Sorry that it's literally been five years since an update but i'm aiming to finish story soon

It's been three weeks since she got offered the job and there have been moments where she wants to tear her hair out and leave the CPD but there are those other moments where she really feels like she making a difference.

So when Cott asks her for a final answer by tomorrow she doesn't know what to do. She's so close to just tossing a coin and seeing where that'll take her but then again as if she would leave her fate in the hands of a rusted dime.

So she back at square one – sitting at her desk fiddling with her files and staring at Jay. Now square one isn't too bad when Jay's apart of it.

"Erin," he arches a brow, "what's up? You're staring…"

"Nothing," she shakes her head, "I'm just thinking in your general direction…"

"Mhmm," Jay shrugs going back to filling out his paper work, "if you say so..."

She excuses herself and tells Voight she needs some personal time which has always been code for "I need time to figure my shit out".

No one has asked her any questions about the job offer recently – mostly because they know she has no clue. She knows Hank will be fine either way – knowing very well that Erin had the potential to do anything she ever wanted.

Now the rest of the team were on board too – Atwater and Ruzek just wanted bragging rights because she'll be the tiniest federal agent they've ever seen. Then there's Jay and although he says he's okay with her leaving, his eyes tell a different story. She can't pick up on any reason why he wouldn't be happy for her but he isn't and that irks her.

Last time they tried to have a civil conversation about it she yelled at him and accused him of being jealous and he kinda just sat there with his arms crossed refusing to participate in what he called a "stupid" and "unreasonable" argument.

Sometimes Erin wished Camille were still around because she'd have something to say. She'd tell her that this was an amazing opportunity for her career and that Hank would always take her back if she totally hated it. She would give her a big hug and let her know that it was okay to be selfish and take the job for herself – that the team would survive without her. Then she'd make some passive comment about how Jay is looking good these days and that she would love to have him over for dinner.

Erin would remind her that Jay is just her friend and that Hank would never in a million years would let them be together. She would laugh and mumble something about "not even the big and scary" Hank Voight could stop destiny.

Erin would smile to herself and shake her head because she'd though about crossing that line of professionalism a thousand times but never acted on it.

So maybe it was time to put some distance between them – maybe it was time that she took the job and figure out what she wanted.

"I took the job," she says quietly, "I leave in a week…"

It feels as if the world is moving in slow motion and she can see every particle reacting to what she just said.

The silence is almost deafening and she knows she can't fill it with her rambling this time. They all just have to sit there feeling the weight of her decision.

Al is the first to congratulate her.

She feels a rush of relief to see a smile on at least 75% of the team's faces.

She was expecting him to smile too and for him to be happy. Yet he looks like someone had told him that she was dead. He'd never tell her that he was upset but she could tell.

"Jay," she whispers, "are you—"

"No don't," he looks at her, "I don't want to deal with this right now…"

"Please don't look at me like that," she sighs, "can we please just talk about this?"

"No we can't," he sighs picking up his jacket, "I really fucking don't want to talk anymore…"

She knows not to push him so she stands there with her arms around herself.

She made the right choice, right?

"So she's leaving," Jay sighs swirling his drink around, "and there's nothing I can do about it…"

"That's tough," Will says patting his younger brother on the back, "now – quick question?"

"No Will," he rolls his eyes, "I'm not dropping the whole "I'm in love with you bomb" on her now…"

"Oh okay…" Will laughs, "and why not?"

"Because…"

"Mhmm," Will nods slowly, "because that makes sense bro…"

"Fuck man," Jay groans, "I just want to be mad at her…"

"Fine…" Will shrugs ordering another couple of drinks for the two of them.

"Hey Jay, it's Erin – please call me back…"

"No seriously dude, call me back – I can't stand this…"

"It's stupid and you freaking know it…"

"So call me back, okay?"

"I just want to know you're not out there doing anything stupid…"

I mean if she really cared she'd be here right now but she's not – Jay knows he shouldn't be mad at her but he is and that makes him hate himself just a touch. She doesn't need his permission to do anything and he knows that – it just hurts knowing she'll be off in DC doing whatever it is that she does. Making other guys fall in love with her and changing the world.

He just can't shake the thought that it was all over for him. He knows the days will go on and he'll make peace with her decisions but it'll feel different without her. He knows he'll look over and find an empty desk and there'll be a soft aching feeling in his chest. He'll be able to sleep (drink it away mostly) it off but there'll be days where he misses her so much.

He can't help but wonder if he's wanting her to stay for all the wrong reasons.