The characters aren't mine. In fact nothing is mine except the plot and I make no money from this.

Over the years – since the death of his wife and daughter – he'd tried to be a better man. He hadn't been a very good one – not, at least, before their deaths. Oh, it wasn't that he was bad, and he had always tried to make sure that he didn't victimize anyone who was weak or vulnerable. No, his marks had all been wealthy people and those looking for hope or dreams, something they hoped he could supply. Still, he'd been greedy and arrogant and sure that the world was his for the taking.

And then Red John had appeared in his life and stripped everything that was good, that was decent from him. It had almost destroyed him, not only his soul, but his very life. He sometimes wondered, even now, how it was that he'd survived. He knew he had Sophie to thank for that at the beginning – but she was not the only one, nor the main one, who had given him the desire to go on.

When he'd shown up that day at the CBI he'd been only half a man, a man walking in the shadows of a very dark and lonely world. He had no purpose in life other than to find and to kill the man who had taken everything from him. There was nothing left inside of him except guilt, self-hatred and vengeance. That was who he was, that was what he lived for.

But then – he'd met the young agent by the name of Teresa Lisbon who had taken over the Red John case. Teresa Lisbon. Who knew that she, as much if not more than Sophie Miller, would be his salvation?

He hadn't realized, in those early days, how much she would eventually come to mean to him. She became his tenuous connection to life. She kept him going, gave him a reason for being that was not just Red John.

Slowly, over time, he'd begun to actually live again. Not a complete life, certainly not a whole one, but at least he was alive, and he had a purpose. He helped people – he, Patrick Jane, conman and the man responsible for killing his wife and child – could do something worthwhile. It was a start and Teresa had given him that.

He'd begun to heal, step by step, little by little. He was far from healed and knew he never would be, not completely. But the deep and horrific wounds had scabbed over and life had gone on. Again, he had Teresa to thank for that.

Her faith in him was what had made it possible for him to believe there was more than vengeance. She made him believe there was goodness in the world – because she was herself full of goodness.

He didn't know quite when his connection to her, his reliance on her, his happiness in her presence had turned to love. But it had. He loved her, with all his scarred, damaged soul he loved her.

He'd known there was something between them for a long time but had refused to allow himself to fully admit what that was. The acknowledgement, for him had come when he'd been on the island. Once he'd begun to let go of the hatred and the quest for revenge he'd allowed other emotions to enter his consciousness. As he'd written those letters to Teresa he'd thought of her, of all the times she'd been there for him, of her smile, her frown, her irritation at him, her laughter. The walls he'd built around his heart had begun to crack and crumble – but they weren't completely gone. What was left was a foundation of fear. The fear that she wouldn't love him, that she couldn't love him, that he was too damaged for her.

So he didn't say anything to her. Instead he let things continue the way they had been for so long. He enjoyed her presence. He loved to see her each day although it wasn't with the closeness they'd once had. He loved her, but from a distance.

It was only when Pike showed up that he realized. By not saying anything, by letting fear rule him, he had ensured that things would change, that it would no longer be the two of them against the world. He watched as Lisbon began to smile and to laugh and to appear lighter and happier than she had been in a long time. And he knew it was Pike who had done this for her.

He wanted to say something cutting to the man. He wanted to torment him and ridicule him and point out all the man's weaknesses and faults. He wanted to humiliate him in front of his team. He wanted to do all these things, but he didn't. He knew it would only make Teresa angry – but more than that, he wanted her to be happy.

The first time she'd gone out with Marcus he'd felt a sharp jolt of pain. It was something he hadn't felt in a while and he was surprised at how shocked he was. He'd been numb for a long time but this – this brought back memories he didn't want to revive.

The second and third times he saw them leave together the pain was just as intense but now it had seeped throughout his soul.

He handled it well. He was actually proud of himself. For once he was acting mature and was trying to be selfless. It almost killed him.

He glanced around the bullpen and saw that everyone was hard at work. Teresa was out of the office for the day, attending some kind of training session. He wondered briefly if she was meeting Pike after work, but then shied away from thinking about it. There was no point. What's done was done. He'd been too afraid to speak and now he'd lost her.

Once again his negligence and arrogance had cost him the woman he loved.

"Jane?"

He glanced up to see Abbott regarding him with a frown. The senior agent waved him over and Jane slowly sat up and put his legs over the side of his couch. He didn't know what Abbott wanted – as far as he knew he'd been on his best behavior – but the man didn't look happy.

"You wanted to see me?" he asked jauntily. Never let them see you down – that was his motto and one he'd followed faithfully for years. There's no way he wanted anyone to know how he was suffering.

It was only as he walked into Abbott's office that he realized someone else was there. His eyebrows flew up – it was obviously some sort of government official.

"This is Marie Steward from Family Services", Abbott told him. "Uh – she asked to see you and since it's a private, family matter I'll just leave you two alone." As Abbott walked past him he briefly squeezed Jane's shoulder then closed the door behind him.

Patrick watched Abbott leave with a puzzled frown and then looked to the serious looking woman in front of him and tried to read her. He could tell she was upset about something, but it wasn't anything personal to her. No, he realized, she had bad news to impart. His own frown grew. Abbott had said she was from Family Services – but since he had no family, at least that he knew, he couldn't figure out what she was about to say. That very fact bothered him because, for once, he felt out of his element.

"I'm sorry Mr. Jane", she said with a sad smile. "Please, sit down."

He was being managed and he didn't like it, never liked it, even though he knew she was trying to be kind. Still, he might as well play along, so he took a couple of steps forward and sat down.

"I don't have any family, so you don't need to be upset about telling me whatever you're planning to tell me", he told her. "I've already lost all the family I had."

Two slight lines appeared between her brows and her head tilted. "I'm so sorry", she told him in response to his words. He would have said something witty or sarcastic except he recognized that she was actually being sincere. This was a woman who truly cared about people. So, instead of saying something rude or obnoxious, he sighed. "What is it you wanted to tell me?"

"Do you know a Daniel Ruskin?" she asked, sounding hesitant and compassionate both.

Oh God! Danny! He hadn't even been thinking about his brother-in-law. It had been so long since he'd seen or heard from the man that he hadn't crossed his mind. But now - something had happened to him. He was suddenly glad he was sitting down. Why hadn't he thought of Danny? He was family – if not by blood, then by family ties. He was, in fact, the only person Jane had left that was even close to family.

"Yes", he answered, closing his eyes at the gravelly noise that came out of his mouth. "Yes", he repeated, more strongly. "He's dead?" He asked it as a question, although he knew he didn't need to. He could see it on the woman's face.

"I'm so sorry", she told him, leaning slightly forward as if she wanted to reach out to him. "He was killed, along with his wife, in a traffic accident four days ago. If it's any consolation, it happened instantly."

He stood quickly and walked towards the window. After a few seconds he frowned and turned to Marie. "His wife? He was married?"

"Yes. Her name was Emma Johnson. She was twenty-six."

His eyes closed as he thought about the young life, ended too soon. And then there was Danny. All he could think about was that Angela would be devastated – would have been devastated to lose her only brother. The two had been close, at least before Angela had run off with him. Now the last of the Ruskins was dead. At that moment he realized that he too felt devastated. He felt like he too had lost the last remaining member of his family – the only other person who had loved Angela as much as had he. It was as if she died all over again.

"How come you contacted me?" he asked after the silence had gone on for a while. His back was turned to the woman because he didn't want her to see his tears. Whatever had happened before, at least he and Danny had had a chance to talk and to have some sort of reconciliation. But that didn't make the loss any less painful.

"You were listed in his will", the woman told him gently. "It took us a couple of days to get it from his lawyer and then to find you."

"His will?" Jane turned around and stared at the woman – clearly a social worker. "Danny had a will? But he didn't have anything to leave in a will." Not unless he had really turned his life around since the last time Patrick had seen him.

"I'm afraid he did", she told him, sounding hesitant, almost frightened.

"What? Did he win at poker? Ha", he let out a sharp laugh. "He left me the deed to the Hoover dam or the Empire State Building." When she looked at him as if he had two heads he shook his head. "Danny was – anyway, it wouldn't surprise me if he left me something like that." When she didn't reply right away he looked at her sharply. "So, what was it?"

"Uh – Mr. and Mrs. Ruskin had a daughter. She was at the babysitters when they were killed. They named you as her guardian in the event that something happened to them."

He couldn't think. His brain was twirling in circles and he couldn't get it to stop. It was as if he was on a merry-go-round that was going faster and faster and all he could do was hang on with all his strength so as not to get flung off.

"Mr. Jane? Are you alright?"

"A – daughter? Danny had a daughter?"

"Yes. Her name is Lily – Lily Angela Ruskin. She's six months old."

Danny had a little girl? He sat down heavily and leaned forward, his head in his hands. How could he not have known? Why hadn't Danny told him? It couldn't be that he was still angry with him, or else surely he wouldn't have named him as guardian.

He was named as the little girl's guardian! What was Danny thinking? "Uh – what about his wife – uh – Emma, what about her family?"

"It looks like she didn't have any. She was orphaned at a young age and was placed with a foster family. She left at eighteen and then we don't have any information on her until now. She and Mr. Ruskin were married ten months ago."

"Where were they killed?"

"In Las Vegas. Mr. Ruskin was working as a dealer at one of the casinos. I'm afraid you're the only family available", the woman said carefully. "If you don't take her she'll be placed with a foster family until we can get a court order to allow her to be adopted."

His first thought was that that would be best. The child would do much better being with a family than with him. That thought was immediately followed by a strong feeling of guilt. How would Danny feel knowing his daughter was adopted out, never to know anything about her real family? What would Angela say? He knew his wife would have given him hell for even thinking about letting the little girl go. She had been fiercely loyal to family – believed in it with all her soul. She had also been proud of the Ruskin name, even though her parents were nothing but carny folk. Still, they had been carny royalty – which was more than he could say about the Janes.

"Mr. Jane? What would you like to do?"

He sighed. "I'm sorry – this has been a shock. Where is the little girl now?"

"She's with social services in Las Vegas. A licensed child-care worker is caring for her for in her home but she can't stay there for long. She needs a stable home environment."

Jane nodded. "I'll – uh – have to talk to Abbott. What do I have to do?"

"Well, you'll have to fill out some paperwork – it's nothing too onerous – and then you can come and get her."

"That's it?" he frowned. "That's all?"

"Well, they'll check to make sure you aren't a child-molester and that you can afford to keep her – but otherwise there isn't much since the Ruskins named you as her guardian."

He wondered what would happen when they looked into him more closely. He was pretty sure he wouldn't be allowed to be anyone's guardian. Still, maybe he could ask for visitation rights or something? In the meantime, he needed to see her. "Let me talk to Abbott."

He found Abbott in the kitchen, drinking a cup of coffee. He looked up as Jane entered. "Everything okay?" he asked, looking worriedly at the man in front of him. He'd rarely seen Jane fazed by anything, but right now the man was looking both pale and shaky. "Are you alright?"

"Uh – can I talk to you alone Dennis?" he asked. The two men made their way into an interrogation room where Jane explained everything to him.

"I'd like to take off a few days to get things arranged", he said. "I'll have to fly to Vegas and pick her up and get things set up in the trailer."

"A trailer isn't going to be big enough for you and a baby."

"Dennis, do you honestly think they're going to let me keep her, with my background? This will just be temporary until we can find her a good home."

"I don't suppose you'd want to look after a little baby anyway", Abbott said with a small grin. "Feeding, changing diapers, wiping up drool!"

"Right", he grinned, although inside his heart sped up. He remembered so well when Charlotte was little, even thought it had been so many years ago now. He'd always loved babies and didn't mind, in the least, all the things Abbott had listed.

"Okay – you can take as much time as you need – within reason", he cautioned the other man. "I'm sure the others won't mind once they know -"

"Actually Dennis", Jane interrupted. "Could you do something for me?"

"Okay", Abbott frowned, unused to Jane ever asking for something rather than manipulating his way, or demanding things.

"I don't want anyone else to know about this. I – this will probably be for just a few days and I'd rather not have to deal with any questions. It'll be easier that way."

"But – won't you tell Lisbon?"

Jane grimaced slightly. "No. She doesn't need a distraction right now."

"Jane – when are you going to say something to her?"

"Say what?" he asked innocently.

Abbott sighed. "You're an intelligent man Jane – and we both know exactly what I'm talking about. Tell her or you're going to lose her."

He wanted to run away, where no one knew him or could see the heart that was obviously beating wildly on his sleeve. She was never his to lose, even though he couldn't imagine life without her. He looked at Abbott, for once not trying to dissemble and said softly. "She deserves to be happy and Pike's a nice guy."

"Yes he is – and you're an idiot – and I'm pretty sure Teresa prefers idiots to nice, decent guys. But it's your funeral!"

"So, you won't say anything?" he said after a minute.

"No – I'll tell them I've sent you on a case to Vegas to try and find a notorious card shark."

"Really?" he smiled. "That would be fun."

"Remember you're not in Vegas for fun Jane. Get your business finished quickly and then get back here."

So here he was on a plane to Vegas going to pick up a six month old baby – his niece. God, he hadn't ever thought of Danny as the marrying type, and certainly not the baby-making type. He wondered again why his brother-in-law hadn't been in touch.

The social worker met him at the airport and was to drive him to see the baby. She didn't say much and allowed him to sit back and quietly watch Vegas pass by outside his window. He thought of the last time he'd been here, and then quickly pulled his mind back to the present. He hadn't enjoyed Vegas then and certainly didn't plan on enjoying it now. It wasn't his favorite city anymore – too full of conmen and those who were truly wicked.

They pulled up to a neat, middle-class house, in a neat, middle-class neighborhood. He waited for Mrs. Ingers, the social worker and followed her to the front door.

A woman was waiting for them and she smiled pleasantly. "You must be Mr. Jane", she said, sounding pleased. "I'm Anne. And Rebekah! Do come in. Just have a seat while I get Lily."

He waited silently, his heart and his leg both thumping in nervous anticipation. He really didn't know what to think or how to feel. He still hadn't dealt with his emotions over Danny's death although in some ways it was just another thing to add to the bucket of constant grief that resided within him.

But a baby! He had no idea what he was going to do. He'd gotten in touch with a lawyer, at Abbott's suggestion and had found out that there was little standing in the way of him taking her. For all his problems with the law – his two sojourns in jail, the fact that he'd been wanted for the death of Thomas McAllister – none of those things meant anything as he hadn't been charged. Well, he'd been charged once, but then had been acquitted.

It would have been different, the lawyer had told him, if he'd just decided to adopt a child out of the blue. But the fact that Danny and his wife had gone to a lawyer and had drawn up a will, specifying him as guardian, cut through what would have been reams of red tape if that hadn't been the case. And it turned out that Danny had not just given his name, but had written out a lengthy letter, which he'd had notarized, detailing why he wanted Jane as guardian.

It was for that reason that Patrick didn't know if he could possibly let Lily be adopted out. Danny had very clearly wanted him as guardian. Could he deny the man's last wish?

"Here she is!" The woman – he couldn't even recall her name – walked out holding a tiny bundle.

His heart stopped. The little girl with the bright blue eyes and killer smile – looked just like Charlotte.

"Are you alright Mr. Jane?" Rebekah Ingers moved to his side and grasped his arm. "Oh dear – I think he's going to faint."

The next thing he knew his head was being pressed down between his knees. He was confused, not sure why he was like this or who was doing this to him. He didn't think it was bad since the touch on his neck was gentle but –

It came back to him. Lily It was Lily, not Charlotte. He closed his eyes and took a deep breath and then forced himself to sit up. He felt rather foolish, which is something he hated with a passion.

"Are you alright?" the Social Worker asked with concern.

"I'm fine", he smiled. "Sorry – she just reminded me -"

Rebekah canted her head, a question in her eyes. "She reminded you?

"Of my daughter", he said in a rush. "Lily's cousin. She was – killed."

"Oh, I'm so sorry", the woman reached out again and laid her hand on his leg. "That must be hard." She glanced over at the woman still holding Lily. "Maybe you should take her back -"

"NO!, no", he said more softly the second time. "It's okay. It was just the initial shock." He smiled and tried to relax. "I'm fine." He stood up and walked to the baby, who gave him a big smile and held out her little arms.

"Hello there", he crooned. He held open his arms and the next thing he knew he was holding a soft, warm little body that seemed perfectly content with the change in person. "Aren't you a little darling?"

"She likes you", the caregiver – Anne, that was her name – said. "She's a little sweatheart. Poor thing though, to lose her parents. It's a good thing she has you."

Jane doubted that, but wasn't about to say anything. "Uh – so what do I have to do to take her?" he asked, gently bouncing her up and down.

"The paper work is all complete", Rebekah told him. "You just have to get all her things. My understanding is that everything is packed up and ready to go. The only thing you'll have to purchase are some more diapers and formula and – I'm afraid a car seat. Hers was damaged in the accident", she said gently.

He nodded but then looked down at the baby, who was now gumming her fist. Ah, teething. He was in for some fun times. He leaned his head forward and kissed the soft curly blond baby hair. "So, I guess it's just you and me kid."