Zombie in laws

Well, no we're REALLY getting into the crack part of this fic; I hope you enjoy it.

Chapter 11: Guests Grapple, Zetsu makes a deal

"Why would I do that?" Kami smiled as she motioned the assembled to follow her. "I think the better question should be 'why wouldn't I do that?'"

"NO IT'S NOT!"

The goddess simply laughed.

"I believe I have made it perfectly clear why I chose to give Blondie his happy ending, but allow me to repeat myself: He saved his universe without massive destruction or wonton deaths. Heck, the very idea of revenge didn't really even occur to him…ever! But above all things else, he actually helped the worst of the worst redeem themselves. That, my dear assembled, is what I consider the mark of a true hero. A trait which I find is lacking in the others as of late."

Her final line weighed on the assembled ninja's mind for a while.

"..So, basically you're making Naruto a pedestal/ standard for these other heroes to emulate?" Shikamaru asked in confirmation. "Sounds like a real drag."

"This universe's version of him, yes." Kami said. "I don't believe I have to explain what I mean by that, do I?"

All shudder and nodded vigorously, just as they came to the ballroom's door.

"Well come on, then." Kami smiled as she slammed the door open with a flick of her finger. "Meet the other greats."

The ballroom of the hotel was packed to the brim with the largest variety of individuals the ninjas had ever seen. Most were humans or at least humanoid, in peak conditioning. Some were in groups, some alone; some had pets, others had weapons Tenten started drooling at the prospect of examining.

"You know, I wasn't really sure what to expect with other chosen ones…" Naruto said aloud. "But I still didn't think they'd all be so…colorful."

Red, blue, green, black and all assorted colors filled the invidiuals; powerful men and beautiful women all turned to the sound of his voice, and his normal bravado vanished with that motion.

"Um….hi?" He waved weakly. "My name is Naruto Uzumaki, and you've all apparently been forcibly invited to a wedding by Kami or whatever you may call the superme power in the multi-verse."

(AN: I will not be introducing every single invitee or character; it would take far too long and most of them are fairly well known, if not leave any questions in a review)

"So let me try and get this straight…" The blue and red wearing man with a cape, called Superman, started.

"You're welcome to try." Kami mused, motioning him to continue

"You brought all of us from our universes, regardless of whatever we were doing, just so you could throw a wedding with us as the guests?"

"That is correct." Kami said. "And no need to worry; I froze time so that when this whole little vacation is over, you'll be right back where you were and act like nothing happened."

Suddenly a portal burst into the middle of the room.

"Oh right, speaking of time…"

From the portal came a blue box with a door and one single, clear word on the side: TARDRIS.

"No way…." Green Lantern gasped.

"It can't be." Iron man said. "JARVIS, tell me it can't be."

"I'm sorry sir, I can't do that."

The door opened, revealing an older gentleman with a presence that demanded respect, yet still had an air of easiness and fun-loving to it.

"Doc!" Kami beamed. "How you doing?"

"…May I have a word with you once this whole farce is over?" The gentlemen asked.

"Of course." Kami smiled as she pulled Naruto to the center of the room, away from the safety of his parents, sister and fiancé. "Just let me introduce the young man who made me put this all on."

"I DID NO SUCH THING!" Naruto hissed in defense. "SHE DOES WHATEVER SHE WANTS!"

"She?" Captain America asked. "I see a guy."

Kami quickly appeared behind Naruto's ear

"They'll see me as however they're comfortable, don't think about it too much.?

"What makes this kid so special?"

"Kid?" Naruto asked, a little insulted. "I'm 20!"

"Show of hands; how many people here are orphans?"

90% of the attendees rose their hands.

"Okay, good. We got that out of the way…" Kami cleared her throat and then asked, "Now, how many of you have fought gods?"

50% of the hands remained up, plus a few extras.

"And of you lot, how many KILLED gods?" Kami finished.

10 or so hands remained up. The ninjas took note of these individuals.

"Well, good for you guys and gals." Kami beamed, appearing right beside Naruto and wrapping an arm around him. "But this kid….this kid right here? He made a God ABANDON his plans, unknowingly halted another god's plan and DIDN'T blow up half his world to do so!"

All the attendees looked at the boy; a mix of awe and disbelief on their faces.

She then smirked.

"That why I like him more than of you. Especially you Bruce."

"Awww…" The green skin giant pouted.

"Not you! I meant Bat-Bruce! And before you say anything, Darksied does not count as a god." Kami said. "And Harry, you blew up a castle."

"In my defense, there was a war going on." The bespecled young man with a lightning bolt scar said.

"Any more stupid questions?"

XXXX

Meanwhile in Hell/ Yami/ the underworld/ the afterlife….

A very disgruntled and battle worn Lucifer observed the scene from his new throne room. Why new, one might ask? The main palace of hell was not HIS anymore; that damn Makoto Shishio had succeeded in dethroning him...temporarily.

But then again, he was the opposite of Kami, her equal force. He didn't need his position to do what he did best.

"So, Kami's throwing a multi-verse wedding?" He mused. "Hmmm; this gives me an ide-er…"

He then twirled his throne around and summoned a portal in front of him. He then reached in and pull out a mass of shadows.

"Having a bad millennium, Zetsu?"

The shadow man gasped for breath and looked around him.

Hell itself.

Thank mother!

"It's only been a millennium?" Zetsu whimpered.

"In dimension hopping yes." Lucifer smirked. "In your word's time; only two years have passed since my rival sent you to her fate. And speaking of your world…would you be interested in some good old fashioned revenge?"

Revenge. A concept that Zetsu was very familiar with, yet had never pursued. All that had ever mattered to him was ensuring Kaguya's will came to fruition. There had been no need for him to pursue it; the human wars fastened his mother's return and when she was resurrected, she wold eliminate all those petty, stupid thoughts.

But now…

Now….

Revenge practically demanded itself. Mother would want him to do this!

Zetsu could safely say he LOATHED Naruto Uzumaki with all of his being. The brat had dismantled his and mother's machinations to the point it would take another dozen milieu just to get to where he'd been at the Fourth Ninja War before that idiot Obito kidnapped the Haruno girl, which sparked the end.

For a second, he considered that he could've interfered in that…he could've easily faked his death against the Chojuro of the Mist kid and then killed both Obito and his hostage before forcing Madara to summon mother…But then Naruto's face and name entered the shadow being's mind and all semblance of clear thought died.

Zetsu's thoughts were not helped with the images Lucifer showed him; the brat had done mother's work, but wrong and stupidly! He was happy! People still thought!

Free thought. The bane of the universes. All the things he saw, all he'd endured…ponies, puppets, kids with costumes, knights, space wars….Thought was the cause of so many problems.

"I'm going to need….someone to wear." Zetsu demanded.

Lucifer smiled and snapped his fingers, revealing an assortment of rogues Naruto had defeated over the years; Doto, Haido, Shinno, Akahoshi, Shinga, Gensui, Aoi…all near dead but with their powers for the taking.

"Take your pick. Oh, and also….you'll have an army of your own."

Zetsu turned to see a colorful band of characters, including the likes of Thanos, the Joker, Ozai, Vattu, Darksied and slew of others.

"Listen well, all of you!" Lucifer roared. "Your enemies are now gathered in one spot. The conflict between light and dark, as much as we try to make it otherwise, is about balance. For all the good in the universes, there must be dark acts to even them out. And this time…Kami had given an opportunity. I doubt you want to waste it."

As the villains cheered, Lucifer turned to see Zetsu absorbing ALL of the candidates, regaining his humanoid form and sharp teeth. Already, he was planning on absoribing the other members of the army and betraying his benefactor. The shadow man was then grabbed…GRABBED?! No one could touch him, he was a living shadow!

"And don't even think of trying to betray me. Your mommy? The one you hail as a god? She. Is. Nothing compared to me and Kami. If she were the god you see her as, she would've seen her defeat coming and with a thought, erased it. If she were a god, she'd be able to act on her own without you. All in all, little shadow…this revenge opportunity is all you have." Lucifer reminded the living shadow as he held him in front of his terrifying visage. "Don't ever forget it."

All of a sudden, dimension hopping seemed to be okay….

"And do have fun with your revenge." Lucifer smiled. "That brat robbed me of some great souls."

XXX

"So wait…." Cap said. "You defaced your world's equivalent of Mount Rushmore…in broad daylight….wearing an orange jumpsuit….no one noticed until you were almost done…when you were 12…..and they considered you a failure?"

The blonde groom nodded, making many of the guests face vault to the floor in shock of the short-sightedness of his world.

"I often don't ask much but…may we?" Batman started.

"Of course." Kami smiled. With a wave of her hand, she opened a small portal that showed all those who'd abused Naruto growing up. The guests all huddled together around said portal.

"What're they…?" Naruto started, only to stop when he saw his parents were at the front of the huddle. "Oh…I get it now."

"What?" Kiba asked. "What're they…"

"Just give it a minute." Ino cut in.

"And a one, and a two and a three…" Deadpool counted down for the group, who took in a deep breath, held it and then shouted:

"YOU'RE ALL *#$%ING IDIOTS!"

"Language!" Steve added. "Though I agree."

"Are you trying to put that on a shirt, or something?" Iron man aksed.

The portal then closed, and the lost souls continued lamenting in their poor life choices to bully and belittle the hero of their universe.

One character, dressed in green armor with a horned helmet, walked up to groom.

"Allow me to introduce myself, Loki, God of mischief." He smiled. "I've been following your exploits on the side young boy and I must say….and I don't give this praise lightly, you truly are a genius."

Naruto blushed at the praise and shook the god's hand.

"Thanks, but…I think I've lost the touch myself."

"Good thing too!" Iruka said. "Naruto, you're my surrogate little brother and I love you and all, but I speak for everyone when I say we much more appreciate your skills as a ninja than a prankster."

"Oh hush you. One does not simply forget how to prank." Loki said. "If I may be so bold, would you consider becoming my aid de camp in causing mischief throughout the universe? There would be good benefits to it of course, I'm not about to lose such a fine prankster."

The people of Konoha cringed at the thought. Naruto had been enough of a pranking monster when he was an untrained boy; now that he had sage, elemental, demonic and boarderline godly powers…

"Wait a second." Naruto asked, trying to get a clear picture. "You're saying you'd pay me…you, the GOD of mischief…out of your own pocket….to pull massive pranks and mess with people."

"In a proverbial nutshell, yes."

Naruto then rushed out of the hotel, grabbed all his ninja belongings and returned, tossing them to the floor and pulling out his prank book.

"Mom, dad, I'm quitting the ninja business and returning to my true passion…pranking!"

"OVER MY DEAD BODY, YOU ARE!" Kushina roared, shaking the hotel. "You've wanted this job since you were a kid and you're finally getting it, got it?"

"Y-yes mommy." The blonde ninja whimpered.

"Good boy." Kushina smiled, patting her son on the head.

"Oh, I think I like her." Wonder Woman, Astrid, Black Widow all smiled.

"…Why does that fill me with dread?" Hiccup mused aloud, Toothless cooing in agreement.

"Ah blonde, I see you've met Loki." Kami smiled. "There are a couple other choosen ones I'd really like you to meet."

"We'll talk later." Loki smiled at the blonde young man. "I'm off to spike the drinks…get a little shipping going next chapter, if you know what I mean."

Kami then pulled Naruto in front of four young men, roughly around his age, if not slightly older…and a very cat like dragon.

"Blondie, meet Harry Potter, your western equivalent; the boy who lived and a wizard prodigy…"

Naruto looked at the glasses wearing man, who starred back.

"I don't see it." They said together.

"Captain America, aka Steve Rogers, your fellow patriot who also wants everyone to get along."

The two shook hands.

"Hiccup and Toothless, your fellow trickster heroes with a bond with a magical creature.

"Don't let Kurama hear that." Naruto mused.

"Who?"

"The giant demon fox that lives in my belly." Naruto replied. "And no, I'm not making that up."

"And finally, Avatar Aang; a trickster of a young monk who can control or 'bend' the elements of fire, water, air and earth."

"Don't forget energy." Aang smiled. "That's how I saved my world without killing my enemyl took his power."

Naruto and Harry smiled.

"I'd have killed for that."

"Cop-out!" Someone shouted.

"What? I heard that!" The Avatar roared, dropping his drink and walking up to the crowd. "Come on! Say it to my face!"

When no one came fourth, he turned around with a sly smile on his face. Naruto smiled, being familiar with that face as a fellow trickster.

"Or are you all 'know-nothing know-it-alls? Scared to mess up your pretty hair?"

"At least we HAVE hair!" Tony quipped.

The other chosen ones oooed at that comment.

"You kind of walked into that one, Twinkle-toes." Toph mused, Sokka laughing in agreement.

"And we don't freeze ourselves into a block of ice and run from our problems." Batman quipped.

Some of the attendees burst into laughter; Naruto and Steve were not among them for their own reasons; fallen friend and suspended animation respectively.

"Oh, you want to play that game, huh? Okay then…." Aang smiled evilly, before his face turned serious. "APPA! MOMO!"

The lemur then leapt onto and clawed at Iron Man's helmet, making the billonarie scream. The Sky Bison then leapt onto the air, only to be grabbed by very strong branches.

"I am Groot."

Appa hollered back.

"I am Groot."

What followed next was complete and utter yet incredibly awesome, chaos. So much happened that the author could not hope to transcribe it all, and begged his readers to add/ write their own thoughts.

Wonder Woman and Gamora began trading blows while Spiderman used his webs to trip and tie up several of the anti-heroes. Baymax fired a rocket punch that struck Thor and sent him flying into a wall.

"My apologies." Baymax said.

"No need, medic of machine!" The Norse God bellowed in delight. "Tis been a while since I last let loose!"

Harry grabbed his wand and began casting spells, making some of the weaker COs spit up slugs while Aang engaged the elemental users in an all-out brawl with Toph and Zuko aiding him. Sokka swung his boomerang into the back of Batman's skull, only to be attacked by Deadpool and forced to dodge his bullet until Hiccup commanded Toothless to sit on the insane mercenary.

"Now do you see why I didn't send invites to the Princesses or Mons?" Kami said to her head angel, who nodded in agreement.

"Oh yeah, this is awesome!" Naruto beamed as the JLA and Avengers came to blows; Hulk giving Superman a wedgie while Black Widow and Hawkeye took away Batman's utility belt and batarangs. "Did you see tha…?"

Sakura gave him a look.

"Right, right. I'm on it…" He sighed. "CHOOSEN ONES!"

The music and fighting promptly stopped, and all turned to see the groom.

"Ok, thanks." The future Hokage said. "Now…we've all had our fun, thrown a few punches…"

Throughout all of this, no one noticed little Naruko crawling around and picking up various dropped weapons.

"Now, show a little de…dec…What's the word again?"

"Decorum." Minato whispered.

"Thanks, dad."

Naruko then dropped a mace onto Batman's foot, making him scream in pain as they fight began

"I tried." Naruto shrugged before leaping into the fray.

"I'm surprised you're not getting involved, Loki." Kami mused. "This is a great opportunity you know…"

"Kami dear, we both know you know why I'm not getting involved." Loki smiled. "As much as I like the boy, I never tire of what is about to unfold."

Sakura, along with Ginny, Katara and Astrid, all giving each other the same, tired look, simply stood up from their seats and began walking through the crowd, which cleared for them and bowed in respect as they got closer and closer to the one fight they were interested in.

"You want a fresh one?"

"How'd you like to try that without your stick?" Aang smirked

"Toothless, sit!"

They promptly stopped at the sight of their loves staring at them, bored expressions on their faces.

A full minute later, the boys were being pulled back to the center of the room, their respective female companions holding them tightly by the ear.

"Now, what do you have to say?" Katara and Sakura both said.

"…Sorry."

Loki and Kami grinned at the hilarity of the whole scene.

"This is going to be more fun than that time I stole Thor's blankie and convinced him Baldr took it." The god of mischief smirked.

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