Beatrice

God knows how long I've been curled up into this closet, I'm starting to lose it. He has come by once and thrown a bottle of water at me to make sure I don't die in here but he'd never even consider giving me a scrap of food. I'm trying not to move, as to not aggravate the new cuts on my back but it's really no use. Every breathe is like I'm getting hit again and again. Just adding to the collection of scars I have accumulated over the years.

Sitting here, one thought run through over and over, I need to get out this house, out of his grasp, but that thought at times is scarier than staying. Where would I go? I mean I feel like I don't belong at Abnegation, I'm too selfish, but I don't fit anywhere else. I lie all the time, about why I sometimes limp or have bruises, I am cold and mean, I'm not particularly smart and if I was brave, I would have stepped up to Marcus. I don't belong anywhere and with the aptitude test and choosing ceremony around the corner I'm lost. I know I have to do something though so I'm getting ready. Over the last few months I have been sneaking opportunities to get in shape, doing pushups after my father- no Marcus, has gone to sleep. I lift heavy object, simulating weights, planking for as long as possible, stretch, anything I can think of to get ready. The one flaw in the plan being I don't know what I'm getting ready for. I've gained all this muscle and it might be for the day I stand up to Marcus, could be to help survive the factionless, maybe even a dauntless initiation, but that feels like a dream, seeming somehow fake, like a place away from abuse could never exist.

Finally I'm brought back to the world with a bucket of ice water thrown at my face.

"Get off your ass and mop this up. Then go get dressed, you have the test in an hour," I cringe and cower at every word he says. When I went into the closet I had four days to the test. Four days.

I clean up the mess he made and rush to change. The outfit I'm wearing is torn and bloody. I know I'm starting to cut it close on time so I hurry out the door just for my arm to be caught. Marcus towers over me. I may be 5'9, tall for a girl, but he's 6'5. "What are your results going to be?"

"Abnegation sir," he squeezes my bicep tighter.

"Who are you going to speak to?" His stare is cutting me like a knife.

"No one sir. I will be silent."

"Good I'll see you here immediately after."

And with that I scurry out as fast as I can, getting on the last bus to the Hub.

When I step on I know most people stare. Abnegation are to polity to openly do it but I know I'm getting glances. Candor and Erudite are looking though especially since I have a reputation for disappearing for weeks on end and the papers published don't help to suppress people's suspicions.

Of course, as Abnegation, I stand as the twenty-minute ride goes a long. It gets particularly bumpy as we pass throughout the faction less section, as I almost fall over once. I'm holding onto a rail above my head and am biting the side of my cheek trying not to think about the opening cuts on back from my last beating. It's not that hard though; I've mastered keeping a straight face.

When the ride is finally over I keep my head down and don't make eye contact with anyone. Unfortunately an old friend notices me and comes over.

"Beatrice, it has been so long how are you?" Abigail asks. She and I were best friends for years until Marcus turned into the monster he is today and removed me from society.

"I'm very good and you?" trying to steer the conversation into a dead end. I don't want my father to find out we spoke; it's not worth the repercussions.

"Good, good," well this could not be anymore awkward... "Are you nervous about today?"

Yes "No, it will be fine."

She nods her head and starts to get the hint that talking isn't something I want to be doing at the moment.

"Beatrice, I hope your doing alright. I want you to know that I miss you and always here for you," She says with a slight smile.

I nod but even this little act kills me. Abby and I were so close. She used to know everything about me and she knows something is wrong. The rest of the faction see a perfect man and an unstable daughter but she's sees a broken girl who needs help, but there is nothing she can do. It's in my hands.