Maybe the truth is this.

Maybe Thomas Shelby is a man, just like any other. And maybe, just like any other man, Thomas Shelby makes mistakes.

He doesn't know if he believes in God or Heaven or Hell anymore, isn't quite sure why being faced with death's door always involves a spoken hymn (in the bleak midwinter). But probably if God does exist this is a just and suitable punishment. Something to punish him for all the wrongdoing and wickedness and lies he's managed over the years. Probably it's about time some sort of bad karma caught up to him.

But fuck, he had never expected it to be so cruel.

And maybe that's what makes him a fool.

For all his schemes, for all his planning and effort, maybe there will always be somebody smarter, with more power, with better connections. Maybe no matter how high he climbs, there will always be somebody higher than him.

He doesn't imagine how he could go any lower than in this moment, how he could possibly lose anything more. The horses nicker at him and kick their hooves gently as another person enters the stables. Another two people. His sister Ada, and tumbling along on chubby legs without a care in the world is Charles.

And maybe his earlier thought makes him a fool too.

As Charles gets closer, Tommy rises from his perch and reflexively opens his arms for the boy who falls into them without a second thought. When Ada speaks, her voice is as unwelcome as it is outraged.

"He needs you, you know. Around. Not hidin' with the horses or," she huffs, lingering resentment at still somehow feeling like the sister of a Shelby, but never a Shelby herself carried in the action, "runnin' 'round plottin' whatever it is you're doing."

He doesn't answer her, face expressionless as he tries to keep the razor blade brim of his cap out of his son's grabbing hands. He stares into his son's eyes, wondering simultaneously if there is enough of Grace in him to remember, or too much of her in him to forget. He isn't sure which he'd prefer.

(in the bleak midwinter)

It had been love that brought them here, married, in this house, with this child, and so little time to enjoy it. It had been love that brought them here, and foolishness that put her in the ground. He doesn't think there's much of a difference between the two.

Charles decides to grab at Tommy's coat instead, or maybe he's just trying to get his father to put him down. Tommy clings tighter to his boy, and when he still fails to answer Ada, she sighs again and throws up her arms in frustration. She makes it all the way to the door of the stables before she allows herself to turn back towards the pair.

"You hafta come outta there eventually."

Probably Thomas Shelby really is a fool, because this statement gives him pause. He looks down at his son, and thinks maybe he wants to cry, because maybe then some of the pressure on his chest will be relieved. Maybe then he can go back to convincing himself that he's not just a man. Maybe then he can carry on with plots and conspiracies. Maybe when it's all over, he can actually let himself be just a man.

But probably the truth has always been this: Thomas Shelby is a man and a fool, and just like a foolish man in love, he thought he could have everything.

A/N: Wow, another update after so long! Not quite sure where this came from, and I want to let you all know that I haven't actually seen anything of series three beyond episode one. So the only way I know of Grace dying is through spoilers or something else from the internet, and I really hope I did this justice. I hope if there's any inconsistencies you can forgive me, but I also hope it's vague enough that there really aren't any inconsistencies.

Thanks for reading!