Another rainy day. She was looking out of the window, just taking in the scenery. The cloudy sky, the water drops on the window, the puddles on the ground. She couldn't let that depressive weather to win. Although it was slowly crawling inside her mind, she must be able to keep her attitude positive. Enjoy.

Yesterday was a very busy day for her. Today she was supposed to be enjoying her day off. Of course, there was still so much stuff to do, but she owed it to herself to rest for a little bit. In the past few weeks and even months she kept herself busy. More than was necessary. But she had to, she kept reminding herself. Her career was important to her. It was the most important thing at the moment. She was building herself up, working on her skills and trying to improve every single day. She was on her way of becoming one of the best workers in the WWE. Maybe she was not putting her body on the line inside of the ring, but she was doing what she loved and her job was just as important. So for that reason she couldn't take rest; she couldn't just stop because every moment was valuable. Every second of every day had to be used correctly. Until now.

She kept starting at the almost stormy weather. Thinking. Wondering about something she shouldn't. Remembering that night. "Stop!" she screamed out suddenly as an order for herself. But her mind lingered on the night of Seth's birthday party. It was a couple of weeks ago. The memories of the party itself very getting blurry but what happened afterwards was still crystal clear to her. Maybe that was the reason why she was overworking herself. No, she smiled, it was the reason; she was sure about it although she did not want to admit it. More specifically, he was the reason why.

Her mind went clear. Her eyes were still set on the outside scenery but she was not looking. She was just enjoying the moment, the memory, without actually seeing anything or thinking about anything. But she could feel it. She could feel just how she felt that night. Complete.

Between all that work she thought about her situation sometimes. It was stupid. Everything was so wrong. And she knew it couldn't stay like that forever. It had to change soon. She was well aware of the fact that she would have to do some readjustments in her life. Career-wise everything was perfect. Maybe that's why she paid all her attention to her job. To escape. To enjoy. To avoid all that other stuff.

It's been months. They broke up in January. Right at the beginning of the year. So much was going on back then. And still is . . . some new stuff, some old stuff; she might be trying to push her personal life away but it exists. She cannot simply erase it or go back to a moment from the past when everything seemed so much simpler.

So what was there to do? Face her fears. Clear her mind. Think about what was it that she wanted. Why to continue with something that she did not want and would have to end at some point anyway? Her current relationship . . . why did she even start it?

Her mind starting working again. Her brain gave her the answer and brought her back to the moment when Dean told her it was over. Did she really think it would be the end? Did he? Things were different back then. For both of them. She was going through some stuff and he was as well. Maybe they needed some time apart to figure about some issues on their own. Figure out what was it that they wanted. That was what Renee was doing right now. Figuring things out.

Did she wanted to stay with her current boyfriend? They've been together for some time now. It never got really serious, although at some points maybe there were indications that it would. But then always the same thing happened. Dean. Dean was always there to remind himself to her. He wouldn't let her get away. He was always nearby to make sure she wouldn't forget about him. And of course she didn't. She couldn't. And, most importantly, she didn't want to. Did she still love him? There were feelings. On both sides. There had to be. Even though she didn't have that discussion with Dean. At least not recently. Maybe she should. But then again, why talk about possibly getting back together when you're with someone else? Shouldn't you deal with that part first? And, even before that, shouldn't you make sure who you want to be with?

Maybe that was clear already. There were certain signs. Like that night. She cheated on Nate. It wasn't the first time. But it was the first time she did not tell him. And she didn't want to turn into that person. Anyway, she knew one thing. When she tells him, it will be over. Maybe he kind of accepted it at the beginning when the break up was still somewhat fresh but now, after more than five months apart, it was not acceptable. What she was doing was wrong, and she knew it. She had to end it. There was no other way. Treating him this way was not fair and Renee was not that kind of person either. Be fair. Have courage. Face your fears and admit your wrongdoings. And then what?

Get back together with Dean? Would he even want that? They should probably have that talk. Or should they? Maybe it was best to leave the options open. See what happens. Did she want to be with Dean again? Yes and no. She loved his presence. She loved his personality, however weird it might have been at times. He was made for her. They were different but that difference actually brought them together and made them stronger. Why didn't it work out the last time? What happened? She knew what happened, but why did she let him do it? She knew him. She was supposed to find a way to keep going, avoid the evitable. Was she not strong enough? Did she not know him well enough? They were supposed to be there for each other, yet they weren't there when the other one needed them. Dean and his stale career. She and her . . . Renee still couldn't face it completely. She couldn't say that word nor think about what she had to go through right after the relationship failed. The year did not start good in any sense. And they had to deal with these issues on their own. It should have been different. They were supposed to face them together. . . But they didn't.

Things were different now. Those problems were now resolved and they were both in a good place. The matter was, they were not together. They were friends again. They were . . . lovers, somehow. There was still affection. There was interest. Was there love? In some form, certainly. But they were not together.

She had to break up with Nate, she knew that much. And then? Maybe stay single for a while. Enjoy the life. Enjoy what's left of her youth. She still had time. There was no need to get in a serious relationship, get married, start having kids . . . She couldn't do it. She couldn't face it yet. She couldn't pretend it never happened because it was still very real. And ever since it happened, she was being very careful to make sure it does not happen again. If she doesn't get pregnant, she can't have a miscarriage. She took her contraceptive pills religiously and avoided having sex on fertile days. She was being extremely careful because the ghost of the past was still hanging over her. And during those dark days, she was alone. Did it make her stronger? She wasn't really sure because she felt so weak and has been feeling so much weaker than before it happened. Maybe her mind shouldn't have entered that topic, but it did. And she kept wondering. Why Dean never noticed anything? Not before, not afterward. He was supposed to know her too. Know when she's happy, when she's sad, and definitely notice if something's wrong.

Maybe breaking up was for the best, she thought. The more she thought about it, the more she realized they weren't at their best back then. Maybe this was what they needed. A break. A fresh start. And when they get together again, if they get back together, they can be better, more attentive, more caring, more relationship-worthy. Because all that had happened cannot happen again. They cannot be passive in that relationship; they need to try every single day and make sure they're the best boyfriend and the best girlfriend there is and there ever will be.

So step 1: Break up with Nate. And Renee really was set on that decision. That relationship might have been great if she never got to know Dean Ambrose. Dean changed her life. She wasn't the same girl she used to be before they met. And she really shouldn't stay in a relationship where she's unfaithful to her partner. It only proves they're not meant to be. That she doesn't love him and doesn't want to be with him. And even though it's no excuse for her behavior, it's true. She jeopardized that relationship because she did not want it to last.

She picked up her phone and looked up his name. It was still saved as Nate. No boyfriend, no love, no honey. No affectionate name. She simply called him Nate in her contacts. And Dean? She didn't need to think twice because she already knew what she saved him as. AA DA. Simple yet effective. That way he was the first one to appear in her contact list. He was always there when she needed him. And she liked the little mystery, although it might not have been difficult to decipher.

Should she call? Send a text? No. She wasn't one of those. She called her boyfriend and knew it would be for the last time. And it rang and rang and rang . . . Why doesn't he pick up? Is he busy? Is he suspecting something? She got lost in her thoughts and it was already too late when she realized it went into voicemail. Was she supposed to say something? "Uhm . . . hey, Nate," the words were heavy and it took a lot of effort for them to leave her mouth. "I was just trying to reach you . . ." she laughed, "I guess you're busy. Anyway, I really need to talk to you . . . about . . . us." Another awkward laughter. "I've been thinking and . . ." This was hard. Was she supposed to leave him that message? She played with her hair while looking firmly at her nervous feet. She bit her lip and realized she should say something. "I think we should call it quits." She paused for a second. "Gosh, I . . . I realize this is something we should discuss either in person or, if that's not possible, at least over the phone . . . or Skype or something, but I said it. And . . . it's what I want. Things are not working out and I know what you're probably thinking, that it's Dean's fault, and maybe you're right. I'm not ready for this relationship, it was too soon and honestly maybe we should have never started it. I'm really sorry." She wasn't sure whether she wanted to say something else, but she heard the beep sound and the message was over. And now there was nothing else left than to wait. He would call eventually. She really wasn't looking forward to that part, but it had to happen.

Before going back to wondering and watching the sky, her fingers dialed a different person. Two beep sounds and he picked up. "Renee, what's up?"

Renee cheered up. "I just called to see how you're doing."

"I'm great, thanks. I just got back from the gym a minute ago. I'm meeting a friend of mine in about an hour, but I got some time to spare. I'm actually glad you called. I was thinking about you."

"Did I pop into your head as a motivation while you were working out?" she joked.

"Yes. You're the best motivation there is, actually."

"Dean . . ." she giggled.

"No, I'm serious. You're wonderful. You're like a muse."

"Am I?" she asked with sarcastic undertone.

"You're like an angel."

"I miss you," she admitted.

"I miss you too. . . . So anyway, how's your day off? I guess it's boring without me."

"It's," she remembered how she just broke up with her boyfriend, "alright. It's good, actually. I'm going to see a movie later-"

He cut her short. "We should do that some time."

"Do what?"

"Go to the movies," Dean explained.

Although it surprised her at first, she actually welcomed the idea. "Yeah, let's." She moved across the room and over to the window once again. The rain was subsiding and in the distance she could see a rainbow. It made Renee smile. "What's the weather like over there?"

"Sunny," Dean replied without hesitation or questioning the change in the subject.

"It's getting better over here as well. I think it might have something to do with you," she playfully flirted with him. She was in good mood and it had to be clear to Dean as well. Until . . . there was another call. From Nate. Oh-uh. "Anyway, so I guess I'll see you tomorrow."

Dean noticed the change in her tone. "Everything's alright?" he asked her.

"Sure, it's just that I have another call."

"Okay." He didn't dig into it and she appreciated that, even though he had no idea. "See you tomorrow. Enjoy the rest of the day."

"You too," she said quickly before ending the call. "Bye!"

"Bye-"

She finished the call and her face got immediately more serious. She took a deep breath before answering.