A/N: This came to me as I once more was watching the beginning of season 4 of NCIS. My favourite episode of CM is the one were Emily returns on the team, and how Reid is really angry with JJ because of her lies. Heartbreaking. So this one-shot was born out of it. Hope you like it!

Disclaimer: Don't own or profit from CM and NCIS...

Tony sat down at a stool in the middle of the bar. He didn't want to meet someone tonight, didn't want to forget his trouble in a woman. Tonight he just wanted to drink and lament the sad excuse of a life he lived. Every other weekend another woman, ha if only they knew. They were a sad excuse for a team, and yet they were his team so he protected them the best he knew.

That meant, in this case, taking on undercover operations he knew were no good. That meant, swallowing down all the demeaning and downgrading remarks that were thrown his way. That meant, forgetting his own personal grief and pain in order to help his team deal with theirs. But tonight, tonight was his. Tonight he could just sit, and drink, and reminisce about times that were not as fucked up and painful as the world that was his this day.

He barely noticed the woman who sat down beside him and ordered the same heavy scotch as he did. Except for the fact she ordered the same heavy scotch that he did. Someone else who had a pretty lousy day as he did, he noted with clinical detachment. He could sympathise with her, if he had any energy.

She spoke first, after they both ordered two more of their poison.

"Heavy day?" she asked, still swallowing back the burn the scotch brought with it.

"Heavy life," Tony raised his glass as a mockery salute to life, before emptying it.

While he signalled the barman to pour him another one, he noticed the dark-haired woman next to him turn towards him. After he got his drink refilled he turned to her.

"You get off on others people's misery?" he was so not in the mood to pick someone up at the moment. Not with the undercover operation Jenny had coerced him into. Rota, ha! And let the McProbie be a victim to her machinations, not thank you. No matter his attitude to him since he became Team Leader, he still was his Probie. No way he was going to leave him to the Shephard Wolves out there to throw him down the shutter without any cushion. It would get him killed.

Tony sighed and tried to drain his glass, only to find it was already empty. Once again he signalled the barkeeper.

"I'll play you a game," the woman to his left spoke once more. "Whose life sucks the most. You first."

Tony, for the first time, fully turned around on his stool and looked at the woman. She was very attractive, he had to give her that. But she was not the one he was yarning for. And that once more twisted the knife that had taken residence in his heart a month ago. He realised he needed to vent to someone who didn't know, didn't judge.

"Fine," he breathed. "Here we go. So, I worked as a homicide detective in Baltimore. It was a though and time-consuming job, as you could guess. Then I found out the worst betrayal ever; my partner turned out to be dirty. Yeah, good times. Especially if you find it out, because the murder suspect you keep at gunpoint is looking at said partner with a look of disillusion and betrayal.

Thank god, or so I thought, that the investigation crossed over with a Federal Agency. Said Special Agent offered me a job, after he found out about my partner, and even let me deal with that mess in my own way."

The woman next to him signalled the barkeep to leave the bottle between them, waving a hundred at him to persuade him.

"Small problem though," Tony continued, pouring himself another helping. "I had this major crush from the moment we crossed paths. Now, I know I'm bisexual, I just hide it considering my job in law enforcement. But here I go with my stupid arse and actually accept he job my newest crush offers me."

He took the shot of whiskey in one go, not even flinching and continues to pour the both of them another one.

"So first I had the idea to go work for the guy I had a crush on, the next moment, said boss is crowding me in the elevator saying he wants me too. We had to keep it a secret, considering I was his SIC, and having an affair with a subordinate is not something one should do when working for a federal agency. So of course, I agreed to keep it silent. And we were pretty good in keeping it out of the office."

The woman next to him toasted at that, before hacking away her own shot of whiskey and pouring out her next one.

"Then, in rolled the shit storm. Got another partner, we learned to work together even though my boss and lover undermines me at every turn. Got another green rookie, that without a word was shoved on me to teach him the ropes and toughen him up. But hey, he was the boss at work so I had to comply."

Tony took his shot followed rapidly by the woman's shot glass that stood there waiting for here. Pouring out the next for the both of them, he continued.

"Then, I get the scare of a life time. SWAK letter that I opened, turned out to be filled with pneumonic plague. Yeah, having the plague? Not as badass as it sounds. Then, first day I'm back, which was a week early mind you, I lose my partner. Shot by a rogue agent, who was killed by his handler that turned out to be his half-sister. Oh, and said half-sister became her replacement on our team."

The woman stared at him, taking a shot as if to fortify herself for what was more to come. He smiled self-deprecatingly, as if he could guess her thoughts at that moment.

"Yeah," he agreed with her shock. "Here's the real kicker though: My lover and boss? O, he was there for me during the grief over Kate. But he said the new agent was to be trusted, without any explanation. I know she had done him a favour, something that created a marker between them. There was no other way he would've allowed her on the team. "

"But, we grieved. We learned to deal with an ex-assassin turned liaison-investigator. If only not ten months later my boss-lover got caught in an explosion that robbed him from fifteen years of his life."

Tony no longer looked at the woman as he shot the glass down his throat. He poured himself the next one, keeping his eyes on himself through the glass behind the bar. He could clearly see the black bags underneath his eyes. Only a month …

"See, I knew about his three ex-wives," he started to elaborate his plight. "He just neglected to mention his fourth, and first wife. The one who was murdered together with his daughter. But hey, I could deal with that also. I could respect and deal with the pain their memories must bring for him. I understood that those two were an intrinsic part of who he was, that he wanted to keep that only to himself."

"No, the real kick in the guts was when he woke up from the coma that the explosion blew him in. He lost the last fifteen years if his life. Meaning, he didn't know who the hell I was, or what I meant to him. Or what he meant to me …"

The woman sighed heavily, downing two shots in a row. Yeah, her own life sucked pretty big right now. But his? Yeah, he had it infinitely worse than she could ever claim. She needed to learn how to pick out the guys without these kind of problems to play these games with.

"Go on," she tried to give him courage to get all the poison out of his system.

"Yeah, retrograde amnesia due to an explosion. He woke up as if he had just lost his girls. I didn't exist, what we had didn't exist," Tony sighed, lowering his head. "After some trouble at work, he took off. Gave me the team with a 'you'll do' and a 'semper fi' before taking off to greener pastures. Or anyway, Mexico sunsets and cervezas I guess."

He slowly lowered his head onto his arms that were resting on the bar. "So, now I'm team leader of a team that only wants its old boss back, because as they keep on telling me 'I'm not him'. I have a team that refuses to follow my orders, while I'm short a boss, a lover and mentor. My best friend is so busy missing him, she forgot that I lost the most out of everyone there. She's so busy mourning him, that the only thing she has left to say is that I'm not him."

He raised his head up, looking at the unknown woman with a voracious glare. "Newsflash to anyone there: I'm not him! Didn't ever even tried to be him either!"

The woman stared at him with compassion, while Tony concluded his monologue.

"And to top it all of, I have a director that sends me on unsanctified ops, dealing with an international arms-dealer. And she now wants to pimp me out to his daughter to gather intel. But hey, how's your life going for you?"

The woman looked him straight in the eyes as she tossed back another shot.

"I had to make my team and best friends believe I was killed by one of our Unsubs. They thought I was dead for seven months. Now, I found out that my closest friend on the team has fallen back on really bad habits. He was once taken by one of our Unsubs, and he forced him to become dependent on Dilaudid. He started taking it again, my best friend. Because he didn't know how to deal with my death."

They both threw back a shot at that.

"Here's my kicker, though. The team leader, and one other, they both were part of the subterfuge, meaning they both knew I wasn't dead. And they both stood by and watch him self-destruct in the name of my safety and protection. They sacrificed his mental and physical health for it."

Silence was between them as Tony poured them both another shot.

"Cheers to fucked up lives that are ours. Cheers to fucked up teammates that don't know where they should draw the fucking lines. And cheers to life, which we have to live till its sucky end before we can find the peace in death."

"Cheers," she agreed with him, closing her eyes as she downed the shot.

As she shook away the shivers she turned again on her stool so she faced the handsome man fully.

"Emily Prentiss," she introduced herself, holding out her hand.

He looked at it, as if he was weighing the pros and cons of introducing himself.

"Tony DiNozzo, gorgeous," he introduced himself, grabbing her hand and bringing it to his mouth to give it a kiss.

"So, exchange numbers for booze and venting?" Emily decided to go the blunt way after all the raging they both had done.

"Emily, this is the start of a beautiful friendship,' Tony smirked at her fully.

They both paid the bill as quick as they could. As they walked out, Prentiss turned to Tony.

"You really think our situation is as desperate as two guys defying Nazis in Morocco?" raising her eyes incredulously.

"Well, we only missed 'as time goes by' in that pub for a melancholic background, honey," Tony winked at Emily.

The laughter this created relieved them of a lot of the burden that rested on both their shoulders.