Oho! Thought you'd seen the last of me, eh? Well, think again! I have returned! MUAHAHAHAAAAA!

Ergh. Sorry about the long gap; I fell out of this story for a while, but gradually I lurched back into it. I will finish it. That is a given.

Ahhh, Sonic archive, how I've missed you. ^_^

"I don't understand it," sighed EXE, frowning at his second Black Widow of the evening. "I had it perfectly planned out! Down to the letter!"

"Then yer planning's bad," said Tails Doll drily. It was his turn to be smug tonight—he had indeed lost the whole day getting himself cleaned up, but he was secure in the knowledge that EXE had not gotten any kind of lead on him meanwhile.

"But it was good planning," protested EXE. "It was all according to the classic guidelines of scariness!"

"You went wrong somewhere, kid. That's plain ta see."

EXE sighed and swirled his drink contemplatively. Then he blinked, fished out something small and white, and regarded it with a curious squint.

"Ah, that's a bit of the bouncer," said Tails Doll. "There wuzza royal brawl in here earlier today, and the poor mook got scattered all over the joint while tryin' to break it up. He's still pullin' himself together."

As if on cue, a pair of skeleton legs attached to a pelvis stomped over to EXE and kicked him irately in the shin.

"Ow! Geez, man," grumbled EXE. "Here, you can have your old knucklebone back."

"He's not gonna be much use for the rest of the night," remarked Tails Doll, watching the skeleton legs stomping off again. "Leas' not till he finds his arm bones."

There was silence for a while, during which EXE continued to stew.

"Lissen kid, either sit still or beat it," grunted Tails Doll at last, carving notches in the edge of the countertop. "The way yer twitchin', you'd think ya'd swallowed an unnercooked tarantula."

EXE shook his head grumpily.

"I don't get it! It should have worked!" he blurted.

"Listen, kid—"

"I mean, I took your advice," continued EXE doggedly. "I tried scaring Tails—you know, the nerdy little fox with two tails?"

"May have heard of him," deadpanned Tails Doll. "Now lissen, why doncha just—"

"For crying out loud, he's eight years old!" EXE didn't seem to care if he had a willing audience or not. He just felt the need to rant. "He's socially awkward, spends his days alone in a dusty old workshop, and freaks out the minute he sees a stupid little Boo. Messing with his mind should have been a piece of cake!"

Tails Doll rolled his eyes and resigned himself.

"And I played up to all my strengths," continued EXE, scowling fiercely at a light fixture. "I'm a digital entity. I have a distinct advantage in the digital realm. I took over the kid's computer!"

"Did ya, now."

"I gave him the whole nine yards. First I screwed with his coding. Then I made stuff flicker around on his screen. Then I started appearing here and there, taking over the monitor, just giving him little glimpses. He was getting good and nervous there, for a while! I had him squinting and tapping keys and opening the task manager. I had him perfectly fooled—he thought I was a virus.

"So eventually I took over completely and gave him the full dose. Simulation of Green Hill Zone, gore and gruesomeness, lunging at the camera. And he was all like, 'man, one heck of a virus!' all shaky-like. And then! For the finishing touch! While he was turning off his computer all shell-shocked, I snuck out through the firewire and put a little plushie version of me on his bed. So he'd think I'd really possessed his whole life!" EXE waved a ragged little voodoo doll of himself, then plunked it down on the counter. "But it didn't work."

"Oh no?" Tails Doll raised an eyebrow, mildly interested by now. "What happened?"

"He laughed," admitted EXE, sinking his chin into one hand. "I just don't know what went wrong!"

"Ahhh, well." Tails Doll shook his head contemplatively. "Usin' that plushie was a mistake."

"Yeah?" EXE quirked an eyebrow.

"You bet, jobbie. You were goin' along fine there, playin' to yer strengths, but then you had to go blow it with a tacky finale. Iss too silly of a prop'sition, see? There izzen anybody gonna be scared of a cute li'l stuffed animal!"

EXE blinked silently at him for a moment.

"You don't say," he said at last.

"Yeah." Tails Doll put down his glass with an air of certainty. "What're you lookin' at?"

". . . Nothing."

Not much was said after that. EXE tossed back one final drink, then sighed and got up.

"I'm headin' to bed. Tomorrow's another day, I guess."

"Second-to-last," said Tails Doll smugly. "Hope you didn' set yer hopes too high, kid."

EXE snorted wearily, slung his laptop under his arm, and set out for the door, skirting the bouncer (who had just found a few of his vertebrae, and was frustrated because they were the wrong ones). Before the living computer program had even made it halfway across the room, somebody at a nearby table stuck out a foot. EXE went sprawling, his laptop clattering and spinning across the floor.

"Awwww, leaving without paying your respects?" snarked a throaty voice. It belonged to an eerily familiar figure: the spitting image of Sonic the Hedgehog, but with blank white eyes and much darker fur. Weird indigo ripples of darkness fumed up from the apparition's body.

"Leave me alone, Dark," said EXE quietly, picking himself up. He went to get his laptop, but another familiar figure stepped up. This one looked like Super Sonic, with crazed red eyes and a maniacal grin.

"After this?" he cackled, setting one sneaker atop EXE's downed computer.

"Don't you dare." EXE's head lowered, his ears folding back dangerously.

"Ohhhh, a warning." The glowing simalacrum of Sonic cast a glance back at the table he'd been sitting at. "Think I should listen, Scourge bud?"

The green hedgehog grinned and shook his head.

"Fleetway." EXE's voice had taken on a strange new tone. "Don't even try."

Back at the bar counter, Tails Doll watched with some interest, surprised to find himself vaguely sympathetic. That laptop was EXE's home, and he knew what would inevitably happen.

Sure enough. Fleetway brought his foot down harder, and there was an audible crack! as the laptop's casing split. EXE stood for a moment, licking his lips.

"That does it," he said at last. Then he lunged.

"Leaping lizards!" said Tails Doll, his eyebrows flying up inadvertantly at the subsequent event. He had not thought EXE capable of that.

Meanwhile EXE stood, breathing shallowly. He turned his Zalgo eyes to Scourge and Dark, snarling—and the fight was on. Fur flew; other patrons of the bar joined the brawl by twos and threes, most of them not particularly caring which side they were fighting on. Soon the whole of BB's was a maelstrom: evil powers were unleashed, chairs and even tables were overturned, Boos were tossed every which way like rolled-up socks. The bouncer's legs and part of his spinal column dashed through the melee, furiously kicking people in the shins, while the Hyudoro waitress huddled under the counter, cursing in a most unbecoming manner and resignedly swigging a cocktail.

Tails Doll, unmoved by the fiasco, sat at the counter and finished his drink in a leisurely fashion. Occasionally he ducked as the cranium of a Pumpkin-Head Ghost or two sailed by. Once he had drained his glass, he glanced back at the continuing brawl and sighed.

"Ahhhh, phooey," he muttered to no one in particular, than pulled out his chiv and joined the chaos.

EXE was having a bit of a rough time of it; his initial burst of fury had worn off and he was starting to feel the press of some very angry bar patrons, all of whom had a vague idea that he was the one they should be beating up. He was startled but nonetheless relieved to see Tails Doll mowing his way towards him. The brief distraction earned him a crack in the jaw that knocked him flat on his tail, but Tails Doll was already standing over him.

"Fine kettle of fish ya've got y'self into, jobbie!" he hollered, waving his bloodied knife. EXE clambered to his feet, looking at him oddly.

"How is there blood on that thing?" he said, pointing. "We're fighting a bar full of ghosts."

"Don't ask goofy questions!" Tails Doll shouted back. "My chiv knows what it's doin'!"

"Well, how about it—" The rest of EXE's sentence was lost as a pumpkin smacked him in the forehead. Tails Doll stifled a chuckle at EXE's bewildered and somewhat wounded expression.

"You're gettin' loopy here, pal. Look sharp!"

Taking advantage of a particularly vicious knot of fighting that had broken out nearby, he shoved EXE under a still-upright table and dove after him, unnoticed. As the fight continued to rage around them, EXE settled back, nursing his chin and forehead alternately.

"Thanks," Sonic's evil copy said at last.

"Bah," grumbled Tails Doll, busily cleaning his knife. "Go chase yourself, kiddo." He deigned to glance up, though. "Y'know, you're not as muchuva weak sister as I thoughtcha were."

EXE shrugged, unsure if that was a compliment or not.

"So what was that alla bout anyways?" asked Tails Doll, gesturing with his knife. "Those high hats givin' you all that jazz. You know 'em?"

"They're my brothers," said EXE ruefully.

"Yer what?! That's yer flesh-an-blood out there?!"

"Yeah. I was . . . kinda the black sheep of the family," said EXE awkwardly, looking away. "I'm the only one who isn't canon creepy yet, and . . . well, I hear about it."

Tails Doll grunted, studying the blade of his chiv. Against all odds, against his own will, he couldn't help but feel a little sorry for the kid. As a plushie, he had no family of his own, but he didn't fancy one if that was how they treated each other.

At about this point King Arthur summoned his magical battleaxe and clove the table from above their heads. The two miscreants dove in opposite directions and rejoined the melee, guarding each others' backs.

It wasn't much longer before two things happened simultaneously: EXE gave a cry of excitement as he spied his laptop lying miraculously untrampled nearby, and the distant sound of police sirens filtered through the noise of the fight. Tails Doll stiffened.

"Ohhh, just copacetic—They've called the coppers, kid! We've gotta take a powder!"

"But my laptop!" protested EXE, darting away to retrieve it. Tails Doll looked despairingly between him and the door, then gave a hearty groan and followed him. He found EXE cradling his slightly-battered home, looking ecstatic.

"You know what, I think it'll still work!" he declared. "The casing's a little cracked, but I think it'll still—oof!"

He was sent sprawling by a stray fist from the brawl, which was raging on regardless of the steadily rising sound of police sirens. Tails Doll danced in place anxiously.

"Shut yer yap and get movin', kid!" he hollered. "If they catch us disturbin' the peace we'll wind up in the cooler!"

"What?" EXE blinked up at him, confused at the turn of phrase.

"They're gonna toss us in the can an' throw away the key, ya sap!"

"They're gonna lock us in the bathroom? . . . "

With a growl of frustration, Tails Doll grabbed EXE by the arm and dragged him out the door. He'd have left the kid behind, but he wasn't about to risk being ratted out to the authorities.

The squadron of Omochao officers barged in mere seconds later.

"You are all under arrest!" the chief bellowed through a megaphone. "Put your hands in the air to surrender!"

It was only with an epic struggle that peace was restored. A cabinet full of glassware would bite the dust first, detaching from the wall with a ponderous creak and crashing to the floor in an earsplitting cacophony of smashing glass.

Out in the main hallway of Mystic Mansion, Rouge twitched her ears.

"Did you hear something?"

"Slight sound detected," agreed Omega. "Source unknown."

"Ahhh, probably just those idiots down in the . . . " Shadow trailed off, his expression blank.

"What was that, Shads?"

"I don't know. For a second I thought I remembered something."