It had all started innocently enough. A new Pocketed Monstrosities had come out, and having not played one in quite some time, getting one of these new ones (Beginning Cobalt and Ending Crimson, for all the curious types out there) seemed like a good a way as any to see how things had come. Sweet little Rom and Ram had been working hard to promote their new game, and as their (self-proclaimed) honorary big sister, why, how could she possibly not see what all the fuss was about?

She pre-ordered a copy of the game, no shame at all that she was supporting her competition, and happily awaited the release date, passing the time with her usual assortment of games and anime in the meantime. When it came time for the game to release, she was even just a bit hesitant.

Had she gotten "too old" (relatively, of course, because she looked and felt as young as she had when the first game came out — the perks of being a goddess and all) for these games? Would she not enjoy herself? Would she be wasting her valuable grinding time on a game she wouldn't even like...!?

Such concerns might seem small for someone in her position to have, but it was thanks to her and the other goddesses using their positions as they had and achieving a state of peace that they had earned such things... Plus, well, it was Vert. She would always, even if just in the back of her mind, be thinking about such things.

Luckily for Vert, such concerns ended up being proven totally unwarranted. Upon starting the game, a wave of glee unlike anything video games had given her in years suddenly washed over her. It was like... she was the little sister! What kind of spell had those sweet little twins in Lowee cast on this game?

For many hours, Vert found herself unable to put the game down. Exploring the world in exciting new graphics, playing with her Pocketed Monstrosities in the new play area of the game, and so much more. Every single thing was like new and it was all so much fun!

But then, just after arriving to the third main city in the game...

"Hmm? What's that? Oh... How cute!"

Wild POSICHU appeared!

Vert met her match.

She had been enjoying the game just fine until she had encountered this creature. A little mouse, part of a pair, and one of the many cute mascots of the series.

It was also just downright adorable. As soon as she saw it, she knew. Vert had to have one of her very own and she had to have it that instant.

Without any delay, she sent out one of her loyal Plant-type Monstrosities and made quick work of the sweet little mouse. With a trained throw of a ball — that is, the usual pressing of the same sequence of buttons...

POSICHU has been captured!

Now that the deed was done, Vert had to pause.

Give a nickname to the captured POSICHU?

The CPU considered this. She nicknamed all of her Pocketed Monstrosities — how could she not? — but she was stumped this time. Posichu was one of a set. It and Negachu were always supposed to be together, though Vert knew, curse the industry for this, that Negachu was actually exclusive to the version of the game she didn't get... but she still couldn't very well name this adorable creature without its sibling in mind!

But what could she possibly name it? It wasn't like she knew of any adorable pairs of twins offhand to use as a referen...

Vert's eyes lit up as her glee was restored and inspiration hit her. She withdrew her trusty stylus and tapped in the three most important letters she would ever hope to tap in this game — she just knew it!

R a m _

Ram has been sent to BOX 1!

Feeling accomplished with herself, Vert set to navigating her character out of the tall grass so she could rush back to town and see her new addition for herself. She could hardly contain herself! She just-

A noise stopped her. Her years of gaming experience forced her desire to break into the Monstrosity Hospital to see her new baby to a screeching halt.

This game had included a unique new feature that allowed for players to manually go on the hunt for desired Monstrosities. Using this feature, they could for the first time hear cries from wild Monstrosities like they were really there in the wild, or even seek them out of the tall grass at will after capturing just one! It was a feature Vert had only used sparingly until now, but...

But...

But...!

The noise that stopped her was none other than the cry of yet another Posichu.

Thus... Vert faltered. How could she not?

She... She didn't need two Rams... She needed one Ram and one Rom. Then she would hug them and love them and never ever let them go, because Blanc wouldn't let her do it to the real Ram and Rom after the "touch screen" incident a few months ago. Oh how she regretted those wonderful few minutes now...

"I-I'll just see what kind of attacks it has. Oh, and if it has a different ability, that's important too! And I want her to have the best possible stats as well... Oh, and since catching things gets experience points now, it's just as good as grinding!"

After all... While she didn't need two Rams...

Ram has been sent to BOX 1!

Shouldn't her one Ram be the best Ram of all the Rams?

Ram has been sent to BOX 4!

As any gamer knows, though...

Ram has been sent to BOX 18!

"No, not this one either... Where are you, my perfect little sister? Where aaaaaare yoooou~?"

Ram has been sent to BOX 35!

Once you set a specific goal like this for yourself, you might just begin to lose track of everything else.

Ram has been sent to BOX 43!

At least until you accomplish that goal anyway.

Ram has been sent to...

Blanc stared at her computer screen.

She had to be misreading this review.

There was simply no way someone had actually sent in this review for her sisters' new game and meant it.

It was not possible that someone this insane existed.

... but regretfully, as adorable as the Monstrosities and player characters look in 3D, the game's difficulty is a sticking point I cannot avoid mentioning. I found myself quickly reaching the maximum level of 1000 before even the third major boss battle, which was a major disappointment for me. I can understand making the game more accessible for younger players, but this was simply too much. At least the Monstrosities are very cute, as always, just like the lovely girls behind the games, sadly cuteness that I can't cuddle and dress up only goes so far, and as nice as the feature to do so in the game was, it is not the same as being able to do so in real life.

I give Pocketed Monstrosities Beginning Cobalt a 2.5 out of 5

Just to be sure, Blanc quickly opened up the Tulipedia page (named after an early Pocketed Monstrosity, Tuliplesio) that covered the area the reviewer specifically mentioned near the end there... and she was still stumped. No, she wasn't stumped. She was in abject denial.

She refused to believe someone had written this. No human being, no sentient creature, could have possibly strung these words together to form these sentences. It didn't happen. it couldn't. It had to have been written by a really lucky Horsey Kong. This was one of those the one in a million "monkey sits down at a laptop and writes something that can be read" things she had heard about.

After all...

"What kind of friggin lunatic gets to level 1000 in an area that doesn't even have anything above level 12!? There's no way someone like that exists!"

Across the world, the lunatic that supposedly could not exist was wearing a bright smile, stylus at the ready and happily feeding her prized Posichu its favorite flavor of Monstrosiblocks, getting her ready for her next big contest appearance.

"My, and it didn't even take 2000 tries to get you. Now open wide, Ram! Aaaaah~!"

Perhaps...

Perhaps lunatic was an appropriate description of Lady Green Heart after all...