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A VOW TO BREAK THE TEARS
by: Cherrie
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The ghastly, midnight blue darkness of the elegant hotel room was all that Leorio saw, his eyes all but alive from their blinded state. Everything around him was still, except for the constantly moving curtains that lined the opened windows, which brought several gusts of cold, piercing wind to run through his motionless body. The silence was merely broken by the constant dripping of what seemed to be coming from the bathroom faucet. He didn't bother getting up to turn it off though, he even thought that the insistent sounds were the only consolation he had to comfort him through his listless state.

He felt terrible for some reason. He didn't feel like moving, nor did he feel like studying like he usually would. The thick book that laid open on his study table was left alone for hours now, not at all receiving much attention from its owner. The rectangular piece of cardboard that served as as bookmark rested on the red carpeted floor. It didn't matter that the page from which it had come from was now lost. Nothing anymore mattered as far as the doctor was concerned.

There was a maddening ache in his chest as he stared out at the starless skies of the night. Everything seemed so dim, so empty and so drained. Even the moon and stars that were supposed to comfort him now hid from him in their coldness, reminding him more of his grief instead of making him feel better.

How many weeks had passed since the life in him left? He had lost count. He forgot how in hell he fell on that inviting and soft bed, how he had somehow laid his aching head on the smooth pillow, and how everything else slipped from his mind. All that he could remember now were the memory of cold blue eyes, turned away as if avoiding his gaze. The voice that rivaled the coldness of winter soon sang its mocking song in his ears, reliving the nightmare all over again.

I'm leaving.

I'm sick and tired of having to live like this. I never really intended to stay with you. What made you think I would?

Did you really think I loved you?

The wounds that those words left in him were still fresh, still hurting. He often wondered how a beauty with the face of an angel could leave such words, sharp enough to kill. How could the very essence of all that is sweet and warm turn bitter and cold in the next second, living him stunned and bleeding from the inside, then turn away as if he had done nothing?

Kurapika...

He missed him so. In his loneliness, he refused to leave the hotel room that the two of them used to share, hoping against hope that his angel would wake up from his dream and come back to him. It didn't matter how expensive the payment would be. He'd rather beg in the streets than to give up. He still waited. Kurapika will come back.

Hours turned to days. Days turned to weeks. On the outside, he remained the same. He still smiled the way he used to, even if he was bleeding from the inside. It seemed as though life had shoved it in his face that he'd have to live with pain. As if he had to get used to it. Everything that he had ever come to love, he seemed to lose. Was fate really that bad? Or was it just because he was careless enough to let them slip from his grasp?

The first time that he had met Kurapika, all that the other had been was a mere boy with a sharp tongue. And yet, he will not deny that he did possess a rare beauty in him. Everything about him seemed to be perfect. His moves all seemed to be a part of a dance, his words a part of a song, his deep, soulful eyes reflecting a pool of endless secrets. And underneath the strong individualist was a sweet person who cares for his friends and was there when he was needed. He knew that he had fallen in love with an angel, and he had given his all just to be able to have him stay by his side.

Did you really think I loved you?

Of course, he didn't instantly believe it when the other came to him. After all, it wasn't everyday that he falls for a man, least of all dream that the other would feel the same way. But perhaps his uncharacteristic naiveté towards the other and all his hopeless dreams had something to do it. He had thought that the other's constant coldness was merely caused by the blindness made by his thirst for vengeance, and he had hoped that once everything was over, he would finally be at peace with him.

It wasn't over yet, that he knew. And yet, it was Kurapika who had approached him, the one who wished to stay. And there he had been, arms wide open and welcoming, taking the other in without even as much as a question why.

It was the comfort made by your companionship that made me come with you. That was all. I never intended for us to last this long. I still have a mission to accomplish, but I gave you this much because I owe you. Keep in mind that from the very beginning, I intended to live through this life alone.

That was it. A payment for all his debts. Not love, not even the slight bit of affection. Everything became clear to him then. Despite the other's touch, he thought he felt his distance. Was it because he never really cared for him the way he wanted him to?

Leorio closed his eyes, wishing all his thoughts away. It didn't help that he dwell in the pain that still ran alive inside his veins, but it seemed as though it was all that he could do. But never had he cried once. He refused to mock himself further for his own naive stupidity. All that he wished to do was lie still and do nothing. Not that he liked to mope around either, but he felt terribly drained for having to suppress everything for so long.

His throat felt dry, and it was difficult to speak. And yet the word that came out of him next was inevitable, as if wishing to come out. "Please," came the coarse whisper. "Come back, because I--"

Words finally died down, his voice giving up from its weary state. Everything was silent. Even the winds and the dripping water seemed to have stopped.

It was an angel who broke through the thick quiet. "Because what?"

Chocolate brown eyes shot open, pain shooting in him at that sudden move. But he gave it no heed, for in a moment, he had turned back, searching beneath the darkness for the source of that smooth, velvety voice.

There was a small, sad smile in those pale lips. Brown met with blue, and Leorio could've sworn he recognized those eyes. Never in his life had he seen anything so beautiful.

He watched as a slender leg took a step forward in what looked like an attempt to walk. The eyes of cerulean blue started to drift closed as a lone hand came up to reach for him. Leorio stood up and ran towards the other, catching him just in time.

A weak yet desperate hold grasped him by the arm, holding tightly onto the sleeves of his heavenly white shirt. The doctor could all but stay still as he felt a cold, shaking hand come up to touch him, one thumb stroking his cheek. The other's voice was shaking when he spoke, his name escaping those trembling lips.

The blonde-haired young man lifted his head, and the surprise that was reflected in the doctor's gaze increased all the more. Those supposedly clear blue eyes were now fogged, sparkling with the smallest sign of tears. Like a child underneath the scrutiny of confusion, the younger one held onto the other to keep himself from falling.

"Forgive me. I-I thought that I could do it alone. I refused to believe that things really mattered. I thought that I didn't need anybody. But--" He bowed his head, hiding himself as if in shame. "--soon, I realized just how--" He was lost for words. The choked sobs that threatened to keep him from breathing now knocked cruelly inside his chest. The older man was all he had to support him. Everything seemed to spin around him, and he laid his head on the other's shoulder to keep himself from fainting. "Please...take me back."

At first, nothing seemed to sink in. But eventually, the tiny tremors that the smaller bundle in his arms made woke him up from his trance, convincing him that it wasn't at all a dream. He shut his eyes. Desperately, he wrapped his weary arms around the other, as tightly as his remaining strength allowed him to. Even though the still mist that lingered in his unclear mind prevented him from understanding it all, it didn't matter.

He missed him so, and he would've done anything to keep the other from pulling away. He felt like he'd die if the other leaves again. He felt so warm, his arms serving as a blanket enveloping his formerly frozen state. Everything just melts away, leaving him and his angel. Nothing else mattered, because despite the painful memory that the other left...

"I still need you."

He came back, and he was holding onto him. And this time, he knew that the words were truly meant.

THE END

*falls dead from the intolerable sap*

I know, I know. It's not exactly my most brilliant one-shot, but I just HAD to write it. *scowls* It seems as though I'm neglecting LeoPika. I admit that I'm more into HisoIllu than LeoPika now for some reason, but I didn't intend to leave my other favorite pair behind. And I write extra sappy fanfics when I feel down *sticks tongue out*. Don't know why though...

Proper ownership belongs to Mr. Yoshihiro Togashi. My eternal bows to the genius that is he.

- Cherrie ([email protected])