(A/N) Well, it finally happened...just as I always knew it would happen when it did happen. I have been dragged, kicking and screaming into the Supernatural fandom...and this little fic here is the result. Well...let's go for a drive and see where we end up.

Warning: There is some dubcon/noncon in this first chapter, but it's not very graphic, all things being even. That comes later.

The Rose of Sharon

Chapter 1: If I Should Die Before I Wake...

A month.

It had been a month since Dean Winchester's death...a month since he'd walked out of the bunker, leaving them nothing but a note. Both Sam and Castiel had received calls from Crowley, but to hear the truth from him was somehow almost worse.

Castiel made a point not to think of the brief time that had elapsed between learning of Dean's death and learning of his resurrection as a demon. He had experienced a great deal of sorrow in his long life, but in the moment Metatron had told him Dean was dead, he had felt a horrible pain grip his heart...a pain unlike anything he'd ever known. However brief that time had been, it had well and truly been his darkest moment.

In those last few weeks, he and Sam had been canvasing the country, searching desperately for any sign of Dean, but so far he and Crowley had eluded them. Sam was currently pursuing a lead on the West Coast while he and Hannah were following up on a tip in Iowa. He wasn't completely sure why, but Hannah insisted on sticking with him. Something about him not taking proper care of himself...as if he mattered at all. Nothing was more important to him than saving Dean, not even his own barely flickering grace.

After getting off the phone with Sam from their weekly check-in call, the angel found himself leaning heavily against his car, breathing a sigh of frustration and exhaustion. He'd never been more determined, but at the same time, he'd never been closer to giving up hope.

Dean, I don't know how much longer I can last...but I cannot die yet. There's one more thing I need to do before I die. There's something I need to say to you...and I cannot die with it unsaid. You must know...how much I-

Castiel was fairly certain that whatever Hannah was saying was important, but he had to admit he stopped listening the moment he heard Dean's voice in his head.

Hey! Angelface!

"Dean?" he whispered in shock, immediately standing up from the car. He could see Hannah turning to him in surprise, see her mouth forming words, but he couldn't hear her. All he could hear was Dean fucking Winchester's damnable, blessed voice.

Oh, good. You can hear me. I didn't think this whole prayer shenanigan was gonna work anymore.

Cas wanted to feel relief at hearing Dean's voice again, wanted some kind of reassurance after the weeks of agony and not knowing, but instead of being relieved, all he could feel was harsh, icy fear. This person speaking to him...he had Dean's voice, but it somehow wasn't him. This was not the man that he knew...that he cared for. Something was different...wrong...horriblywrong.

Even so, even knowing that something awful had happened and that it was downright foolish to fly to Dean as fast as he could, that was exactly what he did. Without saying a word to Hannah, he turned on the spot and was just gone.

At first, he didn't understand what had happened. All he knew was that he was completely drained and couldn't even summon the energy to remain upright when he reappeared. He collapsed to the floor, too weak to move.

"Huh. Didn't know you could still do that, Angelface," the familiar and unfamiliar voice said from somewhere above him. "How much grace did you burn up pullin' that little stunt?"

"What...just happened?" the angel barely managed to make himself ask, fighting to sit up and failing. When he finally managed to blink his eyes open, he found Dean sitting across from him on a bed. They looked to be in some motel room or other. The former hunter just smirked at him as he tossed the First Blade up and down. Castiel found he couldn't hold the gaze of those black eyes for very long. They just weren't Dean.

"Oh, Castiel, if you don't know, I sure as Hell don't. I was expectin' to have to wait a bit longer for you to get to me, but hey, here you are. We can talk now."

"Dean, what...what happened to you?" he heard himself asking. "First you're dead, then you're a demon. I don't...what happened?"

"Don't sit there and act like you don't know. You knew this would happen. Didn't you. Castiel?" the demon pressed as he stood from the bed, each syllable sharp with accusation. Even though he laid the First Blade down before beginning to move toward him, Cas was no less afraid. He tried to move back. Couldn't. He was as weak as a kitten after that unexplained teleport: weak, frightened...and guilt-ridden.

"No!" he tried to argue as Dean knelt in front of him, black eyes glittering in the dim light from the single lamp. "I didn't know what would happen. I tried to stop it. I couldn't-"

"Save your breath, angel," Dean snapped at him, seizing his collar and slamming him back against the wall. Cas heard the crack of his head against the hard surface more than he felt the pain of it. "Fuck knows you ain't got many of 'em left. So we shouldn't waste time. I didn't call you here to put you on trial."

"You...prayed to me," Cas whispered through the blinding pain that had hold of his head.

"What?"

"You prayed...to me," he repeated, though Dean's face was swimming in and out of focus before his eyes. "How?"

"Wasn't easy. Take the pain you're feelin' now and multiply that by a hundred. That's what it felt like. I honestly didn't think it'd work, but now I've got you here, so we can get on with things."

"What things?"

Dean didn't answer him right away. What he did was to drag him across the room and toss him unceremoniously on the bed. Then he was straddling him and holding the First Blade to his throat.

"Castiel, this thing wants me to kill you so bad, you got no idea. Any guesses on why I haven't?"

Unable to bear the black gaze any longer, Cas turned away from him, squeezing his eyes as tightly shut as he could.

"Look at me, angel," he hissed in his ear, flicking his tongue out to lick along the shell of it. Cas' eyes shot open, but he didn't look up.

"No."

"I'm not gonna ask again," he threatened, pressing the blade down just a little more harshly.

"Dean...please..."

"LOOK! AT! ME!" the demon snarled, the fingers of his free hand digging sharply into the Angel's arm, forcing Cas to look up. "There. That's better. So you don't wanna guess why I'm not slittin' your throat? Huh, Angelface?"

"Nothing you say will matter," he said, trying to summon up as much righteous anger as he could manage, though his predominant emotion at the moment was pain...a soul-deep agony over what had become of this man. "You are not Dean Winchester!"

The demon leered down at him as he shifted the blade away, laying it down beside the angel's head. Then he moved in his now free hand to run a strangely gentle thumb along his jawline. "That's right. Keep tellin' yourself that. Tell yourself you're some virtuous warrior of God who got defiled by a demon from the Pit. Tell yourself you tried to fight. Tell yourself whatever you need to hear so you won't have to think about how much you enjoyed this."

"What...what are you going to do?" Cas couldn't quite stop himself from asking, even though he knew...of course he knew. He knew what this meant. He had known for a long time – wanted for a long time, but had never had the courage to express that desire. Dean deserved so much better than a broken angel. But this...this was not Dean. If he let this happen...

"Don't play coy with me, Castiel. You know exactly what's gonna happen here tonight, and you know you want it. I've wanted it, too. I've just been too much of a pussy before now to do anything about it. But you know what I decided after a few beers? Fuck that. That Dean's gone. I'm takin' what I want, Angelface, and what I want is you...screamin' my name while I fuck you," he said before seizing Cas' lips in a harsh, demanding kiss.

In that moment, Castiel was almost relieved that he couldn't move...because he didn't want to know what he would have done had he had the use of his arms. Would he have fought back...or would he have returned that embrace just as hungrily, pouring forth years of unspent, unspoken longing? Even knowing that Dean wasn't in his right mind, that he was no more able to consent to this than he was, would he have gone willingly into the other man's arms? He couldn't know...and he feared to know. So he pushed all thought of consent and choice from his mind, allowing himself a single, tiny spark of joy as he and Dean kissed. Likely, it was the last he would ever know. When the demon pulled away from him, he could already feel tears pricking at his eyes.

"Dean...please...don't do this," he begged quietly, not able to look away as Dean pulled off the jacket and shirt he was wearing. He smirked down at him as he boastfully bared his muscles for him.

"And yet there you lay, eyeballin' me like a kid in a candy shop. Like what you see, angel?" he asked mockingly as he leaned forward again, subtly grinding his hips against Cas'. He could already feel how hard Dean was, and as much as he didn't want this to happen, he could feel his own body responding in kind. The way the demon's leer shifted told him he could feel him rising to meet him. "Guess you kinda gave yourself away with that one. I know you're not gonna tell me you don't want this," he said, grinding a little more fiercely as he pushed the coat from Cas' shoulders.

"No...I do want this. You can't know just how long I've wanted this. But Dean, this can't happen...not like this," he struggled to explain as Dean propped him up against the headboard, working to remove the rest of his clothing. As he worked, he laughed.

"Not like this? What are you? Some little virgin still hopeful about her first time? Better drop those thoughts right now...or it's only gonna hurt more," he warned him, and before he began to pull the angel's pants down he glanced up at him briefly, and Castiel was almost certain it was only wishful thinking, but he thought, just for a moment, he might have seen those demon eyes soften.

"Dean, please! It isn't myself I'm worried about. If you do this...you'll regret it forever. I have no wish to be the cause of that."

"So fight back, Angelface," he challenged, taking in the sight of the angel spread out naked beneath him with appreciative eyes. "Oh, that's right. You can't. You're too weak."

"Dean-"

"Why do you keep sayin' my name like that? Hopin' for a miracle, maybe? Think I'll hear my lover's voice and just magically wake up from all this? Gotta stop livin' in the past, Castiel. Not gonna be any raising from Perdition this time," he said as he undid his belt and unzipped his pants, baring himself with a sneer.

Cas swallowed heavily before looking up into those soulless black eyes once more, steeling himself for what he knew was coming. "I know...you are no longer Dean Winchester...but...you prayed to me. That shouldn't have been possible. I have seen Dean do the impossible and if anyone could retain their soul after becoming a demon, I believe he could. I speak now to whatever part of him remains. I will get you back. My faith is with you, Dean...always...no matter what happens," he declared before closing his eyes and leaning his head back, prepared for whatever the demon was going to do to him.

I am ready.

Dean didn't speak after that. He just fell on top of Cas, leaving no inch of him unravished. Preparation was painful at first and their coupling was rough and harsh, but as he slowly regained the use of his hands, he found himself clinging to Dean with all the strength he could muster. It wasn't much, but he clung to every moment of pleasure the former hunter gave him.

"That's right, angel. Grip me tight," the demon snarled mockingly at him as he thrust into him over and over again.

The angel groaned in both pain and pleasure as he and Dean moved together on the cheap motel bed. He could do nothing but obey; he couldn't not grip this man tight...couldn't not hold him as close as he possibly could while the beast within still allowed it. As painful as it was, he couldn't imagine a more exquisite pleasure.

"Dean...ah...Dean...Dean!" he cried out softly, not screaming as the demon had anticipated, but praying. Each broken cry was a prayer for Dean's safety...for his sanity...his deliverance. It didn't matter whether this prayer was heard or not. All that mattered was that he hold that wish...that resolution...firmly inside of himself.

Castiel felt the burn of the demon seed inside of him when Dean finally finished in him. The pain was awful, near unbearable...like a shot of poison that caused his insides to burn up, but he bore the agony in silence. He expected more taunting from the demon, but was instead shocked when he fell asleep in his arms.

"Dean?" he called softly, worried. He shouldn't need sleep and yet he seemed to have fallen into a very deep sleep, but before the angel could worry anymore, he found that he was also very tired. He didn't know that he'd ever felt this exhausted. Before falling deep asleep himself, he pressed several tender kisses to Dean's face, taking the chance while he still could.

And even in sleep, Castiel held Dean as tightly as he possibly could.

I'm sorry I let this happen...so sorry. But I swear to you...I won't fail again. We'll make this right.

Neither of the sleepers could have known it, but in this act of torment, passion, and love, they had changed the course of the world. No one could have possibly known, but when the two of them awoke, the world would be a very different place. For the first time since the beginning of creation, an angel and a demon had lain down together in love. Even though it had been a moment of agony between the two, an angel and a demon had still fallen together, and something that never should have happened was soon to happen.

XxX

When Sam Winchester had set out on his desperate search for his wayward brother, he had of course expected to face obstacles, but one of the last obstacles he'd expected to step into his path was Hannah.

She approached him when he was exiting a gas station, a desperation about her that one didn't often see in angels.

"Sam Winchester, I need your help."

Sam groaned as he shoved his way past her. "Why don't you shout the name Winchester louder so they can hear it down in the Pit. I'm a little busy right now."

"Please," she continued to press, immediately following after him."I've driven all night. I did not know what else to do."

"Seriously, not right now. Why can't Cas help you? Did you ditch him again?"

"That's why I need your help, Sam. Castiel is missing."

Sam's relentless march toward his car ground to an immediate halt at this. Feeling worry start to rise in his throat, he turned to face the angel. "What are you talking about?"

"Last night, after he got off the phone with you, he vanished."

"What do you mean he vanished?"

"Just what I said. We were talking and he just froze up all of a sudden and his face went completely ashen. He only said one word."

"What did he say?"

"Dean."

At this, Sam felt the fear crawling up his throat harden into a solid lump. "What?" he whispered.

"That's all he said, just your brother's name...as if he'd called out to him. Then he turned as if he meant to look for him and he just disappeared. It was almost as if he'd...flown somewhere," she struggled to explain, trying to brush some of her now unkempt hair out of her face.

"But...that's impossible, isn't it? You guys don't have wings anymore."

"Exactly. If Castiel didn't do this of his own accord, then someone must have taken him. I'm afraid whoever has him...might be hurting him. He hasn't called out to me even once. I have no idea where he is."

"And Heaven can't find him?"

"Of course not. Would I have come to you if this was something we could handle?" she snapped at him.

"Guess not," he murmured absently. The more pressing question for him was why Cas had called out Dean's name. Was it possible that Cas was with his brother? In that scenario, he couldn't guess whether that was a good thing or a bad thing, but he was leaning all the more solidly toward bad thing. Finally, Sam took hold of the angel's arm and led her to his car. "Come on. The only thing we can really do just now is keep following this lead I've got. I'm not-"

Sam's words were cut off when his phone started ringing. He stole a brief glance at the number and froze for a split second.

666.

Crowley.

There was no way this was a coincidence.

"What do you want?" he asked upon answering the phone.

"Ah, Moose, always such a polite child. How's your little angel companion? Out of sorts, I imagine."

"Where's Dean? Where's Cas? What did you do to them?" he demanded.

"Oh, my. And here I thought it was just Squirrel who'd become one of mine. Temper, temper."

"Don't make me ask again, Crowley."

"Nothing, nothing, not a thing. What those two have done, they've done to themselves."

"What the hell are you talking about? What happened?"

"Oh, nothing special. Just what everyone's been saying would happen ever since the pair of them clapped eyes on each other. Only what with dear Squirrel becoming a demon, the results were somewhat...unanticipated, shall we say. I'd advise you make your way to the little lost angel as fast as you can. I daresay he'll be needing your help before too long."

"Where are they?"

XxX

In his first hazy moments of consciousness, Castiel didn't remember that anything was wrong. He was curled up in bed with Dean, cradling him close...and it was only after he'd pressed a kiss to his ear that he remembered exactly why that was wrong.

"Mm, you and my new darling have a fun night, Sleeping Beauty?"

Cas' head snapped up at the sound of Crowley's voice. He looked over to see the King of Hell sitting in a badly-stuffed green armchair on the far side of the room. Without even thinking, the angel shifted into a protective crouch over Dean's still comatose body, even though he recalled distantly that Dean didn't need protection...not from Crowley, leastwise.

"You," he growled quietly.

"Yes, me. Thank you for explaining that to me. I wouldn't have realized it. But do tell, Castiel...how was it?"

"You cannot think to-"

"Oh, but I can. I don't know what the stakes were like in Heaven, but we've had a pot going in Hell for some time now and I upped my ante quite a bit when this whole Mark of Cain business began. Sure enough, the two of you didn't disappoint me. So spill, little angel. Pun not intended, of course," he said, chuckling at his little joke as he got to his feet.

"It is not something you could ever understand, demon," Cas snapped, glaring at Crowley.

"What? Love?" he taunted as he stalked slowly toward the bed. "More blood has been spilled for love than any other cause under the sun. Is that what you'd like me to understand? Besides, you've got a very strange definition of the word if you call what our little squirrel did to you love. Honestly, he's been talking about nothing else but jumping your bones these last few weeks. Bit annoying, really."

Even though Cas knew this was neither the time nor place, he couldn't quite help the faint fluttering sensation he felt in the heart muscle. "He was...talking about me?"

Crowley rolled his eyes in exasperation. "Non. Stop. Everybody he got into bed with, he was on about you afterward. He's had a taste of every girl from here to Albuquerque. A few boys, too. Good thing he finally got that out of his system. But all the things he was saying about you, heh, almost made me want to sleep with an angel again. I shudder to think of how long he's been bottling that up, and now that he's got no inhibitions, well...you can see the results. You should be thanking me, really."

"Thanking you?" Cas repeated incredulously, feeling a spike of pain in his heart. "You want me to thank you for turning Dean Winchester into a demon?"

"That was no fault of mine," Crowley pointed out. "He was the one who made the decision to bear the Mark. He did this to himself."

"But you were the one who led him to it. What I should do is kill you," he snarled.

"Ah, ah, ah, we seem to be forgetting something. You and Moose were the ones who didn't stop him using the Blade. Granted, it wouldn't have been easy, but you could have put a stop to it...except that you knew it was the only way you could defeat your enemies. You let it go on until it was too late. If anyone's to blame for this, Castiel...it's you," the demon hissed in his face.

"No!" the angel cried out in anguish, turning away from the King of Hell. "That's not true."

"If it weren't true, you wouldn't be looking away from me in guilt and shame. Face it, angel boy. You let this happen."

Castiel didn't want to admit it to himself, much less the demon, but Crowley was giving voice to the thoughts that had plagued him ever since Metatron had told him Dean was dead. Had his own search for Dean been nothing more than an attempt to turn away from that guilt...to block it out and not have to face it? Whatever the case might have been, now wasn't the time to be thinking about it. Slowly turning to look at the demon, the angel glared at him again. "What are you doing here, Crowley?"

At this, Crowley sighed, moving one hand up to rub at his forehead and the other down to rest at his belt. "In truth, I'd been hoping to find you broken and the Winchester cured of his obsession with you so we'd have all this disgusting UST water under the bridge and we could get back to what our proper roles are. Unfortunately, that seems not to be the case. No...we've had a completely different outcome altogether," he said, rubbing his temple in frustration.

"What are you talking about?" Cas asked.

"I assure you, I never would have allowed this tryst to happen if I'd known what would come of it. I assumed it was a simple matter, but, well...to assume makes an ass out of you and me," he said with a dark chuckle. "Things between Heaven and Hell are going to get even more complicated than they already were. As if we didn't need that to deal with."

"Crowley...what are you talking about?" Cas repeated.

The King of Hell looked at him strangely for a moment, but his expression quickly shifted to what Dean would have referred to as a shit-eating grin. "Oh, my dear little angel, you mean to tell me you...haven't noticed it yet? I suppose the term 'little' angel is even more accurate than ever."

"Noticed what?" the angel pressed.

"You're looking quite spry for an angel whose stolen grace is just about burnt up. Aren't you even the tiniest bit sore from what Dean did to you...or exhausted from that unexpected flight?"

Now that Crowley brought it up, Cas found that he was right. Dean had been very rough with him last night, but there wasn't even the smallest hint of pain or exhaustion. He was healed...and when he sought a deeper reason as to why, he finally realized the truth. His grace had been restored.

"How?" he wondered aloud, gazing down at his hands in shock. It shouldn't have been possible, but here it was.

"Dig a little deeper," Crowley encouraged with a wicked sneer. "I think you'll see the truth."

Cas did so, but when he finally did discover the truth, he wasn't sure whether to be horrified or elated. All he could really manage to do was grip his stomach in shock.

"How...how can it be?" he asked, feeling the presence of the separate grace within his being. It wasn't his...but it was still somehow a part of him. It had come from him...and from Dean, but it wasn't just grace he was sensing. He could feel the presence of the demon seed intertwined with the grace, but how two such disparate things could exist together in a single entity was far beyond him.

"Your guess is as good as mine, sweetheart. Whatever the case may be, though, one thing's for certain. Such a thing has never happened before. A being like this has never before existed, so there's no telling what it will become. And of course it would be the spawn of the angel and his hunter."

"This...this is...Dean's child," Cas said slowly, mindlessly running his fingers over the flesh of his belly.

"Well, sure...if you want to call this thing a child," Crowley said in a somewhat bemused tone, a little surprised at the angel's lack of response.

"We...created a life."

"Oh, dear. Sharp as a tac, you are. Castiel, you are not hearing me," he said as he firmly gripped the angel's shoulders in his hands. "The existence of this child will rattle the foundations of creation. Both Heaven and Hell will be turned upside down. If we thought the wars up until now were bad, they'll be nothing compared to what's coming. There will be blood for this child. What I really ought to do is just kill it now and save myself the headache."

This was what finally snapped Castiel out of his shocked stupor. When he saw Crowley's hand drop back to his belt, no doubt reaching for his gun, the angel quickly called his angel blade to his hand, so that when the King of Hell had the barrel of his angel-killing gun pressed against his stomach, he had the tip of his blade pressed against his throat. Crowley just sneered at him.

"Ooh, Cas, you're not usually this fun. I think I like this new game."

"I will allow no harm to come to this child," Castiel said fiercely, digging the angel blade in just deep enough to draw a trickle of blood. Crowley just laughed as he lowered the gun, slowly taking a step back.

"My, but that mothering instinct did kick in quickly. A demon-angel hybrid? You don't even know if this thing is worth protecting."

"This child...is more than the evil that has befallen Dean Winchester. It is a part of the good man that he once was...that he will be again. If that weren't true, then there's no way the child could have been conceived. I think you know that...and that's why you're afraid of it. It means you don't have complete control over him."

"I wouldn't go so far as to say I'm afraid of it," Crowley said, though the look in his eyes when his gaze flitted down to Cas' stomach said otherwise. "In fact, I hadn't even really intended to kill it. I'm rather interested to see how this plays out. After all, a child like this could be of great use to me."

"You will never touch our child, Crowley," the angel hissed at him. "So long as a part of the Dean I knew exists in this world, I will protect it. No matter what it takes."

"You're sure about that? Will Heaven even allow such a creature to exist? I know they don't take too kindly to the Nephilim. There's no way they'll condone the offspring of an angel and a demon. Will you stand alone before the fury of your fellow angels?" the demon asked, a glint of amusement in his eyes.

"Yes," Castiel answered without hesitation. "I have faced down Heaven's rage before. I will do it again. As I said, I will not let this child die. I won't!"

"Now that I will truly enjoy seeing. I make no guarantees of aid, though. I'm going to stay out of it for now. Let the chips fall where they may, as it were. I haven't decided exactly what it all means yet."

"If you're just going to stand there, then you can leave. I'm sure I'm keeping you from the business of wreaking havoc," Cas said, turning away from the demon once more in favor of gazing down at the one who still slept soundly on the bed. In this state, Dean actually looked peaceful, which was so rare a state for him, the sight almost made Cas want to weep. There wasn't even the faintest hint of the monster slumbering within.

"Go on, just do it. You know you want to," Crowley egged him on, already having taken several steps back.

"What?"

"Share one last bittersweet kiss with your precious lover. Tell him how much you love him and vow to save him. Go ahead; I promise I won't look," the demon said as he turned around.

Cas didn't really care if he looked or not. He would have done it anyway. Leaning down over Dean, he briefly ran his fingers through his hair before pressing his lips to the former hunter's, kissing him with all the tenderness and love he hadn't been permitted last night.

It's as he says, Dean. I love you more than life itself. I will not let this be your fate.

Trailing down the side of the sleeping demon's face, he pressed a gentle kiss to his ear before whispering, "I love you."

"Done," Crowley's voice resounded throughout the room, and with a snap of his fingers, Cas suddenly found himself alone in the room with no trace that anyone but him had ever been there.

For a moment, the angel couldn't help wondering if he'd hallucinated the whole thing, but he knew that wasn't true the moment he collapsed back upon the sheets. Dean's scent still clung to the rough fabric, mingled with his own. More than this, though, he could still feel the newborn flame of grace flickering inside of him, resonating with his own reborn grace. This flame was only just beginning to grow...just beginning to be...but already it flickered against his heart with the warmth of the sun and the moon. But it also burned with the hint of something dark and dangerous. A black flame with a heart of pure love. In all of creation, no angel had ever possessed grace like this...and no demon had ever held a darkness quite like this. This child was well and truly something new.

Dean's child...his child...my child...our child. Our baby.

The newly impregnated angel had no idea what was correct to feel in this moment. Trapped somewhere between fear and love, he ultimately chose love. He didn't care what anyone else said or thought. He loved this child...as he loved Dean. He would always love it. This flicker of darkly burning grace was something precious he and Dean had created together, and he knew already that he would willingly give up his own life to protect it. So for a long while after, Castiel just lay there on the bed, loving that beautiful flicker of dark light.

XxX

(A/N) So...any interest in seeing where it goes?