The Future is Unwritten

"You weren't kidding about being a good cook," Cullen said after swallowing another bite. "This is the most delicious meal I've ever had."

"Oh, stop." She waved him off, but her face flushed. "It's a simple omelet."

"No, it is not." Cullen wiped his mouth with a cloth napkin, savoring the last mouthful. "Was not. Your omelet was fluffy, delicate. Very tasty, indeed. And such a wonderful use of the ingredients we found, especially the fresh prawns the cook was hiding in ice. She must have a mage as a good friend." He eyed her, one brow raising in question.

"Nope. Not me." She reached for the bottle of wine, silently laughing to herself. "More? I'm having more," she said, and poured herself a full glass.

"Why not." He grabbed the bottle and poured a generous amount. "Everyone seems to think I don't know how to loosen up and have fun."

"That's because they don't know you well." She smiled, the sincerity in her voice obvious. "Trust me, you're not as boring as they think."

"'Boring'? Who thinks I'm boring?" he asked, his nose scrunching up to his eyes. "Everyone?"

"No, not everyone… well…." She shrunk in her chair. "Sort of... everyone."

He squared his shoulders, unable to believe what she was saying. "I can have as much fun as the next man. In the right circumstances, that is. Like this."

"But they never see you like this, in casual clothes, slouching as you sip wine, comfortable in our isolated little sanctuary. All they know is the staid General of the Inquisition's army, tall and resolute in his command."

He straightened in his chair. "I don't slouch."

"Only with me, and that's fine." She took another sip of wine and forced a laugh, watching him with a vulnerable gaze. "It means you're relaxed."

"I am. Very relaxed." His shoulders eased. A familiar smile curved his lips as a comforting hand covered hers. "You have a soothing effect on me."

"I'm glad I do." She relished his gentleness then, admired his strength. She wanted to learn all about him. She knew already he loved sweets, hated green beans, had infinite patience with so many others but little for himself. Still, there was so much more to discover, though she felt that before he'd share more with her, she had to divulge something of herself. "So, Cullen, I did say I would give you some insight into my past, didn't I?"

"You did, but only if you are of a mind to share."

She looked away in an effort to suppress her pounding heart. "There are some things you should know, things that will explain a few of my… fears. And I've faced some of those fears," she said quickly, "the darker thoughts, but a couple things still linger unfortunately."

"I won't judge you," he said softly. "And don't feel as if you have to tell me anything that causes you discomfort."

"I do appreciate that. More than you can imagine." She nodded gratefully and took a deep breath. Another big gulp of wine went down, followed by a long sigh. "Jameson comes from a family that goes far back with the Trevelyan's. As such, our betrothal was arranged while we were very young. We played together as children, and although I wasn't very fond of him, I would never have guessed he'd grow into the heartless man he is today. He's quite adept at seeming the gentleman, the confident yet mischievous romantic. But in reality he's insecure and angry at the world. People perceived our relationship as loving and ideal, but no one knew how he really treated me when we were alone."

"I'm sorry. Sorry you had to go through that." Cullen shifted, feeling uncomfortable with her story. "And did he….?" The words wouldn't roll of his tongue, so bitter and heinous a thought. "I mean, was he…?"

"No. He never forced himself on me, not like the way you're thinking. But he belittled me, made fun of me in front our friends and family, and I had no choice but to smile my way through it all, as if it was some sort of endearing game. And then I'd do back to the Circle and…." Her brows drew together as she pinched her eyes closed. "Some nights I'd cry myself to sleep. But that was earlier on. In the last year or so I learned to ignore it all, spending more time at the Circle than at home, hoping that maybe the Grey Wardens would recruit me or I'd end up in some court, like Vivienne did. Anything to get out of the mess I was in. Clearly that never happened, but in some ways, I feel like the Maker did have a hand in my presence at the Conclave."

"And perhaps the Maker did, for both our sakes," he said, his smile slow and sure. Standing and walking around the table, he took her hand. "'In the absence of light, shadows thrive.'" Embracing her, he pressed his face against her hair. "I'm sure you were the only light in the darkness he chose to embrace."

"How can you have so much faith?" she whispered, unable to truly understand his comforting words, but knowing he meant only to make her feel less guilty. Or sorrowful. "It is inspiring though."

He drew back and looked into her eyes. "Without faith, there is no hope. And without hope, it is difficult to love."

She hugged him again, wanting to say more, but knowing some things could wait. She sat back and smiled. "So, now that I've divulged that bit of my life, tell me something no one knows about you."

"I'd rather show you, when we have some free time."

"Avoiding the question then?" she asked with a sly grin.

"No, I simply have something in mind to share with you. If you need an answer now, then… no one knows my name-day."

"And? That would be?"

"It's passed, but it was the eighth of Cloudreach."

"That wasn't very long ago. I wish you had mentioned it then. We could have had a party!" she said with all the gleefulness of a youthful girl.

"Maker, no," he said, waving his hands about. "I don't need attention like that."

"Then we'll celebrate it during Wintersend."

"Please don't," he begged, trying to blink away an image of himself slugging back pints at the Herald's Rest with her companions.

"Oh, fine. How about we celebrate alone, just me and you?"

"That would be preferable."

Unbidden, she yawned and stretched and yawned again. "I'm sorry. I'm a bit tired."

"I understand. It's been a long day. I could use a good night's rest as well."

"Would you mind if we called it a night? I mean, I don't want to, but I'm hitting a wall."

"No worries. I have an early morning. Oh, and so do you. We have a War Council meeting at sun up."

"Maker. Why so early? I'm sure it's because Leliana and Josephine have no life whatsoever and live for these barely social moments." She sat back and half-pouted.

"I can change the time if you need more sleep," he said.

"That's sweet, but no. I won't be the bad guy here."

He tilted his head and offered a smile. "You could never be the bad guy, Evie. It's just not in you."

"If you say so." She blushed a thousand shades of pink then and the next words rushed from her lips. "Walk me home?" she asked. "It's late and dark by now. No one will question it."

"Of course I will. My lady." He offered her his arm. "And just so you know, I don't care if somebody questions it."

She took his arm, twining her fingers through his boldly. "Neither do I."

Evelyn approached the door to the blacksmith's workshop and heard shouting voices, one of which sounded like Cassandra's. "You give yourself too little credit!"

"If I'm unable to fulfill what vows I've kept, then nothing good has come of this. You'd rather save face? That is not acceptable to me."

Oh, no. Her heart sank. Cullen had had a crisis of faith since she saw him the previous night. She'd thought he was doing so well with the lyrium withdrawal, but they never discussed it. A pang in her chest spoke to her concern as to why he shared this with Cassandra though. Didn't he trust her yet? She'd asked him to share his feelings, his insecurities, and after she told him about Jameson, she thought he'd look to her in a moment of need, not one of their friends.

She marched up the stairs and spied Cassandra and Cullen locked in a heated stare. When she walked forward to stand between them, Cullen looked away from Cassandra and hung his head briefly.

"Forgive me, Inquisitor. This was… I'm sorry." He left the room, his demeanor equally defeated and resigned.

"And people say I'm stubborn," Cassandra announced as he descended the stairs.

"What's going on here?" Evelyn asked her.

"He told you that he stopped taking lyrium, did he not?"

"He did and I fully support him. It's a brave thing to do."

"I agree. But he asked me to replace him as Commander, concerned over some lingering feelings of weakness, as he called them. Of course I refused. It would destroy him, and I could not, in good faith, allow that. He's merely suffering from a moment of doubt."

"But why didn't he come to me?" she blurted, trying to hide her discomfort, but failing miserably.

Cassandra's disposition softened, her hand resting on Evelyn's shoulder. "We had an agreement long before you joined us. Besides, he wouldn't want to risk your… disappointment. He cares for you too much to allow you to pity him."

"I would never pity him, Cassandra."

"I know that, but men see things in a very different light than women."

"I'm sure we can change his mind," Evelyn said enthusiastically. "Come with me and we'll talk to him."

"I've said all I can say on the matter. But you… if anyone can convince him otherwise, it's you. He trusts you. Implicitly. And dare I say, he feels more for you than even he realizes. One word from you will mean the world to him."

"How can you be so sure? I don't feel as though he takes my word any more seriously than Sera's! And I don't want to inadvertently push him away."

"Inquisitor. Evelyn. He's a reasonable man most days. Have faith. You are more than a leader in his eyes. You are… a benefactor, a friend. The woman he… well, I think he loves you." Cassandra patted her shoulder and motioned for the door. "He will listen to you."

"You are far too romantic for your own good, you know. No more of Varric's tales."

"Varric's tales are nonsense, I realize. But hopeful nonsense nonetheless." Cassandra pulled her into an unexpected hug. "Cullen will listen to you. Just… be honest yet gentle with him. He is an introspective and sensitive man."

"I know he is." Evelyn sighed. "Maker help me."

"Help yourself Inquisitor. But let the Maker guide you."

"Thank you, Cassandra. You are a true friend."

"As are you."

She shuddered as she walked away from the unexpected amity, repeating lines that would make Cullen feel comfortable and confident when all she really wanted to do was to lie naked in his arms, sharing emotions and secrets like lovers. Selfish, yes, but honest. Not that she'd mention that bit when she entered his office.

A/N: And here's a short chapter. Not beta'd either. My thanks to all who alert/fav/review. It means so much to me. The muse has been hiding. All the time. I'm trying to break through. Hugs to Zute and Biff for their encouragement. They are the best. :)