A/N: I'm still here! I got inspired to write this because of the doujinshi Luxurien is coloring. We talked about it and she sent me lots of Itachi in different costumes. That was hot and really hilarious. So, this is what comes out of my brain, when I think of Itachi. Oh, and almost forgot. This is crack and contains something that might be called KisaIta.

Kisame's troubling daydreams featuring Uchiha Itachi

Nosebleed Alarm

The first thing about being a Nuke-nin is, and stays, having too much time.

Kisame doesn't have too much obligations. He's not like Kakuzu, always chasing after the next chance of making some money. He's not like Sasori either, who always searches the world for promising materials.

He's a free man, with too much time on his hands, since neither him nor his partner currently has another job other than that what they get from the Akatsuki. That is the reason, why the infamous Kisame is sitting in a cave middle of nowhere, cleaning his grand sword that doesn't really needs to be cleaned.

As his rag strokes over his blade, the calming noise makes him sink into a dreamlike trance. He entertained himself with imagination of battles. He walks his mind though difficult sequences of movements, fighting an imaginary opponent. His first choice is and stays Uchiha Itachi. Having almost defeated Itachi in his imagination, Kisame looks up to his partner who sits at the other end of their cave, his face buried in some scroll he had picked up in the last town.

Suddenly, an image of Itachi being a schoolboy emerges in his mind. As Kisame watches his partner, blinking, he wonders what Itachi would look like if he actually puts on an uniform. Of course, Kisame knows what his partner wears underneath that long coat. But he has never seen Itachi in other clothing, though. Except from his ANBU uniform when they first met.

Closing his eyes, Kisame choose to indulge his fantasy. He chuckles to himself as he imagines Itachi in a school girl uniform. The white and navy would suit his partner well. Itachi is so slender, no doubt he could pass for a pretty girl. Not only that, one that could make all the real school-girls mad with jealousy. Humming, Kisame grins, thinking about Itachi's bare legs and his well-formed ass. Of course, following those images would be the inevitable poses a school-girl makes to impress.

Jumping around and dancing around, Itachi turns and lets his long black hair flow in the magical wind that comes out of no where. With pink hearts and shining stars as background, the school-girl blows Kisame a kiss. Itachi winks, making his long eye-lashes spread sparkles around him. Those big, black eyes gaze up at him, while Itachi puts a finger close to his lips. He gives Kisame a very cute smile as his face blushes furiously. The school-girl Itachi should be shy, Kisame tells himself. It would just be out of character for a school-girl to be bold or direct.

Kisame likes that shy Itachi, that obviously has a crush on him. The innocent girl whispers something Kisame can't hear. But of course he knows that it was a confession of long, hidden love. As he glaces down at his partner dressed like the dream of every man, he tells himself he should act surprised. And respond. He just doesn't have the heart to hurt this cute, little girl. And he can't get enough of his partner dressed like this.

He wants to ask if Itachi has a sister or something, but then remembers that his partner was proficient in Kage-bunshin no jutsu. Another Itachi in school-girl outfit puffs into existence. Gazing, the new Itachi wonders if Kisame would prefer the other. A pout forms on his lips, bringing Kisame into an awkward position where he has to decide between these two identical school-girl Itachis.

What he hell, the thinks. He tells them that he likes both of them and would like any Itachi that shows up. On that mark, many more of his deadly partner in innocent white and navy walks into his view. Suddenly, all he could see were short skirts and creamy white legs. They all watch him like he's some kind of god and only he could save them from their suffering or solitude. Feeling the tension building up very quickly in his loins, Kisame grinned. How the hell should he know which Itachi he prefers. They were all beautiful and they all need him.

As he hesitates, one Itachi starts talking to another, telling him or her with all the intensity of sex-crazed school-girl that Kisame belongs only to him or her. Another steps in, disagreeing. One smart Itachi gathers his courage and throws himself at Kisame, making the big Nuke-nin catch him and hold him in his arm. He can almost really feel the warmth that body causes in him and wants to lick those pink lips. Having one Itachi daring the first step, other Itachis followed. Before Kisame knows what happened, he's surrounded by many eager school-girls, all fighting for his attention.

He swears that he would have a sore cock after today.

As he places one hand on one Itachi's ass, he could almost cum at that instant. It feels so good. He lets his hand wander under Itachi's short skirt and snaps the quill-panty. Something hot drops from his nose and Kisame doesn't care. He is distracted by another Itachi whispering at his ear, saying very naughty things in very innocent words.

He ignores the furious blush in his own face. Never before in his live has any girl said such things to him. But he is the man here, dammit. He must not show any sign of weakness. This innocent girl, these girls depend on him and probably expect him to be way more experienced. He has to give that boy or girl an unforgettable first time. He grins at the Itachi in his arm, acting all cool and matured. He wraps one arm around Itachi's slender waist and pulls him closer. His whole concentration was on this one now, seeing only his partner in a fantasy.

"I will climb you like a tree, Kisame-sama," School-girl Itachi whispers, blushing just as hard as the shark.

"How about you sit in my lap instead, Itachi-chan?" He feels very manly right now.

The school-girl obeys reluctantly, raising slender fingers near his mouth as if wondering if that is okay. Kisame pulls him onto his lap and immediately moans because it was amazing. He wants Itachi in his lap, admiring him as if he's gorgeous. He has Itachi's lean arms around his neck and leans back against the stone. Oh, he will fuck this little one until Itachi begs for mercy. Wouldn't that be great?

He notices that this little Itachi is very close to his mouth, apparently licking at the drool he has on the corner of his mouth. Itachi's hot tongue was the most arousing thing in his life. He hears Itachi give out a surprised gasp, knowing that it is because Itachi has felt his already hurting cock. He grinned, like a man would in his situation. Just when he's about to put it out, showing this school-girl Itachi what's awaiting him, he feels darkness growing around him.

Looking up, Kisame almost screamed. The army of Itachis around him are all glaring at him, emitting the killing intent of hundreds of hungry girls that has been left aside. Their faces are darkened by shadows and their eyes burning with fire. They all look like they would butcher him if he doesn't take them as well. A faint sound comes from them, like they were all muttering some incantation. He could swear that they were summon a demon to kill him.

Maybe this school-girl fantasy wasn't so good. He was a legendary warrior indeed, but he's still scared of the intensity of rejected school-girls.

He shakes his head quickly, trying to dissolve his fantasy. It's harder than said, in both matters. He opens his eyes, trying to see the real world and not that crazy place that is about to become either an orgy or a slaughter house. He breaths out when he finally managed to make theses school-girls puff out of existence one by one. It's strange, because he even encouraged himself into imagining the one Itachi on his lap crying because he has to go now.

He must be seriously bored, Kisame thinks.

"Kisame," Itachi's deep voice does nothing to kill his mood. The raven stood right before him, towering over the shark. His cloak is casually pulled over his slender shoulders, allowing Kisame to see Itachi's long legs. His eyes follows Itachi's form, to his thighs and then loins and up to his chest, and finally to his face. The Uchiha doesn't stir, his red eyes fixing Kisame to his spot but carrying no real accusation.

"Yes, Itachi-san?" He has to bid on his tongue. He almost let "Itachi-chan" slip. That might have been his death sentence.

"It feels like a storm is headed our way," The Uchiha said, casually looking at the entry of the cave. "We should seek more suitable refuge before it reaches us. I have no intention of being trapped in here for the night."

"I agree." Honestly, Kisame has no idea what Itachi was talking about. He still has difficulty getting rid of the school-girl Itachi image in his head. They are persistent, he curses. And his cock his hurting because it was hard beyond reason. Right now, he's just glad that Samehada is obscuring the view.

"No reason to linger, then." The Raven turns on the spot, making his hair fly around.

It reminds Kisame of the Itachi against a pink background and blowing him a kiss. Instantly, he felt the release he has been yawning for. He barely has time to press his lips together, suffocating the grunt that was coming from deep down him. It was really good for he didn't even touch himself. The power of the Uchiha, he mused. Even as an imagination, he could bring Kisame pleasure.

Yet, coming in his pants as a grown man was beyond embarrassing. Looking up at the raven, Kisame almost sighed aloud for the Uchiha keeps his back on him. He has paused in his stride, but doesn't turn around. Kisame watches Itachi take a breath and tilt his head a little. Then, the object of his fantasy simply walks away, like nothing has happened.

He swears to himself, the first thing he would do when they find a hotel was jerking off until nothing was inside him anymore. If Itachi only knew what was in his mind, Kisame was sure the other members of Akatsuki would have Sushi for dinner today.

Thank you for reading.

I'm planning on writing more of this. So if there's a costume you want Kisame to fantasize about... ^^ (You know how what to do. :-D)