Disclaimer, ratings, and other legal stuff can be found in Part One.
Author's Notes:
I apologize for the unforgivably long delay between posts. This chapter has been hovering near completion for months, but I never got around to finishing it. School and writer's block did most of the damage to my brain.
To cure my lack of inspiration, I started another fic (a Prince of Tennis/Noir crossover), and thanks to that second story, as well as a much-needed break from CCS writing, I'm back in business! Mostly. ^_^;; I still can't update as often as I'd like, but I will try to keep the chapter-a-month schedule. Once again, I'm very sorry, and I humbly beg everyone's forgiveness.
Reviewers: Thank you for being patient. I'm glad to hear your speculations about the plot, since a few of you are quite perceptive (almost prophetic) about key plot points... ^_^ Anyway, readers *please* either sign in to FF.net or leave your e-mail (that is, if you want me to contact you at some point in the future) if/when you review because I try to reply to all reviewers. Thanks!
Chapter Warning:
Kinda depressing. Rage-inducing. 'Nuff said.
~ Dark Rune
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"And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am."
- Goo Goo Dolls, "Iris"
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-= Part Six: Deeper =-
The physical manifestation of the curse, an unassuming, smiling portrait of Hiiragizawa Eriol, pointed a finger at the young man who had been pursuing him.
"Die," said Evil Eriol, and his smile transformed into a chillingly insidious smirk. A burst of magic shot from his hands, straight at his pursuer, who could only hope that his protection spells would hold.
They didn't.
Seconds after Li Syaoran's shields crumbled, a bluish light blinded him, and he felt the sharp sting of magic surrounding him. Disoriented, the young man recoiled with the impact of the attack, pain shooting through his limbs and through his head, his equilibrium thrown--so it was unfortunate that he was standing on the edge of the building's roof.
"OH SHIT!" Syaoran cried as his view of the world flipped over and he found himself hurtling backwards over the parking garage.
"Iiieee!!!" Sakura screamed, instantly forming wings on her back as she dove after her husband. In a flurry of feathers and dust clouds, she caught him a perilously short distance above the ground, and even as she smiled at him with immense relief shining in her eyes, he could feel her trembling.
Syaoran managed a feeble grin, still somewhat confounded by the attack, and said, "Gomen... I let my guard down..."
"That's because you were shielding me when you *know* I'm perfectly capable of protecting myself," Sakura reprimanded as she set them both on the ground, trying not to show him how badly her legs were shaking.
"I can't help it... I have two people to protect now," Syaoran replied, his amber gaze intense. "I wouldn't be alive if I lost you, Sakura... both of you."
Her throat suddenly dry, she almost melted in his arms; after a year of marriage, he could still make her pathetically weak in the knees. Unfortunately, Syaoran had the strangest habit of showing his affection (already a rare occurrence) at the most inappropriate times.
They were still in the middle of a battle.
Sakura felt the dark energy streaking towards her from behind before Syaoran even had a chance to warn her. She reacted, and in the next instant, she had flown them both up out of harm's way. A split-second later, the ground beneath them exploded.
"You know, now's a good time to call that stuffed animal out of that book he's been hiding in," Syaoran grumbled as he and Sakura landed a safe distance from the shrapnel.
"There is no way I can support Kero-chan *and* keep up an illusion *and* a shield, *while* trying to dodge attacks from an opponent as good as Eriol-kun," Sakura retorted. "It's nice to know you have faith in me, but even I can't do that."
Syaoran cursed under his breath. "Stupid stuffed animal proves useless once again."
"Syaoran..." Sakura sighed, feeling a slight twitch in her side that indicated that Kero might have heard her husband's comment even in temporary slumber.
"Is that all you've got?" their opponent taunted, fixing his scornful gaze on Sakura and Syaoran. At the sound of his condescending chuckle, the young couple turned to face Evil Eriol, who was floating merrily down towards them from the roof of the parking garage, unfazed.
"He certainly has Hiiragizawa's arrogant charm," Syaoran remarked dryly, his sword now drawn alongside Sakura's, and Syaoran stepped forward, the urge to keep Sakura behind him too strong to resist.
"I still don't get it," Sakura frowned, deep in thought and gnawing suspicion. "I thought Eriol-kun said the curse was only as strong as he was, and yet..."
Evil Eriol's smile broadened. "It's a pity my Other Self doesn't understand me as much as I understand him. But I'll be a sport and give you pitiful mortals a hint."
Sakura and Syaoran froze, tempted to destroy the curse while it was rambling, yet needing to hear what it had to say.
"You see, as long as he doesn't understand why I'm here after what he did in England, I will only get stronger," Evil Eriol's grin widened. "He has no chance against me, especially when he's already hurting himself. He might as well give up now."
"What makes you think he'd give up, you--"
"Don't worry," the curse interjected affably. "I'll make him give up. I'm sending *you* back as an example, Card Mistress."
"What the hell are you--" Syaoran began, but abruptly cut off in horror when Evil Eriol swept his arm in a brisk, broad arc directly towards Sakura, his power building in a sudden, towering wave. Syaoran's eyes widened in horror. "You BASTARD!"
Both Lis were caught by surprise, and despite Syaoran's best efforts to shield her, Sakura's defenses shattered, and the young woman took the brunt of the attack. With a scream, she crumpled to the ground, her eyes shut tight but leaking tears, and she clutched her stomach in a way that made Syaoran's blood freeze.
"SAKURA!!!" he yelled, immediately forgetting the rest of the world and dropping to his knees beside his wife, panic overloading his senses. Sakura was crying, shuddering, on the ground, her arms clenched around her abdomen, and Syaoran's heart bled with agony. She flinched when he tried to carry her, screamed bloody murder when he tried to comfort her, and he suddenly found tears forming in his eyes.
"No, this can't be happening," he whispered hoarsely as he gathered up his sobbing, pain-wracked wife in his arms and tried to heal her magically, without success. He didn't even know where to start healing because he couldn't understand what was wrong with her in the first place. "No no no no... please no..."
In the warm glow of the afternoon sun, on their first day back in Japan, Syaoran's most terrifying, most heart-wrenching nightmare was slowly coming true.
Sakura and the baby were dying.
It was delicious. The dying taste of their magic was exquisite, and it was especially nourishing because they happened to be the world's most powerful magicians. He was glad they never noticed how much energy he had spent protecting himself from them, hiding his weaknesses with false bravado. That bravado had given him the upper hand, because once the Card Mistress and the Li lost confidence in themselves, the fight was his. The Card Mistress's pregnancy had made an effective distraction and allowed him ample time for his escape.
But he knew he had been lucky. The Li's were too careful. Through his Other Self's memories, he knew how the Li's normally fought, and he could see a marked difference in their abilities. They were weak now because the Card Mistress's pregnancy had made both future parents overly careful, and instead of attacking, they had spent their energy strengthening defenses that he already knew how to breach. His Other Self's knowledge had given him the advantage he needed to win.
While he had emerged the victor, however, he resolved not to rely so much on luck ever again, especially against high-level magicians like the Card Mistress. He truly had to thank his Other Self for this victory, as his Other Self's guilt and pain had spiked so significantly that he had gotten an energy boost mid-battle.
As he made his way through the streets, his thoughts wandered to who his next victim should be. He was sorely tempted to just get everything over with and go after Her. She was, after all, the ultimate prize, and if he could take Her, then his Other Self would have nothing. Yet it was still too early, and too dangerous. As much as he needed Her, She was protected, and he was not strong enough to defeat his Other Self as long as he had Her. Still, She was a double-edged sword; as long as his Other Self kept pushing Her away, never realizing Her significance...
He smiled. This was a difficult situation, indeed, but he had an advantage over his Other Self. He just needed a different opening into Her mind, a back door left unguarded.
He stopped walking and looked up at the sky. Closing his eyes, he imagined the kill again, and his hunger for blood was rekindled. He needed someone else to become even stronger.
Ah, but tomorrow was another day, and with his Other Self conveniently taking all the blame while wallowing in glorious self-loathing...
Eriol's mirror image laughed. The sky was his limit.
In a small room containing only a table, two chairs, and a one-way mirror, a dark-haired young woman scowled. A young man in an officer's uniform trembled in front of her, and a middle-aged plainclothes detective leaned against the wall to her right.
"D-Daidouji-san?" the meek-looking officer stuttered in embarrassment. He looked afraid to approach the young woman, who was notoriously rich and powerful. "We are extremely sorry to have involved you in this arrest. In all the confusion, we thought you were trying to help the suspect get away. Again, we apologize profusely, and we will return all your belongings when you leave the building."
"Good," Tomoyo growled. The trembling officer uncuffed her wrists as if her stare might cause him to spontaneously combust at any moment. "Now, where is my friend? I demand that he be released as well."
The detective, who was older, wiser, and, therefore, more collected than his younger colleague, stepped in to explain firmly, "I'm afraid he is being detained. Yoshizawa Kenji was a witness to his sister's murder, and he identified your friend clearly. We can't release him."
Tomoyo smiled, baring her fangs. The younger officer shrank back in terror, while the older detective shifted uncomfortably where he stood. Tomoyo's body language clearly meant, "Mishandle my friend, and I will have your heads served on a platter for Sunday brunch."
Tomoyo was practically dripping with edgy charm when she spoke. "He was shopping with me and two friends from Hong Kong when this murder took place," she declared. "As he is currently recovering from a recent illness, if you keep him even a second longer behind bars in his fragile state, I will make sure to acquaint you both with the terms 'no mercy' and 'abject humiliation.'"
The younger man nearly whimpered, and the detective had to surreptitiously kick the boy in the shins to keep him from bolting for the door.
"Daidouji-san, please understand that it's still pretty damning evidence to have Yoshizawa pick him out from a large crowd of people," the detective argued nervously, unable to look away from Tomoyo's gaze. "Besides, we have something that even you can't possibly deny, so I'm afraid you'll have to go without him."
"And what's this so-called undeniable evidence?"
Hearing the sharpness in her tone, the younger officer eagerly spoke up. "We have his confession!"
Tomoyo blinked. "His what?"
The detective sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. "We have his confession. I'm sorry, Daidouji-san."
His apology fell on deaf ears because Tomoyo had ceased to care; her mind was clouded with the sudden, burning desire to slap the hell out of Hiiragizawa Eriol.
Leaning his head into his hands, Eriol slumped lower against the table. The police had left him alone for now, promising to come back with an attorney and a more thorough questioning. He had pretty much admitted his guilt. The murder was, after all, his fault, and now that he'd seen a picture of the victim before she'd been messed up beyond recognition, he felt even sicker.
The curse had impeccable taste. Not only did she possess a decent amount of magic for it to absorb; she looked almost like an exact replica of Tomoyo. Perhaps her features hadn't been as fine, as elegant, but from a slight distance, it would have been difficult to tell the two apart. If that wasn't a damning message from his counterpart, he didn't know what was.
Eriol was sure that the police had also noticed the strong resemblance between Tomoyo and the murdered victim, and it wasn't too surprising that they were detaining him. For all they knew, he was a homicidal lunatic bent on killing Tomoyo look-alikes. He certainly looked like he could be.
When the door opened and closed again, Eriol didn't bother to look up, assuming it was another officer coming to beat more of a coherent confession out of him. As if his delirious mantra of "mea culpa" hadn't been enough.
"Hiiragizawa?"
The new voice startled him. His head snapped up in instant recognition, in the faint memories of good times long past.
"Yamazaki?"
Sure enough, there stood Yamazaki Takashi in a police officer's uniform, his chiseled face torn between joy at seeing his old friend, and sadness at the unfortunate circumstances of their reunion.
"I can't believe it's really..." Yamazaki then started laughing. "Man, I don't know whether I should hug you or hit you over the head. This really beats out every prank we ever pulled when we were younger."
The sight of his smiling co-conspirator instantaneously lifted Eriol's spirits. "That it does."
Without another second of delay, Yamazaki strode towards him, keys dangling in his hands. As he uncuffed Eriol, he chattered, "You know, I couldn't believe that it was you when I saw your name on the first report. I figured there just might be someone else in Japan with the same name, you know? But then I saw Daidouji-san's name on the second report, and I knew it just *had* to be you two. You always were partners in crime, ne?"
Yamazaki pulled Eriol to a standing position and regarded him with a smile. Eriol smiled back and said, "It's truly wonderful to see you again, although I'm sorry it had to be in such a horrible situation."
"You do realize I don't believe you did it, right?" Yamazaki grinned, then pulled Eriol into a hug. "I know a lie when I see one, after all."
"So are you busting me out of here illegally?" Eriol asked, an eyebrow raised as Yamazaki released him.
"No way!" his old friend replied. "I'm just a lowly officer right now. I don't have the power to do that yet. Come back in ten years, though, and I might be able to spring you." He winked.
Eriol hesitantly followed Yamazaki to the door. "So... what's going on?"
"You're being released. Lord knows what strings Daidouji-san pulled to get you out so quickly without the paperwork hassle," Yamazaki explained, leading Eriol out of the room, "but she did it. It's really amazing, especially since the victim's family is outside shouting for your death, which is why you're going out through the back door..." his voice trailed off, and he eyed Eriol with concern. "By the way... did you *really* confess?"
Eriol rubbed the back of his head. "I... I was delirious," he said, weakly. "The woman looked a lot like Tomoyo-san, and I thought... well... I thought it was all my fault. That I hadn't protected Tomoyo-san and that I'd failed her."
Yamazaki chewed on his bottom lip for a few moments as the two young men walked down the hallway. Then, he shot his friend a knowing smirk. "So have you asked her yet?"
Eriol blinked, honestly confused. "Asked who what yet?"
The young officer abruptly stopped and eyed his friend with a curious sparkle in his eyes. "That's why you're here, isn't it? To finally pop the question?"
Eriol's mood dimmed when he caught on to what Yamazaki was implying. "No... You've got it all wrong. Tomoyo-san is just a friend, and I..." he paused, wondering how he could possibly explain the past few years with Kaho and the past week without Kaho while not sounding like a lunatic. He shook his head, then resumed walking in silence. Yamazaki was probably starting to doubt his innocence by now.
Of course, it might be easier if people thought of him as a lunatic because at least then they'd stay away. The more Eriol thought about it, the more he was convinced he should keep Yamazaki at arm's length. Sakura, Syaoran, and Tomoyo were already risking their lives for him, and he saw no reason to drag anyone else down, especially Yamazaki and his young family.
"Hey, are you okay, man?" Yamazaki asked after a moment.
"Not at all," Eriol replied.
Yamazaki's eyebrows shot up briefly, but he only regarded his old friend for a moment before resuming the trek towards the precinct's back exit. "Ah well, this was a pretty rotten day, so I understand. Anyway... when did you get back in Tokyo?"
Eriol flinched. "Thursday night."
"I see... of course you're staying at Daidouji-san's apartment."
Eriol gaped at Yamazaki, who was nodding matter-of-factly as he spoke. "Chiharu has Daidouji-san's number, so do you think we could set up a time to get together next week? You look like hell right now, and it'd be better to catch up somewhere nice. You haven't met my daughter yet, but I've already told Kaori-chan all sorts of stories about you, so you've got to meet her. She thinks you're a figment of my imagination."
Eriol's lips twitched upwards. "With good reason, I think. I'd like very much to meet Kaori-chan," Eriol said, but his smile faded. He was still a bit perplexed by his friend's earlier comment. "Yamazaki, this might sound like a strange thing to ask, but how did you know I'm staying at Daidouji-san's apartment?"
"It's all about logical deductions," the young police officer beamed, as if he had been expecting Eriol's question all along. "You got here two days ago, did you not?"
Eriol nodded.
"So you returned to Japan two days ago, and you DIDN'T call me!" Yamazaki's eyes gleamed. "Naturally, you would have called me as soon as you arrived, so *something* must have stopped you, something of UTMOST importance. What could you possibly be doing that demands both privacy and absolute secrecy? Where could you be staying?" Yamazaki waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Daidouji-san's, of course! Hiiragizawa, you sly dog..."
Eriol's stoic expression was marred by the full blush now covering it. "Wait, it's not like that. She just..."
"You can't lie to the Master of Deceit!" Yamazaki smirked. "As a professional liar, I can spot bad lies a kilometer away! Hiiragizawa, I'll figure out everything in the end because I am the best interrogator in Tokyo! The prodigy! There's no use lying to me!" There was a maniacal lilt in Yamazaki's laugh, and Eriol decided that Yamazaki had, indeed, chosen a very fitting profession.
Eriol willed his blush to go away, muttering as indignantly as he dared, "Daidouji-san is a good friend, and she offered me a place to stay. That's all."
Yamazaki shrugged. "Well it's obvious to me, and it's obvious to everyone else."
"What is?"
Yamazaki shook his head sadly. "Such is the fate of the male species. Always the last to know..."
Eriol sighed. Why did it seem as if everyone was speaking in riddles around him lately?
That was when they got to the end of the hallway, and Yamazaki opened the door to Eriol's freedom.
"Hiiragizawa-kun, glad you made it," a familiar voice said stiffly, and Eriol spotted its owner instantly. Her eyes blazed from where she stood in the shadows just outside the door, and Eriol paled. Freedom did not appear so forgiving in the form of a very angry-looking Daidouji Tomoyo.
"Good evening, Yamazaki-kun," Tomoyo nodded towards the officer behind Eriol almost as an afterthought.
Yamazaki nodded back with a polite grin. "Good to see you again, Daidouji-san. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to catch up on. We'll meet again later, all right? Chiharu and I will give you a call. Ja!"
Tomoyo acknowledged Yamazaki's departure with a brief tilt of her head, then she grabbed Eriol's hand and pulled him down the steps of the police precinct. In the parking lot, a police car was waiting with an open door and a nervous-looking officer, who tipped his hat as soon as he spotted Tomoyo.
"Where to, Daidouji-san?" the nervous officer asked.
At this point, Eriol couldn't help but be impressed. In spite of the evidence stacked against him, Tomoyo had gotten him released, with free taxi service from a police vehicle to boot. Tomoyo must have used some serious connections and a lot of her manipulative powers.
"The mall parking lot," she ordered, dragging Eriol into the backseat with her. "Please hurry."
"Hai, Daidouji-san."
The next fifteen minutes in the car were some of the longest minutes Eriol had known in his life. In spite of the sirens blaring and the police car barreling down the highway at 150 kilometers per hour, Eriol and Tomoyo maintained a strained silence in the backseat. She fidgeted as if she wanted to yell at him or cuddle him (or even do both), and he wasn't sure he wanted to find out what she would do once they were alone. Facing the wrath of a Daidouji didn't appeal to Eriol.
His mood changed, however, when they arrived at their destination. Eriol had forgotten that Tomoyo's car was parked inside the crime scene, but the suffocatingly drab walls and the suffocatingly low ceiling reminded him of everything. They were witnesses to his sins. There was no way he could avoid what he had done, because even though the garage had been cleaned, the police tape and the blood stains remained.
The whole place mocked him.
The words on the ceiling grinned at him.
Everything was there to remind him that it was his fault an innocent woman had died. It was his fault that an innocent child had seen a gruesome murder.
It was his fault.
Shutting his eyes tightly, Eriol turned away from his window, struggling to keep the bile from rising in his throat. It was getting cold. When the police car finally stopped, the officer got out while the engine was still running and hurried around the car to open Tomoyo's door, but Eriol didn't move. He couldn't.
It was his fault.
His heart was pounding heavily in his chest, and all he could do was focus on not passing out. It required a lot of concentration, and he was absurdly proud to be able to keep himself conscious, even if he *was* hunched over pitifully in a fetal position in the car, his arms covering his head trying to drown out the guilt. He was cold.
It was his fault.
He suddenly became aware of the loud ringing in his ears, and he bit his lip, drawing blood, willing the grating noise to stop. In the stinging darkness behind closed eyelids, he tried to focus on the pain of the cut, tried to see if that would shut out the loud ringing and the accusing voice in his head that relentlessly told him that he was guilty. But why would he need to shut it out unless he truly was guilty? The voice was rightfully accusing him.
Why the hell was it so cold?
It was his fault. He had ruined so many lives.
Weak, unworthy, evil...
Eriol heard Tomoyo get out of the car, and he truly would have opened his eyes to see where she was going if he wasn't so busy trying not to vomit and trying not to shiver in this arctic hell. He heard her door close, her voice, muffled by the incessant ringing in his ears, telling the officer something, and then Eriol heard footsteps going back to the driver's side. The car door opened then slammed shut.
It was cold. He needed heat, and he would have asked the officer driving the car to turn up the heat but the car started moving again.
He froze for a moment.
Tomoyo abandoned me, he thought with an unexpected pang of disappointment, through the pain clouding his mind.
Yet as the car moved, the ringing in his ears subsided, just a little, even though the pain in his chest and the accusing voice in his head and the sickening guilt in his body refused to let go.
Something was really wrong with him. He was cold.
Why did Tomoyo leave him?
His head was hurting, but everything was his fault. He deserved it, didn't he?
He supposed this must be his punishment. Tomoyo had looked really pissed off when she saw him, after all, and who could blame her? Even he was repulsed. Tomoyo had no reason to show him any compassion. He was a murderer. He had allowed a boy to witness something as traumatizing as his sister's murder. He had killed Kaho.
The car stopped, surprising him again, and this time, the driver turned the engine off.
"Hiiragizawa-kun..." Tomoyo's voice cut through the annoying ringing in his ears, banishing the noise and the pain in his head altogether. When he opened his eyes, the shivering Eriol blinked up to see Tomoyo leaning over him through the door, her concern obvious in her gaze. Looking around blearily, he finally realized that they were no longer in the parking garage but somewhere outside, next to one of the mall entrances far from the crime scene.
"Hiiragizawa-kun, can you move now?" she asked gently.
"What... happened?" Eriol managed to say, and only then did he realize that the driver's door was open, but the police officer who had driven them was nowhere in sight. Confused, he asked, "Where's the officer?"
"I told him to bring my car out here," Tomoyo replied calmly, reaching out to touch the hand that Eriol had used to cover his face. "You looked sick, and I didn't want you walking around back there, so I drove you here. Are you all right?"
Eriol stared at her as if he was seeing her through new eyes. "You... you didn't leave me?"
For a moment, she appeared hurt. "No..." she murmured. "I couldn't possibly leave you."
He smiled in immense relief.
His question nearly broke her heart. Tomoyo sighed, wanting to give the badly shaken young man a hug but deciding that a hug would probably confuse him more. Instead, she extended her hand to him and said, "Come outside. You need fresh air."
He accepted her offer. Trembling slightly, he got out of the car and stepped into the dying sunlight. She noticed the pallor of his face and was reminded of the hollowness she had seen in him on the night he first reappeared. His reaction to the crime scene had been frighteningly drastic, and instantaneous. Even the officer driving them had noticed the guilty change in Eriol's demeanor. Now she was worried about Eriol, but most of all, she was mad at herself for not thinking about how Eriol would react to being near the crime scene.
Afraid that he might revert completely to his lifeless, amnesiac state, she silently grasped his hand, trying to anchor him in reality, and her action prompted him to look at her.
"Daidouji-san?"
"Yes?"
He closed his eyes, and when he opened them once more, she saw a clarity that had not been present just a second before. He smiled. "Thank you."
She smiled back, relieved.
A minute later, her black convertible pulled up next to the police car, and the nervous-looking officer stepped out. "Your belongings are in the trunk, Daidouji-san," the officer said, standing at attention in front of Tomoyo. "Please have a nice day."
"Thank you for your help," Tomoyo said easily, slipping into the driver's seat. Eriol got in the other side and only nodded at the policeman as Tomoyo drove off. Once the police car was out of sight, Eriol slumped further down in his seat, looking more pitiful than ever. Then, realizing that he didn't know what Tomoyo's plans were, he asked quietly, "Where are we going?"
"Back to my apartment," Tomoyo replied. "We're supposed to have dinner with everyone, remember? I'm assuming Sakura-chan and Li-kun will be there as well."
Eriol straightened. "You haven't heard from them? How long were we at the police station?"
"An hour and a half," she answered, betraying none of the discomfort she felt about her friends' whereabouts. "That's more than enough time for them to get back to my apartment."
"More than enough time to call us," Eriol added thoughtfully. He couldn't help but be worried because he had seen Sakura and Syaoran going after the curse. If they had been successful in destroying it, they should have found Eriol and Tomoyo at the police station. That was when Eriol noticed how white Tomoyo's knuckles were as she gripped the steering wheel. He didn't say anything more, and she didn't comment. For a few minutes, they drove without saying a word, until Tomoyo's cell phone ringing interrupted the silence. Both Eriol and Tomoyo jumped in their seats.
"Where's your phone?" Eriol asked, flushing when he realized how on edge he had been.
"In my purse," Tomoyo tilted her head towards the bag on the car floor, from where the familiar notes of "Ode to Joy" were emanating.
"Oh," he said sheepishly, picking up her purse and quickly pulling out the phone. He was surprised to see that it was Yukito calling instead of Sakura, whom he had been hoping for and expecting. "Moshi moshi. This is Eriol."
Only seconds after Eriol hung up, Tomoyo was racing down the freeway towards the last place anyone ever wanted to be: Tokyo General Hospital.
Yukito didn't say why Sakura was in the hospital, just that they needed to come right away, so the sight that greeted Eriol and Tomoyo when they arrived there shocked them.
"Fucking bastard," Syaoran growled at Eriol. "Go to fucking HELL."
Eriol didn't have time to dodge the lightning-fast punch, so he met Syaoran's fist fully in the face. New glasses flying off his nose, Eriol staggered backwards, and he would have fallen if Tomoyo hadn't steadied him.
"Li-kun! Stop it!"
Pure hatred raged in Li Syaoran's entire body. Ignoring Tomoyo's pleas, he strode towards Eriol with the obvious intent to kill. Much to Tomoyo's surprise, Touya burst out of the hospital ward and held the furious young man back.
"Oi, hold it there, Gaki! That's enough!"
Syaoran struggled against his captor only briefly before Touya had the sense to knock the younger man out with a sharp blow to the back of his head. Unconscious, Syaoran fell like a rag doll against Touya, who had to drag his brother-in-law on to one of the chairs lining the hallway. Half of Eriol wished that Touya had let Syaoran pound him to bits, while the other half urged him to get it over with and just throw himself off a cliff. Only the intense look on Tomoyo's face halted Eriol's thoughts in their tracks.
She picked up his glasses and handed them to him, and before he could say a word of thanks, she turned back to Touya. Touya was slumped next to Syaoran, awkwardly shoving the younger man's lolling head off his shoulder whenever it fell against him.
"How is she?" Tomoyo asked. "Can we see her?"
Touya nodded. "Yuki's with her, so go ahead. She asked for you."
As Eriol followed Tomoyo into the private hospital ward, he passed Touya and Syaoran, and only then did he notice the weariness in Touya's expression and the tear stains glistening on Syaoran's cheeks.
Something was very wrong.
Someone's energy signature was missing.
The private hospital ward was well lit, but the air was heavy, weighed down by pain and sadness. In this brooding atmosphere, the flowery curtains surrounding Sakura's bed seemed tactlessly derisive, and the happy white bed sheets pooled around Sakura's waist were offensively bright. Even Yukito, seated in the chair next to Sakura, could not manage a smile.
"Sakura-chan..." Tomoyo whispered, approaching her best friend slowly.
Sakura looked up, then her gaze flitted somewhere behind Tomoyo, and she flinched, looking away. Tomoyo glanced back just in time to see Eriol's wounded expression before he covered it. For a while, Sakura didn't say anything, preferring to gaze at her hands mindlessly twisting the bright bed sheets into knots.
"I guess Syaoran and I were a bit spoiled," Sakura said at last, and Tomoyo noticed Yukito's eyes widening, as if Sakura had not uttered a word before that moment.
"Are you all right?" Tomoyo asked, reaching out to grasp one of Sakura's restless hands comfortingly.
It was as if Sakura didn't hear or see her. She pulled her hand away and focused it on the task of attempting to rip the cloth into shreds. "We were so used to winning our battles without consequences, without casualties. We were spoiled. It's so stupid..."
Tomoyo couldn't speak, dreading what Sakura's words meant.
"But we knew what we were getting into," Sakura continued, a bitter smile on her face. "We knew the danger. We knew what could happen to us, but we just... *I* just... always assumed everything would be all right in the end. That my invincible spell would always save us. That's a bit naive, don't you think?"
The question was directed over Tomoyo's shoulder, and Tomoyo didn't need to look at Eriol to know that his guilt and pain mirrored her own. "Just so you know," Sakura's intense stare was focused completely on Eriol now, "we don't blame you. At least... not entirely. This is the result of my irresponsibility, my carelessness. Please don't feel bad. I know Syaoran hit you, but deep in his heart, he knows it's not your fault, either. Please forgive him. He needs to find release somewhere."
"Sakura-san," Eriol said, his voice anguished, "I'm so sorry. I really wish I could... I... I never... I never wanted anyone to be hurt. I'm sorry."
As he bowed his head in shame, Sakura's bitter smile faded, and she turned her attention back to Tomoyo. "Tomoyo-chan, you can sense it, can't you?"
Tears welled in Tomoyo's eyes. She didn't need magic to feel that something--someone--was missing.
She didn't need magic to know that Sakura's baby was gone.
"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo tearfully echoed Eriol's apology as she reached out to hug her best friend. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Exhausted, depressed, furious, and vulnerable, Sakura finally broke down and sobbed into Tomoyo's shoulder, returning her best friend's embrace with a fierceness fueled by profound loss. Tomoyo couldn't stop her own tears if she tried.
As much as he wanted to seriously beat the shit out of that smiling English bastard, Touya couldn't. Something--a part of him that was surprisingly reluctant to hurt Hiiragizawa--held him back, regardless of everything that had happened. In his heart, Touya knew it was really that damned Clow Read's fault, so he couldn't blame anyone in the present, no matter how convenient it was to accuse Clow's reincarnation. Besides, beating up Hiiragizawa would probably be like beating up his own father; Touya couldn't do it without a guilty conscience.
Dinner was a gloomy, painfully silent affair outside of Sakura's ward. Tomoyo stayed by her best friend's side throughout the evening, ignoring pleas to eat, so the men sat in their chairs outside, not saying a word to each other as they picked listlessly at their microwaved cafeteria food. Touya noted that Eriol couldn't face Syaoran, his entire posture hunched away from the Li clan leader, while Syaoran, who wasn't fully conscious anyway, avoided looking up altogether. With Touya's encouragement, Syaoran mustered the strength to eat a spoonful of food, then threw the rest of his dinner away. He didn't say anything when he went back inside Sakura's room, and Touya didn't blame him.
Touya didn't have the heart to blame anyone anymore. When he'd heard what happened that afternoon, he'd raved like a lunatic, searching for someone to blame, and he had even punched Syaoran in the stomach when he first spotted his brother-in-law at the hospital. Touya regretted it when he at last calmed down and realized that Syaoran was hurting probably just as much as Sakura. Yue's reprimanding glare had only reinforced Touya's guilt.
He had no right make Syaoran feel bad, especially since out of all of the men, Syaoran was the one who rightfully deserved to vent.
So the hours passed miserably, slowly.
Tomoyo emerged from the hospital ward at around eleven that night. Catching a glimpse inside as she walked through the door, Touya saw that Syaoran had fallen asleep in the chair next to Sakura, holding her hand tightly as if he was afraid she might disappear. Touya, softie that he was, almost forgave Syaoran for marrying his sister.
Eriol remained seated outside like a statue, next to an equally still Yue, and Eriol only flinched when Tomoyo reached for him.
"Hiiragizawa-kun," she whispered, nudging him gently with her hand. "We should go."
"Where?" Touya frowned. "It's dangerous out there."
"Hiiragizawa-kun and I have to go," Tomoyo said quietly, and Eriol looked startled when she grasped his arm and pulled him to a standing position.
"What? After what happened to Sakura?" Touya rose to his feet, alarmed. "Are you insane? I won't let you go!"
For a moment, Tomoyo's face seemed to change--almost as if she had turned into an entirely different person for a second. Touya dismissed it as a trick of the light. "Meet us at my old house in Tomoeda," she directed calmly. "Sakura-chan will be discharged tomorrow night, so take her and Li-kun to my old house. Don't go to my apartment."
"Why? What are you doing?" Confused, Touya followed Tomoyo as she dragged an unresisting Eriol down the hallway. "Tomoyo-san, stop!"
Touya grabbed her arm, and they stopped in the hall just in front of the elevator. She gently pulled herself away from him, looking apologetic. "I have a really bad feeling about my apartment, Touya-nii. We can't stay there any longer."
"Because of a feeling?"
She met his gaze with determination. "You've felt the same thing before, haven't you?"
"Tomoyo," he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, "I feel these things because I have magic. You, on the other hand, do NOT possess any magical ability whatsoever."
"That doesn't matter," Tomoyo said. "I'm as sure of this as you are about spirits. My apartment is dangerous, and we need to move out of there now."
"So who's going to defend you if the curse attacks?" Touya argued, irritated that his honorary younger sister was bent on a suicidal trip with the English bastard, no less.
"We won't be attacked," she assured, and Touya blinked, unable to decide if that strange light in her eyes was just a figment of his imagination. "It's useless to bring Yue-san with us," Tomoyo added, "now that Sakura-chan's power level is so low. You know he'll fade away if he goes too far from her."
"That doesn't mean you can go alone," Touya countered. "I'll go with you."
"But you can't protect us either," Tomoyo pointed out reasonably. "You may have magic, but you can't use it. You'll be dead weight before you know it. Besides, I think the best defense is already with me."
Touya hesitated, staring at Tomoyo, then at Eriol. "You're kidding... Him?"
Tomoyo glanced at the unresponsive Eriol for a second. "If there's anything I can count on, it's Hiiragizawa-kun's guilt, Touya-nii."
He fell silent, wanting desperately to say something that would persuade her to stay but unable to think of anything. Once Tomoyo set her mind on something, there was usually no stopping her. Once Tomoyo started calling him "Touya-nii", he was lost.
"Besides," she smiled wryly, "at least this way, everyone here will be safe. If the curse attacks, there'll only be two more casualties, ne?"
Before Touya could argue any more, the elevator doors opened--when did Tomoyo have time to press the button?--and she stepped inside with Eriol. "Stay with Sakura-chan," she pleaded, as the doors shut. "She needs your strength and your magic to keep Yukito-san alive."
She waved apologetically at him, her smile vanishing behind the closed elevator doors. With a frustrated yell, Touya slammed his fists against the nearest wall.
Damn Tomoyo.
Closing his eyes, he slumped against the wall, running his hands through his hair as he slid down to a sitting position. Sometimes, Touya really hated that Tomoyo was so good at reading people and making them bend to her will. When Tomoyo turned against someone, that someone was officially screwed, and in this case, the unlucky victim happened to be him.
Tomoyo had observed everyone so quietly in the sidelines for so long that it was easy to forget how incredibly perceptive she was. While she had remained an enigma to everyone, she had been analyzing people's personalities, figuring out what made each person tick while sharpening her manipulation skills.
She had figured Touya out.
Tomoyo knew that, as much as Touya loved her and Sakura, when push came to shove, he would choose one sister over the other--the real sister over his honorary one.
And Tomoyo knew that, as much as Touya loved his family, when his back was against a wall...
Touya sighed.
He wouldn't choose *anyone* over Yukito.
You must leave him. He is blind. He cares nothing for you. He sees no one but her memory.
But I need you. I *know* I need you.
And unlike him, I will treat you like a queen. I will give you a funeral worthy of a queen.
Don't worry.
You have nothing to fear.
Your death will be painless.
Eriol couldn't remember much of what happened at the hospital. It was a sterile blur after Syaoran punched him, after Sakura looked at him with such deep melancholy in her eyes. Eriol only realized then how much he had hurt his daughter, because the pain in her lifeless emerald gaze mirrored the hollowness that Clow Read had seen in his own reflection.
But unlike Clow, Sakura was innocent, undeserving of her pain. She was saving the world from something Clow had created. Life wasn't supposed to be this way. Good people weren't supposed to hurt this much.
No one outwardly blamed him, of course, but Eriol saw the way his friends had flinched when they saw him. Even Tomoyo, as she led him to the parking lot and pushed him into her car and started driving away from the hospital, kept giving him strange, piercing looks.
Not that he cared much, at this point.
He didn't really feel like hearing their stinging accusations when he wasn't done delivering his own, yet.
Before he knew it, they were in Tomoyo's apartment again, a sullied sanctuary very different from the day before. Now it was even more tainted.
"We're leaving," Tomoyo announced as she led Eriol by the hand, towards her bedroom, and left him standing in the doorway.
"What?" Eriol blinked, watching as she hurriedly pulled out clothes from her closet and random drawers and tossed all the garments on the bed. She had always been systematic about everything she did, so her randomness disturbed Eriol.
"We're going to my old house, in Tomoeda," Tomoyo declared. She pulled out a suitcase from her closet, threw it on the bed, opened it, and proceeded to stuff the jumble of clothes inside it like a whirlwind. "We can't stay here anymore."
"Why not?" he asked, frustrated. How could she care about such trivial details when there were more important matters to discuss? Her unexpected desire to go back to her old home was demeaning the loss Sakura and Syaoran had suffered, and it cheapened Eriol's guilt. "What's the point? No matter where I go, people will die anyway."
Tomoyo abruptly stopped, and Eriol felt a chill run down his spine. She didn't respond at once, tilting her head slowly up until she could look into his eyes. For a moment, Eriol glimpsed a flicker of--anger? disgust?--something dangerous in her eyes, but it vanished.
"I'll just endanger more people over there," Eriol concluded.
"I was wrong," Tomoyo said, confusing Eriol again.
"About what?"
"I thought if you were happy, the curse would be affected negatively... but it wasn't."
Eriol's shoulders drooped lower. "No... it's a good theory... It may have some truth in it."
"So I was wrong about something else, wasn't I?" she persisted, prompting Eriol to look at her. "You're not happy. Even if it was just temporary... I thought... I thought I could make you happy just for a day. You were even laughing, Hiiragizawa-kun. You had everyone fooled."
"I..."
She shook her head, bitterness infused in her voice. "But I forgot. It's different with us, isn't it? We smile when we're sad, and we cry when we're happy."
"No, it's not that... I... I was happy, for a while, pretending," he sighed and leaned against the wall, raking a hand through his hair. "But pretending isn't enough anymore. It's not your fault I'm sad because it's not your job to make me happy. I didn't ask you--"
"But what if I want to?" she interrupted, and her annoyed tone set off warning signals in his mind.
"You... what?"
"What if I want to make you happy?" she straightened, slamming the suitcase shut. He flinched. "Did it ever occur to you that that's what friends do? That people don't need to have a life debt to you in order for them to care about your well-being? Do you honestly think Sakura-chan and Li-kun came to Japan and agreed to fight your curse because you helped them out a few years ago?"
Eriol was at a loss. "But... I didn't ask..."
"For someone who knows so much about the universe, you know very little about how families work, Hiiragizawa-kun," Tomoyo said calmly. "Perhaps you've forgotten the fact that families consist of more than one person."
He frowned, but said nothing when she walked out of her room, holding her suitcase in one hand and motioning for him to follow with the other.
"Please take Sakura-chan and Li-kun's luggage," she ordered as she went out the front door. Though he was still confused, Eriol complied and followed her, watching as she locked her apartment and started walking down the hallway.
"Why are we going back to your old house?" he asked, when the two of them were inside the elevator.
"Because my apartment isn't safe," Tomoyo answered. "I know it sounds crazy, but I have a really bad feeling about this place. Besides, Mother is on a business trip, so she'll be safe and the house will have room for everyone. My bodyguards may even be able to catch your curse before it reaches us."
"They can't protect you from magic, Daidouji-san," he pointed out. "Your bodyguards will be in as much danger."
She didn't respond.
The elevator doors opened again, and Tomoyo took the lead, walking briskly out the lobby and into the parking lot. She didn't utter a word as she opened the trunk of her car and Eriol placed the suitcases next to all of the day's purchases, and she was silent as she got in and started the engine.
Once she was driving, she spared Eriol a glance and addressed his concerns grimly. "My apartment holds no good memories for you, Hiiragizawa-kun. I may not be able to sense magic, but I know that my apartment reeks of death and evil," she explained. "I think... I think you'll be happier where you first ceased to be Clow Read... where you began your existence as Hiiragizawa Eriol."
He blinked at her, suddenly, indescribably glad that she could understand him better than he could understand himself sometimes. "Daidouji-san..."
"I also want you to put an end to this curse there," Tomoyo added, startling him.
"What do you mean?"
Tomoyo's eyes never left the road. "No one else must die. You will issue a challenge to him, and you will defeat him."
"But that's just the point," Eriol sighed. "I don't know how to beat it. I don't even know how to call it."
"Tomorrow is Sunday, our day to recuperate," Tomoyo continued calmly, as if she hadn't heard Eriol's protest. "Tomorrow night, Sakura-chan will come back from the hospital, and we will have that barbecue at the beach on Monday, as planned."
Eriol gaped. "Are you insane?"
"It will be a private party with just the people who know about the curse, so no one else will be in danger," Tomoyo clarified. "We will use me as bait to lure it out, and you, with help from Sakura-chan and Li-kun and Touya-nii and Yukito-nii, will defeat it. Understood?"
He shook his head disbelievingly. "Look, Daidouji-san, as fun as it is for you to plan all this stuff out, life just doesn't work that way," Eriol shot back. "It's not that easy. You can't manipulate death. You can't make appointments with death and expect to live. You can't assume people will show up where they're supposed to, when they're supposed to. Did you even think about Sakura-san's feelings?"
"Yes, I did, actually," she gave him a look that dared him to contradict her. "And I know Sakura-chan is wise enough, professional enough, and optimistic enough to move on beyond her grief," Tomoyo paused. "So what about you?"
Eriol turned away, his emotions churning. What about him? What the hell did Tomoyo expect from him, anyway? "What about me?"
"You're still grieving, even though you know your actions have serious consequences," she said. "The Hiiragizawa-kun I once knew would not have allowed his own feelings to endanger anyone else. He would have taken care of any threat to his family before he allowed himself to give in to his emotions."
Leaning his head into his hands, Eriol sighed. For once, Tomoyo had interpreted it wrongly.
Kaho...
She didn't know Kaho.
Kaho was different. Kaho had meant everything to him. He wouldn't let Kaho go because he couldn't, because he was bound to her. Why couldn't Tomoyo see that?
"You don't understand," Eriol whispered angrily. "You don't understand anything at all."
"I think I *do* understand," Tomoyo responded in a cool tone. "You're angry, guilty, ashamed. You pity yourself yet you hate yourself at the same time. You want to die, but you feel it's your duty to destroy this curse before it hurts anyone else. And because you blame yourself so much, you're trying your level best to make yourself miserable because you don't think you deserve to be happy. Am I close?"
He glanced up at Tomoyo, startled by her insightful assessment. He struggled to maintain his composure. "So... am I not allowed to be human now?"
"That's not what I said."
"Am I not supposed to blame myself for Kaho's death? Am I supposed to be okay with you being targeted for no good reason? Am I supposed to just accept that a woman was murdered in front of her little brother for MY sake? What about Sakura and Syaoran? What about their child?"
"No..." she groaned, frustration creeping into her voice. "It's natural to feel guilty. You wouldn't be human otherwise. I just want you to stop beating yourself up long enough to remember."
He frowned, slouching in his seat. "Remember what?"
"That the world doesn't revolve around you. Everyone else is human, too, Hiiragizawa-kun."
Eriol clenched his fists as he looked out the window. How could Tomoyo even say that? This was his stupid curse, his stupid fault. Of course the world didn't revolve around him, but this curse did. He damn well had a right to be furious and guilty and ashamed about it.
"I *know* that," he said at last.
"Then why don't you act like it?"
He blinked at her, confused. "What? How?"
She glared at him. "Just... forget it. If you still can't see anything beyond your own reflection, forget it," she said, shaking her head.
"But..."
"Just leave it, all right?"
They spent the rest of the trip in uncomfortable silence.
Love me because I need you.
Loathe me for the lesson I had to teach.
Come to me.
Die for me.
And make my existence complete.
Eriol had quite a few memories of the Daidouji mansion. It had served as the primary headquarters of the Sakura-Syaoran-Tomoyo-Eriol quartet mainly because the big, usually empty house contained lots of gadgets, a wicked home theater system, plenty of hiding spaces, a music room, a game room, a spa, and, according to Syaoran, the best hot cocoa this side of Asia. Tomoyo had always joked that the only things her house lacked were people, and although she had said the words light-heartedly back then, Eriol knew she had meant every syllable.
Now, as they approached it in the darkness of midnight, the house seemed lonely and foreboding. Since all the servants had gone home and Daidouji Sonomi had dismissed many of her bodyguards after Tomoyo moved for college, the house was empty. The bodyguards still employed by the Daidouji family were off duty because their employer was currently in Germany.
After Eriol and Tomoyo entered the mansion and deposited their belongings in the bedrooms, Tomoyo took out her cell phone and began to dial. Realizing who she was calling, Eriol held her back. "Don't summon your bodyguards, Daidouji-san," he said gently. "They'll only be cannon fodder if they come here."
Tomoyo froze, unwilling to sacrifice the women who had protected her all her life. For a moment, as she put her phone back into her purse, she seemed lost in thought, but then she sat in the living room couch and turned to Eriol, in the seat opposite hers, with an expression that would not accept anything less than agreement. "All right, I won't call my bodyguards," she conceded, "but we still need something to keep unwanted guests out. Therefore, you will cast a spell around this house, Hiiragizawa-kun."
"A defensive shield?" Eriol frowned.
"You've cast similar spells in the past," she pointed out. "You said it doesn't take much effort to block out an enemy once you know his energy signature. You know the curse, don't you?"
For a few seconds, he stared at her, awed once again by how easily she seemed to work her way out of difficult situations. "You're right," he agreed slowly. "But after all that's happened, I... I don't think I can--"
"Yes, you can," she interjected. "Hiiragizawa-kun, please... I have faith in you."
"You're probably the only one..."
"Then try for me."
He would have protested if she hadn't clasped his hands gently, kindly, in a comforting way that reminded Eriol very much of Kaho.
Warm, elegant fingers, the soothing, feather-light brush of skin against skin...
Eriol crumbled.
"All right."
His aura flared.
Eriol's shield, however flimsy, brought Eriol and Tomoyo a small, much-needed measure of peace, if only for a few hours. For both of them, the night was still restless, and Sunday dawned with a grim canopy of clouds promising only a darker day ahead. Eriol didn't mind the weather because it matched his mood, but he grew worried; the clouds seemed to be concentrated in the vicinity of Tomoyo's apartment. His uneasiness only grew stronger as the hours passed, yet he couldn't bring himself to tell Tomoyo about his fears. She had insisted that Sunday was their day to rest, and she made it clear that he should be in top form by tomorrow. Now was definitely not the time to be a coward.
As reluctant as he was about facing his evil twin, Eriol knew Tomoyo was right. He needed to be strong enough to defend her. Maybe he wouldn't defeat Evil Eriol, but he needed to make sure that at least Tomoyo would not be harmed.
He couldn't afford to see Tomoyo hurt after what he had allowed to happen to Sakura.
After Kaho.
Eriol tried to fight off his guilt when he and Tomoyo went back to the hospital to visit Sakura that afternoon, but seeing Sakura's tired smile and Syaoran's forced apology for his act of violence yesterday instantly resurrected Eriol's guilt. Eriol couldn't face Touya and Yukito's distant stares either, so he left the building as soon as he could find an excuse, too ashamed to even be on the same floor as the people he had wronged. Tomoyo emerged from the hospital only a few minutes later, distress reflected in her eyes.
Whether her concern was for him or for Sakura, Eriol didn't know. He just knew he didn't deserve it.
"Let's go home," Tomoyo said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Sure," Eriol turned away, heading quickly for her car.
"Hiiragizawa-kun," she sighed, running to catch up to him, "everyone agreed that we should try challenging the curse tomorrow. We may not know the conditions to break the curse, but it's enough to stop it from killing more people for now."
"Sakura-san is all right with it?" he asked tentatively.
"Sakura-chan wasn't badly injured... at least not..."
"Not physically," Eriol finished, turning away.
"Look, I know you think they blame you and they hate you for unleashing this curse, but they don't," Tomoyo said firmly. "Please understand their feelings."
"That's easy for *you* to say," Eriol responded as she unlocked the car doors, and he got in the car just as she did. "You're not the one who started this."
Tomoyo jammed her keys into the ignition with so much force that Eriol looked at her with surprise. Tomoyo's expression was still calm, but Eriol noticed the corners of her mouth twitching, her eyes slightly narrowing. "You know," she began, exasperation seeping into her voice, "I'm starting to lose patience. I honestly don't know what to do anymore."
"What are you talking about?"
"I tried being nice," Tomoyo explained, gripping her steering wheel tightly. "But that didn't work too well. My opinions don't seem to matter to you."
"That's not true--"
"Then I tried being friendly and care-free at the mall," she went on, interrupting his argument, "but I guess that didn't make you happy either."
"I don't think--"
"Then, I tried being completely honest, but you just..." Tomoyo faltered. "I'm... I'm sorry. Forget I said anything. I'm just really tired, Hiiragizawa-kun."
"Daidouji-san, you know I'm not asking you to do anything," Eriol said desperately. "I don't WANT you to do anything for me."
Tomoyo smiled sadly at him, shaking her head as if she knew something he couldn't even begin to comprehend. "That's just the point, isn't it, Hiiragizawa-kun?"
He won't even acknowledge your existence.
But I do.
See me.
I need you.
"I'm sorry," Eriol rubbed his eyes as Tomoyo drove. "I didn't mean to cause all this trouble."
"Like a broken record," Tomoyo murmured absently.
"I can't stop apologizing," he added. "I can't stop feeling guilty. I can't stop missing her. I can't stop loving her. I can't. Don't you get it?"
"How can I?" she smiled, her voice like a distant echo. She didn't even look at him. "You won't let me into your life. You won't even acknowledge my existence."
So what *do* you see in him?
It's time for you to move on. Move on the way he can't. Show that you're strong, that your past has made you stronger. Don't be like him. Don't delude yourself by living in the past, for the past.
Come to me.
I need you.
I love you.
"I've dragged you into my life by making you the next unwilling target of my curse. I think that's more than enough involvement," Eriol muttered.
"But you never *asked* me to be a part of your life," she said, more to herself than to anyone else. "You don't understand the difference."
"There's no difference."
She shook her head wearily. "What *do* I see in you?" she sighed. "I think... I think it's time for me to move on. Move on the way you can't."
Eriol blinked. "What?"
Die for me.
Die for me.
And I will acknowledge your existence.
"Acknowledge my existence..."
You need to get away from your house.
"I need to get away from my house."
Go to your garden. Your favorite place.
"I'll... go to my garden. My favorite place."
Tonight.
Tomoyo smiled. "Tonight."
Eriol only stared at her, confused.
When they arrived back at the Daidouji mansion, the phone was ringing, so Tomoyo rushed to pick the receiver up in the living room. After a few seconds, her serious mood brightened, and she held the phone out to Eriol. "It's for you," she declared with a smirk, one hand on her hip.
Eriol raised an eyebrow. "Who is it?"
"Yamazaki-kun," Tomoyo answered. "I'll be in the kitchen making some dinner if you need me, all right?"
Eriol shrugged. "All right. Thank you."
Expecting a tall tale from his old friend, Eriol was taken aback by Yamazaki's somber tone as soon as he put the phone to his ear and said hello.
"Hey, mind if I ask where you were in the past two hours?" Yamazaki inquired hastily.
"No, I don't mind," Eriol said. "I was visiting Sak... an injured friend... at Tokyo General. Why?"
Yamazaki didn't speak for a moment. "There's been a second murder, Hiiragizawa. It looks like Tokyo's got a serial killer in its hands."
The guilt tightened in Eriol's chest, any hope he had of hearing Yamazaki's jokes dissipating instantly. "Where was it?" Eriol asked, after a moment of hesitation.
"In the same area as the first murder. In fact," Yamazaki sighed, "it happened in the parking lot of Daidouji-san's apartment building just an hour ago."
Swallowing hard, Eriol steadied himself by clinging to the table. "Who was she?"
Yamazaki sounded tired when he spoke. "Hamada Miyoshi. Journalist, lived in Daidouji-san's building, twenty-seven years old..." he paused, as if he was deliberating about something.
"And?"
Eriol could practically hear Yamazaki's frown. "Hamada strongly resembled the first victim, Yoshizawa... and both looked a hell of a lot more like Daidouji-san than I'd like to admit."
A heavy silence followed. Unable to respond, Eriol sank to his knees, his hands clenched into tight fists, his eyes shut tight.
"Call me crazy, but I'm starting to think it wasn't bad luck that got you arrested yesterday, Hiiragizawa," Yamazaki said at last. "Of course I don't believe you did it, but some of my superiors think so."
"I already told you. I was at the hospital this afternoon, so I couldn't have been at Daidouji-san's apartment..."
"I know, but there were witnesses at this crime scene who spotted someone who looks a lot like you in the area this afternoon."
"If you want proof, there are more witnesses at the hospital," Eriol whispered. "Go interview them."
"I'm not accusing you," Yamazaki said appeasingly. "In fact, getting security tapes from the hospital to clear your name is the first thing I'm going to do. I'm a lot more worried about the fact that there seems to be a serial killer wandering around Tokyo who looks like you, and whose targets fit Daidouji-san's description. To tell you the truth," Yamazaki sighed, "I'm worried. Chiharu is, too. This guy might be some kind of obsessive stalker who could have been following you two around since college, for all we know."
"That's ridiculous! Why would anyone stalk us?"
"Believe me. People can be *twisted*. This guy could have decided to start the killings now because you're back from England. The timing fits," Yamazaki revealed seriously. "Is there anything you want to tell me that you can't tell anyone else, Hiiragizawa?"
"No," Eriol snapped.
Yamazaki didn't seem to be fazed by Eriol's attitude. "Well, I just thought you, out of all people, needed to know. Be careful, all right? This is serious business. This guy is horrible. The idiots investigating the case already nicknamed him 'Heartbreaker' because he literally steals women's hearts. It's an unbelievably stupid nickname, but it fits all too well."
Eriol felt his stomach lurch. "Thanks for the warning."
"No problem. I just thought you should know. If you care about Daidouji-san half as much as I think you do, you won't let her out of your sight. Not even for a minute."
That was when Eriol felt it. Something was wrong again--something was missing. Eriol's eyes widened, and he glanced instinctively towards the kitchen.
Tomoyo was gone.
He couldn't feel her presence within the boundaries of his shield. He couldn't feel *anything*. In his panic, Eriol didn't say goodbye when he slammed the phone back into its cradle and ran.
-= End Part Six =-
Chapter Started: May 9, 2003
Chapter Finished: August 27, 2003
End Notes:
Overall, this was definitely the most difficult chapter to write. Talk about severe writer's block! >_
Thanks for reading!
In the Next Chapter (in no particular order):
- A long-awaited kiss.
- A few new faces.
- A spark of jealousy.
- A turn for the worst.
Please review and direct all questions, comments, and criticisms to [email protected]. Thank you!
Copyright (C) 2002-2003 by Dark Rune. All rights reserved.
Author's Notes:
I apologize for the unforgivably long delay between posts. This chapter has been hovering near completion for months, but I never got around to finishing it. School and writer's block did most of the damage to my brain.
To cure my lack of inspiration, I started another fic (a Prince of Tennis/Noir crossover), and thanks to that second story, as well as a much-needed break from CCS writing, I'm back in business! Mostly. ^_^;; I still can't update as often as I'd like, but I will try to keep the chapter-a-month schedule. Once again, I'm very sorry, and I humbly beg everyone's forgiveness.
Reviewers: Thank you for being patient. I'm glad to hear your speculations about the plot, since a few of you are quite perceptive (almost prophetic) about key plot points... ^_^ Anyway, readers *please* either sign in to FF.net or leave your e-mail (that is, if you want me to contact you at some point in the future) if/when you review because I try to reply to all reviewers. Thanks!
Chapter Warning:
Kinda depressing. Rage-inducing. 'Nuff said.
~ Dark Rune
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"And I don't want the world to see me
'Cause I don't think that they'd understand
When everything's made to be broken
I just want you to know who I am."
- Goo Goo Dolls, "Iris"
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-= Part Six: Deeper =-
The physical manifestation of the curse, an unassuming, smiling portrait of Hiiragizawa Eriol, pointed a finger at the young man who had been pursuing him.
"Die," said Evil Eriol, and his smile transformed into a chillingly insidious smirk. A burst of magic shot from his hands, straight at his pursuer, who could only hope that his protection spells would hold.
They didn't.
Seconds after Li Syaoran's shields crumbled, a bluish light blinded him, and he felt the sharp sting of magic surrounding him. Disoriented, the young man recoiled with the impact of the attack, pain shooting through his limbs and through his head, his equilibrium thrown--so it was unfortunate that he was standing on the edge of the building's roof.
"OH SHIT!" Syaoran cried as his view of the world flipped over and he found himself hurtling backwards over the parking garage.
"Iiieee!!!" Sakura screamed, instantly forming wings on her back as she dove after her husband. In a flurry of feathers and dust clouds, she caught him a perilously short distance above the ground, and even as she smiled at him with immense relief shining in her eyes, he could feel her trembling.
Syaoran managed a feeble grin, still somewhat confounded by the attack, and said, "Gomen... I let my guard down..."
"That's because you were shielding me when you *know* I'm perfectly capable of protecting myself," Sakura reprimanded as she set them both on the ground, trying not to show him how badly her legs were shaking.
"I can't help it... I have two people to protect now," Syaoran replied, his amber gaze intense. "I wouldn't be alive if I lost you, Sakura... both of you."
Her throat suddenly dry, she almost melted in his arms; after a year of marriage, he could still make her pathetically weak in the knees. Unfortunately, Syaoran had the strangest habit of showing his affection (already a rare occurrence) at the most inappropriate times.
They were still in the middle of a battle.
Sakura felt the dark energy streaking towards her from behind before Syaoran even had a chance to warn her. She reacted, and in the next instant, she had flown them both up out of harm's way. A split-second later, the ground beneath them exploded.
"You know, now's a good time to call that stuffed animal out of that book he's been hiding in," Syaoran grumbled as he and Sakura landed a safe distance from the shrapnel.
"There is no way I can support Kero-chan *and* keep up an illusion *and* a shield, *while* trying to dodge attacks from an opponent as good as Eriol-kun," Sakura retorted. "It's nice to know you have faith in me, but even I can't do that."
Syaoran cursed under his breath. "Stupid stuffed animal proves useless once again."
"Syaoran..." Sakura sighed, feeling a slight twitch in her side that indicated that Kero might have heard her husband's comment even in temporary slumber.
"Is that all you've got?" their opponent taunted, fixing his scornful gaze on Sakura and Syaoran. At the sound of his condescending chuckle, the young couple turned to face Evil Eriol, who was floating merrily down towards them from the roof of the parking garage, unfazed.
"He certainly has Hiiragizawa's arrogant charm," Syaoran remarked dryly, his sword now drawn alongside Sakura's, and Syaoran stepped forward, the urge to keep Sakura behind him too strong to resist.
"I still don't get it," Sakura frowned, deep in thought and gnawing suspicion. "I thought Eriol-kun said the curse was only as strong as he was, and yet..."
Evil Eriol's smile broadened. "It's a pity my Other Self doesn't understand me as much as I understand him. But I'll be a sport and give you pitiful mortals a hint."
Sakura and Syaoran froze, tempted to destroy the curse while it was rambling, yet needing to hear what it had to say.
"You see, as long as he doesn't understand why I'm here after what he did in England, I will only get stronger," Evil Eriol's grin widened. "He has no chance against me, especially when he's already hurting himself. He might as well give up now."
"What makes you think he'd give up, you--"
"Don't worry," the curse interjected affably. "I'll make him give up. I'm sending *you* back as an example, Card Mistress."
"What the hell are you--" Syaoran began, but abruptly cut off in horror when Evil Eriol swept his arm in a brisk, broad arc directly towards Sakura, his power building in a sudden, towering wave. Syaoran's eyes widened in horror. "You BASTARD!"
Both Lis were caught by surprise, and despite Syaoran's best efforts to shield her, Sakura's defenses shattered, and the young woman took the brunt of the attack. With a scream, she crumpled to the ground, her eyes shut tight but leaking tears, and she clutched her stomach in a way that made Syaoran's blood freeze.
"SAKURA!!!" he yelled, immediately forgetting the rest of the world and dropping to his knees beside his wife, panic overloading his senses. Sakura was crying, shuddering, on the ground, her arms clenched around her abdomen, and Syaoran's heart bled with agony. She flinched when he tried to carry her, screamed bloody murder when he tried to comfort her, and he suddenly found tears forming in his eyes.
"No, this can't be happening," he whispered hoarsely as he gathered up his sobbing, pain-wracked wife in his arms and tried to heal her magically, without success. He didn't even know where to start healing because he couldn't understand what was wrong with her in the first place. "No no no no... please no..."
In the warm glow of the afternoon sun, on their first day back in Japan, Syaoran's most terrifying, most heart-wrenching nightmare was slowly coming true.
Sakura and the baby were dying.
It was delicious. The dying taste of their magic was exquisite, and it was especially nourishing because they happened to be the world's most powerful magicians. He was glad they never noticed how much energy he had spent protecting himself from them, hiding his weaknesses with false bravado. That bravado had given him the upper hand, because once the Card Mistress and the Li lost confidence in themselves, the fight was his. The Card Mistress's pregnancy had made an effective distraction and allowed him ample time for his escape.
But he knew he had been lucky. The Li's were too careful. Through his Other Self's memories, he knew how the Li's normally fought, and he could see a marked difference in their abilities. They were weak now because the Card Mistress's pregnancy had made both future parents overly careful, and instead of attacking, they had spent their energy strengthening defenses that he already knew how to breach. His Other Self's knowledge had given him the advantage he needed to win.
While he had emerged the victor, however, he resolved not to rely so much on luck ever again, especially against high-level magicians like the Card Mistress. He truly had to thank his Other Self for this victory, as his Other Self's guilt and pain had spiked so significantly that he had gotten an energy boost mid-battle.
As he made his way through the streets, his thoughts wandered to who his next victim should be. He was sorely tempted to just get everything over with and go after Her. She was, after all, the ultimate prize, and if he could take Her, then his Other Self would have nothing. Yet it was still too early, and too dangerous. As much as he needed Her, She was protected, and he was not strong enough to defeat his Other Self as long as he had Her. Still, She was a double-edged sword; as long as his Other Self kept pushing Her away, never realizing Her significance...
He smiled. This was a difficult situation, indeed, but he had an advantage over his Other Self. He just needed a different opening into Her mind, a back door left unguarded.
He stopped walking and looked up at the sky. Closing his eyes, he imagined the kill again, and his hunger for blood was rekindled. He needed someone else to become even stronger.
Ah, but tomorrow was another day, and with his Other Self conveniently taking all the blame while wallowing in glorious self-loathing...
Eriol's mirror image laughed. The sky was his limit.
In a small room containing only a table, two chairs, and a one-way mirror, a dark-haired young woman scowled. A young man in an officer's uniform trembled in front of her, and a middle-aged plainclothes detective leaned against the wall to her right.
"D-Daidouji-san?" the meek-looking officer stuttered in embarrassment. He looked afraid to approach the young woman, who was notoriously rich and powerful. "We are extremely sorry to have involved you in this arrest. In all the confusion, we thought you were trying to help the suspect get away. Again, we apologize profusely, and we will return all your belongings when you leave the building."
"Good," Tomoyo growled. The trembling officer uncuffed her wrists as if her stare might cause him to spontaneously combust at any moment. "Now, where is my friend? I demand that he be released as well."
The detective, who was older, wiser, and, therefore, more collected than his younger colleague, stepped in to explain firmly, "I'm afraid he is being detained. Yoshizawa Kenji was a witness to his sister's murder, and he identified your friend clearly. We can't release him."
Tomoyo smiled, baring her fangs. The younger officer shrank back in terror, while the older detective shifted uncomfortably where he stood. Tomoyo's body language clearly meant, "Mishandle my friend, and I will have your heads served on a platter for Sunday brunch."
Tomoyo was practically dripping with edgy charm when she spoke. "He was shopping with me and two friends from Hong Kong when this murder took place," she declared. "As he is currently recovering from a recent illness, if you keep him even a second longer behind bars in his fragile state, I will make sure to acquaint you both with the terms 'no mercy' and 'abject humiliation.'"
The younger man nearly whimpered, and the detective had to surreptitiously kick the boy in the shins to keep him from bolting for the door.
"Daidouji-san, please understand that it's still pretty damning evidence to have Yoshizawa pick him out from a large crowd of people," the detective argued nervously, unable to look away from Tomoyo's gaze. "Besides, we have something that even you can't possibly deny, so I'm afraid you'll have to go without him."
"And what's this so-called undeniable evidence?"
Hearing the sharpness in her tone, the younger officer eagerly spoke up. "We have his confession!"
Tomoyo blinked. "His what?"
The detective sighed, rubbing his tired eyes. "We have his confession. I'm sorry, Daidouji-san."
His apology fell on deaf ears because Tomoyo had ceased to care; her mind was clouded with the sudden, burning desire to slap the hell out of Hiiragizawa Eriol.
Leaning his head into his hands, Eriol slumped lower against the table. The police had left him alone for now, promising to come back with an attorney and a more thorough questioning. He had pretty much admitted his guilt. The murder was, after all, his fault, and now that he'd seen a picture of the victim before she'd been messed up beyond recognition, he felt even sicker.
The curse had impeccable taste. Not only did she possess a decent amount of magic for it to absorb; she looked almost like an exact replica of Tomoyo. Perhaps her features hadn't been as fine, as elegant, but from a slight distance, it would have been difficult to tell the two apart. If that wasn't a damning message from his counterpart, he didn't know what was.
Eriol was sure that the police had also noticed the strong resemblance between Tomoyo and the murdered victim, and it wasn't too surprising that they were detaining him. For all they knew, he was a homicidal lunatic bent on killing Tomoyo look-alikes. He certainly looked like he could be.
When the door opened and closed again, Eriol didn't bother to look up, assuming it was another officer coming to beat more of a coherent confession out of him. As if his delirious mantra of "mea culpa" hadn't been enough.
"Hiiragizawa?"
The new voice startled him. His head snapped up in instant recognition, in the faint memories of good times long past.
"Yamazaki?"
Sure enough, there stood Yamazaki Takashi in a police officer's uniform, his chiseled face torn between joy at seeing his old friend, and sadness at the unfortunate circumstances of their reunion.
"I can't believe it's really..." Yamazaki then started laughing. "Man, I don't know whether I should hug you or hit you over the head. This really beats out every prank we ever pulled when we were younger."
The sight of his smiling co-conspirator instantaneously lifted Eriol's spirits. "That it does."
Without another second of delay, Yamazaki strode towards him, keys dangling in his hands. As he uncuffed Eriol, he chattered, "You know, I couldn't believe that it was you when I saw your name on the first report. I figured there just might be someone else in Japan with the same name, you know? But then I saw Daidouji-san's name on the second report, and I knew it just *had* to be you two. You always were partners in crime, ne?"
Yamazaki pulled Eriol to a standing position and regarded him with a smile. Eriol smiled back and said, "It's truly wonderful to see you again, although I'm sorry it had to be in such a horrible situation."
"You do realize I don't believe you did it, right?" Yamazaki grinned, then pulled Eriol into a hug. "I know a lie when I see one, after all."
"So are you busting me out of here illegally?" Eriol asked, an eyebrow raised as Yamazaki released him.
"No way!" his old friend replied. "I'm just a lowly officer right now. I don't have the power to do that yet. Come back in ten years, though, and I might be able to spring you." He winked.
Eriol hesitantly followed Yamazaki to the door. "So... what's going on?"
"You're being released. Lord knows what strings Daidouji-san pulled to get you out so quickly without the paperwork hassle," Yamazaki explained, leading Eriol out of the room, "but she did it. It's really amazing, especially since the victim's family is outside shouting for your death, which is why you're going out through the back door..." his voice trailed off, and he eyed Eriol with concern. "By the way... did you *really* confess?"
Eriol rubbed the back of his head. "I... I was delirious," he said, weakly. "The woman looked a lot like Tomoyo-san, and I thought... well... I thought it was all my fault. That I hadn't protected Tomoyo-san and that I'd failed her."
Yamazaki chewed on his bottom lip for a few moments as the two young men walked down the hallway. Then, he shot his friend a knowing smirk. "So have you asked her yet?"
Eriol blinked, honestly confused. "Asked who what yet?"
The young officer abruptly stopped and eyed his friend with a curious sparkle in his eyes. "That's why you're here, isn't it? To finally pop the question?"
Eriol's mood dimmed when he caught on to what Yamazaki was implying. "No... You've got it all wrong. Tomoyo-san is just a friend, and I..." he paused, wondering how he could possibly explain the past few years with Kaho and the past week without Kaho while not sounding like a lunatic. He shook his head, then resumed walking in silence. Yamazaki was probably starting to doubt his innocence by now.
Of course, it might be easier if people thought of him as a lunatic because at least then they'd stay away. The more Eriol thought about it, the more he was convinced he should keep Yamazaki at arm's length. Sakura, Syaoran, and Tomoyo were already risking their lives for him, and he saw no reason to drag anyone else down, especially Yamazaki and his young family.
"Hey, are you okay, man?" Yamazaki asked after a moment.
"Not at all," Eriol replied.
Yamazaki's eyebrows shot up briefly, but he only regarded his old friend for a moment before resuming the trek towards the precinct's back exit. "Ah well, this was a pretty rotten day, so I understand. Anyway... when did you get back in Tokyo?"
Eriol flinched. "Thursday night."
"I see... of course you're staying at Daidouji-san's apartment."
Eriol gaped at Yamazaki, who was nodding matter-of-factly as he spoke. "Chiharu has Daidouji-san's number, so do you think we could set up a time to get together next week? You look like hell right now, and it'd be better to catch up somewhere nice. You haven't met my daughter yet, but I've already told Kaori-chan all sorts of stories about you, so you've got to meet her. She thinks you're a figment of my imagination."
Eriol's lips twitched upwards. "With good reason, I think. I'd like very much to meet Kaori-chan," Eriol said, but his smile faded. He was still a bit perplexed by his friend's earlier comment. "Yamazaki, this might sound like a strange thing to ask, but how did you know I'm staying at Daidouji-san's apartment?"
"It's all about logical deductions," the young police officer beamed, as if he had been expecting Eriol's question all along. "You got here two days ago, did you not?"
Eriol nodded.
"So you returned to Japan two days ago, and you DIDN'T call me!" Yamazaki's eyes gleamed. "Naturally, you would have called me as soon as you arrived, so *something* must have stopped you, something of UTMOST importance. What could you possibly be doing that demands both privacy and absolute secrecy? Where could you be staying?" Yamazaki waggled his eyebrows suggestively. "Daidouji-san's, of course! Hiiragizawa, you sly dog..."
Eriol's stoic expression was marred by the full blush now covering it. "Wait, it's not like that. She just..."
"You can't lie to the Master of Deceit!" Yamazaki smirked. "As a professional liar, I can spot bad lies a kilometer away! Hiiragizawa, I'll figure out everything in the end because I am the best interrogator in Tokyo! The prodigy! There's no use lying to me!" There was a maniacal lilt in Yamazaki's laugh, and Eriol decided that Yamazaki had, indeed, chosen a very fitting profession.
Eriol willed his blush to go away, muttering as indignantly as he dared, "Daidouji-san is a good friend, and she offered me a place to stay. That's all."
Yamazaki shrugged. "Well it's obvious to me, and it's obvious to everyone else."
"What is?"
Yamazaki shook his head sadly. "Such is the fate of the male species. Always the last to know..."
Eriol sighed. Why did it seem as if everyone was speaking in riddles around him lately?
That was when they got to the end of the hallway, and Yamazaki opened the door to Eriol's freedom.
"Hiiragizawa-kun, glad you made it," a familiar voice said stiffly, and Eriol spotted its owner instantly. Her eyes blazed from where she stood in the shadows just outside the door, and Eriol paled. Freedom did not appear so forgiving in the form of a very angry-looking Daidouji Tomoyo.
"Good evening, Yamazaki-kun," Tomoyo nodded towards the officer behind Eriol almost as an afterthought.
Yamazaki nodded back with a polite grin. "Good to see you again, Daidouji-san. Now if you'll excuse me, I have work to catch up on. We'll meet again later, all right? Chiharu and I will give you a call. Ja!"
Tomoyo acknowledged Yamazaki's departure with a brief tilt of her head, then she grabbed Eriol's hand and pulled him down the steps of the police precinct. In the parking lot, a police car was waiting with an open door and a nervous-looking officer, who tipped his hat as soon as he spotted Tomoyo.
"Where to, Daidouji-san?" the nervous officer asked.
At this point, Eriol couldn't help but be impressed. In spite of the evidence stacked against him, Tomoyo had gotten him released, with free taxi service from a police vehicle to boot. Tomoyo must have used some serious connections and a lot of her manipulative powers.
"The mall parking lot," she ordered, dragging Eriol into the backseat with her. "Please hurry."
"Hai, Daidouji-san."
The next fifteen minutes in the car were some of the longest minutes Eriol had known in his life. In spite of the sirens blaring and the police car barreling down the highway at 150 kilometers per hour, Eriol and Tomoyo maintained a strained silence in the backseat. She fidgeted as if she wanted to yell at him or cuddle him (or even do both), and he wasn't sure he wanted to find out what she would do once they were alone. Facing the wrath of a Daidouji didn't appeal to Eriol.
His mood changed, however, when they arrived at their destination. Eriol had forgotten that Tomoyo's car was parked inside the crime scene, but the suffocatingly drab walls and the suffocatingly low ceiling reminded him of everything. They were witnesses to his sins. There was no way he could avoid what he had done, because even though the garage had been cleaned, the police tape and the blood stains remained.
The whole place mocked him.
The words on the ceiling grinned at him.
Everything was there to remind him that it was his fault an innocent woman had died. It was his fault that an innocent child had seen a gruesome murder.
It was his fault.
Shutting his eyes tightly, Eriol turned away from his window, struggling to keep the bile from rising in his throat. It was getting cold. When the police car finally stopped, the officer got out while the engine was still running and hurried around the car to open Tomoyo's door, but Eriol didn't move. He couldn't.
It was his fault.
His heart was pounding heavily in his chest, and all he could do was focus on not passing out. It required a lot of concentration, and he was absurdly proud to be able to keep himself conscious, even if he *was* hunched over pitifully in a fetal position in the car, his arms covering his head trying to drown out the guilt. He was cold.
It was his fault.
He suddenly became aware of the loud ringing in his ears, and he bit his lip, drawing blood, willing the grating noise to stop. In the stinging darkness behind closed eyelids, he tried to focus on the pain of the cut, tried to see if that would shut out the loud ringing and the accusing voice in his head that relentlessly told him that he was guilty. But why would he need to shut it out unless he truly was guilty? The voice was rightfully accusing him.
Why the hell was it so cold?
It was his fault. He had ruined so many lives.
Weak, unworthy, evil...
Eriol heard Tomoyo get out of the car, and he truly would have opened his eyes to see where she was going if he wasn't so busy trying not to vomit and trying not to shiver in this arctic hell. He heard her door close, her voice, muffled by the incessant ringing in his ears, telling the officer something, and then Eriol heard footsteps going back to the driver's side. The car door opened then slammed shut.
It was cold. He needed heat, and he would have asked the officer driving the car to turn up the heat but the car started moving again.
He froze for a moment.
Tomoyo abandoned me, he thought with an unexpected pang of disappointment, through the pain clouding his mind.
Yet as the car moved, the ringing in his ears subsided, just a little, even though the pain in his chest and the accusing voice in his head and the sickening guilt in his body refused to let go.
Something was really wrong with him. He was cold.
Why did Tomoyo leave him?
His head was hurting, but everything was his fault. He deserved it, didn't he?
He supposed this must be his punishment. Tomoyo had looked really pissed off when she saw him, after all, and who could blame her? Even he was repulsed. Tomoyo had no reason to show him any compassion. He was a murderer. He had allowed a boy to witness something as traumatizing as his sister's murder. He had killed Kaho.
The car stopped, surprising him again, and this time, the driver turned the engine off.
"Hiiragizawa-kun..." Tomoyo's voice cut through the annoying ringing in his ears, banishing the noise and the pain in his head altogether. When he opened his eyes, the shivering Eriol blinked up to see Tomoyo leaning over him through the door, her concern obvious in her gaze. Looking around blearily, he finally realized that they were no longer in the parking garage but somewhere outside, next to one of the mall entrances far from the crime scene.
"Hiiragizawa-kun, can you move now?" she asked gently.
"What... happened?" Eriol managed to say, and only then did he realize that the driver's door was open, but the police officer who had driven them was nowhere in sight. Confused, he asked, "Where's the officer?"
"I told him to bring my car out here," Tomoyo replied calmly, reaching out to touch the hand that Eriol had used to cover his face. "You looked sick, and I didn't want you walking around back there, so I drove you here. Are you all right?"
Eriol stared at her as if he was seeing her through new eyes. "You... you didn't leave me?"
For a moment, she appeared hurt. "No..." she murmured. "I couldn't possibly leave you."
He smiled in immense relief.
His question nearly broke her heart. Tomoyo sighed, wanting to give the badly shaken young man a hug but deciding that a hug would probably confuse him more. Instead, she extended her hand to him and said, "Come outside. You need fresh air."
He accepted her offer. Trembling slightly, he got out of the car and stepped into the dying sunlight. She noticed the pallor of his face and was reminded of the hollowness she had seen in him on the night he first reappeared. His reaction to the crime scene had been frighteningly drastic, and instantaneous. Even the officer driving them had noticed the guilty change in Eriol's demeanor. Now she was worried about Eriol, but most of all, she was mad at herself for not thinking about how Eriol would react to being near the crime scene.
Afraid that he might revert completely to his lifeless, amnesiac state, she silently grasped his hand, trying to anchor him in reality, and her action prompted him to look at her.
"Daidouji-san?"
"Yes?"
He closed his eyes, and when he opened them once more, she saw a clarity that had not been present just a second before. He smiled. "Thank you."
She smiled back, relieved.
A minute later, her black convertible pulled up next to the police car, and the nervous-looking officer stepped out. "Your belongings are in the trunk, Daidouji-san," the officer said, standing at attention in front of Tomoyo. "Please have a nice day."
"Thank you for your help," Tomoyo said easily, slipping into the driver's seat. Eriol got in the other side and only nodded at the policeman as Tomoyo drove off. Once the police car was out of sight, Eriol slumped further down in his seat, looking more pitiful than ever. Then, realizing that he didn't know what Tomoyo's plans were, he asked quietly, "Where are we going?"
"Back to my apartment," Tomoyo replied. "We're supposed to have dinner with everyone, remember? I'm assuming Sakura-chan and Li-kun will be there as well."
Eriol straightened. "You haven't heard from them? How long were we at the police station?"
"An hour and a half," she answered, betraying none of the discomfort she felt about her friends' whereabouts. "That's more than enough time for them to get back to my apartment."
"More than enough time to call us," Eriol added thoughtfully. He couldn't help but be worried because he had seen Sakura and Syaoran going after the curse. If they had been successful in destroying it, they should have found Eriol and Tomoyo at the police station. That was when Eriol noticed how white Tomoyo's knuckles were as she gripped the steering wheel. He didn't say anything more, and she didn't comment. For a few minutes, they drove without saying a word, until Tomoyo's cell phone ringing interrupted the silence. Both Eriol and Tomoyo jumped in their seats.
"Where's your phone?" Eriol asked, flushing when he realized how on edge he had been.
"In my purse," Tomoyo tilted her head towards the bag on the car floor, from where the familiar notes of "Ode to Joy" were emanating.
"Oh," he said sheepishly, picking up her purse and quickly pulling out the phone. He was surprised to see that it was Yukito calling instead of Sakura, whom he had been hoping for and expecting. "Moshi moshi. This is Eriol."
Only seconds after Eriol hung up, Tomoyo was racing down the freeway towards the last place anyone ever wanted to be: Tokyo General Hospital.
Yukito didn't say why Sakura was in the hospital, just that they needed to come right away, so the sight that greeted Eriol and Tomoyo when they arrived there shocked them.
"Fucking bastard," Syaoran growled at Eriol. "Go to fucking HELL."
Eriol didn't have time to dodge the lightning-fast punch, so he met Syaoran's fist fully in the face. New glasses flying off his nose, Eriol staggered backwards, and he would have fallen if Tomoyo hadn't steadied him.
"Li-kun! Stop it!"
Pure hatred raged in Li Syaoran's entire body. Ignoring Tomoyo's pleas, he strode towards Eriol with the obvious intent to kill. Much to Tomoyo's surprise, Touya burst out of the hospital ward and held the furious young man back.
"Oi, hold it there, Gaki! That's enough!"
Syaoran struggled against his captor only briefly before Touya had the sense to knock the younger man out with a sharp blow to the back of his head. Unconscious, Syaoran fell like a rag doll against Touya, who had to drag his brother-in-law on to one of the chairs lining the hallway. Half of Eriol wished that Touya had let Syaoran pound him to bits, while the other half urged him to get it over with and just throw himself off a cliff. Only the intense look on Tomoyo's face halted Eriol's thoughts in their tracks.
She picked up his glasses and handed them to him, and before he could say a word of thanks, she turned back to Touya. Touya was slumped next to Syaoran, awkwardly shoving the younger man's lolling head off his shoulder whenever it fell against him.
"How is she?" Tomoyo asked. "Can we see her?"
Touya nodded. "Yuki's with her, so go ahead. She asked for you."
As Eriol followed Tomoyo into the private hospital ward, he passed Touya and Syaoran, and only then did he notice the weariness in Touya's expression and the tear stains glistening on Syaoran's cheeks.
Something was very wrong.
Someone's energy signature was missing.
The private hospital ward was well lit, but the air was heavy, weighed down by pain and sadness. In this brooding atmosphere, the flowery curtains surrounding Sakura's bed seemed tactlessly derisive, and the happy white bed sheets pooled around Sakura's waist were offensively bright. Even Yukito, seated in the chair next to Sakura, could not manage a smile.
"Sakura-chan..." Tomoyo whispered, approaching her best friend slowly.
Sakura looked up, then her gaze flitted somewhere behind Tomoyo, and she flinched, looking away. Tomoyo glanced back just in time to see Eriol's wounded expression before he covered it. For a while, Sakura didn't say anything, preferring to gaze at her hands mindlessly twisting the bright bed sheets into knots.
"I guess Syaoran and I were a bit spoiled," Sakura said at last, and Tomoyo noticed Yukito's eyes widening, as if Sakura had not uttered a word before that moment.
"Are you all right?" Tomoyo asked, reaching out to grasp one of Sakura's restless hands comfortingly.
It was as if Sakura didn't hear or see her. She pulled her hand away and focused it on the task of attempting to rip the cloth into shreds. "We were so used to winning our battles without consequences, without casualties. We were spoiled. It's so stupid..."
Tomoyo couldn't speak, dreading what Sakura's words meant.
"But we knew what we were getting into," Sakura continued, a bitter smile on her face. "We knew the danger. We knew what could happen to us, but we just... *I* just... always assumed everything would be all right in the end. That my invincible spell would always save us. That's a bit naive, don't you think?"
The question was directed over Tomoyo's shoulder, and Tomoyo didn't need to look at Eriol to know that his guilt and pain mirrored her own. "Just so you know," Sakura's intense stare was focused completely on Eriol now, "we don't blame you. At least... not entirely. This is the result of my irresponsibility, my carelessness. Please don't feel bad. I know Syaoran hit you, but deep in his heart, he knows it's not your fault, either. Please forgive him. He needs to find release somewhere."
"Sakura-san," Eriol said, his voice anguished, "I'm so sorry. I really wish I could... I... I never... I never wanted anyone to be hurt. I'm sorry."
As he bowed his head in shame, Sakura's bitter smile faded, and she turned her attention back to Tomoyo. "Tomoyo-chan, you can sense it, can't you?"
Tears welled in Tomoyo's eyes. She didn't need magic to feel that something--someone--was missing.
She didn't need magic to know that Sakura's baby was gone.
"I'm sorry, Sakura-chan," Tomoyo tearfully echoed Eriol's apology as she reached out to hug her best friend. "I'm sorry. I'm sorry."
Exhausted, depressed, furious, and vulnerable, Sakura finally broke down and sobbed into Tomoyo's shoulder, returning her best friend's embrace with a fierceness fueled by profound loss. Tomoyo couldn't stop her own tears if she tried.
As much as he wanted to seriously beat the shit out of that smiling English bastard, Touya couldn't. Something--a part of him that was surprisingly reluctant to hurt Hiiragizawa--held him back, regardless of everything that had happened. In his heart, Touya knew it was really that damned Clow Read's fault, so he couldn't blame anyone in the present, no matter how convenient it was to accuse Clow's reincarnation. Besides, beating up Hiiragizawa would probably be like beating up his own father; Touya couldn't do it without a guilty conscience.
Dinner was a gloomy, painfully silent affair outside of Sakura's ward. Tomoyo stayed by her best friend's side throughout the evening, ignoring pleas to eat, so the men sat in their chairs outside, not saying a word to each other as they picked listlessly at their microwaved cafeteria food. Touya noted that Eriol couldn't face Syaoran, his entire posture hunched away from the Li clan leader, while Syaoran, who wasn't fully conscious anyway, avoided looking up altogether. With Touya's encouragement, Syaoran mustered the strength to eat a spoonful of food, then threw the rest of his dinner away. He didn't say anything when he went back inside Sakura's room, and Touya didn't blame him.
Touya didn't have the heart to blame anyone anymore. When he'd heard what happened that afternoon, he'd raved like a lunatic, searching for someone to blame, and he had even punched Syaoran in the stomach when he first spotted his brother-in-law at the hospital. Touya regretted it when he at last calmed down and realized that Syaoran was hurting probably just as much as Sakura. Yue's reprimanding glare had only reinforced Touya's guilt.
He had no right make Syaoran feel bad, especially since out of all of the men, Syaoran was the one who rightfully deserved to vent.
So the hours passed miserably, slowly.
Tomoyo emerged from the hospital ward at around eleven that night. Catching a glimpse inside as she walked through the door, Touya saw that Syaoran had fallen asleep in the chair next to Sakura, holding her hand tightly as if he was afraid she might disappear. Touya, softie that he was, almost forgave Syaoran for marrying his sister.
Eriol remained seated outside like a statue, next to an equally still Yue, and Eriol only flinched when Tomoyo reached for him.
"Hiiragizawa-kun," she whispered, nudging him gently with her hand. "We should go."
"Where?" Touya frowned. "It's dangerous out there."
"Hiiragizawa-kun and I have to go," Tomoyo said quietly, and Eriol looked startled when she grasped his arm and pulled him to a standing position.
"What? After what happened to Sakura?" Touya rose to his feet, alarmed. "Are you insane? I won't let you go!"
For a moment, Tomoyo's face seemed to change--almost as if she had turned into an entirely different person for a second. Touya dismissed it as a trick of the light. "Meet us at my old house in Tomoeda," she directed calmly. "Sakura-chan will be discharged tomorrow night, so take her and Li-kun to my old house. Don't go to my apartment."
"Why? What are you doing?" Confused, Touya followed Tomoyo as she dragged an unresisting Eriol down the hallway. "Tomoyo-san, stop!"
Touya grabbed her arm, and they stopped in the hall just in front of the elevator. She gently pulled herself away from him, looking apologetic. "I have a really bad feeling about my apartment, Touya-nii. We can't stay there any longer."
"Because of a feeling?"
She met his gaze with determination. "You've felt the same thing before, haven't you?"
"Tomoyo," he sighed, rubbing the back of his neck, "I feel these things because I have magic. You, on the other hand, do NOT possess any magical ability whatsoever."
"That doesn't matter," Tomoyo said. "I'm as sure of this as you are about spirits. My apartment is dangerous, and we need to move out of there now."
"So who's going to defend you if the curse attacks?" Touya argued, irritated that his honorary younger sister was bent on a suicidal trip with the English bastard, no less.
"We won't be attacked," she assured, and Touya blinked, unable to decide if that strange light in her eyes was just a figment of his imagination. "It's useless to bring Yue-san with us," Tomoyo added, "now that Sakura-chan's power level is so low. You know he'll fade away if he goes too far from her."
"That doesn't mean you can go alone," Touya countered. "I'll go with you."
"But you can't protect us either," Tomoyo pointed out reasonably. "You may have magic, but you can't use it. You'll be dead weight before you know it. Besides, I think the best defense is already with me."
Touya hesitated, staring at Tomoyo, then at Eriol. "You're kidding... Him?"
Tomoyo glanced at the unresponsive Eriol for a second. "If there's anything I can count on, it's Hiiragizawa-kun's guilt, Touya-nii."
He fell silent, wanting desperately to say something that would persuade her to stay but unable to think of anything. Once Tomoyo set her mind on something, there was usually no stopping her. Once Tomoyo started calling him "Touya-nii", he was lost.
"Besides," she smiled wryly, "at least this way, everyone here will be safe. If the curse attacks, there'll only be two more casualties, ne?"
Before Touya could argue any more, the elevator doors opened--when did Tomoyo have time to press the button?--and she stepped inside with Eriol. "Stay with Sakura-chan," she pleaded, as the doors shut. "She needs your strength and your magic to keep Yukito-san alive."
She waved apologetically at him, her smile vanishing behind the closed elevator doors. With a frustrated yell, Touya slammed his fists against the nearest wall.
Damn Tomoyo.
Closing his eyes, he slumped against the wall, running his hands through his hair as he slid down to a sitting position. Sometimes, Touya really hated that Tomoyo was so good at reading people and making them bend to her will. When Tomoyo turned against someone, that someone was officially screwed, and in this case, the unlucky victim happened to be him.
Tomoyo had observed everyone so quietly in the sidelines for so long that it was easy to forget how incredibly perceptive she was. While she had remained an enigma to everyone, she had been analyzing people's personalities, figuring out what made each person tick while sharpening her manipulation skills.
She had figured Touya out.
Tomoyo knew that, as much as Touya loved her and Sakura, when push came to shove, he would choose one sister over the other--the real sister over his honorary one.
And Tomoyo knew that, as much as Touya loved his family, when his back was against a wall...
Touya sighed.
He wouldn't choose *anyone* over Yukito.
You must leave him. He is blind. He cares nothing for you. He sees no one but her memory.
But I need you. I *know* I need you.
And unlike him, I will treat you like a queen. I will give you a funeral worthy of a queen.
Don't worry.
You have nothing to fear.
Your death will be painless.
Eriol couldn't remember much of what happened at the hospital. It was a sterile blur after Syaoran punched him, after Sakura looked at him with such deep melancholy in her eyes. Eriol only realized then how much he had hurt his daughter, because the pain in her lifeless emerald gaze mirrored the hollowness that Clow Read had seen in his own reflection.
But unlike Clow, Sakura was innocent, undeserving of her pain. She was saving the world from something Clow had created. Life wasn't supposed to be this way. Good people weren't supposed to hurt this much.
No one outwardly blamed him, of course, but Eriol saw the way his friends had flinched when they saw him. Even Tomoyo, as she led him to the parking lot and pushed him into her car and started driving away from the hospital, kept giving him strange, piercing looks.
Not that he cared much, at this point.
He didn't really feel like hearing their stinging accusations when he wasn't done delivering his own, yet.
Before he knew it, they were in Tomoyo's apartment again, a sullied sanctuary very different from the day before. Now it was even more tainted.
"We're leaving," Tomoyo announced as she led Eriol by the hand, towards her bedroom, and left him standing in the doorway.
"What?" Eriol blinked, watching as she hurriedly pulled out clothes from her closet and random drawers and tossed all the garments on the bed. She had always been systematic about everything she did, so her randomness disturbed Eriol.
"We're going to my old house, in Tomoeda," Tomoyo declared. She pulled out a suitcase from her closet, threw it on the bed, opened it, and proceeded to stuff the jumble of clothes inside it like a whirlwind. "We can't stay here anymore."
"Why not?" he asked, frustrated. How could she care about such trivial details when there were more important matters to discuss? Her unexpected desire to go back to her old home was demeaning the loss Sakura and Syaoran had suffered, and it cheapened Eriol's guilt. "What's the point? No matter where I go, people will die anyway."
Tomoyo abruptly stopped, and Eriol felt a chill run down his spine. She didn't respond at once, tilting her head slowly up until she could look into his eyes. For a moment, Eriol glimpsed a flicker of--anger? disgust?--something dangerous in her eyes, but it vanished.
"I'll just endanger more people over there," Eriol concluded.
"I was wrong," Tomoyo said, confusing Eriol again.
"About what?"
"I thought if you were happy, the curse would be affected negatively... but it wasn't."
Eriol's shoulders drooped lower. "No... it's a good theory... It may have some truth in it."
"So I was wrong about something else, wasn't I?" she persisted, prompting Eriol to look at her. "You're not happy. Even if it was just temporary... I thought... I thought I could make you happy just for a day. You were even laughing, Hiiragizawa-kun. You had everyone fooled."
"I..."
She shook her head, bitterness infused in her voice. "But I forgot. It's different with us, isn't it? We smile when we're sad, and we cry when we're happy."
"No, it's not that... I... I was happy, for a while, pretending," he sighed and leaned against the wall, raking a hand through his hair. "But pretending isn't enough anymore. It's not your fault I'm sad because it's not your job to make me happy. I didn't ask you--"
"But what if I want to?" she interrupted, and her annoyed tone set off warning signals in his mind.
"You... what?"
"What if I want to make you happy?" she straightened, slamming the suitcase shut. He flinched. "Did it ever occur to you that that's what friends do? That people don't need to have a life debt to you in order for them to care about your well-being? Do you honestly think Sakura-chan and Li-kun came to Japan and agreed to fight your curse because you helped them out a few years ago?"
Eriol was at a loss. "But... I didn't ask..."
"For someone who knows so much about the universe, you know very little about how families work, Hiiragizawa-kun," Tomoyo said calmly. "Perhaps you've forgotten the fact that families consist of more than one person."
He frowned, but said nothing when she walked out of her room, holding her suitcase in one hand and motioning for him to follow with the other.
"Please take Sakura-chan and Li-kun's luggage," she ordered as she went out the front door. Though he was still confused, Eriol complied and followed her, watching as she locked her apartment and started walking down the hallway.
"Why are we going back to your old house?" he asked, when the two of them were inside the elevator.
"Because my apartment isn't safe," Tomoyo answered. "I know it sounds crazy, but I have a really bad feeling about this place. Besides, Mother is on a business trip, so she'll be safe and the house will have room for everyone. My bodyguards may even be able to catch your curse before it reaches us."
"They can't protect you from magic, Daidouji-san," he pointed out. "Your bodyguards will be in as much danger."
She didn't respond.
The elevator doors opened again, and Tomoyo took the lead, walking briskly out the lobby and into the parking lot. She didn't utter a word as she opened the trunk of her car and Eriol placed the suitcases next to all of the day's purchases, and she was silent as she got in and started the engine.
Once she was driving, she spared Eriol a glance and addressed his concerns grimly. "My apartment holds no good memories for you, Hiiragizawa-kun. I may not be able to sense magic, but I know that my apartment reeks of death and evil," she explained. "I think... I think you'll be happier where you first ceased to be Clow Read... where you began your existence as Hiiragizawa Eriol."
He blinked at her, suddenly, indescribably glad that she could understand him better than he could understand himself sometimes. "Daidouji-san..."
"I also want you to put an end to this curse there," Tomoyo added, startling him.
"What do you mean?"
Tomoyo's eyes never left the road. "No one else must die. You will issue a challenge to him, and you will defeat him."
"But that's just the point," Eriol sighed. "I don't know how to beat it. I don't even know how to call it."
"Tomorrow is Sunday, our day to recuperate," Tomoyo continued calmly, as if she hadn't heard Eriol's protest. "Tomorrow night, Sakura-chan will come back from the hospital, and we will have that barbecue at the beach on Monday, as planned."
Eriol gaped. "Are you insane?"
"It will be a private party with just the people who know about the curse, so no one else will be in danger," Tomoyo clarified. "We will use me as bait to lure it out, and you, with help from Sakura-chan and Li-kun and Touya-nii and Yukito-nii, will defeat it. Understood?"
He shook his head disbelievingly. "Look, Daidouji-san, as fun as it is for you to plan all this stuff out, life just doesn't work that way," Eriol shot back. "It's not that easy. You can't manipulate death. You can't make appointments with death and expect to live. You can't assume people will show up where they're supposed to, when they're supposed to. Did you even think about Sakura-san's feelings?"
"Yes, I did, actually," she gave him a look that dared him to contradict her. "And I know Sakura-chan is wise enough, professional enough, and optimistic enough to move on beyond her grief," Tomoyo paused. "So what about you?"
Eriol turned away, his emotions churning. What about him? What the hell did Tomoyo expect from him, anyway? "What about me?"
"You're still grieving, even though you know your actions have serious consequences," she said. "The Hiiragizawa-kun I once knew would not have allowed his own feelings to endanger anyone else. He would have taken care of any threat to his family before he allowed himself to give in to his emotions."
Leaning his head into his hands, Eriol sighed. For once, Tomoyo had interpreted it wrongly.
Kaho...
She didn't know Kaho.
Kaho was different. Kaho had meant everything to him. He wouldn't let Kaho go because he couldn't, because he was bound to her. Why couldn't Tomoyo see that?
"You don't understand," Eriol whispered angrily. "You don't understand anything at all."
"I think I *do* understand," Tomoyo responded in a cool tone. "You're angry, guilty, ashamed. You pity yourself yet you hate yourself at the same time. You want to die, but you feel it's your duty to destroy this curse before it hurts anyone else. And because you blame yourself so much, you're trying your level best to make yourself miserable because you don't think you deserve to be happy. Am I close?"
He glanced up at Tomoyo, startled by her insightful assessment. He struggled to maintain his composure. "So... am I not allowed to be human now?"
"That's not what I said."
"Am I not supposed to blame myself for Kaho's death? Am I supposed to be okay with you being targeted for no good reason? Am I supposed to just accept that a woman was murdered in front of her little brother for MY sake? What about Sakura and Syaoran? What about their child?"
"No..." she groaned, frustration creeping into her voice. "It's natural to feel guilty. You wouldn't be human otherwise. I just want you to stop beating yourself up long enough to remember."
He frowned, slouching in his seat. "Remember what?"
"That the world doesn't revolve around you. Everyone else is human, too, Hiiragizawa-kun."
Eriol clenched his fists as he looked out the window. How could Tomoyo even say that? This was his stupid curse, his stupid fault. Of course the world didn't revolve around him, but this curse did. He damn well had a right to be furious and guilty and ashamed about it.
"I *know* that," he said at last.
"Then why don't you act like it?"
He blinked at her, confused. "What? How?"
She glared at him. "Just... forget it. If you still can't see anything beyond your own reflection, forget it," she said, shaking her head.
"But..."
"Just leave it, all right?"
They spent the rest of the trip in uncomfortable silence.
Love me because I need you.
Loathe me for the lesson I had to teach.
Come to me.
Die for me.
And make my existence complete.
Eriol had quite a few memories of the Daidouji mansion. It had served as the primary headquarters of the Sakura-Syaoran-Tomoyo-Eriol quartet mainly because the big, usually empty house contained lots of gadgets, a wicked home theater system, plenty of hiding spaces, a music room, a game room, a spa, and, according to Syaoran, the best hot cocoa this side of Asia. Tomoyo had always joked that the only things her house lacked were people, and although she had said the words light-heartedly back then, Eriol knew she had meant every syllable.
Now, as they approached it in the darkness of midnight, the house seemed lonely and foreboding. Since all the servants had gone home and Daidouji Sonomi had dismissed many of her bodyguards after Tomoyo moved for college, the house was empty. The bodyguards still employed by the Daidouji family were off duty because their employer was currently in Germany.
After Eriol and Tomoyo entered the mansion and deposited their belongings in the bedrooms, Tomoyo took out her cell phone and began to dial. Realizing who she was calling, Eriol held her back. "Don't summon your bodyguards, Daidouji-san," he said gently. "They'll only be cannon fodder if they come here."
Tomoyo froze, unwilling to sacrifice the women who had protected her all her life. For a moment, as she put her phone back into her purse, she seemed lost in thought, but then she sat in the living room couch and turned to Eriol, in the seat opposite hers, with an expression that would not accept anything less than agreement. "All right, I won't call my bodyguards," she conceded, "but we still need something to keep unwanted guests out. Therefore, you will cast a spell around this house, Hiiragizawa-kun."
"A defensive shield?" Eriol frowned.
"You've cast similar spells in the past," she pointed out. "You said it doesn't take much effort to block out an enemy once you know his energy signature. You know the curse, don't you?"
For a few seconds, he stared at her, awed once again by how easily she seemed to work her way out of difficult situations. "You're right," he agreed slowly. "But after all that's happened, I... I don't think I can--"
"Yes, you can," she interjected. "Hiiragizawa-kun, please... I have faith in you."
"You're probably the only one..."
"Then try for me."
He would have protested if she hadn't clasped his hands gently, kindly, in a comforting way that reminded Eriol very much of Kaho.
Warm, elegant fingers, the soothing, feather-light brush of skin against skin...
Eriol crumbled.
"All right."
His aura flared.
Eriol's shield, however flimsy, brought Eriol and Tomoyo a small, much-needed measure of peace, if only for a few hours. For both of them, the night was still restless, and Sunday dawned with a grim canopy of clouds promising only a darker day ahead. Eriol didn't mind the weather because it matched his mood, but he grew worried; the clouds seemed to be concentrated in the vicinity of Tomoyo's apartment. His uneasiness only grew stronger as the hours passed, yet he couldn't bring himself to tell Tomoyo about his fears. She had insisted that Sunday was their day to rest, and she made it clear that he should be in top form by tomorrow. Now was definitely not the time to be a coward.
As reluctant as he was about facing his evil twin, Eriol knew Tomoyo was right. He needed to be strong enough to defend her. Maybe he wouldn't defeat Evil Eriol, but he needed to make sure that at least Tomoyo would not be harmed.
He couldn't afford to see Tomoyo hurt after what he had allowed to happen to Sakura.
After Kaho.
Eriol tried to fight off his guilt when he and Tomoyo went back to the hospital to visit Sakura that afternoon, but seeing Sakura's tired smile and Syaoran's forced apology for his act of violence yesterday instantly resurrected Eriol's guilt. Eriol couldn't face Touya and Yukito's distant stares either, so he left the building as soon as he could find an excuse, too ashamed to even be on the same floor as the people he had wronged. Tomoyo emerged from the hospital only a few minutes later, distress reflected in her eyes.
Whether her concern was for him or for Sakura, Eriol didn't know. He just knew he didn't deserve it.
"Let's go home," Tomoyo said, placing a hand on his shoulder.
"Sure," Eriol turned away, heading quickly for her car.
"Hiiragizawa-kun," she sighed, running to catch up to him, "everyone agreed that we should try challenging the curse tomorrow. We may not know the conditions to break the curse, but it's enough to stop it from killing more people for now."
"Sakura-san is all right with it?" he asked tentatively.
"Sakura-chan wasn't badly injured... at least not..."
"Not physically," Eriol finished, turning away.
"Look, I know you think they blame you and they hate you for unleashing this curse, but they don't," Tomoyo said firmly. "Please understand their feelings."
"That's easy for *you* to say," Eriol responded as she unlocked the car doors, and he got in the car just as she did. "You're not the one who started this."
Tomoyo jammed her keys into the ignition with so much force that Eriol looked at her with surprise. Tomoyo's expression was still calm, but Eriol noticed the corners of her mouth twitching, her eyes slightly narrowing. "You know," she began, exasperation seeping into her voice, "I'm starting to lose patience. I honestly don't know what to do anymore."
"What are you talking about?"
"I tried being nice," Tomoyo explained, gripping her steering wheel tightly. "But that didn't work too well. My opinions don't seem to matter to you."
"That's not true--"
"Then I tried being friendly and care-free at the mall," she went on, interrupting his argument, "but I guess that didn't make you happy either."
"I don't think--"
"Then, I tried being completely honest, but you just..." Tomoyo faltered. "I'm... I'm sorry. Forget I said anything. I'm just really tired, Hiiragizawa-kun."
"Daidouji-san, you know I'm not asking you to do anything," Eriol said desperately. "I don't WANT you to do anything for me."
Tomoyo smiled sadly at him, shaking her head as if she knew something he couldn't even begin to comprehend. "That's just the point, isn't it, Hiiragizawa-kun?"
He won't even acknowledge your existence.
But I do.
See me.
I need you.
"I'm sorry," Eriol rubbed his eyes as Tomoyo drove. "I didn't mean to cause all this trouble."
"Like a broken record," Tomoyo murmured absently.
"I can't stop apologizing," he added. "I can't stop feeling guilty. I can't stop missing her. I can't stop loving her. I can't. Don't you get it?"
"How can I?" she smiled, her voice like a distant echo. She didn't even look at him. "You won't let me into your life. You won't even acknowledge my existence."
So what *do* you see in him?
It's time for you to move on. Move on the way he can't. Show that you're strong, that your past has made you stronger. Don't be like him. Don't delude yourself by living in the past, for the past.
Come to me.
I need you.
I love you.
"I've dragged you into my life by making you the next unwilling target of my curse. I think that's more than enough involvement," Eriol muttered.
"But you never *asked* me to be a part of your life," she said, more to herself than to anyone else. "You don't understand the difference."
"There's no difference."
She shook her head wearily. "What *do* I see in you?" she sighed. "I think... I think it's time for me to move on. Move on the way you can't."
Eriol blinked. "What?"
Die for me.
Die for me.
And I will acknowledge your existence.
"Acknowledge my existence..."
You need to get away from your house.
"I need to get away from my house."
Go to your garden. Your favorite place.
"I'll... go to my garden. My favorite place."
Tonight.
Tomoyo smiled. "Tonight."
Eriol only stared at her, confused.
When they arrived back at the Daidouji mansion, the phone was ringing, so Tomoyo rushed to pick the receiver up in the living room. After a few seconds, her serious mood brightened, and she held the phone out to Eriol. "It's for you," she declared with a smirk, one hand on her hip.
Eriol raised an eyebrow. "Who is it?"
"Yamazaki-kun," Tomoyo answered. "I'll be in the kitchen making some dinner if you need me, all right?"
Eriol shrugged. "All right. Thank you."
Expecting a tall tale from his old friend, Eriol was taken aback by Yamazaki's somber tone as soon as he put the phone to his ear and said hello.
"Hey, mind if I ask where you were in the past two hours?" Yamazaki inquired hastily.
"No, I don't mind," Eriol said. "I was visiting Sak... an injured friend... at Tokyo General. Why?"
Yamazaki didn't speak for a moment. "There's been a second murder, Hiiragizawa. It looks like Tokyo's got a serial killer in its hands."
The guilt tightened in Eriol's chest, any hope he had of hearing Yamazaki's jokes dissipating instantly. "Where was it?" Eriol asked, after a moment of hesitation.
"In the same area as the first murder. In fact," Yamazaki sighed, "it happened in the parking lot of Daidouji-san's apartment building just an hour ago."
Swallowing hard, Eriol steadied himself by clinging to the table. "Who was she?"
Yamazaki sounded tired when he spoke. "Hamada Miyoshi. Journalist, lived in Daidouji-san's building, twenty-seven years old..." he paused, as if he was deliberating about something.
"And?"
Eriol could practically hear Yamazaki's frown. "Hamada strongly resembled the first victim, Yoshizawa... and both looked a hell of a lot more like Daidouji-san than I'd like to admit."
A heavy silence followed. Unable to respond, Eriol sank to his knees, his hands clenched into tight fists, his eyes shut tight.
"Call me crazy, but I'm starting to think it wasn't bad luck that got you arrested yesterday, Hiiragizawa," Yamazaki said at last. "Of course I don't believe you did it, but some of my superiors think so."
"I already told you. I was at the hospital this afternoon, so I couldn't have been at Daidouji-san's apartment..."
"I know, but there were witnesses at this crime scene who spotted someone who looks a lot like you in the area this afternoon."
"If you want proof, there are more witnesses at the hospital," Eriol whispered. "Go interview them."
"I'm not accusing you," Yamazaki said appeasingly. "In fact, getting security tapes from the hospital to clear your name is the first thing I'm going to do. I'm a lot more worried about the fact that there seems to be a serial killer wandering around Tokyo who looks like you, and whose targets fit Daidouji-san's description. To tell you the truth," Yamazaki sighed, "I'm worried. Chiharu is, too. This guy might be some kind of obsessive stalker who could have been following you two around since college, for all we know."
"That's ridiculous! Why would anyone stalk us?"
"Believe me. People can be *twisted*. This guy could have decided to start the killings now because you're back from England. The timing fits," Yamazaki revealed seriously. "Is there anything you want to tell me that you can't tell anyone else, Hiiragizawa?"
"No," Eriol snapped.
Yamazaki didn't seem to be fazed by Eriol's attitude. "Well, I just thought you, out of all people, needed to know. Be careful, all right? This is serious business. This guy is horrible. The idiots investigating the case already nicknamed him 'Heartbreaker' because he literally steals women's hearts. It's an unbelievably stupid nickname, but it fits all too well."
Eriol felt his stomach lurch. "Thanks for the warning."
"No problem. I just thought you should know. If you care about Daidouji-san half as much as I think you do, you won't let her out of your sight. Not even for a minute."
That was when Eriol felt it. Something was wrong again--something was missing. Eriol's eyes widened, and he glanced instinctively towards the kitchen.
Tomoyo was gone.
He couldn't feel her presence within the boundaries of his shield. He couldn't feel *anything*. In his panic, Eriol didn't say goodbye when he slammed the phone back into its cradle and ran.
-= End Part Six =-
Chapter Started: May 9, 2003
Chapter Finished: August 27, 2003
End Notes:
Overall, this was definitely the most difficult chapter to write. Talk about severe writer's block! >_
Thanks for reading!
In the Next Chapter (in no particular order):
- A long-awaited kiss.
- A few new faces.
- A spark of jealousy.
- A turn for the worst.
Please review and direct all questions, comments, and criticisms to [email protected]. Thank you!
Copyright (C) 2002-2003 by Dark Rune. All rights reserved.