With all of the angst going on in Little Problems, I thought this might be a good time for something lighter: another holiday story in the vein of last year's Thessian Christmas, this one staring Jack and Miranda, set in the 4th Life Universe and featuring a mix of fluff and (In the 2nd chapter), smut. Enjoy.

"Fuck Christmas."

In spite of its vulgarity, Miranda couldn't help but smile at her girlfriend's declaration and as she watched Jack guzzle down the prodigious amounts of coffee the biotic liked to drink with her breakfast, she decided to probe deeper.

"What, may I ask, apart from your generally sunny disposition, would lead you to say that?"

The operative took a sip of her tea while she waited for Jack to answer. It was nice, starting her days like this. She'd been thoroughly accustomed to waking up alone, but over the last few months, she'd found the change surprisingly easy to get used to. Alone wasn't something she liked as much as she used to, especially not since Oriana died. There wasn't a day that went by when she didn't miss her sister, but having Jack there made it hurt a little less.

"'Cause it's bullshit," the biotic finally replied, "All this good cheer and peace on earth crap. People suck and it's dumb to spend one day a year pretending they don't."

"Now, Jack," Miranda chided her lover gently, "I know you don't really feel that way." She gave the ex-convict her most endearing look, a smile who's warmth very few people ever got to see.

"Fine," Jack conceded, rolling her brown eyes, those pretty brown eyes that Miranda found such an interesting contrast to the rest of her hard-edged appearance. "You're okay." Miranda raised an eyebrow. "And Shep," the biotic added, "And a few other people. But this Christmas shit is still too much."

Miranda picked up the last of the strawberries from the bowl sitting in-between them, slowly sucking the fruit off of the stem. It was expensive, having them delivered here to Grissom Academy while they were still fresh, but the operative found the fruit to be one of the few things from her childhood it was hard to give up. "Tell me, Jack," she asked while licking her lips clean of the juices in a manner guaranteed to ensure she had the biotic's full attention, "Have you ever actually celebrated Christmas properly?"

Jack snorted. "Holidays weren't exactly a high priority in Cerberus' kiddy death camp."

"What about later on? I know it's my first year here, but it seems as if Grissom Academy has a celebration every year."

"I guess." The biotic shrugged. "Never felt much like getting involved in it, though." She resumed eating her donut when a thought occurred to her. "What about you, cheerleader? I can't picture your asshole dad being a real festive guy."

"Oh, not at all," Miranda agreed. "I spent many of my holidays at the boarding school in Switzerland he'd packed me off to once he'd decided I was a disappointment as an heir. It wasn't so bad though. Some of the other students were in similar straits, and the teachers who were still there took pity on us, I suppose. They'd get us little presents and the kitchen would make some holiday favorites. After a few years, I rather came to look forward to it."

"Look at you, getting all misty-eyed and shit." Jack's words were similar to those she might have used years earlier, but her tone was not. The cruel edge that used to accompany her sarcastic remarks to the operative had been sanded off by time and affection, but Miranda liked that Jack still teased her. Someone who could keep her on her toes was what she wanted in a relationship; it was why it never would have worked out between her and Jacob.

"Just feeling a little nostalgic," she told Jack. "A sign of my increasing age, I suppose."

"Old age?" Jack laughed. "I think you've got a ways to go before your ass stops being perfect, cheerleader. But fuck it," she added, "You want Christmas, I'll gave you Christmas."

"I have no idea what to get her for Christmas!"

Kahlee Sanders took a swig of her orange juice, seemingly non-pulsed by her colleague's distress. "I'm sure whatever you pick will be fine, Jack."

"You don't get it," the biotic complained as she picked at the cafeteria's poor excuse for a pork chop. "It's our first Christmas living together, and she had a really fucked up year, and I'm no good at this kind of shit."

"I'm afraid I really don't know Miranda all that well," Kahlee admitted. "She's only been here a few months. Perhaps some jewelry or perfume would work? Those are always nice gifts."

Jack gave Kahlee a roll of her eyes. She liked the older woman, but she could be annoyingly white bread sometimes. "This isn't some fucking extranet ad," she complained, "I need something special, not some dumb shit an accountant gets his wife. "

"You might be right," Kahlee conceded. She didn't get offended easily, which Jack realized was probably a good thing, given the biotic's personality. "I might not be the best person to help you out with this. Perhaps you should call up one of your old comrades."

"The beating heart of one of her enemies."

Jack starred at Grunt's image across the extra-net connection to the military base on Tuchanka where he was stationed. The krogan general wore a big, toothy grin that made it hard for her to tell if he was joking or not. "Uh, I'm not sure that'd be the best idea, big guy. I mean, Miranda likes revenge as much as the next girl, but this isn't really that kind of holiday." Plus, she reflected, thinking of Edric Turner, she kind of gave her girlfriend that present already.

"How about booze?", Grunt suggested. "Booze is good."

Jack shook her head. "Yeah, booze is definitely good, but Miranda drinks these fruity wines, and I don't know anything about that shit."

"Hm." The krogan scratched his massive, scaled head as he pondered the problem. "What about an axe? Shepard got me an axe once. Nothing inspires the boys like watching you kill something with a big axe."

"We're not really in the 'killing things with an axe' business anymore," she told him. "Plus, Miranda's not really an axe kind of chick."

Grunt chortled. "Maybe not. She always did like keeping her kills clean." He shrugged. "I got nothing else. Maybe you should ask Tali. She's real smart."

"A present for Miranda?" Tali scrunched up her nose as she considered the question. It was still weird for Jack to see the quarian like this, though she did have to admit Tali's real face was a lot prettier than that bucket she used to wear on her head.

"Yeah," she told her, "There's this stupid human holiday coming up and I don't know what to get her."

"That's hard, I mean Miranda's so… Oh!" Tali perked up suddenly, lifting Jack's spirits right along with hers. "I know. When we were building the disruptor for Shepard, we had this really great electromagnetic field modulator we used."

Jack was incredulous. "You want me to get her an electromagnetic whatever for Christmas?"

"No, no, she already has one of those, or at least she did at her old job. But when we were working with it, she was telling me about this new capacitor Ariake Technologies was developing that takes some of the excess electromagnetic energy from a drive core and redirects it for productive use. It's totally awesome and I think it's finally on the market."

Jack shook her head in frustration. "Tali, I'm trying to find something, I dunno, romantic. Not some weird tech gizmo that I can't even understand."

Tali got a wistful look her eyes. "I'd think it was romantic if someone gave me that."

"Nerd."

Tali blushed a cute shade of dark purple. "Yeah, I might have weird tastes," she admitted. "Besides, I think it costs like 2 million credits anyway."

"I don't know what they're paying you in that job on Rannoch," Jack told her old friend, "But that's a little steep on a fucking Alliance instructors' salary."

"Sorry," Tali said. "Maybe you should call Shepard instead. She's always good at this kind of thing."

"I don't suppose she'd like an extra Maidens of the Golden Sword Mountain Hideaway Play-Set, because somehow Liara and I ended up buying two of them for Moira."

That got a grin out of Jack. "You guys do Christmas?"

"Yeah, we started a few years back after Ash sent me a tree and it's starting to catch on here. Liara and I actually had a party last night. Elphi even got Javik to wear a Santa hat."

The biotic laughed at the image before turning serious. "How do you do it, Shep?", she asked. "I mean, one minute, you're this super-bad-ass soldier and then you just turn around and do this domestic shit like it's easy."

Her old commander smiled warmly at her. "I wouldn't exactly say it's always been easy for me, but I see what you mean. I guess I was relatively lucky," she explained. "I actually got to have a normal childhood before all the messed-up stuff started and that gave me an idea of the kind of life I wanted when I was ready to settle down."

Jack snorted. "Yeah, normal's definitely something the cheerleader and I didn't get. I mean, I never fucking thought I'd be playing house, let alone with someone like her."

"I know," Shepard agreed with a chuckle. "I'm not sure anyone would've pictured you two together either. But you're good for each other, and you'll figure out the rest as you go."

"I appreciate that," Jack told her, "But I still need a damn present. You got anything besides asari kiddy toys in mind, because everybody else I talked to about this was fucking useless?"

Shepard sat back in her leather office chair, the older woman taking a minute to consider her question. "Look, Jack," she told her, "There's a million things that would be pretty good that I could help you pick out, but I don't think that's what you want. You want something special and that has to come from you. You're the one Miranda loves, the one she chose to live with. Try and think of something you can get for her that nobody else would or could."

Miranda breathed a sigh of relief as the sliding door to the quarters she shared with Jack closed behind her. The academy's Christmas party had been perfectly fine, but to be honest, she simply wasn't a people person. Certainly, she knew how to manipulate them, and she could sometimes enjoy their company, but she just wasn't built the same way as someone like Shepard or Kelly Chambers.

Her evening hadn't been improved by the fact that Jack had disappeared at some point during the party. Miranda didn't want to make a big deal about it; she knew her girlfriend disliked such affairs more than she did, at least if she wasn't allowed to get roaring drunk at them, but she still was a bit miffed.

The operative had just finished kicking off her heels and was stretching out her toes when she heard Jack's voice coming from the bedroom. "Hey, Miranda, in here."

Miranda raised a curious eyebrow, but she did as her girlfriend asked, surprised to find it dark when she arrived at their room. Her right hand flicked the light-switch by the doorway and when they came on, her eyes widened. Lying on the bed, her naked form only slightly covered by the huge, red ribbon tied around her body, was Jack.

"Merry Christmas, cheerleader."