Grant woke up in the middle of the night after having another Skye taking-him-shower nightmare. He was able to do a lot of daily tasks without being helped after finished the rehab. If he had the chance, he could live by his own without much difficulty. He was much stronger now. Why did he still have this nightmare? He had able to suppress the well memory and only had a few nightmares after the staff incidents. He had not felt the pure desperation in this nightmare for a long time, not even in the well memories. The dream might be just a reflection of truth. He was wearing a mask to help breathe. His left hand had the IV and his right forefinger was connected to the heart rate monitor machine. Even Grant could not think himself as strong now after checking his own condition. He wanted to throw away the mask and removed IV and the monitor, but his senses knew he would probably pass out during the process. In fact, he was not even sure whether he had the strength to sit up.

"Hey Grant. I am sorry that I said all those shit to you. I know you have gone through a really rough time. I was not thinking straight this afternoon you know. I was too tired and worried about you. After you disappeared, my mind just kept looping the moment I found you passed out in the car. I was scared as hell that day and I never want to experience it again. You disappearing from the hospital just put me through the same feeling again. It was so painful for me to see you injured like this. It hurt me more when you refused my help and decided to go out of grid."

Grant turned around his head and looked Skye directly at her eyes. He found mourn, sorry, desperation and much more emotion than he could identify. His Skye had changed a little bit back to the warmhearted girl. He wished he could protect Skye enough so she was always that humorous little rookie. However, he was also the major reason for her change. He did not like the choices he made to align with HYDRA, but he never regretted the decision. Those were part of his lives and he could not make better decision, considering how Garrett had controlled him. Skye was and had been always the only sunshine in his life, so he tried to keep her around with all means before. But he gave up this idea after the injury. However, Skye seemed so determined and she definitely would try to stay with him by any means, just like what he had done in the past. Grant found such twist in this relationship very irony.

"Skye, I just do not want to be put back into prison again. I prefer to live alone and I have the ability to take care of myself."

"Grant, you are stubborn as a mule. Do I have to repeat again your situation when we found you? If you want, I can ask the doctor to explain how hard he worked to help you. I am sure he will be very happy to complain about a certain patient."

"Grant, I choose to stay with you the moment I know I cannot lose you. I have made my decision firmly and the team was well aware of that. Nothing can change that."

"No, you are too young to understand the complication of your decision and the potential effect on both of our lives. I am surprised Coulson or May did not talk you out of it. I could be put back to prison for years or Coulson may decide execution will be a fair result for me. You are wasting your precious time or you may fight fiercely with Coulson and lose the only family that cares about you. In either case, you will lose a lot for nothing. It is not worthwhile, Skye."

"I do not care about that. You always said I was your sunshine and you were mine too. I am tired of hiding or lying about my own emotion. I know life with you could be tough, but I never want to live a luxury life. All I want is just a family with you."

"This is the problem, Skye. I was never your sunshine. Everything I did to you was based on calculation. I had to keep you under control. Making you love me was the best way to control you. Like I said, it was a mission and nothing personal."

"Well, then you did a poor job. You could not get anything from me for that hard drive."

"Your affection on me did make you crack that hard drive if I remembered things correctly."

"Grant, how can you say this like it was just a tactic? If I did not choose to save you over the hard drive, you would die. You would DIE. How could you take this so easily?"

"It was a tactic and it worked. That was all it mattered. Specialists always use emotion as the best weapon to finish their job and I was one of the best."

"That is bullshit. You did not know Garrett would do that to you and you were gentle to me. You treated May quite differently."

"Because she is the Calvary and you are just a hacker, easily to lure out information."

"Grant, I get what you try to do here. However, you cannot change my mind. No one can."

"Skye, I just want to be nice for once. This is a stupid idea and it will hurt both of us. You will soon find out the hard truth and start to bash me about my past wrongdoings before finally tail off to Coulson."

"Grant, why you do not believe me? I love you and I am ready for whatever life has prepared for us."

"No us. There is never us in this relationship. I was your mentor at first and then an enemy to you later. Never a love interest."

"Then why did you say you loved me?"

"Just to get myself out of that little too light cell."

"Why did you come to rescue me? No one had discovered your trace and you could just keep hiding without going through so many troubles for saving me?"

"I want to repay the debt to the team. That is all."

"Can you look at my eyes and say you never love me? Can you?"

"Grant, you need to stop lying to yourself and respect the fact that we love each other deeply. No matter what you have done in the past, I am here to help you accomplish your goals."

"No, Skye you don't understand. The Grant Ward you loved never existed. Who would not love a handsome, conscientious, protective man? But I am not that man. I may still be handsome, but I was never conscientious or protective. I am weak and dark. My brother left me broken and became easily manipulated. All the protection I did was just a way to earn the trust and better blended into the team. Everything I did was based on careful calculation. I do not have feeling for most things, just like a robot. I am never a good guy, either. I used all means to get the jobs done. When you said you loved me, you were referring to my cover, not the real me. You said you never liked the actual me before and I do not need to hear you saying it again. Once is enough for me."

"Grant, how can I make you believe my words? I love you, the real you. I read all your files and I talked to Christian after you took care him. I gathered a lot of information about you. I know who you are not and will like to learn who you will be. Do not push me away, please."

"Are you trying to play me again? Just like the way you extract information about your parents? I do not have anything worth your time now, so no need to bother me again."

"Grant, please. I know we both hurt each other deeply, but give me a chance to start this thing again. There is no more secret between us now. We can help each other to be a better person."

"Skye, this is no chance for this relationship, not any more. We are both broke and the wound in the heart never heals. Our past will always come back and haunt us. Every time I look at you, I remember being thrown back to worst nightmare. When you look at me, you probably remember Fitzsimmons or Koenig or Agent Hand. It is better for us to stay separate and never see each other again. Time will slowly heal the wounds and we may be able to find someone fit us better."

"Skye, I know how you feel now, but trust me, that is not love. You feel you are responsible for my situation, thus you should stay with me and take care of me. But I do not need other to help me and my action was purely paying back debts to the team, not targeting you specifically. Never make decision when you are overload with emotions."

"Grant, I am very calm. You are the one who is overload with emotions. You live in denial. You do not believe unconditional love and you are afraid of being betrayed again. I get it and I will prove you are wrong."

"Skye, do not force your decision on me, please. If you really love me, do not do this to me. Let me have the freedom to plan a future without you, please."

"If this is what you truly want. Just remember I always love you."

Seeing Skye left the room, Grant tried hard to control tears from falling out. Skye deserved a better man, who would support her, not reminding her all the dark times. He could never be that man no matter how hard he tried. The best he could do was staying away and hoping time could change Skye back to that conscientious and somewhat naïve hacker. He heard Skye crying loud outside his room, but suffering now is better suffering forever. In the long run, she would be grateful for the hard decision he made today.

Skye still came to visit him occasionally, but they never started the relationship topic again. After a few weeks, he was finally discharged and his back pain disappeared as well. Coulson already inform him a decision had been made by high level agents in the SHIELD. Grant knew it was probably Fury, but he did not want to explain why he knew Fury was not dead. After what he had done in the name of HYDRA, a few years in the prison was not a bad sentence. He was even a little surprised that Fury did not try something more severe to him, since Fury always preferred heavy punishments. Coulson was the only one present when Grant left the hospital.

"I must say I am honored you come to transfer me to the cell, Sir."

"No need to be an asshole to me."

"I am not. I just want to express my feeling."

"Alright, then you need find another way to properly express your feeling."

"I am sure I have plenty time to learn or practice."

"Grant!"

"Coulson, I mean it. By the way, I think you are a better director than Iron Man."

His cell in the prison was quite accessible and no one knew his actual name or crime, not even the guard. Coulson seemed to make great effort to keep him safe here. He had to admit his current physical condition was not good for bare hand fighting or defending himself. After a while, Grant finally started to accept his disability and gradually got used to live with it. His time in jail was actually the easiest time in his life. Due to his physical constraint, his work was mostly sewing or translating books into English, which he enjoyed very much.

Coulson would come visit him once a while. Sometimes he came for HYDRA intelligence or suggestions on actions plans toward HYDRA. Other times he just came to check on Grant. In these sessions, Grant would tell Coulson the novels he just translated and shared any gossips he found interesting, hoping to make Coulson's day a little lighter. Trip was the other visitor he sometimes got. Trip would tell him every news about the team, such as Fitz finally spoke without difficulties. He knew Trip broke up with Simmons and he could see the pain in Trip's eyes. Simmons started to date Fitz and it made Trip uncomfortable around the team. Grant tried to comfort Trip but he was not sure whether it worked. Trip also told him Skye started to date another agent in the base and she even moved to live with that guy. Grant smiled when he heard this news, but his heart broke into ashes. The next time Trip came, he told Grant Skye was engaged to that guy in the base. Grant tried to feel happy for Skye, but he was too painful to even think about it. He should had known this was the result when he pushed Skye away. Imaging Skye marrying other man, Grant finally admitted he made a wrong decision in the hospital, but it was too late now.

The day finally arrived. Grant finally finished all his jail time and was ready to leave here. Trip was the only one waiting for him outside the door. Trip said Coulson was buried in the meetings and paperwork, but he really would like come here and pick Grant up. After everything had changed dramatically, Grant appreciated Coulson still cared about him.

"Where are we going, Trip?"

"Oh, I forgot to tell you. We are heading back to the base. Coulson seems to have something planned for you."

"For me? I am not really interested in working for SHIELD and I can't do it, either."

"I do not really know Coulson's plan. If you don't like it, just refuse him. You have paid for your wrongdoings and you deserve to live the way you want from now on."

"Thanks, Trip."

"Damn it. I am late for my debrief. Grant, can you go to Coulson's office by yourself? His office is the one down the hall, on the right side."

"No problem, thanks for getting me here."

"Don't mention it. See you later."

Grant was a little nervous when he prepared to knock on Coulson's door. When the door was opened, his heart stopped beating for a second. Fitz and Skye, without a ring in the left hand, were also in the office. He had not prepared to see them again. He could see both of them felt the same way. The office was awkwardly silent.

"What is your plan for me, Coulson? I have no interest working for you. I have done my time and I should have a chance to start my new life."

"Grant, do not make decision so quickly. I want you to work in Academy as instructor for espionage. The kids will be delighted."

"No. I am done with the whole SHIELD thing. And how do you introduce me to them? The best spy since black widow who tricked the Director of SHIELD for a long time? My history with you or HYDRA were painful for me and I cannot wait to throw away all these memories. From now on, I just want to be a normal person."

"How about me, Grant? You are ready to forget about me, too?"

"Yes, you were also part of the bad memory. Why do you ever care? You never visited me. Last time I checked with Trip, you were happily engaged to other man."

"I tried, but I can't forget you. Nothing can let me forget you. I never had the courage to visit you. I often found myself wandering outside the wall of the prison, but I just could not walk pass the gate."

Before Grant realized, tears already covered his whole face.

"Well, we can talk about this later. Fitz, why don't we go find Simmons and see what she come up for the new equipment?"

"After you went to prison, I decided to move on and I started to date agents in the base. Finally, I found a guy I liked very much and accepted his proposal. When we were planning our wedding, I kept thinking what you would say about everything. Then I realized I could not lie to myself anymore and it was not fair for him, so I called off the wedding and told him about you. How do you feel about me now?"

"I love you and I regretted pushing you away. When I knew you were engaged, I felt something in my life disappeared forever."

"I know. Do you want to start now?"

"I would love to, but I am not sure if I can ever have sex with you. You know, I can't feel anything from here."

"You think I haven't asked that question yet? Don't worry about it, baby."

Two months later, Grant and Skye finally married. Trip was his best man and Skye picked Simmons to be her maid of honor. Grant was worried about how Trip might feel about this arrangement, but Trip confirmed he was fine with it. Coulson walked Skye down as the father. His bride was so beautiful in that dress and he still could not believe she was his wife now. Fitz also attended his wedding and he seemed happy for him. After the wedding, Grant accepted the job offer so they moved to a house close to the Academy. They both knew life would not be easy ahead, but they could handle it together.

End.

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