Chapter 38: Platinum

"And that is when I saw you again, one year after signing up for school. After twelve years of thinking you were dead…" Ivan said solemnly, eyes still focussed on something Alfred couldn't see. Not that he cared about that at the moment. There were more important things to care about after such a story.

"I was supposed to be a sunflower demon," Ivan sighed, closing his eyes in painful reminiscence. "A being of life, guided by the light of Belobog. But since I… died, that day… Chernobog resurrected me, saved me with new powers. That is when I became a being of ice and shadow. I owe him my life, but he is a terrible burden and a curse all the same. Yet he cannot live without a host, someone to bring him sacrifice and give him strength."

A tragic smirk.

"I thought I could keep him under control if I surrounded myself with sunflowers, with my family, the gift of my mother and the white god. I would never have expected Chernobog to escape by using you as a new vessel."

"So all this time you were like a walking time bomb? Endangering not only yourself, but everyone around you?" came Alfred's broken voice.

Ivan grimaced. This was exactly the kind of reaction he didn't want.

"Please, Alfred. You have to understand. I know I was playing a dangerous game, but I had to live for my sisters. If it weren't for them, do you not think I would have killed myself a long time ago?"

A shock rippled through Alfred's body at hearing those words, and he gaped open-mouthed at the forlorn-looking demon. Ivan grimaced once more.

"Do not be surprised. Do not think I enjoy living like this. If it weren't for my sisters, I would have put an end to Chernobog's powers a very long time ago. And even then, the few times I did try I was overpowered by his will to live. There is a reason I act creepy, dorogoy. I do not want anyone to come too close to me. I do not want to hurt them. I do not want to burden them with my task. I am both a prisoner and a prison keeper. But then you came."

Ivan stared at his hands, those big lumps of flesh that had failed to protect the ones he loved.

"A human being, showing me there was more to life than just survival. With your gift, I remembered the light of Belobog flowing through my veins. It was you who gave me the strength to live when I wanted to die, it was after meeting you that I tried to counter Chernobog with my true powers. It was you who showed me there is more to life than just surviving, even for a despicable being such as myself.

I never asked to be born, Alfred. I do not ask for pity, or forgiveness, or help, even though you have already given me that. For which I am forever grateful. Nyet. The only thing I ask of you is to stay by my side. Chernobog grows strong through hate and darkness, I cannot keep him at bay without you. No more. Not now that I know, now that I know how it feels to be happy. To feel alive. To feel… to be in love."

Love. Such a funny little word. Only four letters. Yet it held all the meaning in the world and more.

"I…" Alfred began, swallowing, eyes unfocussed as they flashed through the room. He was exhausted, overwhelmed, drained in every way possible, physically and emotionally wiped out.

"I…" he tried again, not seeing the hope dying in those violet eyes he often found himself drawn to like a moth to the light.

"I… I need time to think."

It was too much. Too much information, too much that had happened, too much of everything.

He needed rest, needed time. He would go with his friends, to their hiding place. At least until the ritual, because frankly, he could do a hundred rituals after everything that had happened tonight. As long as they didn't discover him, the ritual would clear all accusations against him. He had to figure out what he wanted, what had happened, if he could even help like Ivan described.

Love wasn't just a plaything, after all. You couldn't exchange it like gifts, couldn't use it for your own cause if it wasn't stable. It was finicky, tended to change overtime.

And at the moment, Alfred wasn't sure he had the energy to love. Not now. Later perhaps, but not now.

Ivan bowed his head, giving the faintest of nods. His eyes dimmed further, accepting the fate that was cast upon him.

Alfred slowly stood up, avoiding the glass and broken objects scattered across the floor. He hesitated, sprinted back, pressed a chaste kiss to those snowy locks.

Then he turned around, and without looking back left the house along with his friends.

Time to think.

~o~

The Fourth of July. Alfred's birthday. But also the day of the ritual.

Alfred had been living with Vasilica all this time- or not exactly with him, but in the basement of his building. Only going out in disguise, and with his friends providing him with blood bags, he'd had plenty of time to think.

Yet he still didn't know what to do about Ivan the day he was making his way towards the place of the ritual. He wouldn't be in any danger of someone recognizing him- the group of creatures that organized the Coming of Age Ritual stood above the law. Anyone who showed up at their door could perform the ritual in all safety, and if Alfred succeeded they would no longer be able to arrest him. After all, since the photographs didn't show enough evidence of Alfred saving a human being, the only thing they could still hold against him was him not being a full member of society yet.

Which would change after today. Today he was going to "prove his loyalty" to the monsters. What a blast.

As soon as Alfred arrived, he was guided towards a changing room. There he got a black robe with the sign of his species; a red drop of blood with a complicated cross flowing from it for the vampires.

Then he was brought towards a room so high you could hardly see the ceiling. It was dark in there, the only light coming from candles.

"Alfred Foster Jones," a voice spoke. They never had to ask your name.

"Today you have turned eighteen years old. Today, you will become a true vampire."

Invisible people broke out in excited murmurs. Alfred wasn't fazed by them.

Finally, he could hear it.

A human being.

Screaming.

She begged and pleaded as someone brought her in, the woman being pulled forward by a leash. As if she were just some stupid animal.

"Please don't do this, please, I don't want to die, please!"

She was pushed down on her knees, right in front of him.

"To complete the ritual, you must kill this human and drink its blood."

Its. Not even her.

She looked up at him, eyes big and teary. They were a lovely golden brown, like molten caramel.

Alfred remained expressionless as he crouched down and bit into her shoulder.

Her screams didn't last long, the venom making her mute and paralyzed.

Alfred didn't think. Didn't feel. Didn't react when he felt the all too familiar rush of euphoria.

He hadn't felt that since… since Ivan. Back when he was still addicted to his blood. But after leaving, he realized he didn't need it anymore. As if he had been addicted to Chernobog instead.

She was empty much faster than he expected. They dragged her limp body away like a rag doll.

"Alfred Foster Jones. You are now a vampire."

People applauded. He couldn't see them through the tears in his eyes.

As if he cared about being a vampire.

As if he cared about anything anymore.

~o~

After the ritual he moved back home. Now that he had redeemed his sins against society, he no longer had to fear being an outcast. He still had to watch his step though, as they were constantly keeping an eye on him. He might have succeeded the ritual, but that didn't mean they were no longer suspicious of him. But Those were worries for later; as long as he didn't step out of line again, nobody could catch him either.

Matthew was happy. Lilith and Sam were happy. Even Kuma was happy.

Alfred was empty.

…

His relationship with Ivan was unhealthy, not good for the both of them. It would destroy their sanity had he allowed it to keep dragging on. He knew that perfectly well.

So why did he keep dreaming about mesmerizing light purple eyes, arctic tundra, and the taste of vodka and vanilla ice cream?

…

He kept telling himself over and over and over that this one couldn't be saved. Not by him, anyway.

He didn't know if he could save anyone ever again. Not after finding out how much of a monster he was.

Heroes didn't kill humans. Heroes didn't get possessed by demons. Heroes didn't try to strangle their friends.

He was no hero.

…

Matthew was dating Katyusha. He told Alfred over dinner.

"That's cool," was Alfred's only response. He ignored the painful stab in his heart, knowing who Katyusha was related to.

Lilith lay her spoon down with a loud clatter. "All right Alfie, that's enough," came her soft yet stern voice. It was only then that Alfred looked up, taken off-guard by this change in behaviour.

"What is auntie?"

Lilith stood up, walked around the table, and crouched down next to her dear son.

"Alfred. I know who you want to talk to. I see it every day. You don't hang out with your friends anymore, you eat ice cream almost non-stop, you even sleep with scarves in your bed! Honey, I know you miss him."

Alfred felt a blush rise to his cheeks, something that hadn't happened for weeks now.

"H-how did you-"

"Alfred," Sam chimed in, a pleasant grin on his face, successfully hiding the worry he had felt for Alfred's mental wellbeing. "We're not stupid. You really think your aunt would've missed you falling in love with someone?"

"But how long did you guys know?" Alfred peeped. He truly hadn't felt this flustered in the longest of times.

"Since the beginning. Perhaps even before you yourself knew it. When you were so stubborn about becoming friends- I could tell. Whenever you looked away, I could see him stare at you with the utmost adoration. And then how you reacted to him… You miss him, Alfred. Go to him. Nobody's stopping you."

No one but myself…

"And if you don't do it, I'll do it for you," Matthew growled, growing impatient with his twin's listlessness.

"Okay, fine! I'll do it!" Alfred at last agreed.

Everyone cheered, and even he felt a grin slip around his lips.

He didn't tell anyone how he couldn't sleep that day, staring anxiously at his ceiling as thoughts raced through his mind.

~o~

He should've expected it wouldn't be Ivan opening the door. Instead he had to stare at the angry sneer of Natalia.

"You hurt big brother."

"I know."

"I should kill you now."

"I know."

"…"

Natalia brought a hand to his face and re-adjusted his askew glasses. The sunny blond blinked, but remained perfectly still.

"You are also only one who can make him happy. So I will let you go this time. But if you ever hurt him again, your heart is mine."

He said nothing as he walked past her and up the now very familiar set of stairs. The smell of blood and alcohol became stronger the closer he got to that menacing oaken door. Katyusha appeared beside him, her strong worn hands giving his shoulder a squeeze. It wasn't so much an encouragement as it was a desperate plea.

'Look after him. Make my baby brother whole again. He needs you, Alfred.'

He didn't return the gesture, for he did not know whether he was able to do that.

He wasn't a superhero, after all. Perhaps never had been.

The events of the past few months were enough proof to establish that fact.

He wasn't here to save Ivan. Nor himself. It was already far too late for that.

And yet…

Perhaps the broken pieces could be mended again. It was only a slight possibility, and it would take an inhumanly large amount of effort. But maybe it was worth the try. He was here, wasn't he? That had to account for something.

He was so desperate for salvation that he almost believed those were his only intentions.

'Don't lie to yourself, silly boy.'

Alfred shook his head. He wouldn't succumb to those dark thoughts ever again. Yes, he still craved for Ivan's blood, but he was stronger now. He knew better how to control himself. He wouldn't make Chernobog appear again, and he wouldn't let himself be guided by his lust for blood.

No. Ivan didn't deserve to be used like that. He needed someone to comfort him, to give him a pat on the back for bravely defending his sisters all those years. Someone to keep him sane, not drive him further into madness.

Alfred felt his resolve waver.

Could he really be that person? Was he mentally strong enough to protect the both of them?

Maybe. Maybe not.

Alfred almost turned around to run away again, a lump settling in his throat. But then he saw Katyusha staring at him. Her big blue eyes filled with tears, those roughened hands clutching his jacket, sadness crossing lifetimes tearing her apart.

"Please, Alfred. Vanya needs a hero. He needs you."

Alfred swallowed the lump and nodded.

No time for hesitation, for selfishness or doubt.

All that mattered now was Ivan.

So with new determination he reached forward, turned the doorknob, and opened the door.

Everything was exactly how he remembered it. Bed neatly made, as if no one ever slept in it. Alfred now knew the reason, knew that Ivan couldn't handle the nightmares sleeping brought upon him. So it was a bit of a surprise to see that habit still hadn't died. At least, until he realized- Ivan had far more demons plaguing him than just Chernobog. All those things he had done in favour of the demon king… Murder, torture, and then everything they had done to him… A man would get nightmares from much less.

Ivan was sitting on his make-shift bed, staring at nothing in particular. He sat turned away from Alfred, and didn't look up when he heard footsteps coming towards him.

Alfred felt so many thoughts and emotions flow through his body, and he was afraid they would drown him if he stopped to contemplate them. Instead, he forced his feet forward, towards the demon who had done so much for him, both good and bad.

Ivan, who apparently loved him long before he was the man he was today, the vampire that had drastically changed his personality. All those years, Ivan had kept loving him.

Ivan must have known it was him, otherwise he wouldn't be shaking so much. Spilling silent tears, as if waiting for some sort of verdict.

Alfred simply reached out and placed his hands around that shaking figure.

Ivan didn't freeze, not this time. Instead, he waited for Alfred to settle behind him, waited for the other's grip to relax, and finally he let himself slump, melt into the hug.

Neither said a word for a long time, the two creatures staring into the distance, listening to their combined breathing.

"What will happen after this?" Ivan asked.

Alfred didn't know if he meant the next five minutes, or the next five years. So that is the only answer he could give.

"I don't know. I- I just don't know Ivan."

How long had he gone without speaking that name…

"Let's just focus on the here and now, okay? We'll see about the future… later."

Ivan nodded. The here and now was good. He could live with the here and now.

Here and now, he was safe.

Here and now, he felt no fear or remorse.

Here and now, he was loved.

(And he knew he was loved, because Alfred pressed the smallest of kisses to the back of his head.)

The End

~o~

Tip of the day
Song: Toy Soldiers - Marianas Trench
Story: Negotiation - ProcrastinatingPalindrome (When Russia and Japan have to negotiate a peace treaty, America notices something is terribly wrong with his friend. This story is truly heart-breaking, and a must read.)

So, to anyone who read the story before: you might notice a few chapters missing, and that's because I deleted them. THIS was the original ending I had in mind, I only created the other ending because I was getting more negative commentary and I was afraid people wouldn't be happy if I gave them such an open ending. But now, looking back on the story, I realize I really don't like that other ending, thus I shall use this one instead, as it was intended. I hope you like the story nonetheless, and thank you very much for reading.