Real or Not Real - Everlark as Joshifer Drabble 3

Well, I officially declare my brain ruined. This little drabble hit me after the NYC fan event on Saturday, November 15th. Katniss has just as hard of a time reacting to what is real and not real on the screen as Jennifer does.

Happy Sunday and Happy Reading!

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Katniss walked inside the dressing room and slammed the door behind her.

"Goddammit all!" she swore as she shoved bottles and papers off the vanity, making space for her elbows as she balanced her head on her knuckles. She did not react to the smashing sounds of glass against the floor.

"God-fucking-dammit," she whispered to herself again. She remained in that attitude - chest heaving, head cradled heavily in her small hands, right leg bouncing maniacally under the dressing room table.

After several long moments, there was a swift rapping at the door behind her. The subtle creaking of unoiled hinges announced the visitor. Katniss didn't lift her head. She knew who it was. All her senses told her what her eyes did not need to confirm. He stood quietly behind her, perhaps contemplating her position, before she felt his warm arms wrap around her. Knowing her as well as he did, he didn't say anything and simply waited for her to get herself under control before she spoke.

"What is so wrong with playing a fucking blank tape during that scene? I don't need to see you…" here her voice faltered. She swallowed hard in response, getting control of herself, "...I don't need to see you...that way...over and over again."

"Plutarch wants you to react as naturally as possible. He's the director after all." Peeta squeezed her shoulders gently. "And might I remind you that it is just a movie?"

Katniss jerked her head up and stared at Peeta's reflection in the mirror. "How would you feel if you had to watch me suffering, in pain, over and over and over and over again, on continuous loop? How would you like it if you had to watch me get beaten or starved, not once, but repeatedly and know that there was nothing you could do about it? You just have to sit there and suck it up and endure it and perform, like a circus animal!"

"But you didn't see me get beaten or starved. It's just me, on the screen…"

"Peeta!" she turned around, her grey eyes wide with misery. "How do you think people in real life get to look that way! I know in my head that it's not real but, dammit if my heart doesn't break and grieve every time I have to see you like that." She laughed mirthlessly, raising her hands in exasperation. "Is it too much to ask that you not be such a good actor?"

Peeta knelt before her, holding her trembling, clammy hands in his own larger ones. The look of tenderness he gave her disarmed her and brought her even closer to tears, though she'd spent the last seven takes crying at a television screen. "This is why you are the most brilliant actress of your age. You can jump in and out of a scene with an ease bordering on genius. Coriolanus Snow is right to be agog over you and sing your praises to anyone who will listen," he smiled before bringing her frigid fingers up to his lips and blowing warm air over them.

"That has nothing to do with it…" she spat angrily. "I can't...I can't watch my baby suffer like that and not be devastated."

Peeta shook his head. "But it isn't real."

"Oh, for shit's sake, Peeta! Somewhere, in the history of the world, maybe at this very moment, some poor girl has had to watch the love of her life tortured and reduced to a walking corpse before her eyes and it doesn't end when the director calls 'cut'!" Kantiss couldn't stem the tears, though she was, until then, convinced she had no more left to shed. "I feel that person's agony, I want to reach through that screen and keep you safe and I can't." Her shivering became tremors that moved visibly through her body. "Because you're so far beyond my power. How does anyone live with that? How does a person survive that?" At that, she allowed her tears to fall unchecked.

Peeta studied her in shock before his face gave way to something like awe and joy. He pulled her towards him to kiss her tear-drenched lips, watching as her eyes fluttered closed to receive him before he pulled back.

"The love of your life?" he whispered against her lips. Katniss' eyes opened slowly, her gaze unguarded, and full of the answers he sought. She simply nodded her head.

"You love me, real or not real?" he persisted, and there was nothing flippant or clever as he said it. The question was as authentic as the agony in Katniss' chest or the wonder on his face.

Katniss pushed him backwards until they were both on the ground, her lips falling over his, crashing down, her tongue demanding entrance. When she had kissed him to a state of near collapse, she pulled back, holding his head in both her hands so that he wouldn't miss that one single word.

"Real."