Looking For Space

Author: Cheryl W.

Disclaimer: I do not own Dean, Sam or any rights to Supernatural, or John Denver's song which this story is named after, nor am I making any profit from this story.

Summary: Sam might have been the one to run away to Flagstaff, but Caleb knows its Dean they just might lose forever if someone doesn't show him his own self-worth. Ridley's Brotherhood AU. No Slash.

Author's Note: First and foremost, a HUGE thanks goes out to Ridley C. James for creating the awesomest of AUs: the Brotherhood! And that she graciously is allowing me to play with your world….just blows me away. (Now hoping I don't screw this story up!) I did do some tweaking to Ridley's universe & Kripke's to fit my dastardly needs. I'm making Dean 15 years old which means Sam is 11 when he runs away and this tale doesn't follow the happening in Ridley's "What Brings Us Home" story.

I have some trepidation on posting this story because I want good to come out of it, to make someone have hope, not despair. That said, I do want to put a warning out there that there will be kid's doing reckless dares, some vague suicide talk, and a very strained Dean and Caleb relationship. If that's not your thing, I'll get it if you pass on this story. But as with all my tales, it will all end well because I'm a sap. And I believe that sometimes the only way to better times is right through the heart of some of your worst times.

One more tidbit, the title comes from the John Denver song because I love the line "Sometimes I fly like an eagle, sometimes I'm deep in despair."

Now onto the story…

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Chapter 1: Pride Come Before A Fall

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The pride of your heart has deceived you.

~ Jeremiah 49: 16

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Fifteen year old Dean was angrily stalking through the forest, leaving Caleb nearly running to catch up with him.

"Dean, wait!"

"Why, you need me to play bait again? Maybe the thing has a mate you'd like to eat me while you watched, took notes on its dining habits."

"I wasn't just sitting back, watching, Dean! I wouldn't let anything happen to you," Caleb defended, couldn't believe Dean would think anything differently.

"Liar! You woulda let that thing take a bite out of me if you needed it distracted another few minutes," Dean threw over his shoulder, hoped the branch he pushed out of the way smacked Caleb right in the kisser.

Enough was enough. Caleb abandoned the kid gloves he was donning for Dean and grabbed the kid, spun him around. "I wouldn't risk you, you know that," as serious as he got about something he took as his duty in life.

"You just did!" Dean shouted, tried and failed to get his arm from Caleb's grabby hand. "I was your friggin' bait and you didn't even have the balls to tell me that. I was the chum in the water. It came right after me, no one else. What, it likes young meat?"

Caleb was set to deny all of it but another voice spoke before he could.

"My Dad said it's attracted to the young but what it really finds juicy is high emotions," Jason Lositros, the sixteen year old kid of one of the hunters involved in the job drawled, almost with amusement. But when he turned to Caleb, whatever humor he might have fabricated vanished, traded place with out-and-out hostility. "Is that why you brought up Dean's brother before the hunt, about him running away and how hurt Dean was over it? Masterful plan, really. Gold Star for Despicable Hunter Manipulation."

Furious, Dean snarled, "Wow! You really are Dad's greatest student. The hunt before anything or anyone. Victory at any cost.

Stiffening at the comparison, Caleb coldly retorted, "We needed to stop this thing before anyone else got hurt." But he couldn't stand up to the hurt filtering through Dean's anger. "This…you were our best chance and if I told you…"

"You're emotional hot poker might not have worked," Dean angrily surmised. "I might have been too friggin' happy thinking you..that someone actually wanted to be around me. And that woulda been a turn off to the fugly."

Caleb cringed, because it was hitting him now, that he had just heaped more self-doubt, self-hatred on his best friend when there was enough there after Sam did his face-on-a-milk-carton escapade two weeks ago. "Crap. No, Dean..I really wanted…."

"To kill the thing 'cause it's slipped through your fingers without the proper bait. And you were afraid the Knight would think you're losing your touch. I can see your motives are so worth me getting killed," Dean scathingly shot back.

Bombarded with guilt and horrifyingly shamed at his actions, Caleb went on the defensive. "This is the job, Dean! You're a hunter, not an innocent to be protected! I know you don't have a ring yet but I thought you still had the nerve to do the right thing."

The look cut Dean deep, real deep, Caleb basically calling him weak and a coward.

Seeing the wrecked look on Dean's face, Caleb felt like throwing up, knew he had gone too far.

Jason spoke up. "That's hilarious, you calling him out for being weak. He's the one who drew that thing in, didn't run until the last second, emptied a clip in its hide before he gave any ground. You're the coward hiding behind your mojo lines, waiting for Dean to bring it to your doorstep. I think it's pretty clear who's the gutless wonder in this screwed up hunt. Come on, Dean. I'll give you a ride home. Let the self-righteous "adults" clean up their mess."

Without another word, Dean left with Jason but not before Caleb caught Dean's heartbroken expression and that was on him, he alone caused it. And being the one to hurt Dean instead of being the one to heal him, it was the worst feeling Caleb had ever had.

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Watching his passenger sulking, Jason couldn't handle the silence in his beat up pickup truck any longer. "It's a crappy life, huh? They try and spruce it up, make it about honor and loyalty, but at the end of the day, it comes down to revenge, doesn't it. Egos and getting even and …" he bitterly laughed. "We're not their kids to be protected, we're their tools to be wielded. Their own personal good little soldiers, trained to obey without question and to die …." Here he broke off, looked to Dean and saw by the younger kid's wide eyes that his speech was hitting him where he lived, where they both lived.

"But hey, we get to kill monsters, shoot guns, skip school and generally be heroes," he said, highlighting the perks of being hunters. "And it makes normal kid stuff boring…like going home, doing homework. So what do you say we do a little detour, live a little for ourselves for a change?"

Liking the sound of that, Dean smiled at Jason. "What did you have in mind?"

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After cleaning up the "mess" as that Jason kid had called it, Caleb was using his long legs to his advantage, was steamrolling out of the forest, rehashing yet another practice apology to Dean in his head. Even he wasn't buying it though, didn't think there was an excuse in the world for what he had done, for putting Dean in danger without giving the kid the heads up, for unforgivably using him for bait. If there was a worst best friend in the world than he was, he'd be surprised.

But all his thoughts scattered as a vision hit him hard, had him dropping to his knees on the forest floor, mind filled with surroundings that weren't his own. A view of rushing water twenty feet below, churning so hard it was frothy and white, then he was falling, hit the water hard, nearly blacked out only to realize he couldn't breathe because, to take a breath would be to take in water. But either way, his lungs were burning for air, air he wasn't getting. Thought he might die before he ever did again. Then Dean's feelings slammed into him: fear, acceptance, exhilaration and freedom. And one thought: Don't know who'll be more pissed if I die: Dad because he'll be down a hunter or Sam because he'll have to step up to the plate and take my place.

Caleb screamed Dean's name.

Then the vision slipped through Caleb's grasp, left him so lost and afraid he couldn't move.

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TBC

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Thanks for reading and I would love to know what you think of the story so far!

Have a great day!

Cheryl W.