A/N: Wrote this in the wee hours of the cold morning. The song If Heaven by Andy Griggs had been my companion. Also, I am a big fan of the ShiraYuki pairing. Warning: it could get tragic from here.

Undying Disclaimer: All characters belong to Takeshi Konomi.

If Heaven

If heaven was an hour it would be twilight

When the fireflies start their dancing on the lawn

And supper's on the stove and mama's laughing

And everybody's working day is done

The sun was dying out well before the day. From his hospital room, Yukimura watched the sunset bathe the skies in tinges of deep orange and vermilion. He could feel his time was almost up.

Rikkai Dai had just left after visiting their captain at the hospital. The scene was all too familiar for them but it scared them to see Yukimura in the hospital again. Despite the team's growing apprehension, Yukimura knew they tried their best to hide their worries from him. They were all smiles, even Sanada, who patted him reassuringly at the back. Niou, ever the trickster, tried to make him laugh with every trick he could think of conjuring. Marui propped himself next to Yukimura's night table, offering him one sweet treat after another. Kirihara sat beside his captain on the bed, telling him how much he wanted to be the best tennis player and saying that he would need Yukimura's guidance all the way. The presence of Yanagi, Yagyuu and Jackal were more than enough to bring cheer to the otherwise somber ambiance of the room.

If heaven was a town, it would be my town

Oh, on a summer day in 1985

And everything I wanted is out there waiting

And everyone I loved is still alive

Shiraishi arrived a few minutes after the Rikkai Dai regulars had gone. He came through the door, a smile spread across his face as he greeted Yukimura. After making sure his lover was comfortable and had everything he needed, Shiraishi sat down beside him and they held hands as they would often do.

Yukimura remembered the first time he came to Osaka as Shiraishi's significant other. It was summer then and he remembered every spot they visited. He especially liked it at the beach. They sat down on the sand together, planning activities they could do as a couple. They watched as the sea made waves after waves, and they talked of how endless the possibilities seemed for them. They had their whole lives ahead of them, and they planned to be together every step of the way. Shiraishi promised Yukimura that his love for him was as vast and deep as the sea. Every promise they made seemed so alive back then.

Don't cry a tear for me now, baby

There comes a time we all must say goodbye

And if that's what heaven's made of

You know I, I ain't afraid to die

For the first time since Yukimura's relapse, Shiraishi let tears flow from his eyes. Yukimura clutched his lover's hands tightly and showered his face with kisses. Don't cry, Suke, don't cry. Yukimira couldn't stand to see him so pained.

Every smile that came from Shiraishi's lips was enough to make Yukimura forget the pain in his body. Shiraishi was his strength; he was the rock that steadied him, the Bible that inspired him to keep on fighting for love. Shiraishi's love was the reason Yukimura's heart never gave up. Shiraishi was his very lifeline. How could Yukimura ever leave him behind?

If heaven was a pie, it would be cherry

So cool and sweet and heavy on the tongue

And just one bite would satisfy your hunger

And there'd always be enough for everyone

He remembered Shiraishi surprising him with a delectable cake he himself baked specifically for Yukimura's birthday. Shiraishi was good at a lot of things but he always made extra effort for Yukimura. Yukimura only enjoyed sweets occasionally but that cake was something special. He loved every morsel Shiraishi spooned into his mouth. He savored the exquisite taste because every bite held the proof of Shiraishi's constant affection for him.

If heaven was a train, it sure would be a fast one

That could take this weary traveler 'round the bend

If heaven was a tear, it'd be my last one

And you'd be in my arms again

That night, Yukimura was in so much pain already that, for the first time, he completely entertained the thought of dying. He hoped death would be swift. He hoped to feel no more of the pain. His body was weakening every moment and it was only a matter of time before it would give away entirely.

If he likened life to a fabric, Yukimura knew that every strand had already been severed. The tear in the fabric was much too large already but a single strand remained steadfast, never letting go, never letting the fabric be torn all the way off. That strand was his Shiraishi. Only Shiraishi's voice could tug at his heart the way it did.

He wanted to cry and cry and cry until there were no more tears left. He could feel a strong sense of sleep pulling at him. But Yukimura did not want to close his eyes, not yet. For one last night, one last time, he wanted to be with Shiraishi. Yukimura wanted to hold him in his arms; he wanted to listen to Shiraishi's steady heartbeat.

Yukimura found himself thinking, if you're going to cry, my darling Shiraishi, please let it be tears of joy. You're alive and cradled in my love.

Don't cry a tear for me now, baby

There comes a time we all must say goodbye

And if that's what heaven's made of

You know I, I ain't afraid to die

He was most worried for Shiraishi. The Shitenhouji captain was remarkably strong but Yukimura knew that Shiraishi loved him too much. He didn't want to break his heart. He didn't want to go, but he had to say good bye.

He gazed at the sleeping face of the man beside him. Shiraishi insisted on staying at the hospital. Not once did he ever leave Yukimura's side. His breathing was soft, Yukimura noted, as he lifted a hand towards Shiraishi's cheek. He let his fingers glide, outlining every line on Shiraishi's face – the arch of his eyebrows, the bridge of his nose, the contours of his lips, his jaw line.

He was going to miss this face, this person so, so much. Yukimura felt hot tears stinging his eyes until a drop descended his cheek. One drop, two drops, three, and Yukimura was sobbing uncontrollably. He made sure not to make a sound so as not to awaken Shiraishi. He bent his body forward, enough to land a last kiss on Shiraishi's forehead. I'm sorry I have to leave, Yukimura whispered, I love you so much, Kuranosuke.

Yeah, if that's what heaven's made of

You know I, I ain't afraid to die

Maybe in heaven, Yukimura hoped, they could resume their love.

END