A/N: This takes place sometime after they rescue Eren. Again. Manga spoilers for up to Chapter 62. Also, since Levi and Mikasa's relationship hasn't actually been revealed yet, this is all just me guessing, and will probably be proven wrong in a few chapters.

Also, this fic is not meant to be taken seriously. At all.

"So… you're an Ackerman?"

Levi scowled at Eren's question. He'd just spent the past few minutes explaining his entire history with Kenny to the boy. He would have liked to have kept it a secret, but since everyone had heard Kenny address him as 'Little Shorty Ackerman' when they were fighting to free Eren, he had no choice but to explain his past to his team. He thought that Eren would be the easiest to start with, but he'd forgotten how much the kid got on his nerves. Revisiting his past did not put him in the mood for stupid questions.

"Yes, brat. I thought I made that obvious when I said my Dad was called Kenny Ackerman. My full name is Levi Ackerman."

"Levi Ackerman." Eren mused. "So does this mean you're related to Mikasa?"

Levi sighed. The question he'd been waiting for, and the one he most definitely did not want to answer.

"I think so. I'm not a hundred per cent sure. I never really kept in contact with my family, but I did have an uncle who ran off with a woman from outside the business. Kenny complained about it from time to time, saying that she lured him away with her 'exotic charms'. I'm guessing he was talking about Mikasa's mother, which makes us cousins."

Eren was quiet for a minute, absorbing the information. Levi was thankful for the break, knowing that soon Eren would start again with the questions. Still, once this was over, Eren could tell the others, which meant Levi wouldn't actually have to explain this to Mikasa. He had a feeling she wasn't going to take the news well. She disliked him enough as it was.

"Heichou," Eren's voice was surprisingly soft. Levi didn't think the brat was capable of talking so quietly. "What was it like, living with that man?"

Of all the questions Levi was expecting, that wasn't one. He frowned, wondering how best to answer.

"Life with Kenny was… difficult. I hated him, but I respected his strength. That didn't stop me from trying to kill the bastard over and over again though."

Ten year old Levi snuck quietly into the kitchen, a knife clenched in his left hand. Kenny stood next to the stove, whistling while he swirled the stew with a wooden spoon. He seemed completely focused on cooking the dinner. Levi grinned, his hand tightening firmly around the knife.

He crept towards Kenny, using the table to hide from view. When he was close enough that he could see the curly hairs on the back of Kenny's neck, Levi charged.

Without turning around, Kenny reached out and grabbed Levi's face, and then he smashed him into the floor. The impact made Levi lose his grip on the knife, and it skittered across the floor and out of reach.

He groaned and tried to push himself into a sitting position, but a boot to the chest kept him flat on the floor. Kenny finally took his eyes off the stew, turning to look at Levi with a smirk.

"That's the best you got kid? Really? Pathetic. I thought I told you last time that you needed to work on your stealth. Did you listen? Because that… that wasn't stealthy. At all."

Levi glared up at the man with intense hatred. Kenny merely laughed.

"Try again in two days, boy."

He removed his foot, and Levi sat up, still glaring.

"What if I want to try again right now?" he growled.

Kenny's face lost the smirk, and Levi automatically scooted backwards.

"For one thing, you'd lose. But more importantly, I wouldn't find it funny. In fact, I'd find it quite annoyin'. And you don't want to annoy me, do you?"

There was a tense silence as the two men stared each other down. Eventually, Levi snorted and broke eye contact.

"Fuck you."

Kenny smirked.

"That's what I thought."

Ignoring him, Levi grabbed the table and used it to push himself off the floor. He scooped up the knife and flung it on the table, before storming out of the room.

"I… wow." Eren was staring at him, clearly stunned.

Levi shrugged. "I had a bit of a temper when I was a brat. I still do, I guess. I just got better at controlling it." He glared at Eren. "It's nowhere near as bad as yours though. I don't turn into a complete lunatic at the mere mention of Titans."

"I've gotten better!" Eren said defensively.

"Not much." Levi muttered.

He pushed himself off the log he and Eren were sitting on, and started walking. Eren quickly followed, more questions spilling out of his mouth. That kid was like a fucking puppy. All he needed was the wagging tail.

Levi still didn't understand why Eren idolized him so much. According to Erwin, most of the cadets hero-worshipped Levi until they actually met him. Apparently his personality could be 'rude' and 'off-putting'. Adding to that was the fact that Levi had kicked the shit out of Eren, and even though the boy seemed to understand why he did it, his sister certainly didn't. Or maybe Mikasa just didn't care.

Either way, Levi would have thought that her blatant hatred of him should have made Eren even a little cautious, but no. It was 'Heichou' this and 'Heichou' that. Sometimes, Levi couldn't tell which one of the siblings annoyed him more.

"Heichou, the way you acted with Kenny, was that normal for your whole family or just between you and him?"

Levi snorted. "What, so you think the Ackermans have a tradition of hating their elders? Why? Did Mikasa try and kill her parents when she was little?"

"Well… no. Not her parents, I was more talking about-"

They were interrupted when a shadow passed above them. Looking up, Levi just managed to dodge out of the way as a flying blur swooped through the air his head had been in a split second ago. A second later, it landed on the ground, and revealed itself to be Mikasa.

"Sorry Heichou." she said, not looking very sorry at all. "I didn't see you there."

"You didn't see me here." Levi repeated flatly. "You didn't see me walking along the pathway, when I'm clearly visible. Eren, do you see me?"

"What?" Eren clearly didn't want to get involved. "Uh… yes. I can see you."

"Well then." Levi said. "I have to say I'm worried about the standard of my new team if their so-called strongest member can't even see people who are right in front of them."

Mikasa shrugged. "I guess when you're up in the air; short things on the ground are harder to see."

Behind him, Eren winced. Levi focused on keeping his face blank. Getting angry would only satisfy Mikasa, and he couldn't let the girl walk away thinking she'd won.

"So you're patrolling the area, and by pure chance you happen to almost crash into me and injure me, possibly fatally?"

"It's not like I would have actually hit you. You're reflexes are far too good."

"Oh, so you've actually learnt from the last three times you've tried this stunt?"

"You could say that, yes."

He scowled. Screw what he'd said before; this brat was definitely more irritating than Eren.

"Get back to patrolling. It's been a hard week for all of us, so if I catch you trying something like this again I'll have you running laps till you drop."

Mikasa saluted mockingly, before shooting her 3DMG into the trees.

"I'll try again next week then."

"Ten days, Ackerman. Give it ten days, or I might actually get angry."

She shot off into the trees, but not before Levi caught her rolling her eyes.

"Fucking brat." he muttered, before remembering that Eren was still there.

"Right; back to your question. I didn't really have much contact with my extended family after I left, but I'm pretty sure our family bonding by attempted murder was just a Kenny thing. I can't be sure though. I mean, it's not like there's an Ackerman out there who hates my guts and is just waiting for the day when I slip up. That'd be ridiculous."

He paused, noticing the look Eren was giving him.

"What?"