
Collapsing on the bed, she mutters, "Damn you, Kaneki," and a small part of her adds and damn me too.
This is the start of a friendship that may just turn into something more. Because lines don't just set boundaries, they can lead you towards a different path too.
A/N: Thanks for reading this fic! Just trying my hand at romance so if it's not too much trouble, I would love to hear what you thought of it. Most appreciated! :D